Bupe Day 15 CT off Suboxone (6mg), Reflections and General Advice (it's not that bad)

[Wake_of_the_Flood]

Day 25/26 update (almost midnight).

What a week! I've been pushed to my limits physically, mentally and emotionally this week. It feels great to be able to push my limits again though, so I don't mean that as a negative thing at all.

I realized through many weeks and hours of meditation that my path to recovery lies in complete abstinence from all material desires (that I can realistically eliminate in my current situation). Meditation is my benzo, science is my opiate, and exercise is my adderall. When I come out of a trance, I feel better than a good night's rest, and my mind is completely clear and free from clutter.

I'm probably not going to update again unless anyone is curious or has questions, so I will check back in periodically, and I will definitely update if anything significant happens, I just don't think things are going to change much from where they are now.

I am sleeping and functioning and feeling as good as I ever have now. I have already made some great new friends who like me for being myself and being honest with my opinions and feelings. It feels great to not have to lie to yourself every single day and convince yourself that drugs are an acceptable path in life.

I stopped smoking completely, I dropped contact with and blocked everyone who was causing me stress or unhealthy thoughts. I joined an intramural sports team. And I finished my first 40 hour week of work ever I'm pretty sure (yeah I know I've had it pretty easy).

Although my attitude has changed considerably since day 15, I still believe everything I wrote can be valuable in some way if looked at or utilized in the right way. The hard part is, you need to figure that out on your own, and an important lesson I have learned is that everyone's recovery is remarkably different.

I will try to contribute to other threads when I can or where I find I can be useful.

 

[Rob27shred]

Glad to hear your doing really well with your recovery @wake. Keep up the good work bud!

 

[will430]

I'm wanting to kick sub here in the distant future. Man this is EXACTLY the kinda story i like to hear!! One thing i've learned about us junkies is that we like to analyze how we feel 300 times a day.

I keep telling myself to take all these sub w/d stories with a grain of salt. Always wondering how many people have gotten off subs and never looked back or came back to type it up.... Seriously though. Amazing job, i went cold turkey from 12mg's of sub for 6 days just to see how knee deep in shit i really was. It sucked.. pretty bad. But it's certainly doable. Just gotta get my dose down a little further and it's off the cliff i go.

What cracks me up is most junkies can't even get over a oxy/hydro kick without relapsing... So the idea of methadone or sub withdraw that lasts waaaaaay longer is almost comical to expect people to ever escape opiods.

Kick ass my friend! I'm becoming more and more inspired...

 

[Wake_of_the_Flood]

I'm wanting to kick sub here in the distant future. Man this is EXACTLY the kinda story i like to hear!! One thing i've learned about us junkies is that we like to analyze how we feel 300 times a day.

I keep telling myself to take all these sub w/d stories with a grain of salt. Always wondering how many people have gotten off subs and never looked back or came back to type it up.... Seriously though. Amazing job, i went cold turkey from 12mg's of sub for 6 days just to see how knee deep in shit i really was. It sucked.. pretty bad. But it's certainly doable. Just gotta get my dose down a little further and it's off the cliff i go.

What cracks me up is most junkies can't even get over a oxy/hydro kick without relapsing... So the idea of methadone or sub withdraw that lasts waaaaaay longer is almost comical to expect people to ever escape opiods.

Kick ass my friend! I'm becoming more and more inspired...

That's awesome to hear bro! You remind me of myself a few weeks ago before I decided for sure that I wanted to quit subs. You have some pretty good insights too that I happen to agree with. I've had the same thought about how people who quit successfully are probably considerably less likely to share their stories on places like these, hence the overwhelmingly negative perspectives.

CT off 12mgs for 6 days?? Damn, you were so close to getting past the hard part. Don't stress though, I had a failed sub detox last summer while I was at an internship and had no access to opiates, so I tapered down like everyone says to like 1/20th of an 8mg per day and then jumped off (with little discomfort) for 2 weeks. I think the reason I relapsed that time was, a) I didn't want to quit deep down, I had to quit because I was running out b) It wasn't "hard enough" to make me want to NEVER EVER go through it again like I feel about this time.

I have been nervous to say this online, because it certainly doesn't apply to everyone....but, I think the fact that I went through such a terrible 7-9 day period of physical w/d from going CT off 6mg gave me the extra psychological edge I needed to make sure I never experience that again. I really, truly never want to go through it again. And getting high and snorting some powder that fucks up my natural rhythms and makes me a dumb loser of a person is so far from what I want to do with my life at this point. Basically, I have associated relapse with going through those 9 days of physical w/d again, so it is simply not an option in my head anymore.

Our ability to control and influence our own brains is a very powerful drug.

You can do it will430!!! And thanks a lot for the kind words Rob27Shred.

 

[skitten9]

Hi, I am new to this site and this is my first action since i signed up but have always found some helpful things when googling for info...

quick story: I am 26 white female and in June 2012 started doing perk 30's recreationally. for a couple months I did 1-2 a day until moving to brown heroin in september until now for cost (never in my life would i think i would become this person) lately i snort 1 bag a day (.3-.4 in a bag) tops being 2 bags during my habit but lately only 1. The longest I have gone without heroin is roughly, 1-3 days since i started. (using suboxone in between). I really want to quit and i have 1.5 suboxone strips.

I am wondering should i just go cold turkey or do a quick taper. What is your advice/experience..how bad do you think i will suffer? any info is helpful please, I used to be a normal girl with a normal life until i started dating the wrong person and that person is now in jail for probation issues. No one else knows about my habit (not my family or friends) and i truly want my life back. So please help if you can...
(ps can i post my own thread or not yet?..I have no idea how to use this thing) thank you in advance!

 

[BobJillespie]

That's awesome to hear bro! You remind me of myself a few weeks ago before I decided for sure that I wanted to quit subs. You have some pretty good insights too that I happen to agree with. I've had the same thought about how people who quit successfully are probably considerably less likely to share their stories on places like these, hence the overwhelmingly negative perspectives.

CT off 12mgs for 6 days?? Damn, you were so close to getting past the hard part. Don't stress though, I had a failed sub detox last summer while I was at an internship and had no access to opiates, so I tapered down like everyone says to like 1/20th of an 8mg per day and then jumped off (with little discomfort) for 2 weeks. I think the reason I relapsed that time was, a) I didn't want to quit deep down, I had to quit because I was running out b) It wasn't "hard enough" to make me want to NEVER EVER go through it again like I feel about this time.

I have been nervous to say this online, because it certainly doesn't apply to everyone....but, I think the fact that I went through such a terrible 7-9 day period of physical w/d from going CT off 6mg gave me the extra psychological edge I needed to make sure I never experience that again. I really, truly never want to go through it again. And getting high and snorting some powder that fucks up my natural rhythms and makes me a dumb loser of a person is so far from what I want to do with my life at this point. Basically, I have associated relapse with going through those 9 days of physical w/d again, so it is simply not an option in my head anymore.

Our ability to control and influence our own brains is a very powerful drug.

You can do it will430!!! And thanks a lot for the kind words Rob27Shred.

I certainly relate to your assertion of the 7-9 day of pretty miserable w/d gives you a psychological fortitude to kick forward. Im day 9 off sub today, 2 years on sub as high as 32, tapered down from 6-.5 over two months then jumped off 9 days ago. I told my wife I didn't want anything except vitamins and ibuprofen and good food while doing this; its important that I remember how shit that first week was to serve as part of my psychological foundation going forward.

I didn't sleep for 4 nights, then got 4 nights sleep, tossing and turning, but sleep (and dreams!) nonetheless. Last night, I'm not sure what's up but headaches, heaps of sneezing, runny nose, RLS, anxiety, and I'm feeling a bit of depression creeping up the margins. That's the scariest thing, because I think like a good deal of addicts start down that road to mask their depression and anxiety. But I've got things in place to deal with that eventuality. But anyway, so day 9 feels like day 3/4, which was really disheartening for me. My aforementioned "mental fortitude" I professed after getting through the first week ran off on me at 4 in the morning, and my wife (bless her heart) was suddenly awoken to deal with me, emotional and angry.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I relate to it, but I think it's awfully important to guard your humility and respect the precariousness that will always be a recovering addicts situation. I felt like I was home free, then the whole thing fell on me like an anvil. I feel like these are the times most dangerous for relapsing. After 9 days of fucked sleep, extreme lethargy, et al, it's hard to push thoughts of scoring from filtering in. I don't feel like is a risk now, but I'm not going down the road of absolutes either.

Good luck.

 

[Wake_of_the_Flood]

I certainly relate to your assertion of the 7-9 day of pretty miserable w/d gives you a psychological fortitude to kick forward. Im day 9 off sub today, 2 years on sub as high as 32, tapered down from 6-.5 over two months then jumped off 9 days ago. I told my wife I didn't want anything except vitamins and ibuprofen and good food while doing this; its important that I remember how shit that first week was to serve as part of my psychological foundation going forward.

I didn't sleep for 4 nights, then got 4 nights sleep, tossing and turning, but sleep (and dreams!) nonetheless. Last night, I'm not sure what's up but headaches, heaps of sneezing, runny nose, RLS, anxiety, and I'm feeling a bit of depression creeping up the margins. That's the scariest thing, because I think like a good deal of addicts start down that road to mask their depression and anxiety. But I've got things in place to deal with that eventuality. But anyway, so day 9 feels like day 3/4, which was really disheartening for me. My aforementioned "mental fortitude" I professed after getting through the first week ran off on me at 4 in the morning, and my wife (bless her heart) was suddenly awoken to deal with me, emotional and angry.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I relate to it, but I think it's awfully important to guard your humility and respect the precariousness that will always be a recovering addicts situation. I felt like I was home free, then the whole thing fell on me like an anvil. I feel like these are the times most dangerous for relapsing. After 9 days of fucked sleep, extreme lethargy, et al, it's hard to push thoughts of scoring from filtering in. I don't feel like is a risk now, but I'm not going down the road of absolutes either.

Good luck.

Thanks for sharing that. It seems pretty obvious to me that the lack of sleep is really starting to weigh on your mind and body. Have you considered going to your doc and telling him everything and that you are experiencing severe insomnia? He will almost certainly script you something like trazodone to help with your sleep.

I had to use seroquel during those first 2 weeks so I could get a 6 or 7 hour night sleep. I'm also assuming you've tried OTC stuff like melatonin or benadryl or maybe even Imodium to help get you beyond the physical symptoms.

You need to stay positive and figure out how you can link together some hours of sleep consistently. Exercise helps a ton with getting a restful sleep (even just walking a mile or two).

You are extremely lucky to have a supportive wife to take care of you through this also. Focus on how close you are to feeling better every day for motivation. Once you can sleep, it will take away a lot of the psych symptoms you said are affecting you right now. You are so close...time started flying by for me after the two week mark. Stay busy and stay strong!

 

[sickgirl72]

day 6 of sub withdraw-jumped off 4mg per day. Originally on 16 mg per day for over 2 years in response to a couple year heroin relapse/ habit. I feel like I'm going to vomit as I type this, but I AM dressed, have left my house today, and slept last night. I feel like crap, but every time I start to panic I remember detoxing from methadone in 2005 and when comparing the two, suboxone detox is not that bad. Methadone withdraw got worse and worse every day for about 14 days and there was no sleep- no amount of benedryl, nyquil, or benzos would bring it. Thank you for posting- seems that people who have had bad experiences with detox are more prone to post than those who got through ok. I am assuming this will "peak" within the next few days to week tops, and then start to get better. Hope so...no going back now.