Opioids Massive emotional influx when quitting Opiates/Opioids

[aussie101]

SO this question is for the lucky ones who have been able to shake a long term opiate/opioid habit.

I will specify mine: I have been on and off strong opiates, ie heroin, since I was 15 - i guess there were a few times when i was younger than that and I raided cabinets for codeine etc, but that is not the point here. I turned into an every day opiate user when I was 16/17. I am now 28. I have not spent more than 5 months clean from opiates since then. On and off heroin, oxys, morphine, codeine, buprenorphine, methadone etc...

I recently got off the opiates. Nearly one month clean. But I have these massive emotional influxes, for example tears coming to my eyes watching lame movies, laughing at the most random shit and generally just emotional mayhem. I have experienced this before coming off opiates and did not like it, hence I returned to using. I am now in unchartered territory...

I do have access to benzos including xanax, diazepam and clonazepam, however I have reduced my habit on these massively and currently take only 2 5mg diazepam per day and sometimes 2mg clonazepam at night when I am experiencing insomnia. I plan to keep reducing these and be off them some time soon.

This time around i am determined to ride out this emotional storm... I have my final year of University to finish this year and do not want to end up crying/bursting out laughing in a lecture on environmental engineering! Nor do I want to be taking out a girl to a movie and crying in the middle of it when a character i like dies

Who here has experienced similar emotional influxes after quitting opiates? How long does did it take for emotional levels return to normal, if at all?

 

[EyeHatePod]

I totally can relate. People cry for really stupid reasons during PAWS. Your brain has been numbed for so long and now it has to deal with the real world. Honestly, it sounds scary, but you may not feel 100% for 6 months to a year (even longer depending on your habit). The only thing you can really do besides submitting to opiates is to distract yourself with healthy activities, both physical for endorphin release, and psychological (socialize).

I know it's way easier typed than done, because the furthest I've ever gotten was about 4 months. I've always been somewhat of a misanthrope to begin with, so not being a hermit is hard for me. Also, I'm 90% sure I have asperger's syndrome. The psychological part of recovery is a bitch. All I can say is the cliche "hang in there, buddy!"

It gets better slowly. Every month you will feel a little more normal, but for me, there was always that nagging in my head, no matter how deep it was buried.

I'm not on true opiates anymore, but I have a moderate kratom addiction and the PAWS that comes with that isn't anything to laugh at.

 

[aussie101]

I totally can relate. People cry for really stupid reasons during PAWS. Your brain has been numbed for so long and now it has to deal with the real world. Honestly, it sounds scary, but you may not feel 100% for 6 months to a year (even longer depending on your habit). The only thing you can really do besides submitting to opiates is to distract yourself with healthy activities, both physical for endorphin release, and psychological (socialize).

I know it's way easier typed than done, because the furthest I've ever gotten was about 4 months. I've always been somewhat of a misanthrope to begin with, so not being a hermit is hard for me. Also, I'm 90% sure I have asperger's syndrome. The psychological part of recovery is a bitch. All I can say is the cliche "hang in there, buddy!"

It gets better slowly. Every month you will feel a little more normal, but for me, there was always that nagging in my head, no matter how deep it was buried.

I'm not on true opiates anymore, but I have a moderate kratom addiction and the PAWS that comes with that isn't anything to laugh at.

Thanks for your reply! I do try go to the gym but energy levels are at an all time low. I will keep trying. Its also tough socialising because its usually at a pub/bar/club and I end up drinking so much that using becomes an option - so i will have to be careful not to fall into that trap again.

I have done AA and NA but don't really find it helpful... The psychological part is a pain in the ass, at least I have something to aim for now that is not out of reach - I really hope it keeps me going.

I will keep hanging in there, cheers!!

 

[the_ketaman]

I thought I was just weird when im WD'ing ill often have to really fight to hold back bursting out in tears when thinking about stupid things or just laughing at immature, dumb things.

At least next time it happens ill know why its happening and hopefully it will be easier to get through. Im about to start reducing down from 8mg of bupe and im extremely sensitive to slight reductions in dose and my clinic is shit so im just going to have to deal with it and "Cry if I want to" lol

Thanks for posting your experience Aussie101 Hope your get where your trying to go mate...... Heroin and other opiates are too expensive in Australia its just not worth it, be careful with those benzos though because im getting myself into strife with them and I hear its much worse than opie WD so as has been said..... Hang in there buddy!

 

[majorigpa]

the emotional rollercoaster you're experiencing is definitely a very common occurrence, so just know that you're not alone or some kind of emotionally crippled freak. i'm using at the moment, but i've cleaned up several times with my longest stretch being a year and a half, and for me the hardest part of getting clean has always been the depression. i mean hell, they say you're supposed to feel BETTER when you get clean, right? but every time i've cleaned up the first month has always been an uphill battle, emotionally. honestly, just stay plugged in socially. i'm not a fan of AA or NA either. those people take their shit waaayyyy too seriously with their my way or the highway nonsense. use this as an opportunity to rebuild relationships. instead of seeing it as an emotional weakness, use this vulnerable period to come clean with old friends and start being completely honest with new ones. as drug addicts we hide so many feelings, and it's easy to forget that this isn't really the natural state of the human condition. cry if you wanna cry, lean on people, ask for help, and eventually these experiences will make you a much stronger person when it all passes.

stay strong brother, and keep in touch.

 

[Ian937]

First iff let me start by saying con grat u fucking lations for kicking the habit.. Your experience is totally normal , and man Definitley HANG in there! If you can find one healthy way to deal with this (for me its my sense of humor,laughter) i always get that back after H .. I am now in bupe but for me i still feel the influx of emotions on bupe , long term H addict aswell, something about the smack it really does blanket all tour feelings and personality.
Something that has helped me,after going back and forth from sub induction to H use like 50x i FINALlY realizes that short 20 min maybe of feeling really good was not worth the 3-6 days being totally miserable. No dopamine, energy..etc. remember that because you know thats true, maybe join a recovery forum of na or aa isnt your thing. I know they can be pushy with their way or no way attitude but it has worked for 1,000s atleast.
People like us, longterm opi addicts, really do have to get every speck of that old life OUT when clean or else...you already know! Best of luck man ill follow your progress aand hey if it gets too bad maybe consider small dose bupe/tram. Leave those benzos alone they will end up fucking you one way or another so taper off those dor best results in dealing with your new emotions.
God Bless

 

[aussie101]

I thought I was just weird when im WD'ing ill often have to really fight to hold back bursting out in tears when thinking about stupid things or just laughing at immature, dumb things.

At least next time it happens ill know why its happening and hopefully it will be easier to get through. Im about to start reducing down from 8mg of bupe and im extremely sensitive to slight reductions in dose and my clinic is shit so im just going to have to deal with it and "Cry if I want to" lol

Thanks for posting your experience Aussie101 Hope your get where your trying to go mate...... Heroin and other opiates are too expensive in Australia its just not worth it, be careful with those benzos though because im getting myself into strife with them and I hear its much worse than opie WD so as has been said..... Hang in there buddy!

Thanks for your reply, lol yeah i get this "me against the world" feeling sometimes now as well. I'm glad its such a common thing. Its not like i get angry and start punching holes in the wall, im pretty chilled in general, but its more like I have the emotions of a toddler again.

Glad to help, i did hope that sharing my experience would help someone. Bupe is a tough one too. I spent 6 weeks in rehab decreasing last time but that obviously didn't work. I honestly think the best way is to do it on the outside yourself, you become stronger from it in general. In my experience I decreased 2mg each 3 days, but that may have been a little fast. It can be challenging but i find that by the time you get down to 0.4mg tabs you feel ready to jump off because it is not doing what it used to do for you and you already have the sneezes by that point. Its your party and you can cry if you want to lol

You are right about the price of opiates in Australia although the quality is generally strong - i used to score off the vietnamese. If I work it out I have probably spent more than one million dollars on smack alone since i started - i could be a friggin millionaire. But such is life hey....

I am a little worried about the benzos but less so than my opiate habit, simply because i had to be narcaned so many times last year i lost count - shit i hate that feeling, theres nothing worse than being high and having your opiate receptors completely cleared. I totally relate to being in strife with them though as i had a nasty xanax habit until recently, valium is much easier to maintain at present.

I hope i get there too. Theres no prize for second place in my case, so i have to man-up and get this done. Then the world will be mine and i can strut to Bee Gee's "staying alive" lmao

Cheers!

the emotional rollercoaster you're experiencing is definitely a very common occurrence, so just know that you're not alone or some kind of emotionally crippled freak. i'm using at the moment, but i've cleaned up several times with my longest stretch being a year and a half, and for me the hardest part of getting clean has always been the depression. i mean hell, they say you're supposed to feel BETTER when you get clean, right? but every time i've cleaned up the first month has always been an uphill battle, emotionally. honestly, just stay plugged in socially. i'm not a fan of AA or NA either. those people take their shit waaayyyy too seriously with their my way or the highway nonsense. use this as an opportunity to rebuild relationships. instead of seeing it as an emotional weakness, use this vulnerable period to come clean with old friends and start being completely honest with new ones. as drug addicts we hide so many feelings, and it's easy to forget that this isn't really the natural state of the human condition. cry if you wanna cry, lean on people, ask for help, and eventually these experiences will make you a much stronger person when it all passes.

stay strong brother, and keep in touch.

Thanks for replying, yeah I had been wondering if i was in some way "emotionally crippled" coz thats how it feels sometimes. Glad to know i am not alone here. Be careful using - I know with me every time i get clean and relapse my using exponentially gets worse each time...so much so i nearly killed myself using too much many times this past year.

Wow you did a year and a half? You had it beat man! If you can do that you can sure as hell get back there and go further...whats that saying again..."Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

My last NA experience was a friggin nightmare, i was on the nod there and pissed a whole bunch of people off. Plus they complain when i eat their biscuits and dont put money in the friggin bowl as it goes around, and i don't like answering to a higher power i think that part is stupid, as well as finding a sponsor that i can relate to/get along with.....geeeze - i doubt very much i will ever go back!!!

I'm trying hard to get back out and be social like i usually am, but yeah its tough. I feel so raw. I'll keep trying though! I find trusting and leaning on people really hard, i have always been a rebellious anarchist causing trouble and being cheeky. I think i need to find the right balance between having a sense of humour and pissing people off...plus keeping out of the way of the law! I don't ever want to end up in court again i hate it!

Thanks so much for the positive sentiments.

First iff let me start by saying con grat u fucking lations for kicking the habit.. Your experience is totally normal , and man Definitley HANG in there! If you can find one healthy way to deal with this (for me its my sense of humor,laughter) i always get that back after H .. I am now in bupe but for me i still feel the influx of emotions on bupe , long term H addict aswell, something about the smack it really does blanket all tour feelings and personality.
Something that has helped me,after going back and forth from sub induction to H use like 50x i FINALlY realizes that short 20 min maybe of feeling really good was not worth the 3-6 days being totally miserable. No dopamine, energy..etc. remember that because you know thats true, maybe join a recovery forum of na or aa isnt your thing. I know they can be pushy with their way or no way attitude but it has worked for 1,000s atleast.
People like us, longterm opi addicts, really do have to get every speck of that old life OUT when clean or else...you already know! Best of luck man ill follow your progress aand hey if it gets too bad maybe consider small dose bupe/tram. Leave those benzos alone they will end up fucking you one way or another so taper off those dor best results in dealing with your new emotions.
God Bless

Thanks! Its still an uphill battle but I am stepping into the ring with this beast of a thing and i want to get a KO this time round!

I spent years on bupe going on and off it, using every second day etc...i ended up with a whole friggin drawer filled with subutex and suboxone lol And yeah The whole dopamine thing is a nightmare - on the one hand the rush you get is such a safety blanket and quite frankly there isn't much that compares to it, but you are right - totally not worth the harshness that comes with it. I could have avoided so many problems if i had just walked away when i was a kid but i knew no better then...

Right on about getting as much out of life as possible, thats what its all about for me...just trying to find the energy to get up and keep fighting! As I said i will keep reducing these benzos until i am on 0 mg of any of them - can't wait until the day i can do that and feel confident enough to get through the day...

Thanks for the reply and the luck, i will need it!!!

 

[Somberlain]

From my experience with quitting opioids, i would say that the emotional rollercoaster is absolutely necessary if you want to feel "normal" again. Taking benzos just masks the underlying problem and at some point you will have to deal with it. At least with me, the opioids tuned the emotional response to everything in life a few steps down, and when you take the substance out of the equation, you're left with abnormal spikes of emotions - they just go nuts after being numbed the whole time, which kind of makes sense to me (but please correct me, if my unscientific "theory" here is total bs). But after a while, the spikes get less insane and if you get past that, you'll start enjoying "feeling" again. (Sorry, can't think of a better english expression for it at the moment...)

But of course it's maybe not the best time for that if you have stuff to deal with at university etc. But i think benzos aren't the best choice. When i was at that point, i started taking mirtazapine, which helped a lot. It's still somehow "masking the problem", but i think it's way better for your mental health in the long term when compared to benzos.

This is the reason why i underestimated opioids. When you take benzos for example, you can feel how they affect your emotional responses, but with opioids, i always felt pretty "normal" and it was not until getting clean until i realised how emotionally numb they made me and that i had to learn how to deal with real feelings again.

 

[aussie101]

From my experience with quitting opioids, i would say that the emotional rollercoaster is absolutely necessary if you want to feel "normal" again. Taking benzos just masks the underlying problem and at some point you will have to deal with it. At least with me, the opioids tuned the emotional response to everything in life a few steps down, and when you take the substance out of the equation, you're left with abnormal spikes of emotions - they just go nuts after being numbed the whole time, which kind of makes sense to me (but please correct me, if my unscientific "theory" here is total bs). But after a while, the spikes get less insane and if you get past that, you'll start enjoying "feeling" again. (Sorry, can't think of a better english expression for it at the moment...)

But of course it's maybe not the best time for that if you have stuff to deal with at university etc. But i think benzos aren't the best choice. When i was at that point, i started taking mirtazapine, which helped a lot. It's still somehow "masking the problem", but i think it's way better for your mental health in the long term when compared to benzos.

This is the reason why i underestimated opioids. When you take benzos for example, you can feel how they affect your emotional responses, but with opioids, i always felt pretty "normal" and it was not until getting clean until i realised how emotionally numb they made me and that i had to learn how to deal with real feelings again.

Thanks for your reply. Well the doctors call it "emotional lability" I believe. And I am also taking 30mg mirtazapine at night already to help with insomnia lol.

Envy is a massive one for me, when I see one of my old using buddys walking down the street with pinned as pupils and i know where he's just been it really bugs me! So I have changed my number and camping out at my families house, even though I'm still renting my apartment in the city...

But i think you are absolutely right about the numbing of emotions and the following emotional roller-coaster... Some times its kinda cool having these emotions but other times i feel brutally down. It seems the common theme here is that it is going to take me time to get back to base line...I am still wondering how long that will be though. I have the typical addict mindset of " NOW NOW NOW" I want everything to be ok and I want to feel safe. But that ain't gonna happen just yet.....

I guess we are all different and I will need to accept what ever gets thrown at me. I'm going to try some meditation asap, like just being and forgetting about everything except my breathing and then the blissful serenity that follows - i really look forwards to doing that clean, when i can find the motivation. All day I've been like "hellooooooo?? motivation, where the fcuk are yoooouu??!!" lol. The distraction of music and the internet are definitely helping though...

Cheers!

 

[Moe-D]

I can relate! It can really be bugging.. I turn into tears almost everytime I look back the episode of my life when I stole med's from my moms work and got caught by her.. Only thing she knew about my drug use by then was that I was smoking marijuana, so 90mg of oxy per day was quite a 'shock' to her.

Envy is a massive one for me, when I see one of my old using buddys walking down the street with pinned as pupils and i know where he's just been it really bugs me!

This was a massive one for me too.. If someone even mentioned bupre while I was without it my day was just simply ruined.

And almost turned violent against friends who were high on it.. But some of them just simply made me feel bad with the fact that theyr high and im not, not a friend at all, eh?

 

[aussie101]

Yes! I am constantly thinking of all that I have lost and done/trying to balance it with my rebellious nature. Its not easy with all the emotions going on in my head right now. I had a similar experience when I was about 17 - my parents only knew i had been using pot/party drugs/alcohol and my mum found a syringe in my room. I said it belonged to someone else, but very soon they knew the truth and my poor family has paid for my mistakes.

And my so called using friends are always raving about "how good 'such and such's' gear is" when I clean up - no thanks, I will avoid these people at all costs for the moment.

 

[macd610]

Aussie, it definitely seems like you are off to a good start. Sometimes it's really difficult to actually talk to people about your feelings out loud, and that's 1 of the many reasons this site is awesome.
I have been physically dependent on opiates for years. I am a chronic pain patient, and I am on pretty heavy duty pain medications. I have never gone anywhere near as long as some have without opiates. Once in awhile I run out early, and I can definitely relate to the crying and depression, and the general intensity of any emotions that come up.
I think it's totally awesome that you have made it this far. You can do it!
Cat

 

[aussie101]

Aussie, it definitely seems like you are off to a good start. Sometimes it's really difficult to actually talk to people about your feelings out loud, and that's 1 of the many reasons this site is awesome.
I have been physically dependent on opiates for years. I am a chronic pain patient, and I am on pretty heavy duty pain medications. I have never gone anywhere near as long as some have without opiates. Once in awhile I run out early, and I can definitely relate to the crying and depression, and the general intensity of any emotions that come up.
I think it's totally awesome that you have made it this far. You can do it!
Cat

Thanks for your reply! You do need a good head-start with this shit. I'm determined to get through it and you a right about this site being a good place to discuss it. I'm sorry about your situation and pain. I used pain as an excuse to get/use opiates and i feel pretty bad about it, considering there are people battling worse situations than me. But thats my mind and I need to deal with it.

Its such a contradiction having this lack of energy and the intense emotions. I think that is the trap many opiate addicts fall into. We end up trapped with out any way of venting. I'm working on that now and learn a bit more about myself every day...

Thanks for the positive attitude and sentiments, it really helps to hear back from others in similar positions.

Good luck to you on your path.

 

[majorigpa]

Wow you did a year and a half? You had it beat man!

You'd think so right? But let that be yet another lesson for us all on how insidious and fucked up this drug is. I that year and a half I was in love with a beautiful woman, playing awesome music with some great friends, dealing positively with some family issues unrelated to my drug abuse... I was feeling very strong and then somewhere along the way... I don't even fuckin know man. Relationship ended, new issues arose with my family, a friend died, and with all that clean time you'd think I would've had enough clarity and experience to maintain myself... but all it took was a prolonged moment of weakness and a few bad decisions and i restarted the cycle of on-again off-again heroin abuse.

I've found that i have two styles of abuse, one being the "using with a vengeance fuck the world" style and the other being the "emotionally fragile i know this is wrong what am i doing" style, which i've been dealing with for the last couple of months. But hey, staying clean is a process. Even though i know I'm fucking up in a lot of ways at least I'm identifying my patterns and aware of my weaknesses. This site, these forums, and sharing my experience with folks like you are all a huge part of what I know in my heart will eventually help me beat this fucking devil senseless, though I may have to struggle for awhile longer. Sorry mate didn't mean to highjack your thread here haha. Stay up and stay strong!!

 

[aussie101]

You'd think so right? But let that be yet another lesson for us all on how insidious and fucked up this drug is. I that year and a half I was in love with a beautiful woman, playing awesome music with some great friends, dealing positively with some family issues unrelated to my drug abuse... I was feeling very strong and then somewhere along the way... I don't even fuckin know man. Relationship ended, new issues arose with my family, a friend died, and with all that clean time you'd think I would've had enough clarity and experience to maintain myself... but all it took was a prolonged moment of weakness and a few bad decisions and i restarted the cycle of on-again off-again heroin abuse.

I've found that i have two styles of abuse, one being the "using with a vengeance fuck the world" style and the other being the "emotionally fragile i know this is wrong what am i doing" style, which i've been dealing with for the last couple of months. But hey, staying clean is a process. Even though i know I'm fucking up in a lot of ways at least I'm identifying my patterns and aware of my weaknesses. This site, these forums, and sharing my experience with folks like you are all a huge part of what I know in my heart will eventually help me beat this fucking devil senseless, though I may have to struggle for awhile longer. Sorry mate didn't mean to highjack your thread here haha. Stay up and stay strong!!

Thats cool you didn't high jack shit bro! I can totally relate to the two kinds of abuse... I would go between the two often. That sucks you relapsed, but its so easy to do. I'm gonna have to remember to keep my wits about me for a long time it seems.

I know all about the struggle, i was struggling until a month ago! I just feel grateful to have my emotions back now, as hectic and up/down as they are at the mo. And it has taken me many years to identify triggers, they are all over the place for me, its like a damn minefield!

I'm fighting this with all my energy right now and i'll continue to do so for as long as i need to.

Thanks for the reply and good luck

 

[Crashing]

Yeah, for a while after quitting opiates i was very sensitive emotionally to very strange things. I would hear a song that sounded decent, and wold be crying because of how good it was, then 10 minutes later i would see a bug smashed on the window and be crying because of how unfortunate that was. Then i would get pissed over government conspiracies.. etc.. basically a manic state. It kind of sucks but didn't last too long maybe a couple months.

 

[macd610]

Thats cool you didn't high jack shit bro! I can totally relate to the two kinds of abuse... I would go between the two often. That sucks you relapsed, but its so easy to do. I'm gonna have to remember to keep my wits about me for a long time it seems.

I know all about the struggle, i was struggling until a month ago! I just feel grateful to have my emotions back now, as hectic and up/down as they are at the mo. And it has taken me many years to identify triggers, they are all over the place for me, its like a damn minefield!

I'm fighting this with all my energy right now and i'll continue to do so for as long as i need to.

Thanks for the reply and good luck

Aussie,
Good Morning (or Evening) to you! Just checking in to see how you're doing.
Also wanted to comment on the trigger issue~I've found over the years that some triggers can be such simple things...sometimes things that cannot be avoided.
For example, waking up can do it for me! The very arrival of certain times in the day when on a schedule can turn into some sick sort of internal clock saying, "It's time!". Before eating, it's easy to hesitate and think, "Wait, maybe I should just eat after my next dose in case food is a negative impact." Sitting in a certain place and smoking is another one I have noticed.
It's so strange. We all know certain friends, places etc...can be triggers. Don't know if anything I brought up may be an issue for you.
Just wanted to point out that some triggers are so simple and unavoidable that we may not realize them until it's too late.
Please post on your well being...or lack thereof
Cat

 

[thelastrefuge]

I'm still in the early stages of quitting (< 2 weeks) and it has been one of the worst experiences of my life and that's saying something. The physical stuff I can handle but the emotions are killing me, such a rollercoaster from one minute to the next. The second I think i have a handle on it, it flips and knocks me down again. I suffer from severe depression so the opiates have been keeping it at bay for the past year. I had no idea there was this much feeling inside me...I'm feeling so fatalistic, so despairing but also so damn mad! I feel like I hate my husband right now, I'm so paranoid about everyone's motives, I can't trust anyone and I keep bursting into tears at a moment's notice which is not like me. I would go back using in a heartbeat if I had the means...it just doesn't seem worth all of this. How do you keep going?

 

[Ksa]

Normal stuff. Opioids don't just kill the physical pain but also the emotional pain. Like, if your dad died and you were torn apart, if you toss some oxy you'll be straight in a few hours. That's just how the drug works so it's no surprize that emotions come back once you quit.

Like, I once had 2 exams in the same day and I failed the first and I was...in a zone you know. I took 120mg of codeine and an hour later it's as if nothing had happened, went and scored the second. Very useful effect, saved my ass a couple of times.

 

[macd610]

Normal stuff. Opioids don't just kill the physical pain but also the emotional pain. Like, if your dad died and you were torn apart, if you toss some oxy you'll be straight in a few hours. That's just how the drug works so it's no surprize that emotions come back once you quit.

Like, I once had 2 exams in the same day and I failed the first and I was...in a zone you know. I took 120mg of codeine and an hour later it's as if nothing had happened, went and scored the second. Very useful effect, saved my ass a couple of times.

Regarding The whole numbing of emotions deal... I have always wondered this- If somebody becomes dependent on opiates/opioids at a time when everything in their life is going well, and throughout their use things continue to go well, are the wd's as severe as they are for someone using in order to purposely cover up uncomfortable emotions?
May be a silly thing to think about, but I've always been curious.
Cat