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TDS Where Wolf - Rest in Peace

AnrBjotk said:
He was more intelligent, kind and talented than anyone I have ever known. I cannot express how unfair and sad this is. It was an accident, a risk taken. Did he know? I don't know. Did he realize in the last moment? What happens when one dies in this way? Are you aware in the last second, or do you slip under never knowing?
He had just started a new relationship, which had hope, and he was in demand as a writer. We often spoke at length about writing, death, drugs and the always present danger of dying and becoming just another dead artist, never having fulfilled his dreams. Well, now he is dead, and I'm so f***ing angry I can't punch him in the teeth for leaving me alone like this.

What's the point?
Click to expand...

I know these questions inside out, AnrBjotk. And I know the the depths of anger and deep despair they can lead you into. One thing that has helped me immensely has been to find my way back to gratitude each time I am left stranded by these unanswerable questions. I tell myself, "I had the privilege of knowing him. I had the privilege of his trust and his friendship and his love." You had these things with your friend. He had his own path to follow, his risks to take. It feels particularly horrible that he was taken by his own risk-taking when everything in his life seemed to be going well. The same was also true for my son. It is one of many cruel knives that stab away at my attempts at understanding.

I think that the point is that we get this one precious bubble of time. If we are lucky, we realize how brief it really is and we love it. We might take huge risks when feeling our way around it, make huge mistakes, push a limit too far. But your friend did love it and that I hope can be a comfort to you. People mistake happiness for loving life. Most artists know that loving life means embracing all of it and trying to find the words for that miraculous feeling. Your friend left words and people that will mourn his absence. There is great courage and honor in that.

The next few weeks and months will no doubt be very hard for you. Grief is so unpredictable and raw. If you ever want to talk, please PM me and let me know. Though I have learned first hand what a solitary path grief is, I acknowledge with deep, deep gratitude the hands held out to me as I walk it.<3

To the man we knew as Where Wolf: You gave us your words. I cannot think of a more profound gift. <3

edit: I think we should set up a shrine for him in the Bluelight Shrine. Would you like to do that,AnrBjotk?
 
<3 Where Wolf? <3 RIP

You won't be forgotten.

I teared up reading this although I didn't know Where Wolf? personally. It always tugs on my heart when we lose a BL family member. So sad.
 
What you do without Where Wolf? is what he would want you to do:

Live! Keep trying to give and accept love, even when it hurts.
Write! Respond to what happens to you; do NOT withdraw!
Accept that life is painful and find the beauty in it anyway.
Honour his memory by accepting the struggle and not giving in.

The loss is immeasurable to those of us who loved this brilliant man: his clear vision, his talent with words, his sardonic wit. He embodied the idea that it is human to be weak; it is also human to be strong. Prove him right by surviving and thriving,
 
Not just kindness - absolutely true. He wanted to help you avoid some of the pain he knew and he believed it was possible. Have posted something further.
 
We would like to see Where Wolf? honoured by supporting Bluelight, which gave him community when he found it hard elsewhere. Advice as to how to do that urgently sought before funeral. Have sent question to site but no response yet; any help appreciated.
 
herbavore said:
I know these questions inside out, AnrBjotk. And I know the the depths of anger and deep despair they can lead you into. One thing that has helped me immensely has been to find my way back to gratitude each time I am left stranded by these unanswerable questions. I tell myself, "I had the privilege of knowing him. I had the privilege of his trust and his friendship and his love." You had these things with your friend. He had his own path to follow, his risks to take. It feels particularly horrible that he was taken by his own risk-taking when everything in his life seemed to be going well. The same was also true for my son. It is one of many cruel knives that stab away at my attempts at understanding.

I think that the point is that we get this one precious bubble of time. If we are lucky, we realize how brief it really is and we love it. We might take huge risks when feeling our way around it, make huge mistakes, push a limit too far. But your friend did love it and that I hope can be a comfort to you. People mistake happiness for loving life. Most artists know that loving life means embracing all of it and trying to find the words for that miraculous feeling. Your friend left words and people that will mourn his absence. There is great courage and honor in that.

The next few weeks and months will no doubt be very hard for you. Grief is so unpredictable and raw. If you ever want to talk, please PM me and let me know. Though I have learned first hand what a solitary path grief is, I acknowledge with deep, deep gratitude the hands held out to me as I walk it.<3

To the man we knew as Where Wolf: You gave us your words. I cannot think of a more profound gift. <3

edit: I think we should set up a shrine for him in the Bluelight Shrine. Would you like to do that,AnrBjotk?
Click to expand...

He was helping me with my writing and gave me so much advice as well as cynical stories of the bitter world of publishing. But he always encouraged me, even when I was at the heights of despair. I remember, the day I got the e-mail, I was walking home and had just had an idea for a short story and I was so excited to tell him, and kept thinking that one day, when I've finally finished my short story collection, it would get published and I would send him a copy... That he would be proud... Now I never will. And somehow that spoils it, makes it seems pointless to keep writing, knowing he will never know or be there if it happens... Selfish, maybe. But he was one of the few who cared, who understood and could give support like I felt I needed.

Herbavore: About the shrine... I don't know. It seems nice and I think I'd like it, but I'm just not sure whether he would want it or not. I could never tell whether, like me, the online ramblings were just some outlet, some accidental vent, or whether the online presence was a genuine expression of his life... Strange, however much I grieve his passing, I keep thinking, foolishly, that he is still watching over and might get upset about a Bluelight-shrine, despite the fact that the actual sadness is regarding his non-presence... You know?
Is that an awareness of his memory slash legacy? Or silly naivety thinking he is still "here"... I guess I'm just not able to deal with it yet.
But, sure, add the shrine or whatever. I couldnt hurt. Is it basically just like this first post? A small paragraph saying he passed?
 
AnrBjotk said:
Herbavore: About the shrine... I don't know. It seems nice and I think I'd like it, but I'm just not sure whether he would want it or not. I could never tell whether, like me, the online ramblings were just some outlet, some accidental vent, or whether the online presence was a genuine expression of his life... Strange, however much I grieve his passing, I keep thinking, foolishly, that he is still watching over and might get upset about a Bluelight-shrine, despite the fact that the actual sadness is regarding his non-presence... You know?
Is that an awareness of his memory slash legacy? Or silly naivety thinking he is still "here"... I guess I'm just not able to deal with it yet.
But, sure, add the shrine or whatever. I couldnt hurt. Is it basically just like this first post? A small paragraph saying he passed?
Click to expand...

Yes, it would be exactly that. A post letting people know. A shrine, like a funeral, like a memorial or like a celebration of life is for those left grieving. It is a way to shout into the void: I LOVED THIS PERSON! THIS PERSON MATTERED TO ME!

It is also a place to find comfort in the fact that the person that you loved so much, that impacted your life, also was loved by others. Making community wherever and however we can is profoundly meaningful in the face of the ultimate expression of how alone we all are.
 
Seeking Where? said:
What you do without Where Wolf? is what he would want you to do:

Live! Keep trying to give and accept love, even when it hurts.
Write! Respond to what happens to you; do NOT withdraw!
Accept that life is painful and find the beauty in it anyway.
Honour his memory by accepting the struggle and not giving in.

The loss is immeasurable to those of us who loved this brilliant man: his clear vision, his talent with words, his sardonic wit. He embodied the idea that it is human to be weak; it is also human to be strong. Prove him right by surviving and thriving,
Click to expand...

These words are words to live by. Thank you so much. <3
 
Saw the post that was written by werewolf..relationships are always struggle.. fuck, feel sorry for him, r.i.p blue lighter
 
I was on my way to my therapist today only to get the message he was sick and the appointment was cancelled. I really needed to talk to someone about this... That's life, right? No one cares about your pain.
I quote this so often, but I feel it's more appropriate than ever:

"Everything is more complicated than
you think. You only see a tenth of
what is true. There are a million
little strings attached to every
choice you make; you can destroy
your life every time you choose.
But maybe you won't know for twenty
years. And you'll never ever trace
it to its source. And you only get
one chance to play it out. Just try
and figure out your own divorce.
And they say there is no fate, but
there is: it's what you create.
Even though the world goes on for
eons and eons, you are here for a
fraction of a fraction of a second.
Most of your time is spent being
dead or not yet born. But while
alive, you wait in vain, wasting
years, for a phone call or a letter
or a look from someone or something
to make it all right. And it never
comes or it seems to but doesn't
really. And so you spend your time
in vague regret or vaguer hope for
something good to come along.
Something to make you feel
connected, to make you feel whole,
to make you feel loved.

and the truth is I'm so angry and
the truth is I'm so f*cking sad,
and the truth is I've been so
f*cking hurt for so f*cking long
and for just as long have been
pretending I'm ok, just to get
along, just for, I don't know why,
maybe because no one wants to hear
about my misery, because they have
their own, and their own is too
overwhelming to allow them to
listen to or care about mine.
Well, f*ck everybody.
Amen."

- Funeral speech, Synecdoche, New York
 
R.I.P Where Wolf?
So sad to lose yet another Bluelighter as this is the second loss of a Bluelighter I have read this week.
Thoughts go out to his friends and family.
 
AnrBjotk said:
I was on my way to my therapist today only to get the message he was sick and the appointment was cancelled. I really needed to talk to someone about this... That's life, right? No one cares about your pain.
I quote this so often, but I feel it's more appropriate than ever:

"Everything is more complicated than
you think. You only see a tenth of
what is true. There are a million
little strings attached to every
choice you make; you can destroy
your life every time you choose.
But maybe you won't know for twenty
years. And you'll never ever trace
it to its source. And you only get
one chance to play it out. Just try
and figure out your own divorce.
And they say there is no fate, but
there is: it's what you create.
Even though the world goes on for
eons and eons, you are here for a
fraction of a fraction of a second.
Most of your time is spent being
dead or not yet born. But while
alive, you wait in vain, wasting
years, for a phone call or a letter
or a look from someone or something
to make it all right. And it never
comes or it seems to but doesn't
really. And so you spend your time
in vague regret or vaguer hope for
something good to come along.
Something to make you feel
connected, to make you feel whole,
to make you feel loved.

and the truth is I'm so angry and
the truth is I'm so f*cking sad,
and the truth is I've been so
f*cking hurt for so f*cking long
and for just as long have been
pretending I'm ok, just to get
along, just for, I don't know why,
maybe because no one wants to hear
about my misery, because they have
their own, and their own is too
overwhelming to allow them to
listen to or care about mine.
Well, f*ck everybody.
Amen."

- Funeral speech, Synecdoche, New York
Click to expand...

i find that's just one way to look at life. Not to critique this or anything, but i think it's a bit symbolic of how you feel right now. This isn't an accurate description of life, at the end of struggle there is hope and something more, and if not it is a relief of suffering, which is amazing in itself. Instead of looking at the world as a huge combination of things that will go wrong and leave you with nothing in the end, you can view it in just the opposite light with the same legitimacy. I think Where Wolf? (just based on that one post on relationships) was the type of person that would want you to use his passing as inspiration for your own future.

those questions about death are impossible to answer and ultimately what make death so strange to think about but it happens to every one, every single person, we will all face the same thing and whether it is exciting/we are conscious/or not it is something as special as birth.

RIP where wolf? from the little i've read i can tell he was a great person and a caring/compassionate person.
 
herbavore said:
Seeking Where? said:
What you do without Where Wolf? is what he would want you to do:

Live! Keep trying to give and accept love, even when it hurts.
Write! Respond to what happens to you; do NOT withdraw!
Accept that life is painful and find the beauty in it anyway.
Honour his memory by accepting the struggle and not giving in.

The loss is immeasurable to those of us who loved this brilliant man: his clear vision, his talent with words, his sardonic wit. He embodied the idea that it is human to be weak; it is also human to be strong. Prove him right by surviving and thriving,
Click to expand...

These words are words to live by. Thank you so much. <3
Click to expand...

I keep coming back to this thread every time it's bumped, have wanted to post so many times but I haven't yet come up with an adequate response to the above except to say thank you for it Seeking Where? Such simple, beautiful, powerful truth, there's so much wisdom here. Thank you for sharing it. Words to live by indeed. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
 
RIP where wolf...

The first post I read of where wolf's made a deep impression on me, and despite only ever coming across a handful of his posts, something about them, and him, struck me deeply. I felt a particular affinity with him, and despite the paths of our lives interacting only momentarily through a computer screen, he is a poster whose words and presence I knew would stay with me from the beginning.

Take care of yourself, AnrBjotk, and deepest condolances, to you and all of where wolf's friends and family.
 
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