Stimulants This is killing me

[Ksa]

I can't figure this out...this is the definition of Drug Addiction:

Substance dependence, commonly called drug addiction, is a drug user's compulsive need to use controlled substances in order to function normally. When such substances are unobtainable, the user suffers from substance withdrawal.[1]

I can function normally, back into my ADDish self, without amphetamine and codeine. When I stop taking them I have no withdrawal, so according to the definition, I am not addicted to drugs. My doctor tells me that I am not addicted to drugs. But...it's something fucking weird. If I stop taking anything for 1 month...and then 2 months...my life reaches a level of unbearable bordom that renders the use of those drugs immediate and absolutely required in order to improve my quality of life. It's like a reverse withdrawal, where, instead of the symptoms decreasing as the withdrawal fades away, they increase.

Doctor can't figure it out, says it's my ADD self that needs to be medicated. If you can stop any drug without withdrawals, but you would prefer not to do so for longer than 2 months, are you a drug addict or can you blame it on ADD disorder?

 

[hatrix]

Sounds to me like you need to try a longer break then just two months.

 

[Venrak]

Have you been filling the void with healthy hobbies, interests and activities? You mention boredom, which is normal if you got most of your kicks out of drug use and then ceased to use them. As time passes, you begin to seek out pleasurable distractions, and in your mind perhaps your go-to method to achieve this is through substance use.

No, I agree, you don't seem dependent. But I'm not convinced you don't have symptoms of psychological addiction.

 

[Ksa]

You are right, my add life was shit, and the good part is, the 24 years that I lived without drugs, not a second went by that I didn't think "there has to be something better than this."

You know, when I was little, while sleeping during nighttime somehow my pleasure region got stimulated for no aparent reason, and I felt that...thing...that feeling...I saw God. If you had seen God, would you not want to see his face again? I was 7, I didn't understand what it was and why I couldn't feel it again. It bothered me tremendously you could imagine.

Through medication and meditation, I found what I had lost when I was 7, and the whole context, it all made sense, all of it matched. It was a direct link to the center. A broadband. My question is, imagine you have a Bugatti locked in your garage, and you don't have the key. You can't get in to drive your own car. Than a month passes, 2 months pass, you can't drive the car! You have a super car in your own garage, and you cannot drive it, my question is, if it wasn't there, would it bother you not to drive one? If I had no pleasure center in my brain, would it bother me that I cant use it? No. What is this? This that I describe? Is there even a word for it?

 

[Venrak]

Your life has been driving that Bugatti for a while now, when there are other cars that offer things other than horsepower.

You need to learn to draw pleasure from things other than exotic performance cars, effectively sourcing the stimulation you (quite understandably) crave.

If you need this medication, by all means continue taking it, but if you can't control yourself, let me tell you that this source of pleasure will dry up. Then where will you be? What will you do?

Diversify your interests now, and if you need help with distributing your meds, I'm sure you can find someone you trust to not steal them and to not judge you, rather have pride.

 

[Ksa]

Your life has been driving that Bugatti for a while now, when there are other cars that offer things other than horsepower.

You need to learn to draw pleasure from things other than exotic performance cars, effectively sourcing the stimulation you (quite understandably) crave.

If you need this medication, by all means continue taking it, but if you can't control yourself, let me tell you that this source of pleasure will dry up. Then where will you be? What will you do?

Diversify your interests now, and if you need help with distributing your meds, I'm sure you can find someone you trust to not steal them and to not judge you, rather have pride.

It doesn't, I learned from people like Osho, after turning 70 it still flows quite well for him haha! The thing is, it's not a receptor or a drug we talk about here, it's an organ 100g in weight...it's a big fish stuck in within. That's pretty hard to dry up ^.^

The whole problem is the access. If your access solely depends on a drug, your access to that region can dry up, but the region itself will never dry, unless you put a bullet through your brain.

 

[Ksa]

I just can't figure it out for shit...why does it feel good and why does pain feel bad...why is red color not yellow. It puzzles the crap out of me. Are we really in control of our life?

 

[Venrak]

The source of pleasure being the amphetamine. You will eventually lose all euphoria and pleasure if you do not limit yourself.

 

[freehugs]

I just can't figure it out for shit...why does it feel good and why does pain feel bad...why is red color not yellow. It puzzles the crap out of me. Are we really in control of our life?

There can't be pleasure without pain. I can guarantee you that if you find a hobby to fill the void, your life will have purpose. I come from almost the same background as you, and my music writing has helped me tremendously in the past year, ever since I found I have ADD.

 

[sekio]

Get a hobby that isn't taking dopaminergics.

Most people, if they do the same routine for about a month or two, will get bored... You need to find another source of mental gratification. it really is that simple.

Get a girlfriend and fuck her brains out, go to flight school, learn to paint, go on a journey somewhere you've never been before, etc. Don't assume that just because when you stop taking amphetamines you get bored, that amphetamines are the solution. They aren't.

 

[Ksa]

The problem is not the drugs, I take low amounts and as a chemist I know all about the drugs I take, I dose the stuff very accurately, without ever crossing any lines. Had zero tolerance buildup in 6 years, it just got better...my meditation has reached a mastery level, I can achieve total blizz with minimal doses of anything.

What I'm talking about is the constant obsession with accessing that region. It's like a kid going to a science museum and only sees his life as "when do we go there again". I adopt a "work or get fucked" logic 24/7 so people living with me are confused. They don't understand what I have done. They need to watch movies, to go take a strall to feel good, I just sit, close my eyes for hours and...Jesus fkn christ marie joseph! I don't need anything else.

My parents ask me "so when are you getting a girlfriend", I go like "huh?" Why would I ever need such a thing. LOL makes me look like an alien from another planet. Not like I care but...you know does this constant "work or get fucked" logic count as an addiction?

 

[freehugs]

so when are you getting a girlfriend[/I]", I go like "huh?" Why would I ever need such a thing. LOL makes me look like an alien from another planet. Not like I care but...you know does this constant "work or get fucked" logic count as an addiction?

I would say yes, that you're addicted to the changed mind state that drugs offer you.

 

[Ksa]

Get a hobby that isn't taking dopaminergics.

Most people, if they do the same routine for about a month or two, will get bored... You need to find another source of mental gratification. it really is that simple.

Get a girlfriend and fuck her brains out, go to flight school, learn to paint, go on a journey somewhere you've never been before, etc. Don't assume that just because when you stop taking amphetamines you get bored, that amphetamines are the solution. They aren't.

I'll count the intensity of the reward in $ to quantify what I get out of each activity:

"Get a girlfriend and fuck her brains out" 5$
go on a journey somewhere you've never been before, etc. 1$

meditation: 100$

Most people, if they do the same routine for about a month or two, will get bored...

I have no words to describe to you why I cannot ever get bored of it. Getting bored of what I feel is like saying that water after a while will start drying the thing it wets. It's impossible. It's like describing red color. I can't. What I feel, call it Element A for the sake of argument. Element A is the best thing the human body can get. Cars, money, women, nothing equals it. Maybe, if you're a strange animal or an alien from outer space you might get better things, but as long as you're stuck in a human body, thats the best thing you can ever get, nothing else equals it.

There is no other source, this IS the source because everything else stems from it by definition and can only be a part of it. My question is, after you're able to get the whole, how do you get to enjoy only a small part of it so that people don't think you're weird and have no occupations?

 

[tricomb]

Spend less time making powerpoints, jk lol. get a GF, I second that suggestion.

I will vouch that amphetamines aren't the solution.

edit: dude its not all about dollar value.

 

[Ksa]

Spend less time making powerpoints, jk lol. get a GF, I second that suggestion.

I will vouch that amphetamines aren't the solution.

Haha! He knows my methodology...modus operandus

God...if everyone was like me the world would go to shit

 

[Venrak]

^Not to worry, most people could claim the same

 

[Ksa]

Spend less time making powerpoints, jk lol. get a GF, I second that suggestion.

I will vouch that amphetamines aren't the solution.

Equation of my life is:

work + get fucked = money + fun

If we add girlfriend:

work + get fucked + fuck the girlfriend + argue with her parents + argue with girlfriend = money + less fun + fml

 

[sekio]

Turn on, tune in, drop out, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

(By the way, the whole point of getting a girlfriend is you don't spend time arguing with her!)

It sounds to me like you are simply trying to provide a convincing enough argument to get others to validate regular amphetamine use...

 

[Ksa]

Turn on, tune in, drop out, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

(By the way, the whole point of getting a girlfriend is you don't spend time arguing with her!)

It sounds to me like you are simply trying to provide a convincing enough argument to get others to validate regular amphetamine use...

The 15mg of amphetamines I use daily is to treat ADD, so although I adopt a get high logic, you have to admit that its pretty hard to do it on 15mg, if other mechanisms were not involved. I'm not even sure if I would require amphetamines have I not had ADD.

 

[tricomb]

Yeah you shouldn't be arguing with your GF let alone her parentals.