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How do you react when the one you love rejects you?

You are teh only one who causes you pain, if you are a grown up, and you are not being physically abused. If you are being emotionaly abused, and you are an adult, then you choose how you react to something that someone does.

It is easy to let yourself act like an enraged mammal with no self control, but I don't think you will gain much lasting respect from anyone if you act in this way.

And also that is one hell of a sadistic attitude, and you should know that sadism and not compassion will also get you nowhere good in life.

"Holding on to your anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else but you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha
 
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Anger makes me feel stronger in the face of an emotional upset. And I'd much rather feel angry than depressed.
 
I move on to another level of my life. I make certain that his replacement is a newer improved model (lacking his noted flaws). I simply get on with my life and make sure that he knows exactly what he's lost. There is no better feeling of satisfaction (or call it revenge if you must) than going after happiness and fulfillment in our lives.
 
I never feel the need to exact revenge. I'm usually confused initially, then angry when I can't work through the confusion. Once that settles in a bit I feel half alive, like I've lost a piece of my soul that can never be recovered, which usually leads to maladaptive coping like drinking or drugs to either make me care less or to forget all together. I neglect basic necessities like eating or daily exercise, and typically spend a lot of time in bed. My energy level plummets and I can't be bothered with feeling pleasure in any form.

Afterwards, the pain of rejection begins to subside and I start forcing myself to re-immerse into normal activity again. At which time, the cycle repeats itself.
 
Two messy break ups and I wanted to get revenge, ended up being the one who got more fucked up in the end anyway! Seeking revenge never works, it just makes things more messy. It's a lot easier hating somebody though, better than feeling all depressed and heartbroken.
 
The thing that fucking kills me is wondering if I did something to push him away...or if I was never his "dream girl" in the first place. To be honest, there's something I did do...let's just say I attempted to snoop...and I think he found out, or suspects.

Well, it can't be undone.
 
Illyria99 said:
The thing that fucking kills me is wondering if I did something to push him away...or if I was never his "dream girl" in the first place. To be honest, there's something I did do...let's just say I attempted to snoop...and I think he found out, or suspects.

Well, it can't be undone.
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No use thinking about it bud. I'm a firm believer in that old chestnut "Everything happens for a reason". Whenever you think it's the end of the world because you've broken up with someone you think you could spend rest of your life with, someone else comes round blows all your previous expectations and desires out of the water :)
 
Illyria99 said:
The thing that fucking kills me is wondering if I did something to push him away...or if I was never his "dream girl" in the first place. To be honest, there's something I did do...let's just say I attempted to snoop...and I think he found out, or suspects.

Well, it can't be undone.
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It's normal to be going over all the possible mistakes you might have made to push him away, but in the end obsessing over that stuff is only going to hurt you more, and it's not going to achieve anything helpful. We were just saying anger's easier to deal with than depression - think of all the things he did you hate him for, transform your self-doubt and annoyance at yourself into anger against him. Don't act on it obviously....but it can help, a lot :)

The fact that my ex cheated on me with a friend of mine helped me a lot in the end, I think - cuz I could just focus on how much I hated her for it. If it had been some random girl I would have put all the blame on myself.
 
if after attempts of communicating an issue of concern that is affecting me, that is met with ignorance or argument; i hit a brick wall and freeze people out.

i wont be rude and ignore their attempts at communicating with me entirely; but i will be very cold and let them know that their presence is unwelcomed unless they come in peace.

i withstand alot of shit before reaching that point; and if when trying to reach out to them and breach that/heal a situation, im rejected or treat poorly. i grow very cold and unforgiving and will ice you out completely.

and feel little remorse in doing so.

....kytnism...:|
 
Pagey said:
Definitely agree with that. I find anger so much easier to deal with.
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THis may be true, but anger is the most destructive out of the 2. It just seems to be less destructive than depression because depression takes longer to pick yourself out of, whereas anger is very intense and shor lived, but really everytime you express it instead of just breathing and rubbing certain pressure points (whatever tek you choose to use to calm down efficiently), it eats you up inside.

StrutterGear said:
No use thinking about it bud. I'm a firm believer in that old chestnut "Everything happens for a reason". Whenever you think it's the end of the world because you've broken up with someone you think you could spend rest of your life with, someone else comes round blows all your previous expectations and desires out of the water :)
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that IS a good ol' chestnut.

Illyria - this situation is obviously the universe telling you you need to get a hold of your anger, and also you depression - you need to have control of your emotions, in order to let them show at appropriate times, and open yourself up in surrender to true unconditional love.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
THis may be true, but anger is the most destructive out of the 2. It just seems to be less destructive than depression because depression takes longer to pick yourself out of, whereas anger is very intense and shor lived, but really everytime you express it instead of just breathing and rubbing certain pressure points (whatever tek you choose to use to calm down efficiently), it eats you up inside.
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Mmh I disagree. I think it probably depends on the person. When I'm angry I can just go out for a run or hit something or whatever and feel better within a couple hours without having done anything destructive. When I'm depressed I'm much more likely to do something bad for myself and/or others.
 
^Yeah By running you are literally letting go of it, shifting your focus, but if you hit something you are not, you are expressing the anger - punching something can really hurt you on a physical and emotional level.

Running or using calming breath works against anger because you have dissipated it, by concentration, instead of expressing it. Expressing it by letting it be for more than a split second is destructive.

Depression can be a mixture of things - diet, not enough sleep or exercise, or innate lack of self confidence, whereas true ANGER is just the lack of control over not getting what your ego desires. It is therefore destructive, and nothing but if you express it in any way.

If you look at yourself from the perspective of someone else as soon as you get that anger rise up from inside, then it is much easier to take a step back before it breaks the surface, and just stop yourself and breathe, calming yourself down. Once it breaks the surface however, you release a massive amount of energy, because once it is out, you then have to use more energy to calm yourself down, post de facto.

And then when we are at THIS level - of observing and not letting it last past a split second, the final thing is to not experience anger at all.

As your awareness and self control strengthens, you will notice things which are going to trigger anger in you, so instead of waiting for it to bubble up, you jus breathe or take yourself out of the situation.

It does not depend on the person - anger is always more destructive, because if you let it affect you once, instead of calming yourself down, then it will rear it's head again in the future.
 
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^Is it really impossible for you to imagine that people react to things differently? :\ why are you assuming I've never been 'affected' by anger?
You're not in everyone's head and cannot judge how everyone reacts to emotions or situations and how more or less difficult these are for them.
 
Not at all. I KNOW that everyone reacts differently.

All I am stating is that anger, jealousy and fear are totally negative yet natural emotions, and by letting them control us in ANY way, they are affecting us, whether we are physically aware of it or not.

Anger is much more insidious than depression, but not everyone experiences depression so for some people it can seem worse, whereas everyone experiences anger until they learn self discipline, so it seems easier to deal with.
 
Fair enough, I see your point.

I do stand by my point that for some people who do experience depression, however, it can be much more destructive than anger.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
You are teh only one who causes you pain, if you are a grown up, and you are not being physically abused. If you are being emotionaly abused, and you are an adult, then you choose how you react to something that someone does.
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Quoted for truth. Wisdom from the man w/ the ban.

Illyria99 said:
I am moving on now.
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I'm glad you're moving on. Life is full of disappointments like this if you rely on people, or rather, expect them to comply w/ your wishes or ideas of how they ought to be. It's always best to remember you are only in control in and as far as your own reactions to things. You can choose to wreak havoc upon this individual, but be prepared to be accountable for your actions.

In regards to the anger v. depression dimension of this thread, I prefer neither one over the other. The whole time you were making your case, Pagey, I was thinking 'Well, people manage emotions differently' - and what is hell for one person is not always hell for the other. But concerning the OP, it doesn't seem she handles anger w/ a much grace or equanimity as you (OP, there is nothing wrong w/ this in my eyes - it just means being depressed may be less destructive for you and your relationships, and anger in you may need to be addressed on different levels). Therefor, suggesting anger as a preferred state for her may not be the wisest solicitation.
 
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