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What To Do When You're Married and You Hate It. No Sex. No Intimacy. Just the Kids.

Slow down guys... We are making tons of assumptions about his relationship with the kids with absolutely nothing to go on but 3 words ("Just the kids.") and a slice of context.

None of what he said indicates he "doesn't have concern for them".. and he didn't say anything about "staying for the kids"... In no way could I say this poster is demonstrating "selfishness at its finest". That is sensational language at its finest.

My turn to postulate :)

OP mentioned "Just the kids." in a way that sounds he's resentful they're there. I have a kid and I am resentful that I can't live like I want. I get it. I love my child and do a great job but at the end of the day I'd rather have some alternative arrangement that would contribute to my ability to self-actualize. Again, what I hear is that he's resentful that his family life revolves around the spawn. This is not uncommon for parents and families.

To your question what do I do? I think it's best to be honest. It sounds like you want that too. Move out now, get your own place, make a custody/visitation arrangement, and eventually find another partner who fits your needs. It will be easier to think clearly about the type of woman you want when you are in your own (head) space.
 
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the whole problem is that his wife was always shit in bed and now there is no sex so should he go for affair number 3- am i wrong?

its kind of the lack of any real reference to them other than in the title that makes it seem like they're not a big part of the picture. the whole problem is though...

dont marry someone if they are bad in bed if sex is important to you
 
eyeslikethesun

Don't worry. Sometimes I look for advice and start the thread before I've thoroughly explained the situation. This is a place to work out all the confusion so you can be clear with yourself about how you want to move forward with intentionality. Sometimes the assumptions people make are way off the board, and that's ok. If they're right on, speak to that too.

Let's not attack the poster, guys. Be kind.
 
That's true. I usually think someone is an innocent soul when they ramble on about how much they reSent their wife, tell us what an evil prison she is because she gives bad head and he fails to tell us where he might be at fault but he's cheating because of her. It's crazy to think he's selfish.
 
Again, no need for the sensational words... innocent soul, evil prison, crazy.

OP is looking for direction, not personal attacks on his behavior.
 
Well if it's just the sex that you have a problem with in your relationship then you could just take care of that need outside of your marriage. Fuck hookers, fuck girls from the internet, fuck dudes, fuck the cat.

Personally I wouldn't feel very good about myself if I did that, I would want to be honest. To me it sounds like you got some other feelings related to this situation, if I were you I would be interested in finding out more about those feelings.
 
Cohesion said:
Again, no need for the sensational words... innocent soul, evil prison, crazy.

OP is looking for direction, not personal attacks on his behavior.
Click to expand...

OP is looking for support to continue the behavior. There is nothing in his OP that says "I feel bad for what I'm doing, and how do I fix it." Other than stop dicking the poor wife around, there is no personal attack. My observation is of the negative sort, and I don't believe in blowing rainbows up the ass of someone who is treating someone poorly.
 
without sensationalism and without judgement lets turn this situation around and make it not about sex

what is best for the children?

if you are unhappy in your marriage how is that good for the kids.

they matter and they are a positive thing to come out of this.

lets focus on whats best for them:)
 
Howzat? said:
I may be missing something from his original post but she doesn't sound like the type of woman who would be receptive to anal sex. Then again I don't have a penis and don't have much experience in coercing lovers into sticking objects back there.
Click to expand...

I see you're not familiar with standard /b/ memes. I suggest you become an hero because of this.
 
Sorry im not reading every1's past post.. Is divorce not an option? Whatevr happens, op, I hope all turns out well for you..
 
OP is used to refer to original poster. the one who made the thread

if i made a thread i would be the op:)

you still haven't given any answer to the question of kids and what is best for them...
 
What part do you play in all of this? What are YOU doing to try to revitalize your sex life? Do you spend enough time on your wife in bed, making sure she is taken care of, or is it all about you? If you have kids, do you make sure to take over some of the routine tasks that may usually fall to your wife so that she can have some moments to relax and maybe get in the mood?

I am sorry, but your perspective on marriage seems skewed. Is it just the bedroom that has you unsatisfied or is it more than that? you say your whole married life has been wasted...that is pretty fucked up. Unless your relationship is dysfunctional on many levels, it is pretty douchebaggish to say that it has been a waste because she doesn't suck your cock the way you want her to.

I almost can't even wrap my head around the amount of self absorption contained in your post. Yeah, sex is a huge piece of the marriage puzzle, but it takes all the pieces to make the whole picture.
 
Takes two to tango my friend. Give your lady some direction in the sack and reap the rewards. Sex is vital for any relationship so I can't understand why you've even come this far, but that's your business.

How you approach your relationship is your business but having had a father who had an affair I can't say I agree with what you're doing. Whatever you do, don't make the kids suffer for your and your wife's mistakes.
 
I don't believe the problem is just sex. It sounds bigger than that. If it were so simple then you'd be able to talk about it with her and make improvements to your sex life. Sounds like the issue is that you just can't stand your wife (i.e. the sound of her voice).

It's masochistic to stay with someone you can't stand. I had two parents who did that for 30 years "for the children". Do you know what a burden it is to see your fucked up parents clinging to a dysfunctional relationship because of you?

Just get out of your relationship. If it's so far gone that you can't even talk about how improving the sex then you are obviously with the wrong person.

As for cheating on your wife, aside from the fact that it's not going to be a lasting solution, one day it will surely blow up in your face.
 
OP, your post was pretty bare detail wise, so this is just my speculation.

It seems that there is more wrong than just her lack of BJ skillz. There appears to be a major communication problem. I say this because I've dated a handful of women who weren't the best at it but with a little direction/communication, their lack of skill was remedied.

You don't sound overly caring, so I also doubt that you made this thread just to be told it's okay to cheat on your wife. Ultimately, under this impression, I'm confused as to what I or anybody else may be able to offer you.
 
I'd be interested to know how she actually feels about you? I was married once for a few years and at the end she lost all feelings for me, I tried everything to get the relationship back on track but in the end she dumped me and in hindsight I never saw the writing on the wall - and one of those signs was as you mentioned, her wondering where she left the car keys during sex, so I only drew out the inevitable and wasted a couple of years of both our lives when we could have both moved on.

I think you need to work out whether the marriage is worth saving and whether she feels that it is or whether you end it now, maybe it is and you can both work towards improving it? But from your original post it sounds like it's over in your mind at least, just find out what she thinks and take it from there, it will be much easier if you both decide to split after some meaningful discussions rather than either one of you surprising the other.
 
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