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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

NoBENDER - let's keep it going!

Does anyone know what side effects if any are caused by taking Suboxone and Etizolam?
 
^ if low to no tolerance, severe respiratory depression. otherwise possible euphoria with sedation.
 
Okay, I royally fucked up Octsober, and wasn't going to give it another go.

But, here I am again. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will succeed this time. I am certain.

So I'll just quit now, and save myself from it all I think...yes, good plan.
 
Hi guys. First off, I had 10 months clean yesterday (:.

Second off, I NEED YOUR GUYS' HELP!

I'm a fellow recovering heroin addict. I'm taking an abnormal psychology class and our teacher assigned us a project to make an anti-stigma campaign for anything we believe in. It's only worth 20 points, but this is something that really means something to me.

I'm planning on giving the facts and statistics of how heroin/opiate use has been increasing the past years shown in the massive increase of overdoses in my county, state, and nationwide. I'm going to also talk about the people who are currently in recovery. Then i'm going to give my message about how people need to treat both active and recovering addicts with dignity and like humans and give them information on public outreach programs and assemblies for schools that help prevent use not with the scare tactic, but with real information and real accounts from heroin addicts.

Where you guys come in: First and foremost, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT FOR THIS! I want to have a slideshow of you guys holding up a sign saying "I am ________" and put in there anything that you are personally proud of. Some examples could be: "I am a proud mother of 3", or "I am a football player", or "I am a guitar player". You get the idea, anything and everything you are proud of, put it on a poster and take a picture! If you want to remain anonymous you can crop the picture so your face doesn't show. You can even put your clean date and how much time you have at the bottom of it.

Also, if you guys have any suggestions for how I can make this campaign any better, feel free to let me know!

Thank you guys so much! Stay strong!
 
RobotRipping said:
oh man things took a turn for the worst for me. I got a new hookup who has very cheap everything. And i've been using etizolam every night; think i'm fucked and going back on the benzo train, hopefully this time it doesn't crash so hard. Still off opiates though but new dealer sure tempts me.
Click to expand...

motherofearth said:
Screwed up on the H somewhat yesterday - but it ain't gonna be that way no more :p
Click to expand...

Don't worry about it! I have to admit I slipped a little myself and tested a few lines out of each of two batches my former dealer's considering buying. Its not the be and the end all; its not going to hinder our recovery, just make sure that it doesnt happen again (at least for a while eh?).

Doing quite well so far, took 20mls of Methadone this morning and felt fine all day. 15 tomorrow, etc for a further five more days and then thats it :)
 
yeah shitty dealer fell through on me, guess that was a good sign. I feel so much better not drinking poppy tea anymore, i do like kratom now though but it was a good trade off. Benzo use has been daily for well over 2 weeks, gonna just try to keep a handle on it for now. All in all though, i feel quite a bit better about life now.

I have lots of slip ups, i don't strive for 100% sobriety, just control over my life.
 
Bit of a vent/rant:

I decided to join this again early this morning when I was high as fuck (hence the reason my previous post doesn't really make sense). It all kind of hit me for the first time...the road I'm heading down...and it scared the fuck out of me. I feel pretty shit right now, last night kind of slapped me in the face. I've always been so in control of everything, and for the first time in my life, I have acknowledged that I've lost that. I am in a really fortunate position in life overall and I am really thankful for that, but the fact that I am starting to seriously jeopardize things is terrifying for me. I recognise that the point I am at is the beginning of something horrible, and if I don't pull up now I risk losing everything.

I flushed all my shit this morning too. All of it gone. I was pretty heavily dependent on Tramadol earlier in the year (first real addiction) - have been off it for a little while, but I always kept some...don't know why. I feel anxious that it's gone now too which pisses me off. I don't think I'm through the PAWS, I'm still fucked from it all. It's hard to tell though because I'm high too often. The Tram WDs were the worst, I've never felt so shit. I can't wait to feel back to myself. I used diazepam, hydrocodone and weed amongst other things to get off the Tram successfully which was great, but now I have the issue of needing to be high on something to deal with. I don't like it, it's scary. I was successful last month in tapering down to a very low dose of diazepam too, but I was just struggling to get off it completely. I crave opiates often, I want hydro. And weed? I was smoking myself stupid. Anything to feel better I suppose. And this whole time I didn't even realise how bad I was actually feeling...I've just been convincing myself that I'm fine, and that everything is okay. It's not. It can and it will be, but I suppose I have to stop deluding myself and get on top of this shit before it becomes a real problem. I know my drug issues are nothing compared to some, and I feel like I'm being a baby about it all. Ugh.

Anyway, all my drugs are gone. Thrown out. I'm glad I did it, but it doesn't feel good. I am committed to 100% sobriety for this month at the very least. There will be one exception later this month, and I'll be taking MDMA at an event. Other than that, no drugs other than alcohol perhaps once or twice while socialising.

Sorry for the rambling and no need to reply, I just feel like I needed to have this written down somewhere so I can hold myself accountable if I fuck up. Stops me from being in denial I guess. I won't fuck up again though I don't think, I'm way too scared to. If I feel like caving in again, I'll read over this. I'm fucking scared though, but I'm glad I'm scared - at least I still care. This isn't how I imagined things would be. I never wanted to be an addict. I never wanted to crave being high so much. It's not even the high I crave most of the time...it's just that I don't want to be sober anymore, and that's sad.

Good luck to everyone, this shit sucks. And apologies once again for the self-absorbed post, I just needed to get it out I think.
 
You sound like a pretty switched on chicky...all the best in your sobriety run! Keeping myself busy and exercise helps me greatly perhaps it could help you too. Diaz can be a bitch to kick but you will no doubt feel a heap better in the coming days...word of warning, careful on the liquor, I know if I'm going to do something stupid and relapse alcohol is usually the catalyst for me, something about that loss of inhibition...anyways you'll be right. Stay strong.
 
Not feeling too bad at all today. Actually laughed at a couple of things, which is fucking fantastic as I generally tend to take everything far too seriously.

Took 15mls of methadone this morning and tomorrow I'll be moving down to 10mls.
Next thing I have to focus on is getting up before 12pm every day.

Roll on Monday...this will be the first week in a long time I don't owe out 80-90% of my money for H. I'll actually have cash. Wow. I think a haircut, headphones and gym-gear is in order. I'm just going to fuck off to the gym for awhile, because about the the only friend I have left is still using and I dont want to be around that shit and I need to fill up the days until I start feeling good enough to take the next step...getting off welfare, getting a job (doubt that'll be here by the looks of things) and finishing my degree.

Getting off heroin was just step one - climbing out of the hole. Now I have to let my eyes adjust to the light.
 
Man... this is my first post but I think this is the right spot for it. My addiction is not nearly as straining on me but after 3 straight years of daily pot smoking I've been taking a break since November 1st. Anytime i've tried before i've just gotten so bored with all my free time but I think it be good to clear my head for some months.
 
^it will definitely clear your head. I smoke on and off now after being a dedicated stoner for almost 10 years. Right now i smoke a few times at night, it's best this way.

Well went to my dr today and got prescribed buspar and denied daily valium use. Dr knows my benzo history so not much i can do about that. I am midly dependent on them now, been about a month straight. I have some ativan/valium/clonazepam/etizolam (and quite possibly some unknown benzo that my dealer sold me).

It's tough when there are drugs everywhere and i just discovered how prevalent drugs are in my area. There are dealers all over the place. It's so tempting to just basically order some dilaudid. I'm still off opiates in general, but when i quit kratom or don't use it 3 times a day my legs get achy and restless. My blood pressure is very high 159/61 i think and pulse 122 while on 3mg of clonazepam, must be opiate withdrawal still.

I hear buspar sucks but i'll try it anyway, i don't' want to be dependent on benzos when i'm this close to being free. Hope everyone else is doing well, it is tough, more tough than i thought.
 
but once you're free you'll be happy you did it :). I kicked heroin and benzos in spring 2011 and stopped benzos entirely. went back to h and finally kicked it early Jan of this year. its been great being clean and my mind is clear and I'm happy :) wish all of you the best. love ya all
 
^that's great to hear; how do you deal with enjoying life without getting high now? that's the part that is hard for me. How am i supposed to have fun? I get euphoria from playing guitar, listening to music but it's nothing compared to being really high. Especially if i am high and playing guitar/listening to music.
 
^It can take a while for your brain to adjust when you stop using opiates for sure. You're so used to having them there as a mood enhancer that it can be really hard at first, anhedonia and dysphoria would be very, very common to those coming off opiates certainly but in time your brain makes the necessary adjustments and you get used to how real emotions feel again. They can be a lot more intense than any you experienced as an opiate user let me tell you. No question. It's about relearning how to produce these emotional highs and general sense of well being without the reliance on a drug and that can take time but very, very doable. Abstinence I think is key here. So long as you keep chipping you never fully get to make the adjustment. Even kratom will interfere with it, anything that messes with your natural brain chemistry.

Good luck to everyone trying to come off or stay clean. Be strong dudes, it can be done! :)
 
it does take time to fall into "normal society" and normal thought patterns. I was locked up for my first 90 days so I was forced to stay clean and let my brain reset. but as time went on I found sober things that would get me high. flirting, sex, dating, food, and now working out and getting physically fit. of course all in moderation. I still am a big flirt even though I'm in a relationship but its what I gotta do for now to stay clean.
 
i'm in a relationship and causal random sex really gives me a high, like speed. I've even been checking out escorts for fun, but i can't do it without my gf being there or having permission and so far she hasn't given me the go ahead. lol

i find joy in other things too but it's hard when you're coming off opiates.

i also like the rush of selling stuff online. I'm a junky for weird productive stuff like fixing computer/tvs. I guess i have to relearn these old pleasures but the problem is that i still don't get much enjoyment from them without drugs. I used to so i'm sure it can happen again
 
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