Mental Health I think I might be Borderline...

[class-a-team]

Now this could be a crazy suggestion, and I am prone to self-diagnosis, but I seem to fit most of the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. It's hard to know seeing as I'm taking antidepressants (sertraline) at the moment and that has made me feel a little less depressed, a little more rational, but not really very secure.

If I was told I had BPD it would make a lot of sense. I've been unhappy for pretty much my adolescence in its entirety, but my mental health has deteriorated significantly in the last two years or so. I've always been introverted, shy, lacking in confidence and painfully sensitive to any perceived criticism. I had EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) for over two years, which I kept secret from everyone. I struggled to keep friends in secondary school, I found myself ending a lot of friendships but I suppose that's part of growing up.

When I was 14 my father left my mother for another woman and no matter how I try I can't forgive him to this day (I'm 18 now). Until I was around 16 I was obsessed with my weight and what I ate, it defined me and I thought of little else. I didn't have close friends and I spent a lot of time by myself. I became infatuated with one particular girl my own age but she later rejected me. I lied quite a lot around that age, mostly to my peers. Around the age of 16 I became increasingly interested in drugs and this obsession replaced my eating disorder, I used at least once a week. I began to feel very close to another girl when she eventually rejected me I began self-harming and increased my drug use. I started using heroin not long after my seventeenth birthday and I now use on a weekly basis along with whatever else I can get, usually alcohol or benzos. Most people that know me know nothing about me except for the fact that I am a drug user, it is the sum of my identity.

People have always told me that I'm very black and white when it comes to things and that I am quite judgemental. Personally, I feel like the majority of people in my life I dislike. I find it difficult to judge this feeling though as the SSRI seems to have dulled my anger. At my worst, I used to be so filled with anger and bitterness for everyone and I felt totally disappointed with life. Also, for years a sense of emptiness has been dominating my life. Like anyone with BPD I seem to shift from one obsession or personality to another, uncertain as to who I really am and feeling like nothing without these destructive behaviour patterns. Sometimes I'm very confident but I'm more often than not lacking in that respect.

I went to therapy for a year but it did me no good so I started on the sertraline and switched therapist. I suggested to my therapist that I think I might be borderline but she didn't seem to think so (but she's seen me only 3 times to date so what would she know?). At the same time, I am functioning. While I am permanently dissatisfied with life, I achieved school grades way above the national average and I might seem reasonably confident to anyone that didn't know me. But tiny things throw me over the edge and I often find myself fantasising

In a way I wish I was diagnosed with something, BPD or otherwise, so that at least I'd know what I was dealing with and know that I wasn't ok and that I could get help. But if I am perfectly normal and this is simply my outlook on life then I am truly doomed. Do I sound like someone with BPD?

 

[JackiesBabyy]

Probably, I'm diagnosed with mild-moderate BPD and you sound quite similar to me. Only difference is instead of SSRIs and previously using a bunch of downers I use amphetamines to help myself, instead of dulling my strong emotions they just turn the negative ones positive.

Only borderline thing I don't do is actually self mutilate or attempt suicide. I've used it as an empty threat a time or ten though.

 

[duckeee]

I will first give you a short answer and will then elaborate but I feel it needs to be said right now.

Dude. What you are describing is NORMAL TEENAGE YEARS. That is what it's supposed to be like! We all have been there (and often also found drugs).

So, this said, I will give you more thoughts about your issue.

Disclaimer: I am NOT saying you are overreacting because I can't possibly know that. Only doctors can. I am NOT saying you don't have mental health issues because I can't possibly know that either. What I AM saying tho, in a nutshell, is that analyze stuff in your life and maybe recognize that some issues are not issues at all, that they are normal part of being human. And what I AM also saying, in general, is that being a teenager shouldn't be "cured" or controlled with drugs.

 

[class-a-team]

Probably, I'm diagnosed with mild-moderate BPD and you sound quite similar to me. Only difference is instead of SSRIs and previously using a bunch of downers I use amphetamines to help myself, instead of dulling my strong emotions they just turn the negative ones positive.

Only borderline thing I don't do is actually self mutilate or attempt suicide. I've used it as an empty threat a time or ten though.

I love my stimulants too but I stopped when I realised how horrible the comedowns are to my mental health - they actually destroy a person who's already suffering from depression.

Another symptom of BPD that I have is a chronic feeling of hopelessness, lack of motivation/desire to do anything, and a sense that my life will never improve. Although I could be just a "glass half-empty" sort of person anyway.

 

[class-a-team]

I will first give you a short answer and will then elaborate but I feel it needs to be said right now.

Dude. What you are describing is NORMAL TEENAGE YEARS. That is what it's supposed to be like! We all have been there (and often also found drugs).

So, this said, I will give you more thoughts about your issue.

Disclaimer: I am NOT saying you are overreacting because I can't possibly know that. Only doctors can. I am NOT saying you don't have mental health issues because I can't possibly know that either. What I AM saying tho, in a nutshell, is that analyze stuff in your life and maybe recognize that some issues are not issues at all, that they are normal part of being human. And what I AM also saying, in general, is that being a teenager shouldn't be "cured" or controlled with drugs.

If I hadn't disclosed my age, what would you be saying?

 

[Cane2theLeft]

In the forthcoming edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (5), they are switching to a dimensional approach to diagnosing personality disorders. In the past, they used diagnostic criteria similar to how they diagnosed diseases, by seeing if you matched a list of signs and symptoms however this isn't very accurate being personality exists as a spectrum on several key dimensions. Essentially, everyone possesses the traits of different personality disorders *to a degree* but that doesn't mean everyone has a personality disorder.

They key distinction between a 'normal' personality and a 'disorder' is the ability to adapt when faced with negative consequences. Someone who is not borderline might flip out a bunch of times on their loved ones, get negative reactions and learn more productive ways to channel their emotions and express them whereas someone who is borderline can NOT regulate them and will not adapt their behaviors when faced with negative consequences.

Because personality disorders are products primarily of needs not being met at VERY early stages of development, you don't really see people spontaneously exhibiting them later on in life; more often do you see people with Axis I disorders (depression, anxiety, etc) who exhibit traits or features of personality disorders due to circumstances in life such as stress or trauma.

I've been studying the dimensional approach to personality disorder diagnosis so I could have quite a bit to say on the topic but don't want to dominate your thread so if you'd like to speak further, you're welcome to PM.

Lastly, no online discussion is substitution for thorough evaluation with a professional. It's easy to see behaviors or traits that fit something, only report those online without showing ways you DON'T fit into that designation and unknowingly lead people who may respond into giving you false impressions.

 

[duckeee]

Now this could be a crazy suggestion, and I am prone to self-diagnosis, but I seem to fit most of the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. It's hard to know seeing as I'm taking antidepressants (sertraline) at the moment and that has made me feel a little less depressed, a little more rational, but not really very secure.

First of all you need to realize that when you set your mind to it you can DIAGNOSE EVERYTHING. Absolutely everything can be part of some disease. Like my psych(iatrist) once noted: "Everything shouldn't be diagnoses." Which you should consider. Some of the shitty parts of life are totally normal and are supposed to be handled without drugs/diagnoses/whatever. And that it's totally okay to feel insecure at times, or a bit depressed. You'll handle it and move on.

If I was told I had BPD it would make a lot of sense. I've been unhappy for pretty much my adolescence in its entirety, but my mental health has deteriorated significantly in the last two years or so. I've always been introverted, shy, lacking in confidence and painfully sensitive to any perceived criticism. I had EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) for over two years, which I kept secret from everyone. I struggled to keep friends in secondary school, I found myself ending a lot of friendships but I suppose that's part of growing up.

I hope you don't think I am minimizing your problems - again, I am no way qualified to give you an diagnosis based on this. But I am trying to show you that there are other explanations possible which you maybe haven't thought about yet. So - what you are describing sounds very much like normal childhood and teenage years. Being shy isn't mental illness, it's a personality trait. Same goes for introversion and lack of confidence... All totally normal. Hell, I am nearly 30 and still can't take criticism even though I have a profession that requires that. And you conclude very accurately - it is part of growing up. Finally you will have a chance to choose people you WANT to hang with and who get you, rather than have to make do whatever ended up in the same classroom as you.

When I was 14 my father left my mother for another woman and no matter how I try I can't forgive him to this day (I'm 18 now). Until I was around 16 I was obsessed with my weight and what I ate, it defined me and I thought of little else. I didn't have close friends and I spent a lot of time by myself. I became infatuated with one particular girl my own age but she later rejected me. I lied quite a lot around that age, mostly to my peers. Around the age of 16 I became increasingly interested in drugs and this obsession replaced my eating disorder, I used at least once a week. I began to feel very close to another girl when she eventually rejected me I began self-harming and increased my drug use. I started using heroin not long after my seventeenth birthday and I now use on a weekly basis along with whatever else I can get, usually alcohol or benzos. Most people that know me know nothing about me except for the fact that I am a drug user, it is the sum of my identity.

Again it seems that you didn't know how to deal with problems which were actually pretty normal. And so it went... I will say it because it seems no one has ever said it to you: YOU WILL BE FINE. Yes, you will get rejected TONS in your life. Yes, it will hurt and it will be awful. Each time. But it only guides you where you need to go, to the person you need to meet. And you are totally able to deal with these things without drugs - not only able, but you will HAVE to deal with all this because it is part of being human. Oh, and your father was probably an asshole and you should come to realization that it was HIS LOSS not to see you grow up. Let it go. There is nothing you can do - all you can do is not to let him dictate your feelings anymore.

People have always told me that I'm very black and white when it comes to things and that I am quite judgemental. Personally, I feel like the majority of people in my life I dislike. I find it difficult to judge this feeling though as the SSRI seems to have dulled my anger. At my worst, I used to be so filled with anger and bitterness for everyone and I felt totally disappointed with life. Also, for years a sense of emptiness has been dominating my life. Like anyone with BPD I seem to shift from one obsession or personality to another, uncertain as to who I really am and feeling like nothing without these destructive behaviour patterns. Sometimes I'm very confident but I'm more often than not lacking in that respect.

I would strongly recommend trying to live without drugs for a bit. The point is - your body and brain are still developing and you are not fully "completed" yet. And all the drugs you are taking are doing god knows what with your brain chemistry. That maybe you should try to wait and see WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE. That said - maybe it's not an option for you. But ask your doctor.

Thing about your "diagnosis" is that it seems to me that you are trying to make totally normal personality trates (and don't forget you're basically still a teenager) part of some illness which they necessarily don't need to be part of. You will probably soften and start seeing more gray areas when you become older. You will probably feel bitter and angry and disappointed in life MANY TIMES - as we all do.

Conclusion: everything doesn't have to be abnormal or part of diagnosis. It might be totally okay to be/feel the way you are. Rule of the thumb is that something is a problem when it starts affecting your everyday life. Just not dismiss all the normal (yet shitty) parts of life to be part of illness though.

I went to therapy for a year but it did me no good so I started on the sertraline and switched therapist. I suggested to my therapist that I think I might be borderline but she didn't seem to think so (but she's seen me only 3 times to date so what would she know?). At the same time, I am functioning. While I am permanently dissatisfied with life, I achieved school grades way above the national average and I might seem reasonably confident to anyone that didn't know me. But tiny things throw me over the edge and I often find myself fantasising

These things you list here have no causal relations whatsoever. Lots of schizophrenics function but are still severely ill. Academic success isn't probably important at all and you should just continue living this part of your as you have done. There will be always "tiny" things but you might learn to deal with your anger. Or might not. Still - pretty normal...

And I believe that one should not be fully satisfied with life - this is what pushes you forward... need for satisfaction!

In a way I wish I was diagnosed with something, BPD or otherwise, so that at least I'd know what I was dealing with and know that I wasn't ok and that I could get help. But if I am perfectly normal and this is simply my outlook on life then I am truly doomed. Do I sound like someone with BPD?

I understand you COMPLETELY. I remember when I was where you are now. In a way I WANTED that there would be some big thing that explains EVERYTHING that's wrong with me and at the same time I was terrified. So, years later I can tell you this. In the end it even doesn't matter which part of you is "diagnosis" and which part isn't because it's all you and therefor it's awesome and for some reason needed. You will get there one day, I promise. But you could try to think about all these things that bother you differently... Is there an illness or not - YOU will have to deal with all this, it's not like you get a diagnosis and you can sit back and relax. So why not start right now to at least TRY to see yourself awesome(r). And you will be insanely happy someday soon, I promise. (Followed by sadness, then happiness etc - this is how we all live. Perfectly normal. Shitty and annoying at times, but handleable and, well, normal.)

 

[duckeee]

I read my post and realized I sound like pompous ass. Sorry about that, I really didn't mean to sound rude. And you might benefit knowing that I still use gladly my diagnosis as an excuse from time to time (come on! sluttiness is almost mandatory - how can I resist that!), I am still not able to control my emotions and I still are sometimes incapable dealing with simplest tasks. Oh, and also: drugs.

One day you will hopefully learn to NOT take yourself so seriously and rather enjoy all your quirks and embrace the weirdness. It's what makes it you. And you seem like awesome person to be (even though it seems you need better friends/therapists

 

[herbavore]

I think that we have created (we being our current culture) an epidemic of disorders. A really good book to read is Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. Defining and labeling things, especially people's psychological make-up is important and can help to foster understanding; it also serves to obliterate any recognition of nuance or variation in personality as well as in the complex nature of human psychology.

One of the best examples of the complexity of this problem is the ADD/ ADHD diagnosis which is so prevalent today. Back when I was growing up this did not exist. People like me, with what they now label passive ADD or non-hyperactive ADD, were labeled dreamers and it was assumed that they would never amount to much. People who today would be labelled ADHD were generally just seen as trouble-makers and "bad" kids. So not having the actual brain difference understood meant that there was a lot of ignorance and the assumptions that teachers and parents made were extremely limiting. However, because this behavior was not pathologized or labelled as a disorder or illness, it was completely up to the person to adapt to whatever degree they were motivated to, to the institutions of school and work. Eventually I went from being called a dreamer to being called a space case.8) The advantage as far as I can tell, is that I did not see myself as disabled by this "disorder", I felt no need to be medicated and basically I sought out and constructed a life that fit my brain. In other words I saw myself as being part of the human spectrum. Being ADD is a very big part of being an artist IMO. Brains that can't stay still, that "slip out of gear" constantly, might not be so great in a highly structured, linear type of work, but they work just fine in the intuitive and creative world of art. I have tried an ADD drug (for one week when it was recommended for my son after being diagnosed by his pediatrician) because I wanted to see what it would do. Wow! I was a focused maniac! Everything I set out to do, I did with a focus I have never known. Great, except that it is a stimulant that also made me feel like shit. I happily went back to my daydreaming, unfocused self with new appreciation.

So the problem with applying that label to yourself is that it creates its own reality. It makes you see everything through that lens alone. I think what Duckee was trying to say is that a lot of what you are experiencing is simply part of being young and even just of being human at any age, and yet it could feel to you like there is this unalterable difference about you; that could be more discouraging than liberating. On the other hand, if an actual diagnosis leads you to information that can help you achieve more balance in your life then it isn't a bad thing. I just think you should be cautious and read a lot about it before either self-diagnosing or accepting the diagnosis of a psychiatrist. Most of the psychiatrists today are drug pushers. They hand out the diagnosis first and the drug to treat it next. The best psychiatrist my son ever saw rejected calling his behavior "manic" when he was out building a bike rack in the middle of the night, saying, " Good for him. Now he has a great bike rack. The neighbors will recover".

I think that you sound like someone that is very intelligent rationally and someone that would benefit from developing your emotional intelligence. There is a great book about that by the same title (Emotional Intelligence). That book was life-changing for me both as a person and as a mother raising my boys.

Bottom line is that label/diagnosis or not, we all take our place in the world somewhere slightly different than anyone else on the human continuum. The best thing to do is to be introspective and get to know yourself without judgment. Accept your nature but be proactive about creating the habits and strategies to build the life you want for yourself. Almost nothing in personality or psychology is written in stone.

You've started a great discussion!

 

[jeah]

One of the best examples of the complexity of this problem is the ADD/ ADHD diagnosis which is so prevalent today. Back when I was growing up this did not exist. People like me, with what they now label passive ADD or non-hyperactive ADD, were labeled dreamers and it was assumed that they would never amount to much. People who today would be labelled ADHD were generally just seen as trouble-makers and "bad" kids. So not having the actual brain difference understood meant that there was a lot of ignorance and the assumptions that teachers and parents made were extremely limiting. However, because this behavior was not pathologized or labelled as a disorder or illness, it was completely up to the person to adapt to whatever degree they were motivated to, to the institutions of school and work. Eventually I went from being called a dreamer to being called a space case.8) The advantage as far as I can tell, is that I did not see myself as disabled by this "disorder", I felt no need to be medicated and basically I sought out and constructed a life that fit my brain. In other words I saw myself as being part of the human spectrum. Being ADD is a very big part of being an artist IMO. Brains that can't stay still, that "slip out of gear" constantly, might not be so great in a highly structured, linear type of work, but they work just fine in the intuitive and creative world of art. I have tried an ADD drug (for one week when it was recommended for my son after being diagnosed by his pediatrician) because I wanted to see what it would do. Wow! I was a focused maniac! Everything I set out to do, I did with a focus I have never known. Great, except that it is a stimulant that also made me feel like shit. I happily went back to my daydreaming, unfocused self with new appreciation.

agree. although I do remember how amazing I felt the first time I took a 30mg adderall XR. it was so amazing, I just sat on the porch for hours and watched movies all day. At this time in my life I had seen about 20 movies total so I watched movies the whole 1st week lol. I abused it for a while but only took it for theraputic reasons after all the drama it causes abusing amphetamines. dirty ass drugs imo. I took em for maybe 6 months total.

OP: sounds like self-diognosis. I do it all the time and I think the mental disease I actually fit the most is BPD.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

Herbavore, I think you'd really support the direction the APA is going in when in comes to how they are changing the diagnostic process. You and I would probably agree that it isn't far enough, but it's a step...

Are you familiar with Myers-Briggs Typology? That's a four-factor model of personality and soon clinicians will be using a very similar five-factor model for diagnosing personality disorders. Myers-Briggs has scales of Introversion/Extraversion, Intuition/Sensing, Thinking/Feeling, Judging/Perceiving and the ffm matches those 4 (labelled extraversion, openness to new experience, agreeableness and conscientiousness respectively) with an additional scale measuring 'neuroticism' with specific facet scales for such feelings as anxiety, depression, angry hostility, etc.

Essentially the new format shows that all of personality can be seen on a dimensions and instead of people with "personality disorders" being seen as somehow defective, they just reside in less common (or more extreme) areas on the spectrum. If anyone is familiar with MBTI, the INFP and ENFP types show a lot of crossover with Avoidant and Borderline Personality Disorders for example so essentially someone with Borderline could instead label themselves as a "Healer" or "Champion" (what personality expert David Keirsey labels those types) instead of saying they have a disorder.

I agree that the labeling and diagnosis attaches an unnecessary stigma that adds to what people have to deal with. Clinicians and researchers took a dispassionate, detached approach to categorizing aspects of the human psyche without consideration for how that would impact individuals but they have given us more accurate means for understanding people and their problems which is absolutely essential to being able to help people learn more about themselves, overcome their problems and progress as individuals.

 

[spork]

Essentially the new format shows that all of personality can be seen on a dimensions and instead of people with "personality disorders" being seen as somehow defective, they just reside in less common (or more extreme) areas on the spectrum. If anyone is familiar with MBTI, the INFP and ENFP types show a lot of crossover with Avoidant and Borderline Personality Disorders for example so essentially someone with Borderline could instead label themselves as a "Healer" or "Champion" (what personality expert David Keirsey labels those types) instead of saying they have a disorder.

As someone that is an INFP and has been diagnosed as BPD, I have to say that I love this.

While being diagnosed did help me get the treatment that I needed, it did kind of destroy me at first. I *really* hate the term personality disorder. I'm definitely different from other people and have my own set of difficulties, but there is nothing wrong with my personality which is what BPD implies. My condition is manageable. I can't change my personality, but I can control what I do about some of the thoughts I have.

class-a-team...try not to self diagnose. This is something that can only be diagnosed by a professional and even then I would strongly suggest getting a second or even third opinion. If you do end up with a diagnosis of BPD, please accept that you're still you and there are ways to manage this.

 

[alleycat4714]

You sound like an 18 year old. I was the same way at 18, the drugs, the dieting, all of it. I agree with herbavore, too. People focus too much on labels. I know you feel like a label might justify your emotions and behaviors, but there's more to you than a disorder. People with self-esteem issues and who tend to obsess (like yours truly) often have something like work or their weight and have their whole identity tied up in it. Focus on thing you do well, or things you enjoy, or that others enjoy about you. Trust me, there is so much more to life than personality disorders and psych meds. ~peace

 

[class-a-team]

I read my post and realized I sound like pompous ass. Sorry about that, I really didn't mean to sound rude. And you might benefit knowing that I still use gladly my diagnosis as an excuse from time to time (come on! sluttiness is almost mandatory - how can I resist that!), I am still not able to control my emotions and I still are sometimes incapable dealing with simplest tasks. Oh, and also: drugs.

One day you will hopefully learn to NOT take yourself so seriously and rather enjoy all your quirks and embrace the weirdness. It's what makes it you. And you seem like awesome person to be (even though it seems you need better friends/therapists

Haha, it's ok, I know you meant well. Thanks for the advice, I feel a bit more normal now. I just hope this will pass!

 

[class-a-team]

I think that we have created (we being our current culture) an epidemic of disorders. A really good book to read is Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. Defining and labeling things, especially people's psychological make-up is important and can help to foster understanding; it also serves to obliterate any recognition of nuance or variation in personality as well as in the complex nature of human psychology.

One of the best examples of the complexity of this problem is the ADD/ ADHD diagnosis which is so prevalent today. Back when I was growing up this did not exist. People like me, with what they now label passive ADD or non-hyperactive ADD, were labeled dreamers and it was assumed that they would never amount to much. People who today would be labelled ADHD were generally just seen as trouble-makers and "bad" kids. So not having the actual brain difference understood meant that there was a lot of ignorance and the assumptions that teachers and parents made were extremely limiting. However, because this behavior was not pathologized or labelled as a disorder or illness, it was completely up to the person to adapt to whatever degree they were motivated to, to the institutions of school and work. Eventually I went from being called a dreamer to being called a space case.8) The advantage as far as I can tell, is that I did not see myself as disabled by this "disorder", I felt no need to be medicated and basically I sought out and constructed a life that fit my brain. In other words I saw myself as being part of the human spectrum. Being ADD is a very big part of being an artist IMO. Brains that can't stay still, that "slip out of gear" constantly, might not be so great in a highly structured, linear type of work, but they work just fine in the intuitive and creative world of art. I have tried an ADD drug (for one week when it was recommended for my son after being diagnosed by his pediatrician) because I wanted to see what it would do. Wow! I was a focused maniac! Everything I set out to do, I did with a focus I have never known. Great, except that it is a stimulant that also made me feel like shit. I happily went back to my daydreaming, unfocused self with new appreciation.

So the problem with applying that label to yourself is that it creates its own reality. It makes you see everything through that lens alone. I think what Duckee was trying to say is that a lot of what you are experiencing is simply part of being young and even just of being human at any age, and yet it could feel to you like there is this unalterable difference about you; that could be more discouraging than liberating. On the other hand, if an actual diagnosis leads you to information that can help you achieve more balance in your life then it isn't a bad thing. I just think you should be cautious and read a lot about it before either self-diagnosing or accepting the diagnosis of a psychiatrist. Most of the psychiatrists today are drug pushers. They hand out the diagnosis first and the drug to treat it next. The best psychiatrist my son ever saw rejected calling his behavior "manic" when he was out building a bike rack in the middle of the night, saying, " Good for him. Now he has a great bike rack. The neighbors will recover".

I think that you sound like someone that is very intelligent rationally and someone that would benefit from developing your emotional intelligence. There is a great book about that by the same title (Emotional Intelligence). That book was life-changing for me both as a person and as a mother raising my boys.

Bottom line is that label/diagnosis or not, we all take our place in the world somewhere slightly different than anyone else on the human continuum. The best thing to do is to be introspective and get to know yourself without judgment. Accept your nature but be proactive about creating the habits and strategies to build the life you want for yourself. Almost nothing in personality or psychology is written in stone.

You've started a great discussion!

Thanks Herbavore, you made some really interesting points there, especially about ADHD which every second child in America seems to have these days (I could easily fit the criteria for that as well!). Europe isn't much better either, I think GPs have way too much power in what they can prescribe and only psychiatrists should be able to prescribe medication like mood stabilisers. People will argue that many are reluctant to go to a psychiatrist and therefore may neglect their mental health but I think that if you're concerned enough to go to your GP about a mental health problem then you shouldn't have any issues going to a psychiatrist. It would probably prevent a lot unnecessary prescriptions being written and in reality, drug companies aren't even aware of the effects that powerful drugs such as SSRIs will have on us long-term. Big Pharma has far too much influence in this country at least, it's really sickening.

Perhaps I am more conscious of my mental health considering there's a history of mental disorders in my family. My grandmother has suffered from different types of depression throughout her life, while my aunt has the more severe form of bipolar (schizophrenic episodes etc.) and her condition seems to be deteriorating with time, possibly due to the copious amounts of medication she is on. I also have an uncle suffering from major depression.

I'll be sure to check that book out, I know a little about emotional intelligence and it probably could help me to know more! You always have great wisdom to share, thanks again!

 

[class-a-team]

Are you familiar with Myers-Briggs Typology? That's a four-factor model of personality and soon clinicians will be using a very similar five-factor model for diagnosing personality disorders. Myers-Briggs has scales of Introversion/Extraversion, Intuition/Sensing, Thinking/Feeling, Judging/Perceiving and the ffm matches those 4 (labelled extraversion, openness to new experience, agreeableness and conscientiousness respectively) with an additional scale measuring 'neuroticism' with specific facet scales for such feelings as anxiety, depression, angry hostility, etc.

Essentially the new format shows that all of personality can be seen on a dimensions and instead of people with "personality disorders" being seen as somehow defective, they just reside in less common (or more extreme) areas on the spectrum. If anyone is familiar with MBTI, the INFP and ENFP types show a lot of crossover with Avoidant and Borderline Personality Disorders for example so essentially someone with Borderline could instead label themselves as a "Healer" or "Champion" (what personality expert David Keirsey labels those types) instead of saying they have a disorder.

I think it's really interesting you mentioned the five factor model, I actually took the test and scored relatively high on Neuroticism, scoring relatively low on all of the others except one (can't remember which one). I also took that personality test about a year ago and my result was INFP, which you suggest is typical of "Borderline" sufferers.

 

[gay.in.texas]

im only 3 years older than you, and your teen years sound quite similar to mine in a few ways, but let me promise you it starts to get better quite quickly as soon as youre out of the "high school years." i always thought i had some kind of disorder or brain chemistry malfunction the whole time i was growing up and felt quite distant from those around me. the truth is, i was just much more intelligent, sensitive, and thoughtful than most of those my age. and i have (as well as those around me) grown to love those traits in myself since, even though they made my high school years difficult and isolated. just because some try to put a name on the way everyone is feeling, doesnt mean that you should or need to you sound great the way you are

btw OP is your name a reference to the song?

 

[Cane2theLeft]

I think it's really interesting you mentioned the five factor model, I actually took the test and scored relatively high on Neuroticism, scoring relatively low on all of the others except one (can't remember which one). I also took that personality test about a year ago and my result was INFP, which you suggest is typical of "Borderline" sufferers.

If you are an INFP, you probably scored high on openness to experience.

 

[Lawless666]

I went through a phase of thinking I was borderline, I found this book really helpful in working through what I thought was my disorder.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Angry-Heart-Overcoming-Borderline/dp/1572240806

 

[chillinkillin]

i've actually always thought the same thing.. i thought i was insane. previously experiencing with psychadelics led me to believe anything can be a reality and yes it is true what you said it COULD be. what i have come to realize though is that i inevitably have BPD and notice my mother has it too. it truly is a curse, being unable to move past relationships or sharing a great moment with a loved one just to leave them after. its a sickening disease, it really is. imagine sharing a loving moment with your grandmother then the next day being contempt with her. there isn't a way around it, trust me. when i was younger i was forced to love my family but as you grow older and things become more meaningful you start to realize that true love is only sustainable. not to mention the violent outbursts or tears rushing to your eyes over a minor incident. this is an eternal doom for many don't say thing you don't have an idea about. i swear to you i thought the mental disorder thing was just as you stated something in ones head. trust me its not, at least for me. im sure bipolars are overly-diagnosed because there are some attention seeking individuals who will do just about anything for attention-- hell that might be a mental disorder within itself already. all im saying is, this disorder is a true catastrophe. people don't abandon bash everything they dearly love and 'expect' to get it back.. maybe some sick fucks but for the most part people tend to confine to what they love and work to keep it.. so before any more say 'its all in your head' i will tell you it is not. and the person listed above most likely has BPD in my judgement. trust me, i've suffered and the sooner you come to reality the sooner you can get help. another problem with my issue was the bi-polar side of it. my emotions were so scattered i could never diagnose myself with anything. one moment i assume i have ADD the other bi-polar then lastly the 'all in your head' theory.