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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'

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teary :(

My boyfriend had a shit day at work,and came home and took it out on me,which led me to having a massive anxiety attack :'-(

To make things worse,I'm incredibly stressed due to our rental inspection coming up,because as a depression sufferer it makes it really hard to muster up the energy to clean at all.Plus I've been abusing a pre-workout supplement that gives you energy and focus as I don't have any sources for speed/meth/adderall,and I'll need it to get all the cleaning done.The pre-workout supp was great at first,but now my tolly is sky high and I've been taking 12 scoop a day (the highest dose allowed is 2 scoops)with up to 1 gram worth of No-Doz a day.I'm starting to get chest pains whenever I begin getting stressed,and I'm scared :( At this point if I could find someone to sell me just a couple of point of speed,I think that would actually be safer than me taking massive doses of over the counter stuff.

Sorry,just got carried away rambling there :(
 
RedLeader said:
twitterpated
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oh wow :)

sconnie, if I understand this right, you're coming to america? Or is it some park or something?

I'm feel pleasant and calm. A very nice feeling. Also waiting to hear back about my jobs and I'm very optimistic and hopeful for those too. =D
 
I'm jealous. I *still * have yet to go to Great America despite gawking at it every time I drive by. :D Have fun, M. You deserve it. <3
 
@RL-- "twitterpated"--I'm having a great time trying to figure that out. Is RL exasperated with twitter? Is he inundated with tweets? Is he discombobulated in a birdbrain sort of way? Is he sick of small talk? Well, whatever it is, it's a great word!:) Aha!! I just googled it! Yay! for you! Awwwwww...bambi: "It's not gonna happen to me."<3

me: wanting to once again feel twitterpated!=D
 
OMG Herby!!! How did you have to look that up!!! Twitterpated is like the essence of Bambie. One of the most adorable movies evuh! And it's the rabbit that explains it to Bambie :P.
 
Pissed-off. I've had suspicions that my place of employment has been trying to drive me to quit for some time. Today's shenanigans only confirm what I didn't want to believe was true. :(
 
^ I'm going to attribute that to my age. try to wrap your young mind around this fact: Bambi was the very first movie I ever saw in a theater. I remember it because I sat on my mom's lap crying my eyes out through practically the whole movie. My sister kept swatting me and saying, "quit crying you big baby, I can't hear!"=D Now, considering that I probably saw that movie in 1955 or '56 could I be pardoned for not remembering?;) To this day I have never watched it again because I can't take the part where Bambi's mother gets shot. True, if slightly embarrassing, herbavore fact!
 
Absolutely exhausted, and I dearly miss Mariposa. We need to talk again sis, fb hasn't worked out to well are you without cell phone still ? <3
 
I feel ACOMPLISHED.

Totday is one week without opiates. Today was the first day i feel kinda "normal" i ate a whole subway footlong its the first substancial food i have eaten in days i got 8 hours of sleep with the help of a xanax bar, which i have limited myself to every other day throughout the week and if i need one for tonight it will be the last night i take them....ever. I also quite smoking yesterday which i did befor but took it back up when i became addicted to opiates cause they r just like peanut butter and jelly to me i allways would rail some oc then immediately lite a newport. But without opiates i just dont want them. I would like to say a thanks to the people who's encouragment helped me through this process when i really had noone i could look to for support besides my fiancee who while supportive was kinda traumatised by the whole ordeal and the condition i was in on day 4 but there really is no way to prepare somone for what they r about to see when u jump off at such a high dose. Neo, herbavore,art of war andcaptin H....thank you
 
I'm so happy for you. I know that the struggle isn't over but to have your appetite back and some good sleep and to be feeling so positive and good about your accomplishment is all fantastic news. Make sure that you use this place for all the support you need at any place in the process--you deserve it!<3
 
Goddamn i feel like such a wuss, i've only been snorting H a month quit 5 days ago and i'm craving it like hell
 
Hey, System7, you are not a wuss! Cravings are cravings and they suck. Take it in 15 minute intervals if you have to. Tell yourself you are going to do something to distract yourself for 15 minutes. If it goes on longer--good! Remember that every minute you go through now is one under your belt that you can put behind you. PM me if you want to write or chat as a distraction.<3
 
Thanks herbavore...actualy ima start refering to u as herb i kno most everyone calls u herby but i love weed so u shal hence forth be known as herb (like basil not the guys name) But anyhoo i am so positive right now even tho my emotions r on fire except for anger i really dont feel angry about anything. But i did feel really sad last night when my old lady had to leave to go house sit, this happens every month but for whatever reason i was extremely sad i always miss her before she is even gone but last night it just made me sad sad sad. But i get happy for no reason too it will b somthing so insignificant but it can blow my mind. iv been riding my motorcycle alot to stay busy, and man does that get my endorphines going i live in good old california and there is nothing like the feeling of riding flat out on the open roads while watching the sun set over the hills. I have a feeling my second addiction is going to come into play now...... Adrenalin. Now that i have so much money im schedueling my skydiving class for next month : )!!
I kno that i need to make huge changes in my life to keep from slipping back into opiate hell. But i also read your post about your husbands cancer, i dont believe in god so i wont pray for u, but as somone els said im sending positive energy your way. I lost my dad to cancer in 2008 2 days befor i graduated highschool. Without assigning blame to anyone or thing beside myself i would say it facilitated my addiction it gave me a reason to numb out and our medicine cabinet because of it gave me the means. I am very sorry that you r having to deal with that it is the worst scenario i think life can throw at u and i dont mean getting it which im sure its horrible i just have no perspective from that point of view but i kno the hopless feeling of knowing somone u love is being consumed right before your eyes. I hope things get nothing but better for the both of you best wishes, josh.
 
Congrats fatjosh! That first week was so grueling for me - it takes A LOT.

Tonight I am stoked to be visiting one of my past homes tomorrow: San Francisco. Not so stoked on waking at 5am to embark, howevs.
 
Thanks motherofearth it did take alot it has taken everything i had but it gave me everything back and more.
 
Awww, thanks for the newly shortened nickname and the good wishes for my husband. I'm really sorry to hear about your experience losing your Dad. One of my good friends died when our boys were just starting high school. She fought it for so long just hoping to see her son grow up. It was really hard on him and I can only imagine that it was the same for you. That is really young to lose your Dad and you are right, it is a terrible way to go. Fortunately my husband is doing great and his prognosis is really good. Although the kind of cancer he has is incurable it is fortunately one of the kinds that is very treatable. That means that he will live with it, doing chemo to push back the progression of the disease and symptoms. He will finish his last treatment tomorrow so I'll be making a pie of his choice. He's still deciding between rhubarb and blackberry.:)


Riding a motorcycle looks so fun to me. I think I would be too chicken to actually try it (I'm sure I would drop it). My son had a very powerful motorcycle that he saved for and bought at 16. He was caught going over 150 mph down the freeway and escorted home by the cops. He definitely had that adrenaline addiction!

I can hardly wait to hear about your skydiving experience. You should get someone to take a picture and post it in the photo thread.:)

Thanks again for your good wishes. I'm sending some right back to you.<3
 
Fatjosh said:
I feel ACOMPLISHED. Totday is one week without opiates.
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Hey Fatjosh, those first few days when the pain's finally gone and you're actually getting some sleep again are the best aren't they? :D It's important you try to remember just how good you're feeling right now. Hold on to it hard, cos we have this tendency to forget after a while. You can use it for when the cravings come calling. You're doing good fella, I wish you well with it. You too System7, stick with it. :)

herbavore said:
He will finish his last treatment tomorrow so I'll be making a pie of his choice. He's still deciding between rhubarb and blackberry.:)
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Been waiting for your update wondering how things went. That's great news Herb. :)

I'm feeling a bit limboesque at the minute. Day 18 sober, just waiting for the the big lift in mood and positivity and the burst of energy that tends to kick in at around the 3 or 4 weeks mark. Still waiting, just counting the days off one at a time.
 
MissNervosa said:
teary :(

My boyfriend had a shit day at work,and came home and took it out on me,which led me to having a massive anxiety attack :'-(

To make things worse,I'm incredibly stressed due to our rental inspection coming up,because as a depression sufferer it makes it really hard to muster up the energy to clean at all.Plus I've been abusing a pre-workout supplement that gives you energy and focus as I don't have any sources for speed/meth/adderall,and I'll need it to get all the cleaning done.The pre-workout supp was great at first,but now my tolly is sky high and I've been taking 12 scoop a day (the highest dose allowed is 2 scoops)with up to 1 gram worth of No-Doz a day.I'm starting to get chest pains whenever I begin getting stressed,and I'm scared :( At this point if I could find someone to sell me just a couple of point of speed,I think that would actually be safer than me taking massive doses of over the counter stuff.

Sorry,just got carried away rambling there :(
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Yes I'm quoting myself from yesterday,as things are the same but even worse today.My words today are defeated and scared

My boyfriend thought he had a pretty good chance of getting an extension or even a full time job from the contract work he's had for the last 3 weeks.It doesn't look like that will be happening now.So he is now out of a job,and if I don't get some energy from somewhere (I'm too scared to take a shitload of OTC energy stuff like I have been because I'm getting chest pain from it) then we'll end up failing our inspection,and possibly being kicked out.
This sounds like I'm over-dramatising but I have a tonne of (rescue and foster) pets the real estate don't know about,and it will take ages just to get rid of pet smells and hide any trace of them being there,as well as giving the whole house a major cleaning.
I don't have any friends that could help either,and my boyfriend will be hardcore job hunting.All I can do is sit and cry right now :(
 
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