Sobriety - Is it a matter of patience?

[Beat Narrative]

This is probably the stupidest post that may have been made in the history of bluelight, but i am immune to humiliation at the moment

I have been a poly drug user for 16 years now, the only drugs that have become a 'problem" for me are alcohol, opiates and weed

Everytime i quit one i seem to then replace it with the other, i had to stop drinking for health reasons then took up opitaes, nothing major, mainly codeine and poppoyssed tea but it became habitual and physically addictive and most of all the ultimate anxiety killer

I have had to quit my job to get off opiates because i couldn't seperate that environment with that behaviour, plus it was a soul destroying job, i am now studying social work (seems kinda perverse) and have gotten over my opiate habit but it's slowly creeping back with a couple of relapses after 3 months total abstinence

My drinking, marajuana and benzo use now has replaced my daily opiate use and my drinking has always been a problem but i am seeing real signs of addiction kicking in, the feel of needing a drink as opposeed to feeling like a drink seems to my drinking habit at the moment.

I have tried total abstinence and it never lasts more than a day or so, i feel incapable of functionng without at least one of the aforementioned drugs but predominantly alcohol or opiates

Is sobriety just a case of white knuckling it for a while and things start to feel easier, or am i going to be struggling with temptation for eternity, i know that sounds an absurd question and i guess i know the answer but the path to a sober life does not seem like something i am capabale of, what stratagies have people used to get out of this feeling of being trapped in a cycle of habitual intoxication

I wish i was a violent or messy drunk, but i am a placid drunk, i wish i had done some imoral things to obtain substances, something to shame me into sobriety but i fall into teh ctaergory of 'functioning" addict in the sense that its not apparent to those around me (other than my gf who lives with me)

I know its a case of total abstinence, one day at a time but i feel a part of me has been taken away and i will never be able to be truely content unless intoxicated

I know i sound pathetic, and thats how i feel but i am jsut wondering how others have broken the cycle, what were your first steps?

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Hey man...first, i have started way stupider threads than this in the past OP!! I dont think its a silly thing you have written...And it may help someone else!...I like drinking, but being on MMT, i dont drink any more than 4 a week...But i have been a very bad drinker in the past...I think i grew out of it or like you i proly replaced it with another thing...I do that often..I too have had a life long addiction to opiates and ive smoked weed all my life..

You dont need to be shamed into sobriety mate, do you?...It sounds to me like you are at the point of change in your life and you see that the road you are on is not getting you anywhere fast..Sooo time for a change then...Time definately helped me...My best clean stint was 8 years..or 7..cant remember exactly...But i chose to start using again...opiates i mean...there has been no needle in my arm for 3 months and time definately has helped me....# months aint a long time i know, but it hasnt been easy as i can get oxys anytime i want and for that reason, it was hard...Time is helping me OP...It wasnt as hard now as when i first stopped a few months ago...Everytime i saw an eldrely person in walking frames ands shit like that, people in wheelchairs, while i NEVER did approach anyone i used to fantasize alot..about finding a sick friend...OMG i feel disgusting admiting that but its true...Thats the way i would look at people..I am not proud of my thoughts...
First step mate is be where there are no triggers for you...stay away from drinking using friends...stay away from any trigger you can think of and find something to do..painting, reading, gaming, internet...whatever...

a part has been taken away mate, the drug part...Those feelings we felt while high, we will be able to get them elsewhere eventually...I know being a parent beats being high for me..Perhaps in time you will find something else to mimick those feeling you are losing due to sobriety...Good luck, you will get fantastic support here in the Dark Side friend...

 

[RedLeader]

Sounds to me like you have an extremely addictive personality. Let me tell you, though, just because you have an addictive personality does not mean that you have to be addicted TO DRUGS. I'm the same way as you - I have a very addictive personality. If I like something, I want more of it and I don't want to wait. The trick here is that you have to figure out how you can get addicted to things that are not harmful if done often. Why do you think people suggest things like exercise, cooking, sex, making music, reading, art, and so on to people who want to get away from drug addictions? Because these are the kinds of things that addictive personalities will also latch onto, but won't destroy the person's life in the process (unless you have a heart attack during sex or a painting falls off of a museum wall and crushes you, but nothing comes without some risk ). It's almost impossible to talk yourself out of an addictive personality. If this is all you try and do, the chances of your success will be slim. You need to transition your addictive self into healthier alternatives and reap their benefits.

Make a list of all of the healthy, non-drug-related things you like to do. Now my challenge to you is to try and spend a few hours on each over the upcoming week. Do the same next week. Get yourself into a rhythm. And just keep doing this until it's no longer to prove to me that you can do it, and instead because you want to do it for yourself. After a while, you'll find that the drugs and the destruction actually get in the way.

 

[Missykins]

The first step for me was recognizing that I had a drug problem that I had no control over, that it had taken over my life. I desperately wanted to quit and was willing to do whatever it took to get clean and free of all mind-altering substances. For me, that meant going to rehab because I needed the structure before I was able to return to work where, as a doctor, I would be surrounded by the very same substances I abused.

But rehab was the easy part, frankly. For me, peer support has been extremely important, and it takes the form of near daily AA meetings, a weekly professionals meeting for doctors (although all healthcare professionals attend), and sober friends. Because of my job, I have to check my own motives around substances on a constant basis as they are all around me at all times. But I really wouldn't be able to do it without peer support. I tried it your way first, "white-knuckling" it in isolation and I failed.

Also, even though I was not an alcoholic, alcohol is a drug, and I have had to quit all substances because using any one of them will feed into the same reward pathway in my brain and cause me to relapse. In fact, when I examined my own behaviour, my entry into opiate abuse was marked by a period of heavy drinking. Therefore, for me, I cannot use anything: no weed, no booze, no benzos, no nothing.

If I had any advice to use it would be to get some peer support, which comes ready-made in the form of AA and a sponsor. The only step you need to worry about at this stage is the first one where you ask for help.

 

[painenduser]

Hey Beat,

First off, this is far from a stupid question my friend. Many of us here have struggled with the same things, the same set backs, and asked ourselves the same questions. Many here are still looking for these answers. We can advise, but only you will ever be able to find the answers you are looking for as each one of us have different reasons to why we use, and each of us has many ways and techniques we used to become sober and remain sober.

The first question you asked is the simplest one to answer, as no doubt this would likely be the same for all. You asked simply, " Sobriety - Is it a matter of patience?" Well I would like to answer this with a question of my own.. How long did it take you to realize that you had a problem and felt that you needed to find sobriety? My guess is quite a while. So the answer to your first question is, yes it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. Sobriety is certainly not easy. If it were, none of us would be here I say that with a smile, but rest assured that it was not a sarcastic smile. It is a smile because I can relate to your very question as I asked this many times myself.

This is certainly is not something that can or will go away with the snap of your fingers. It is something sadly that you most likely will have to work on and at for the rest of your life. Rest assured though, you are far from alone with this, and the good news is that you do not have to do it by yourself, in fact, I urge you not to even try doing it alone. Alot of addicts, self included, got to this point because of solidarity. Infact you almost want to surround yourself in the beginning of your sobriety as it will make it harder for you to slip back into your old habits.

My advise is to get yourself into a detox program. This way your detox time will not hurt so much. Some people think that if you white knuckle it, it will help you stay sober because it will suck so bad and hurt so bad that you will never want to go through all that again and it will help keep you sober. While that may work for some, it's not a smart way to do it, not to mention that detoxing is VERY hard on the body and mind and could cause you a lot of unneeded medical and mental issues. I actually was explaining this in one of my own posts, and that is that the body and mind have a natural fail safe for pain. In most cases you will not recall the pain at a later time anyway. The brain naturally will forget about the pain, while you may remember that it was painful and difficult, the bodies natural protective response is to forget about the pain, just like if you were to brake a bone or have a severe injury, you may remember that it sucked, but how much and how bad will likely be forgotten. So I definitely do not recommend going about it that way. Take sometime and find yourself a detox program and have at it. It will be one of the most important steps to your sobriety. If you are worried about not having insurance or anything, there are always programs that will take you in regardless of your ability to pay. They may not be the Ritz or anything, but they will get the job done.

Take your time with your sobriety, it's the most important thing you will ever do in your life, because with out sobriety, you haven't much of a life to look forward to, and as you know, you never rush the important things.

Also just remember, you never have to deal with this alone, even if being alone is what got you into this position, your sobriety never has to be done alone. Unfortunately, I am so tired and I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment so I have to run and try to get some sleep, but I will definitely check back on this post and see how your doing and never be afraid to ask any questions, and never think a question about your sobriety is stupid or dumb, there is never a dumb question here. And trust me, I am quite sure that if you have a question, someone here has either had or will have the same question, your very question may be the same question someone else may have but is afraid to ask, and your question may just help someone else. To me, that's what helps drive my sobriety, just knowing that something that I am doing, or a question that I have may just help someone else. Knowing that I have helped someone else, actually helps me stay sober, (even though I have had bumps in my sobriety).

Good luck my friend, I wish you the best, and I hope that you can at least find some peace in knowing that your not alone, and that your question was far from dumb.

All my best to you!

Pain

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Hey Beat,

First off, this is far from a stupid question my friend. Many of us here have struggled with the same things, the same set backs, and asked ourselves the same questions. Many here are still looking for these answers. We can advise, but only you will ever be able to find the answers you are looking for as each one of us have different reasons to why we use, and each of us has many ways and techniques we used to become sober and remain sober.

The first question you asked is the simplest one to answer, as no doubt this would likely be the same for all. You asked simply, " Sobriety - Is it a matter of patience?" Well I would like to answer this with a question of my own.. How long did it take you to realize that you had a problem and felt that you needed to find sobriety? My guess is quite a while. So the answer to your first question is, yes it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. Sobriety is certainly not easy. If it were, none of us would be here I say that with a smile, but rest assured that it was not a sarcastic smile. It is a smile because I can relate to your very question as I asked this many times myself.

This is certainly is not something that can or will go away with the snap of your fingers. It is something sadly that you most likely will have to work on and at for the rest of your life. Rest assured though, you are far from alone with this, and the good news is that you do not have to do it by yourself, in fact, I urge you not to even try doing it alone. Alot of addicts, self included, got to this point because of solidarity. Infact you almost want to surround yourself in the beginning of your sobriety as it will make it harder for you to slip back into your old habits.

My advise is to get yourself into a detox program. This way your detox time will not hurt so much. Some people think that if you white knuckle it, it will help you stay sober because it will suck so bad and hurt so bad that you will never want to go through all that again and it will help keep you sober. While that may work for some, it's not a smart way to do it, not to mention that detoxing is VERY hard on the body and mind and could cause you a lot of unneeded medical and mental issues. I actually was explaining this in one of my own posts, and that is that the body and mind have a natural fail safe for pain. In most cases you will not recall the pain at a later time anyway. The brain naturally will forget about the pain, while you may remember that it was painful and difficult, the bodies natural protective response is to forget about the pain, just like if you were to brake a bone or have a severe injury, you may remember that it sucked, but how much and how bad will likely be forgotten. So I definitely do not recommend going about it that way. Take sometime and find yourself a detox program and have at it. It will be one of the most important steps to your sobriety. If you are worried about not having insurance or anything, there are always programs that will take you in regardless of your ability to pay. They may not be the Ritz or anything, but they will get the job done.

Take your time with your sobriety, it's the most important thing you will ever do in your life, because with out sobriety, you haven't much of a life to look forward to, and as you know, you never rush the important things.

Also just remember, you never have to deal with this alone, even if being alone is what got you into this position, your sobriety never has to be done alone. Unfortunately, I am so tired and I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment so I have to run and try to get some sleep, but I will definitely check back on this post and see how your doing and never be afraid to ask any questions, and never think a question about your sobriety is stupid or dumb, there is never a dumb question here. And trust me, I am quite sure that if you have a question, someone here has either had or will have the same question, your very question may be the same question someone else may have but is afraid to ask, and your question may just help someone else. To me, that's what helps drive my sobriety, just knowing that something that I am doing, or a question that I have may just help someone else. Knowing that I have helped someone else, actually helps me stay sober, (even though I have had bumps in my sobriety).

Good luck my friend, I wish you the best, and I hope that you can at least find some peace in knowing that your not alone, and that your question was far from dumb.

All my best to you!

Pain

^^^^Nice one Pain!

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Reach out to other people.

'isolation pages the way to active addiction'

 

[Vaya]

This is probably the stupidest post that may have been made in the history of bluelight, but i am immune to humiliation at the moment

I have been a poly drug user for 16 years now, the only drugs that have become a 'problem" for me are alcohol, opiates and weed

Everytime i quit one i seem to then replace it with the other, i had to stop drinking for health reasons then took up opitaes, nothing major, mainly codeine and poppoyssed tea but it became habitual and physically addictive and most of all the ultimate anxiety killer

I have had to quit my job to get off opiates because i couldn't seperate that environment with that behaviour, plus it was a soul destroying job, i am now studying social work (seems kinda perverse) and have gotten over my opiate habit but it's slowly creeping back with a couple of relapses after 3 months total abstinence

My drinking, marajuana and benzo use now has replaced my daily opiate use and my drinking has always been a problem but i am seeing real signs of addiction kicking in, the feel of needing a drink as opposeed to feeling like a drink seems to my drinking habit at the moment.

I have tried total abstinence and it never lasts more than a day or so, i feel incapable of functionng without at least one of the aforementioned drugs but predominantly alcohol or opiates

Is sobriety just a case of white knuckling it for a while and things start to feel easier, or am i going to be struggling with temptation for eternity, i know that sounds an absurd question and i guess i know the answer but the path to a sober life does not seem like something i am capabale of, what stratagies have people used to get out of this feeling of being trapped in a cycle of habitual intoxication

I wish i was a violent or messy drunk, but i am a placid drunk, i wish i had done some imoral things to obtain substances, something to shame me into sobriety but i fall into teh ctaergory of 'functioning" addict in the sense that its not apparent to those around me (other than my gf who lives with me)

I know its a case of total abstinence, one day at a time but i feel a part of me has been taken away and i will never be able to be truely content unless intoxicated

I know i sound pathetic, and thats how i feel but i am jsut wondering how others have broken the cycle, what were your first steps?

First things first - you do NOT sound pathetic, and this is NOT stupid post! Give yourself some credit, man. You are attempting to address one of the most difficult afflictions someone can deal with, and you're openly asking for advice. You are putting yourself out there, and that's wonderful. Someone once told me, "Life begins when our comfort zone ends." I really applaud you for posting what you did.

In regards to this specifically:

Is sobriety just a case of white knuckling it for a while and things start to feel easier, or am i going to be struggling with temptation for eternity, i know that sounds an absurd question and i guess i know the answer but the path to a sober life does not seem like something i am capabale of, what stratagies have people used to get out of this feeling of being trapped in a cycle of habitual intoxication

For some, it can indeed be the case that they need to "white knuckle" it for a bit until their head clears enough to the point where they can approach this seemingly abstract concept called sobriety. I have been there myself, and let me make it clear that it is not my preferred method of approaching sobriety. Many people say, "I didn't get sober to feel like shit!" There are volumes of truth to that. But I have found that the simple truth of it all lies within the fact that, just as becoming addicted to drugs was a long process that required at least some level of dedication (oftentimes, much dedication...), so, too, is the process of getting sober. And here is where patience enters the picture.

One thread I recommend checking out is the Alcoholism Discussion Thread. Not only because you say that you struggle with alcohol, and have for quite some time, but because watching the chronicles of those at the depths of desperation moving to extended periods of sobriety highlights very well the amount of dedication and patience required to get there.

Another thread that immediately comes to mind that illustrates this point nearly perfectly is the thread Been Clean off dope for 3 Months, created by Anomaly. In following the course of the thread - from the first post to the last page - the OP demonstrates his resiliency, shares his struggles, and the feedback from other Dark Siders is invaluable reading material for those approaching the idea of letting go of the monkey on their back.

I know i sound pathetic, and thats how i feel but i am jsut wondering how others have broken the cycle, what were your first steps?

The only experience that I have to share is my own. But I will share it.

My first step - the very first step required of anyone seeking real recovery - is admitting that I couldn't do this alone! That I had a problem, that my willpower had been woefully insuffient to address the problem to my satisfaction, and that I needed assistance from others. Just by posting this message to the members of this forum, you appear to recognize that others may have a lot to offer to your seemingly hopeless situation.

And the second step was to take action based on the first step. I couldn't allow myself to remain in park. Have you considered reaching out for assistance in the real world? There are a myriad of options available to you, even aside from 12-Step fellowships. A large portion of our membership here is involved in 12-Step programs; I, myself, am a part of this subsection of users here, but I do not openly suggest people enter it. As is part of the AA literature - "This is a program based on attraction, rather than promotion." If others see what I, and others, have accomplished using the program, and want it for themselves, they are more than welcome to give it a go.

If not, however (and I hold no biases towards other approaches, AA is simply the only thing that works for someone like myself!), there are Intensive Outpatient Programs which can be of tremendous help. Essentially they are groups of people meeting and discussing their issues and potential solutions, often without the obligation to involve oneself in a 12-Step program. Alternatively, there are inpatient rehabilitation centers. Take some time to read others' responses here and thoroughly evaluate your options, but always keep this in mind - Getting sober, and even moreso, staying sober - is a matter that must incnorporate some form of action on your part. Just as anything worth achieving in life, to sit idly by hoping that it lands in your lap invariably ensures stasis. That is, remaining precisely wear you're at now.

And by the sound of it, you are not satisfied with where your life is at right now. The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way forever.

Keep asking questions, probing for truth. I am proud of/for you that you took this initial step
Congratulate yourself for that. But always keep moving.

~ Vaya

 

[Beat Narrative]

Thank you everyone for your considered responses, there is a lot of sage advice in this thread that i will re read and take on board.

In the past when i have quitten a particular substance i have fallen back into excessive use of another substance

On paper my life is good, i have a loving girlfriend (although i fear her patience has worn thin) i have a supportive father who knows a lot about addiction and i have financial security, however all these things aside i seem to systematically making my life worse with my habitual behaviour.

I feel as though i am making the life of those close to me more stressful just due to my involvement in their life and the two people who truely know about my substance use (my gf and father) are worried about my inability to abstain from any substances for jsut one day

I wake up every mmorning and the first thing that creeps into my head is, am i going to be able to cope with this day with out drugs and alchohol, then an element of fear takes over me and hence i feel pathetic that i can't even get out of bed before working out which method of intoxication i am going to partipate in.

My opiate use is getting more regular than i would like and to top it off it has resulted in me being dishonest about my actions to my girlfriend, in 8 years i have never been dishonest about such things, it makes me remember when my mum hid bottles of vodka around the house so no one would know

Going to a 12 step program seems the logical step. i know i gain more from other peoples experiences than a one on one therapist (as i have been to anger management support groups before and went to alateen as a kid) but there is an element of pride at stake, i had so much exposure to 12 step programs as a kid through my mum and dads problems that stepping into a meeting and admitting that I am now the one with the problem is a major thing for me to do, i know pride should not get into the way of recovery but in reality i think its more fear than pride

I have no major tales of woe or relationship break down (yet) or major drama that has gone along with my substance use, but i have now acknowledged that i am a weak person who is letting his actions day by day take over, i don't like thinking of it in terms of being pwerless to my addictions but it almost feels that way

I have had so much stuff go on in my life, when i first starting using drugs at 14 all that stuff seemed less important and i became self indulgent and subconciously was masking the issues i needed adressed with drug use, i am frightened of sobrety but also frightened of the road my life will go down if i don't address my issues

Thank you all for your considered replies, seeking advice behind the protection of a screen is one thing but getting the courage to step into a 12 step program and say i need help is another thing all together, hence the reason i feel pathetic, i am to gutless to implement change.

As my issues are both drug and alcohol related i wouldnt know whether i should go to AA or NA, my Father who is stoingly involved in GA thinks that AA is by far the best of all the 12 step prgrams but i guess thats based on his own exposure

Well i have screwed up today and had poppyseeds, tomorrow will be a new day, i am strongly going to consider a 12 step program but the thought of telling my Father about it or anyone close to me makes me feel ashamed of who i have become and i have prided myself on self awareness but its all been a facade, because here i am not knowing what the fuck to do

Sorry for the self indulgence of this post, every reply on here has been thoughtful and considered and i am incredibly greatful, i hope one day i can be a positive contributer to this forum

I apologise, i tend to repeat myself on here a lot, i ask for help and then a month for later i am asking for help again, it's not that i don't take on board the advice given, its that i fail to act on it for a prolonged period of time. Vaya, you have replied to numerous of my posts with a lot of thought and precise advice, i am very greatful

 

[Missykins]

OP, WRT your concern about going to NA vs. AA, my answer is that you join whichever group you feel more comfortable in. My first sponsor was in NA, but my current one is in AA, and I go to both NA and AA meetings.

 

[painenduser]

OP, WRT your concern about going to NA vs. AA, my answer is that you join whichever group you feel more comfortable in. My first sponsor was in NA, but my current one is in AA, and I go to both NA and AA meetings.

OP, I want to reiterate what Missykins has said here. Remember that this is YOUR program, therefore you need to decided which is best for you, try going to both and don't just go to one meeting of each, go to multiple meetings of each until you find a place where you feel comfortable. Many people will say AA is better, and alot of people may say that but alot of times they will say that because AA is what started all the xA programs. You need to decide for yourself which one you feel more comfortable in. What I have found is that a lot of AA programs can be very strict and will not allow you to talk about any other addiction but Alcohol, not all are that way but the diehard AA goers can see it that way, where I have found NA referes to addiction as being all encompassing, but again this is something that is personal to you. It is your program so you need to find where you feel that you will get the most out of it.

I wish you all the best and never be afraid to ask question beit here or even at the xA meeting of your choice. It is how you will learn and understand. We are here for you of you have any questions. Good luck!

Pain

 

[Groundhog]

This is probably the stupidest post that may have been made in the history of bluelight,

Firstly this is not a stupid post, any post that is asking for advice or support is far from that.

Secondly you are NOT pathetic, you share the same reaction as many drug users, recovering or still using, do when we are powerless to control this behaviour even when we know it to cause injury and harm to us and others around us.

In my opinion, NO you dont have to knuckle through and hope for the best to recovery,that method will not prove to have continued, complete success nor will you be stuck with this for eternity unless you are willing for it to change, admit you can't control it and seek help.

I'm a poly drug user too the same drugs of choice as you apart from the fact, I have benzo's and stimulants as part of my daily list. I have been in the worst grip and cycle of addiction over the past 3mths+ than I have ever had in 15yrs of hard abuse. I felt powerless, hopeless and had no belief I would find a successful way out, but I have and am in the process of it.

I have started a 12 step program with Cocaine Anonymous which is based on the same thics as AA does, at first I was very sceptical and found it hard to see any concept that it would have any successful application and solution to my hopeless problem. How wrong I was!

After a couple of meetings and an introduction to what the steps contain, I am tottally converted. The first night I spent with a recovered addict who explained the first part of the steps and gave me a week one instruction sheet to be completed daily, I had changed from hopeless to hopeful of it's success to recovery.

I thought there was no way out until my body had taken all it would take and would give up and die.
THIS is the way out! In my opinion anyway.

My first step was to realise I was slowly (actually felt quickly) dying from my drug abuse and that I was past helping myself, the next was to attend a C.A meeting, reluctantly I might add, and it's gone from there really.
You won't know what it's like until you go, it was nothing like I imagined, i felt like I had found "home" even though they were all strangers.

You don't have to suffer alone the people there are just like me/us/you, the understand. don't judge, care and love you. It could be the way out for you!

 

[Bojangles2.0]

Sounds to me like you have an extremely addictive personality. Let me tell you, though, just because you have an addictive personality does not mean that you have to be addicted TO DRUGS. I'm the same way as you - I have a very addictive personality. If I like something, I want more of it and I don't want to wait. The trick here is that you have to figure out how you can get addicted to things that are not harmful if done often. Why do you think people suggest things like exercise, cooking, sex, making music, reading, art, and so on to people who want to get away from drug addictions? Because these are the kinds of things that addictive personalities will also latch onto, but won't destroy the person's life in the process (unless you have a heart attack during sex or a painting falls off of a museum wall and crushes you, but nothing comes without some risk ). It's almost impossible to talk yourself out of an addictive personality. If this is all you try and do, the chances of your success will be slim. You need to transition your addictive self into healthier alternatives and reap their benefits.

Make a list of all of the healthy, non-drug-related things you like to do. Now my challenge to you is to try and spend a few hours on each over the upcoming week. Do the same next week. Get yourself into a rhythm. And just keep doing this until it's no longer to prove to me that you can do it, and instead because you want to do it for yourself. After a while, you'll find that the drugs and the destruction actually get in the way.

This post was really great to read. I agree with everything you said.

Reason I say so is I have somewhat made this change myself. Its also amazing how some of the things you mentioned can feel like a drug, considering as a drug addict, I never partook in them at all. Like cooking and eating healthy food, I NEVER did it. My body became so malnourished, so when I DID begin to eat healthy, I felt like I was high on something. I kid you not. My eyes had became black, I was always tired, always worn out, had no idea a lack of food was causing a lot of those issues.

So when I became addicted to cooking, and preparing healthy meals, I simply can't explain the change that ONE THING ALONE had in my life. In a way that one change has actually changed my entire life.

Sex is another thing. Being on opiates for so long I never had sex. There was no point. I couldn't get physically OR emotionally aroused by anything. Thats what opiates do to me for some reason and I find it pretty insane considering I'm a guy. It takes a lot to kill my sex drive and opiates had done that.

However once again when I got low enough on suboxone, sex became enjoyable again. Started having emotions and all those warm fuzzy feelings. It felt awesome!
"Wow, this is what humans were put on this planet for?" To actually enjoy life and not be stuck in some shithole with a needle in their arm? Who would have ever thought!

Opiates have ruled my life for long enough, and now just my making the right decisions so many things have changed. When I say I make the right decisions I don't mean sit around waiting for things to happen I mean making things happen right now - the blender is not going to cook me dinner, I'm going to use the blender to cook myself dinner. THAT is the difference as dumb as it sounds. Before I just waited waited waited and complained complained complained. Now I act act act and actually find myself way happier most of the time.

All those simple things you mentioned, thats what life is all about. The thing that sucks about drugs is they screw people up so damn much these people forget how to enjoy the simple things in life. Food/diet is one of the most important things for health in this world and I'd assume most addicts really just don't give a damn. Same with sex, there are tons of guys on this forum who would rather pop oxies or sub than have sex.

I can't say I don't understand it. I will say its just sad. We've all crawled under our comfortable little stones so we can get high and hide ourselves from the real world, or at least thats what it feels like. But if you stay determined, and keep making the right choices, good things DO happen!

 

[Beat Narrative]

So after getting the guts to talk to my Dad about the fact that i feel i have lost control of my poly substance use he has suggested i attend an open NA meeting, i am strongly considering going in the next few days, today was supposed to be the day but i woke up and got high, so i figure i need to find a lunch time meeting somewhere and attend before i consume anything
The fact i have no horror stories to share or major drama associated with with my substance abuse has been one of the things that has kept me from attending support programs (i know that sounds stupid) but i have now acknowledged that my will power is not enough and the responses on here have reiterated that there is support out there for people in my situation and i should not feel ashamed
So i am going to suss out the best meeting (time and location wise) and give it a go, it can't do me any damage
Thank you all for your help, this decision may not hav been reached without the support on here, now all i need to do is stop talking about it and actually do it

 

[painenduser]

Beat,

Just so you know, a general rule of thumb in the AA/NA meetings in the beginning you may hear people give some advise of not speaking and just listen. They actually will say "Taken the cotton balls out of your ears and stick it in your mouth. So that should help you overcome the not having any war stories to tell. (Not all meetings are like this, but alot of the older ones are.). Since you would be new, I would suggest that you look into getting a sponsor as soon as possible.

I am happy that you took the time, swallowed your pride, became humbled to talk to your dad. That is excellent. Bottom line is that you need to to have people that you can confide in and someone who will be there to make sure your on track, its even better when it's family.

So just remember that while you don't yet have any war stories to tell, for the most part newbies to the meetings are asked not to talk and just sit there and listen. I think it's a wonderful thing you did. Good luck! If you have any questions or some more advise regarding to AA/NA feel free to ask here. You now have a path to your sobriety, it's up to you to continue to follow it.

I really wish you all the best.

Pain

 

[TurelGrigori]

My answer is that yes, very often sobriety or for some moderation is a matter of patience. Frenetic, emotional, responses born of frustration might be useful at getting one in contact with resources. Remembering crises later on might have motivational value but reactive desperation or deep despair isn't going to keep most people moving on almost any self improvement venture a year later. My interloping, inventory taking assessment of some people's lack of long term success is that they keep using using crisis mode long after the crisis is past. Admitted there are people who stay sober many years by treating every day as burning, near fucking catastrophe of epic proportions about potential relapse. If it works who am I to judge?

I believe many people succeed by transitioning from red alert to a patient mode.

Is sobriety just a case of white knuckling it for a while and things start to feel easier, or am i going to be struggling with temptation for eternity, i know that sounds an absurd question and i guess i know the answer but the path to a sober life does not seem like something i am capabale of, what strategies have people used to get out of this feeling of being trapped in a cycle of habitual intoxication

There is some of that clenching your fist. There is discomfort. Its not forever, but you can not think that post-crisis you will be free from ever having cravings or impulses forever. A secret though is that cravings get magnified by trying to repress them. You can not shove them out of your mind and body. They need to be acknowledged and felt to subside. Paradoxically, they also can't be allowed to run amok.

Also the fact that your drinking and your quitting lack external drama and doesn't mean that you don't have crises. One's interior world is probably the more real one when it comes to getting a handle on compulsivity.

So again with patience many people really need a period of meditation or introspection where they sort out where their thoughts and feelings are coming from and where they might lead. Most people really benefit from talking over the impulses, feelings, and drives involved in their compulsions. If sobriety or any other goal is something one does every day, day in day out it is largely a matter of patience because 100% effortfullness with a battle ready awareness would burn out most people to the point they'd just surrender after a few weeks or a few months. At some point most peoples recovery becomes way more calm and patient and thereby sustainable and comfortable. Life will be hard at times as life is apt to be but drinking/not drinking need not be a constant bitter struggle.

 

[Beat Narrative]

i keep fucking this up, each day i say tomorrow i say is the day i change, then i go from saying that to a 48 hour stimulant bender (and i hate stimulants) and now needing to have opiates to cure the crippling anxiety that the aftermath of such a bender leaves me with

i am just so dumb sometimes, hanging out with friends, mirror with line gets handed to me, sure why not, then straight away i regret it, repeat this about 15 times over 12 hours or so, something takes over my better judgement when drugs are put before me, i need to maintain perspective of what i wish to acheive

 

[painenduser]

It's often said in the room's of AA/NA. One key to sobriety is that you much change the people, places, and things that trigger you to use and abuse. This is where you need to put the petal to the metal and make some changes. It's up to you my friend. If you want it bad enough, you will need to have the strength to do it.

 

[Beat Narrative]

It's often said in the room's of AA/NA. One key to sobriety is that you much change the people, places, and things that trigger you to use and abuse. This is where you need to put the petal to the metal and make some changes. It's up to you my friend. If you want it bad enough, you will need to have the strength to do it.

I know what your saying, its easier said than done, all of of my friends are pretty big drug users, but they are people i have known and cared about for 15 years plus, its hard to distance yourself and not totally socially isolate yourself

Through uni i have been making new friends, but sure enough they all take drugs as well, its funny how like mided people are just drawn to each other.

I can not expect other people to alter their behaviour to accomodate me, i need to build the strength to maintain the friendships i value but not let it be detrimental to myself

well it's 3.40pm and i am yet to consume any substances, i have read about 200 pages of a book, everything i do i do in a compulsive way but i am sure reading is a compulsion that i can handle

Still trying to build the courage to attend NA, my thoughts about it tend to fluctuate, but i can not be any worse off from attending

I know this thread seems pointless as it does not seem that i am doing anything to help myself and all the advice i have been given is in vain, i can assure you that all the advice i have been given has been taken on board, i am just trying to work out the path thats best suited to me

Today looks good for my first sober day in a while, at least thats a start

 

[herbavore]

I know this thread seems pointless as it does not seem that i am doing anything to help myself and all the advice i have been given is in vain, i can assure you that all the advice i have been given has been taken on board, i am just trying to work out the path thats best suited to me

Today looks good for my first sober day in a while, at least thats a start

Sometimes it takes a while to decide, really decide, to make a big change. You will get there and when you do you will have made yourself ready. Enjoy your sober day!