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Please.. Help..

Wow, you were on a pretty heavy cocktail of drugs so I'm not surprised a bad trip put you over the edge.

I've been through opioid withdrawls, and they suck. I had only been on them about a week, but I got high as fuck. I was horribly depressed for about a week. I just wanted to sit in my room and sleep, but I didn't want to sleep. On top of that, you were on like 4 other drugs. Weed causes pretty bad anxiety when you stop. MDMA has probably ravaged your serotonin levels for the time being. And on top of that you were taking 3 stimulants that you stopped, cold turkey. AND you just experienced THREE ego destroying trips over the course of a few days. You couldn't have done this to yourself without expecting some negative consequences. You might feel fucking awful right now, but if you give yourself time you will feel better.
 
TwitchE said:
I just had another flashback, and all I can see is hopelessness and despair... And fear. I don't want to live like this. I'm so miserable. It's always going to be like this I know it. I can't just ignore that. Everything has become meaningless and empty because I fucked up my brain. There's no going back, and there's no future for me. I can't express in words how scared and hollow I am. I see it in not only myself, but everyone. This world is not meant to be, it just happened. I just happened. Everything just is and I can't fucking take it anymore!!! Fuck acid, fuck drugs. I wish I never did them, I wish there was a god that would've told me, no, don't do that.. It will hurt you. But no! There isn't one. God is created out of desperation and fear of death. I'm so torn apart, I might as well already be dead. Now I lie here thinking, when am I going to kill myself? When are my pain going to exceed my resources? Well hopefully soon. I really hope this ends soon. I feel stuck. This is hell.
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Ok man it sounds to me like you have had an existential awakening and I can understand how this could be scary for someone. I myself am an existentialist and it brings me great comfort to understand that there is nothing beyond this. You are looking at your enlightenment in the wrong way. Like you said God is created from a fear...people have trouble understanding and accepting that they are not so special that there has to be something else beyond this life. I feel that once you understand that you only have the time you have while your here and then it goes black, it allows you to live your life to the fullest...if you so choose to do so. Its up to you if you want to be hollow and feel sorry for yourself, or go out and make life what you want it to be. Many people spend their entire life walking on egg shells due to the fear that they may mess up and ruin their lives or afterlives, and as a result they forget to live while they have the chance. Life is an amazing opportunity which is rare and possibly unique to our planet. It is ok if life was an accident. It is ok if god is not real and there is no afterlife. It is ok of people are fucked up. You have to realize that it is ok if things arent ideal and "everything just is". Whats important is that you "are" and you have an opportunity to "be" The universe is made up of energy positive and negative, you are made up of energy that has developed a consciousness and that is where you become extraordinary! You can use that consciousness to direct energy in the universe and that is amazing! I feel that positive energy creates more positive energy and vice versa for negative...if you continue to feel sorry for yourself and project negative energy, it will compound itself. If you put positive energy out, it will attract more positive energy. Try a little experiment...go out into the world the next few days and make a genuine effort to be positive. Make eye contact and smile and say hello to everyone you pass on the street. Start conversations with random strangers. Help someone who needs help. I truly believe that if you put more energy into making the world around you a better place than you put into trying to make your bubble better for yourself...your bubble will subsequently become a better place than you could possibly imagine!

I imagine that you feel a very profound sense of oneness and disconnection with other people in the world right now, and that is something that can take some time to understand fully and be ok with. You have not ruined your brain and you cant look at it that way. You must look at it as learning a lesson which can only be taught through a profound change in perception. There is no language or common understanding that can be used to explain that perceptual experience. It is understood only by other people who have experienced it, and even then it is only a loosely based understanding. Aldous Huxley explained in "The Doors of Perception" that our mind is capable of memorizing and recalling every bit of information ever processed through it, but we have these filters which block out those things which are not biologically useful to us. Without these filters we would be overwhelmed by our own minds. Through certain drugs, we are able to open these filters and experience a reality that otherwise would be filtered differently. This is an amazing observation of what psychedelics are actually doing to our minds! Now with that understanding you can see how this may be very overwhelming to our ego and possibly change your sense of self all together. You must see this as enlightenment, and not a change in the way things always were. You have not changed, you have only realized something that you could not see before. You should look at this as a gift even if it seems like a curse right now. A complete and sudden change in your perception is a difficult thing to grasp for most people...however an understanding of that change is amazing! Take time to understand what you have experienced, it wont be fully clear overnight. Read some existentialist writings and try and get a better grasp on the idea, Soren Kierkegaard is a good author to start with. Aldous Huxley's "doors of perception" and "heaven and hell" are great books from a great mind which may focus your understanding of how drugs effect your mind. Also I have found that my interest in social sciences and psychology has helped to me better understand and accept the way my mind works, so maybe check out some books along those lines. It is a great time in your life to seek knowledge and understanding. It wont come to you through the use of drugs alone, flex your mind and the drugs can help you to put that knowledge into perspective. You have to work for that profound meaning that you are searching for, it is a process and wont just fall off the lips of someone else...only you can assemble your purpose.

Also you have to take into consideration the effect that these drugs have on your brain. Serotonin is the chemical in your brain that makes you feel good/happy. You have been taking drugs that release serotonin in large amounts which will result in a lack of serotonin now. You have to give your body time to recover and get back to normal. Feelings of depression are extremely common among users of these drugs and excessive and prolonged use can even result in a condition called serotonin syndrome, where your body stops producing the chemical naturally and makes it difficult for the person to feel happy. Try taking 5-htp, you can get it in any vitamin section at most stores. It is the precursor for serotonin and will help your body produce the chemical and get you back to feeling better.

Well I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in your journey. The ball is in your court...only you can do something amazing with it! <3
 
Thanks again everyone for the support. I really really appreciate you all helping me through this. I'm past the point of wanting to kill myself, in fact I'm looking forward to things getting better. Maybe this is what it took to get me on the right path and off all those other dangerous drugs. Back when I was 15, I use to huff a lot of air duster.. For about a month.. Cans and cans of it. I didn't know I was killing myself, but I had some scary experiences. The LSD brought those to surface. The near death experiences, where the one thing that I felt brought me back was fear. I had one experience where I was stuck in time, I would get up, sit down.. Get up, sit down. But it was like I was a prisoner of my own body.. But it was real. Time really did go in reverse and stop, as did everything around me. Also, one where everything went black.. And all I saw was my friends face laughing.. Floating around.. His voice getting deeper.. And deeper.. And eventually stretching.. And I was almost gone. But something brought me back. Fear. When I had a bad trip on acid, I felt that fear.. I felt like if I let go of that fear I would die. And I'm just not ready to die. Then I started to regret that decision, because that's all I could feel was this fear and nothing good. I wished that I had just let go. Fear became the one thing that kept me from killing myself, but also the one thing that has kept me alive. It doesn't make any sense. It's also as if, even though I had this feeling like I was going to die.. I knew I wasn't because of how casual my friends were while I was freaking out. It's like they knew what I know deep down to the core. And they do. Everyone does. Like I said, everyone being a reflection of my own self. I'm not so sure if there is.. "nothing" when I die.. As there was nothing before I was born.. I basically came out of no where.. That's also possible after death. Reincarnation I suppose. But I wouldn't know I was me.. So I guess.. Idk.. So many possibilities. Which is kind of scary, but something to think about. We could even become something crazier and even more insane than anything imaginable in this life. Just saying, absolutely anything is possible which is why it is so scary. I guess I'm scared of what I don't know. Anyways.. Yeah.. I'm feeling more like myself again.. Kind of.. Less of a sense of oneness.. Even though I know that's real.. I put it to the back of my head.. Because that feeling is so lonely. Rather, I take more of a sense of freedom from the idea. To do things more for myself and convince myself that no matter what I decide to do things will work out. I also have this crazy idea that maybe these dreams aren't any less real than life itself. Maybe when we die, we just wake up. And so on. Idk. It's not important to me right now, I need to focus on what's in front of me now. Again, thank you guys. You've all been a great help. :)
 
Sounds like you need a Guru man. I 2nd the yoga, it is giving me hope. You scoffed at the idea, because you don't know what yoga is. The western world has commercialized it and hidden it's true power, it's not about get in shape. it's about mind control and self awareness.

If you learn to quiet and control your mind enough, heighten your awareness through this practice of meditation, you can experience selflessness and what it's all about. It's all above love and laughter helping others and chilling out no matter what, don't you know? You don't because your brain is fucked up from drugs, but that is temporary trust me. As you probably know, life is a dream... whatever they call you, you're not him, you're not separate from your surroundings. All the shit humans make up are lies to keep people occupied and from thinking too much about this crazy shit you've realized. We are all one consciousness, I think we might be a God playing tricks on itself. Reincarnation makes a lot of sense to me, and you might end up worse off than you are presently especially for sending off such negative vibrations in the universe by killing yourself and hurting those around you. Life is a manifestation of God's (or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, I don't believe in anything I haven't seen for myself, The Void is probably a better term) creative energy. It's so complicated and beautiful, embrace it.

Look into eastern mysticism, there are plenty of books out there by really intelligent acidheads on the subject. "be here now" by Ram Dass (a former harvard professor turned acidhead) is a great place to start. Seriously, I can't recommend eastern mysticism enough. You do not have it figured out. You do not. The people who do have it figured out, are in total bliss for each and every moment of there existence. Find solace in this. You've just been awakened to some shit that you are having trouble dealing with, I've been there.
 
TwitchE said:
Thanks again everyone for the support. I really really appreciate you all helping me through this. I'm past the point of wanting to kill myself, in fact I'm looking forward to things getting better. Maybe this is what it took to get me on the right path and off all those other dangerous drugs. Back when I was 15, I use to huff a lot of air duster.. For about a month.. Cans and cans of it. I didn't know I was killing myself, but I had some scary experiences. The LSD brought those to surface. The near death experiences, where the one thing that I felt brought me back was fear. I had one experience where I was stuck in time, I would get up, sit down.. Get up, sit down. But it was like I was a prisoner of my own body.. But it was real. Time really did go in reverse and stop, as did everything around me. Also, one where everything went black.. And all I saw was my friends face laughing.. Floating around.. His voice getting deeper.. And deeper.. And eventually stretching.. And I was almost gone. But something brought me back. Fear. When I had a bad trip on acid, I felt that fear.. I felt like if I let go of that fear I would die. And I'm just not ready to die. Then I started to regret that decision, because that's all I could feel was this fear and nothing good. I wished that I had just let go. Fear became the one thing that kept me from killing myself, but also the one thing that has kept me alive. It doesn't make any sense. It's also as if, even though I had this feeling like I was going to die.. I knew I wasn't because of how casual my friends were while I was freaking out. It's like they knew what I know deep down to the core. And they do. Everyone does. Like I said, everyone being a reflection of my own self. I'm not so sure if there is.. "nothing" when I die.. As there was nothing before I was born.. I basically came out of no where.. That's also possible after death. Reincarnation I suppose. But I wouldn't know I was me.. So I guess.. Idk.. So many possibilities. Which is kind of scary, but something to think about. We could even become something crazier and even more insane than anything imaginable in this life. Just saying, absolutely anything is possible which is why it is so scary. I guess I'm scared of what I don't know. Anyways.. Yeah.. I'm feeling more like myself again.. Kind of.. Less of a sense of oneness.. Even though I know that's real.. I put it to the back of my head.. Because that feeling is so lonely. Rather, I take more of a sense of freedom from the idea. To do things more for myself and convince myself that no matter what I decide to do things will work out. I also have this crazy idea that maybe these dreams aren't any less real than life itself. Maybe when we die, we just wake up. And so on. Idk. It's not important to me right now, I need to focus on what's in front of me now. Again, thank you guys. You've all been a great help. :)
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I highly recommend you read this... http://www.drpokea.com/darknightsoul.html It helped me when i was in a dark place like yourself and kinda helped me find meaning out of what happened. I don't agree with everything word for word that the guy says but it is very intriguing and i think you could find good in this.
 
Also, as for the fear of death part... i found this video helped after i had a HEAVY-DUTY trip once http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCHh8xqMWeo Once again, i don't agree with everything (mostly the religion aspect of it) but the basis of it i think is true and after your experience i think you will find the same. I hope you find your way to enlightenment through all this brother!
 
TwitchE said:
Thanks again everyone for the support. I really really appreciate you all helping me through this. I'm past the point of wanting to kill myself, in fact I'm looking forward to things getting better. Maybe this is what it took to get me on the right path and off all those other dangerous drugs. Back when I was 15, I use to huff a lot of air duster.. For about a month.. Cans and cans of it. I didn't know I was killing myself, but I had some scary experiences. The LSD brought those to surface. The near death experiences, where the one thing that I felt brought me back was fear. I had one experience where I was stuck in time, I would get up, sit down.. Get up, sit down. But it was like I was a prisoner of my own body.. But it was real. Time really did go in reverse and stop, as did everything around me. Also, one where everything went black.. And all I saw was my friends face laughing.. Floating around.. His voice getting deeper.. And deeper.. And eventually stretching.. And I was almost gone. But something brought me back. Fear. When I had a bad trip on acid, I felt that fear.. I felt like if I let go of that fear I would die. And I'm just not ready to die. Then I started to regret that decision, because that's all I could feel was this fear and nothing good. I wished that I had just let go. Fear became the one thing that kept me from killing myself, but also the one thing that has kept me alive. It doesn't make any sense. It's also as if, even though I had this feeling like I was going to die.. I knew I wasn't because of how casual my friends were while I was freaking out. It's like they knew what I know deep down to the core. And they do. Everyone does. Like I said, everyone being a reflection of my own self. I'm not so sure if there is.. "nothing" when I die.. As there was nothing before I was born.. I basically came out of no where.. That's also possible after death. Reincarnation I suppose. But I wouldn't know I was me.. So I guess.. Idk.. So many possibilities. Which is kind of scary, but something to think about. We could even become something crazier and even more insane than anything imaginable in this life. Just saying, absolutely anything is possible which is why it is so scary. I guess I'm scared of what I don't know. Anyways.. Yeah.. I'm feeling more like myself again.. Kind of.. Less of a sense of oneness.. Even though I know that's real.. I put it to the back of my head.. Because that feeling is so lonely. Rather, I take more of a sense of freedom from the idea. To do things more for myself and convince myself that no matter what I decide to do things will work out. I also have this crazy idea that maybe these dreams aren't any less real than life itself. Maybe when we die, we just wake up. And so on. Idk. It's not important to me right now, I need to focus on what's in front of me now. Again, thank you guys. You've all been a great help. :)
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Glad your feeling better and looking forward man! I believe in reincarnation to an extent also. Like I said we are just recycled energy, and after we die our energy will continue to be recycled so in a sense you are reincarnated. It makes me really want to build that positive energy I spoke of, so that when I die, my energy effect the universe in a positive way. You were not born from nothing my friend, you are composed of molecules which came from every life form that has ever been! There is probably a little piece of you that was once a little piece of Aristotle, and another that was in Einstein's knee is now in your shoulder...etc. Look into quantum physics, the world is so much more amazing when you look at it from the smallest perspective possible. Anyway, keep on the positive track and I think you will be just fine! :)
 
Hm, when I think yoga.. I think girls in spandex with their legs wrapped around their head. In other words, I don't know anything about it or if it's worth investing my time. How much has it helped you? I do believe life is a dream. I realized this on acid, heh.. I felt like it made sense and I could control it.. But I can't anymore and I guess that's because I couldn't in the first place.. It just seemed to unfold that way. The way people looked at me and felt what I felt.. Reacted to my emotions, not words. It was just so strange and dreamlike.

I checked out those links turtle, they were interesting. The video was kind of depressing to me for some reason though.. Haha. Though it gave me a lot to think about. It kind of made me feel like I'm not suppose to have any desires or attachments in this world.. Shouldn't it be okay to have desires?

About saying there was nothing before we were born.. I meant if we think about it we perceive it as nothing.. Meaning we have no recollection of what happened before we were born. I think it's very possible that there was "something".. Whatever that was.. Or is.. beats me.

Also, I ended up smoking some weed last night.. And I started getting some of those depressing, scary thoughts and feelings.. But I managed to keep them suppressed, and not pay much attention to them. But I still just had this empty feeling and it's really kind of a bummer that I can't even smoke.
 
To be honest, I have been. It's probably the main thing I took from my acid trips. I feel a bit more free now. I think I'm starting to feel even better than I did before taking acid. Except for when I smoke weed.. But I don't really feel the need to get smoke anymore. Well.. I kind of want to.. But I don't need to. Idk, I'm kind of getting use to being sober. Though I don't doubt somewhere down the road I'm going to take adderall or Molly again.. But as of right now I don't care for it.
 
Dude ive had the same exact feeling, everything was wrong and where it seemed fit, the world was outa place, it wasnt me tho, it was the world in my state of mind, thats all it is my freind, just a state of mind, keep away from lysergic acid for a while, and if u ever do it again i wouldnt recomend doing it 2wice within a week, its very bad in fact! If your interested about finding your inner light, you dont need drugs if they make u feel to intense and to insane, for some people the truth is hard to handle, just dont take them, do some meditations or watch a few good movies with popcorn, do something to take your mind away from thinking to much, thinking to much or to little is one of the effects of a hallucinogen, you are obvously at a psychotic break at this point, which is brought by taking acid 3 times in a week, thats ALOT in comparison to recomended reports. you have to respect drugs otherwise they wont respect you! be carful or heed some sort of warning in this for future terms, it is very important that you talk to people who are closest around you to know what is going on and to releive your inner feelings, but dont just blab to the wrong people otherwise youl become the laughing stock of the neiborhood for having all these "weird thoughts or feelings". No their not strange at all in your state of mind considering how much acid you've been using.
 
It wasn't too intense until I snorted coke which initiated the bad trip.. And until a day or 2 after my third trip was when I started to feel bad. Though other than that I had a good time and felt good. So should I really stay away from it?? I just made some poor decisions. I'd like to do it again somewhere down the road. As for being psychotic.. Well.. I think I'm past that stage.. Besides, everyone is pretty crazy. And if anyone thinks that I'm weird or wants to laugh at me, they can kiss my ass because I don't give a fuck.. Especially if they don't have the balls to confront me about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Besides, the only reason anyone would feel that way about me is if I thought that about myself.
 
Clinically, i am lol because only the fact that i have taken lost of tryptamines, acids<lsa-lsd. research chem. 2ce,2ci,...N,n-dmt. Tho i find, all of this is much better than using things like coke because with a psychedelic your trying to fight your inner demonds to reach some sort of acceptance of understanding, therfore nothing is represed. but when you do drugs like coke, in my opinion mixed with psychedelics, its the furthest from natural as it gets, and acid itself is relititvly natural, lsd a dirivative so truely coke? idk dont add coke with acid please people like to add amphets. or coke to psychs to increase the fx, yes they do but they make the trip more chemically, in my opinion i dont like that chemicaly bendy feeling, more than just the mind and synthesia's, i would rather be in a more accepting state of mind than to think of it as a chore to redose it or re-up it by adding coke into the mixture., You have much potential but when it gets to a certain point, you do learn the ways of some strange sort of force, maybe conchous state of mind, or godly, whatever it may be its what we are, who we are, and what we have done that ultimatly decides our fate during a psychedelic trip.
 
you remind me myself ... how much did you took??? i also tryied too figure out bad trip on lsd with lsd but 3 months later because i were afraid to take another in this 3 months i slowly resonated my self that all the badtrip was bullshit of my mind .. if it can make it feel better you could write a trip report about your bad trip ... its very important to know how much you took and in what enviroment you where what music you where listening to?? how you where feeling before initiating the expirience i would love to read your trip report .. if we know all this we can make a reason for your bad triping "imagine LSD as a spiritual Duccati which runs faster than wind , which requieres liscense and even with that can get out of control and even crash"
 
Haha, my trip report is in psychedelic threds, Lysergic Acid Amide(just short of lsd) my approx dose to start off with was like 750-800 seeds then i redosed o 500, not nessisarly that i had a bad trip i just had to get used to such a high dose, and latley since then ive found that even small amounts of lsa can be used, not just for visual i just look for some sort of shine that is way beyond that of any day :), lsa, i had used yesterday even around 4 or so and definantlty had quiet an experiance, woke up today aroun 7, fed the calves altho i only got 3 hours or so of sleep, i might be energetically, drained. but im still in a good mood an yet enlightened by the whole experiance yesterday =)
 
idontdothizz said:
I think that there is a lesson to be learned out of all this and that lesson is not "drugs are bad don't do them"
Your body is simply trying to tell you something. Are you listening?
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Was this sarcastic? I can't even tell, but it's pretty obvious the OP has unresolved anxieties about death, to sum the situation up as you did is just grossly under simplified.
 
I didnt even notice that comment, drugs are bad dont do them ey, well what is nessisarly bad in your mind, getting C's in school is that bad instaid of A's? its all about your standards there ey, it isnt nessisarly that they arnt bad but they do have some complications that MAY arise wile using them, not all people find them to be complicating and problem causers, some even consider drugs problem solvers, so its all about your standards on what you think of them.
 
So I ended up taking 2 Concertas.. And it felt great at first.. But one of my friends was on acid.. And it made me feel like I was on acid.. It was cool at first I guess.. But it started to piss me off because I would get sent into this fucking loop again. I got some sleep though and I feel back to normal kind of but.. Damn. That shit was annoying. It made me feel like.. "I'm" annoying. You know? I felt like my mind was talking out loud to itself. Drove me fucking crazy. I'm good now though.
 
Thats good that you are feeling better. :)

Catching a vibe from what other people have taken is called a 'contact high' and by taking something yourself you can become more sensitive to this. Especially psychedelics and uppers. Downers probably not that much, though they can also do it by being disinhibiting (loosening your brakes so to speak).

Having an inner monologue or dialogue is also normal, being contemplative and asking yourself certain things. Bothering yourself with your own thoughts is also something you can quell or stimulate and you would do well not to take anything that makes this worse.
If you don't have AD(H)D then drugs like concerta tend to increase thought activity and in your situation it's really best to avoid.

Please understand that it's important to learn the lesson that taking drugs out of boredom, desperation or to try and just feel a bit better you are risking all these destabilizing side-effects. If you are in a sensitive state of mind it's very easy for this destabilization to make matters worse and you would do well to consider every time you consider taking drugs right now, if you want to risk making matters worse only to temporarily feel better. IMO the best choice is not to take anything and just work through what you are feeling. That way you will make the most successful recovery to actually feel better naturally. Godspeed.
 
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