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Living with parents/never can be alone/losing my mind.
- Thread starter blahman8000
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
I am more than sorry to hear this, Blahman; it makes me furious. You do not deserve such treatment. Stay strong with your friends and those outside your family because you certainly don't get any support there.
RaZkaL86
Bluelighter
Man, I can honestly relate to what you're going through...It's the same issue with my Mom whom I live with...Most days I want to be alone with my thoughts and feelings(I absolutely LOVE the morning hours, I usually get up @ 6am when I have used and not in WDs) cause she doesn't get up till around 1 or 2pm and I don't have to deal with her. I get seriously irritated and angry when she's around me. She's 82 y.o. and her mental health is deteriorating rapidly, she constantly asks "What day is it?" and I have to remind her at least 5 or 6 times a day, always bitching that she's cold when she's wearing these thin satiny pajamas, and cranks up the furnace and to make it worse she doesn't look to see the temp she set it to; one day it was @ 90 degrees!!! We're running very loooooow on our home heating oil and we've already exhausted our Fuel Assistance Benefits so when it runs out we're SCREWED!!
Anyways I digressed big time....it's weird cause she doesn't have to do anything or say anything and I'm very irritated just when she's around me. I honestly can't find a reason why I feel this way. I really truly love my Mom and wouldn't even think of hurting her!!! My emotions are all out of whack and I suffer from severe depression along with my addiction to heroin(going on 25 years now). I am in the midst of a battle to get clean and STAY CLEAN; back and forth I go...I go 3 or 4 days without using and going through the chills, hot flashes, diarrhea, insommnia(which I hate the most) and RLS which is Restless Legs Syndrome where your legs jump and twitch around and when you try to keep still it becomes overwhelming!! Then I get to the point that I'm physically clean from H but the psychological craving comes on and no amount of trying to convince myself that it's just a thought that I can just ignore will keep me from copping a bag or two and just sayin "Fuck It!!!!" (to be continued)
Anyways I digressed big time....it's weird cause she doesn't have to do anything or say anything and I'm very irritated just when she's around me. I honestly can't find a reason why I feel this way. I really truly love my Mom and wouldn't even think of hurting her!!! My emotions are all out of whack and I suffer from severe depression along with my addiction to heroin(going on 25 years now). I am in the midst of a battle to get clean and STAY CLEAN; back and forth I go...I go 3 or 4 days without using and going through the chills, hot flashes, diarrhea, insommnia(which I hate the most) and RLS which is Restless Legs Syndrome where your legs jump and twitch around and when you try to keep still it becomes overwhelming!! Then I get to the point that I'm physically clean from H but the psychological craving comes on and no amount of trying to convince myself that it's just a thought that I can just ignore will keep me from copping a bag or two and just sayin "Fuck It!!!!" (to be continued)
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
This is indeed truly crazy for me to read. I'm in the same exact position, in all regards of your story, OP. I was home alone today while my parents were at work and it was my day off so I could just r-e-l-a-x, but the sound/feel of my own heart beating would, at times, sound like a door closing downstairs, for footsteps on the stairwell, and I absolutely panicked.
I'm back with my parents after six years at college and working in Central PA. I love them to death, but do I *ever* need some space! Exact same deal with the sleeping schedule, although my job makes me wake up at 5:15am each day but I'm home by 3:30pm and they flip if I want to take a nap, thus not being on a "normal sleep schedule." It's awful, but I'm not sure what else to do until I get back on my feet clarity wise - I only have 4 months sober (4 months tomorrow, actually) and came back into it this time having been made (temporarily) truly psychotic and unable to function/un-employable. The only advice I personally have is to just hang on until things change - kinda like the serenity prayer "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change / The courage to change the things I can / And the wisdom to know the difference." Keeps me going.
~ vaya
I'm back with my parents after six years at college and working in Central PA. I love them to death, but do I *ever* need some space! Exact same deal with the sleeping schedule, although my job makes me wake up at 5:15am each day but I'm home by 3:30pm and they flip if I want to take a nap, thus not being on a "normal sleep schedule." It's awful, but I'm not sure what else to do until I get back on my feet clarity wise - I only have 4 months sober (4 months tomorrow, actually) and came back into it this time having been made (temporarily) truly psychotic and unable to function/un-employable. The only advice I personally have is to just hang on until things change - kinda like the serenity prayer "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change / The courage to change the things I can / And the wisdom to know the difference." Keeps me going.
~ vaya
michael
Bluelight Crew
when i get annoyed at the people i live with i walk the dog.
i walk the dog a lot. which is ok, because both of us like it.
i walk the dog a lot. which is ok, because both of us like it.
wow i have this same exact problem. I deal with it by sleeping all day and staying up all night when it's quiet and I can be alone. I know that's not the most practical solution but it works for me. I don't really know why, but sounds that my parents make drive me absolutely insane, so much more so than the sounds that people I am not related to make. Sometimes the sound of my mom cleaning the kitchen willl make me want to commit suicide, even if she is kindly cleaning up after a mess I made. I feel so selfish and ungrateful, it's awful. But I cant afford to move out because of my heroin addiction.
One thing I must say is, I laugh at the idea of using benzos as a solution. Let me tell you, the rebound and withdrawal effects of benzos are irritability and anger. I went through benzo wd living with my mom and it was an experience I would not wish on my worst enemy.
One thing I must say is, I laugh at the idea of using benzos as a solution. Let me tell you, the rebound and withdrawal effects of benzos are irritability and anger. I went through benzo wd living with my mom and it was an experience I would not wish on my worst enemy.
painenduser
Bluelighter
Blahman, I apologize for the length of this reply, but some much needs to be said and I hope I don't lose you here. Sometimes, especially when I have a personal, empathetic connection with someone else's story,and to know that I am not alone in my situations, I have just so much I feel I need to share as you never know who if anyone else may relate and may possibly be in a similar situation that could perhaps add something that may help us both, or see that they too may not be alone in a similar struggle, just the thought that out of this it may be possible that all of us may benefit fro the discussion, and certainly knowing that everything I have been going through is shared by someone else other then me, and just being able to discuss it is doing me a world of good, and if someone else can learn from it, then it is all worth the time for me to write and others to read this lengthy reply. (ps, my grammar can suck sometimes so there are plenty of run on sentences ect, though I doubt there are any English major sitting there deducting points as on a test to how poorly this has been written. It is not my writing skills that are important here, but the content and heart felt empathy and understanding. Just one person who may benefit from this makes it all worthwhile..
Please understand to all those that have already replied, I urge you to take no offence that I am not reading the previous replies to you got from others on your original post but I am not going to bother reading the replies. I want to respond to you on this as I can relate to absolutely every comment you made in your initial post and I can feel and relate to all that you are going through. Though our age difference may be vast (not sure again, I am 37), so I apologize if anyone has already said some of the things that I may repeat not only their comments and possibly my own, but honestly here's the deal...... I am 37, married and moved out of my parents house when I was 25. Since then, I have been divorced and my ex and I sold out house and I moved into my own house. I then got really sick 2 years ago, partly my own doing with drinking and part an unknown pre-existing issue that has since caused me (as you know from my other posts) to get End Stage Liver Disease and cirrhosis. I became so sick I wasn't expected to make it out of the hospital alive, thus my parents had me come live with them as I could not live on my own and thank god they have taken me in as I had lost my job and my house was/is in foreclosure. Again, thankfully my parents were kind enough to let me move back home with them. There was one catch and at the time I was so deep into recovery both from alcohol as well as my health that I would eventually learn to hate, and that was that in the years since I had moved out and gotten married, my sister worked out a deal with my parents to buy their home and create a "mother / daughter" setup in the house which simply is that my parents would move out of the main part of the house, my sister and her husband and kids moved into the main part of the house and my brother in law built them an apartment using the den and garage of the original main part of the house into more or less a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. This had left me turning their living room into my bedroom where like you I have no privacy what so ever. While I was very sick, in the beginning, I really didn't care, I was just happy to be alive, have a roof over my head and my folks there to take care of me. As I started to get better, I started craving my privacy. I literally was sleeping in between their bedroom and the rest of the apartment. This means that every single day regardless of how I was feeling, I would be woken up constantly from them coming out and going to the kitchen to feed the dogs, do laundry, make meals, wash dishes, ect all within 10-15 feet of my bed. I eventually craved my privacy so much I have sheets hung up around my bed, in the hopes of out of site out of mind, and the thinking was, if they could not see me, and I could not see them, I felt like I had a little privacy..... Um NOT... It didn;t matter how I was feeling, they acted like I wasn't there. They would yell across the small house back and forth... I would have to listen to them slamming the doors, tons of noise when they would be in the kitchen, and not once, not ONCE did anyone have the courtesy of someone saying, oh hey, he's not feeling well, lets try to be quiet. Many times I would ask for some quiet time and I would be told, "You living in OUR house, this is OUR (our meaning theirs not mine) and therefore I basically had no right to ask for such things. I would be sleeping, and my mom would think I had something she needed, so rather then waiting until I was awake, or with out asking, she would just move my sheet aside and come into my space and rummage around in my stuff looking for what ever it is she was looking for. In the mean time during her rummaging she would take it upon herself to start looking at my private papers, letters, cards what ever she felt like being nosey about and just start reading shit. For the longest time, I was the outcast just living on a couch in their living room. Over time as if became reality that my health wasn't going to allow me to move on my own, not to mention no money, losing my house to the bank, having 10's of thousands of $$ in debt, the need to file bankruptcy, my parents came to realize that I was stuck, with nowhere to go, no hope of moving back on my own, and even if I had the money to move out, I knew I could not live on my own as being an alcoholic I did not trust myself to live alone. My parents finally accepted me as being a part of the house hold. All the time my privacy was an issue. I just could not get away. Like you, I would cringe every time I heard my name called. I would same as you, stay up at night and sleep all day so that I knew while I would be up all night, that was my alone time as they were sleeping sound, behind their closed door to their bedroom. I would every now and then ask for some me time to make a phone call or something and would be told sure, we will stay in the bedroom, 30 minutes later, they would be coming out to rummage through the kitchen to get something to eat... Get something from the kitchen.. I would say come of guys I asked for only an hour of me time to take care of things, and I could not even get that. Her I am dying from live3r disease, and I could not even get an hour to my self to do anything. So my clock would change and I would flip to nights again, and sleep all day then be told that I pretty much have no rights, as it was their house. This battle has raged up until recently. Some may say that I am the one being selfish, as it infact is their house and they didn't need to allow me to live there, my family would accuse me of trying to take advantage of my parents because I would get mad at the way they were treating me and I would make it known I was not happy. Then, again here I am a recovering alcoholic and I would watch my parents becoming alcoholics themselves and the one thing I asked them was, they are old enough to do what they wanted, but if they were drinking I asked that they stay away from me, as that makes me very uncomfortable and puts my in a very toxic living environment. I could not talk to them about it as it was their house and they were completely in denial about their drinking... This would push me further to find away to burry my head in the sand, and it caused me to relapse a couple times as my drinking was all I knew how to hide my anger and frustrations with them. Finally I got really sick again, and once again the drinking almost killed me. I realized that I just could not drink anymore and my life was more important to me even if not to anyone else.However soon after getting sober again and this time staying that way (almost 2 years now) I found that I just couldn't take much more, but what else was I to do, it was infact their house. So I tried to make some compromises with them, and one of them was to take my food stamps and provide all the food for the 3 of us. Thats roughly $250 a month of my welfare benefits in the hopes of "buying" my way into becoming part of the family and I was finally accepted as a member of the house hold. Things didn;t get much better, and the tensions came to a head a couple times where my step-father literally physically attacked me twice. Here I am literally dying, and being physically assaulted by my step dad and both times, I nearly killed him in self defense. I had enough. I had to call the police on him the last time because he attacked me with a bat, thankfully he couldnt connect, I disarmed him and I lifted him up off the ground but about 6 inched with my hand around his neck and slammed his head against the wall and help him there until my mother separated us and I enjoyed watching him turn blue and beg for me to let him go. I refused to talk to him for months, and I could see that it was taking it's toll on my mother. So I told her that the only way things would change is if they knocked the shit off and allow me some privacy. We finally had a truce and started living life again only this time, things would have to change, they needed to give me space and to this day, I still live behind my sheets, and try as hard as I can to not interact with them unless absolutely necessary to do so. For a while my privacy was so unimportant to them that I was told I had to open the curtains and let light to come into the house, but they seemed to forget that my bed is right next to the window, so while I am sleeping I do NOT need people literally looking right at me if they were in the driveway. Anyway long story short, I needed that privacy, Blahman, I can not tell you how many times in the last year alone, I had fully thought out my suicide. I could not live this way. I felt I could not live this way anymore, and the longer this was going on, the more and more I was positive that I was going to have to OD on my meds to get out. I wanted to die, I felt atleast then I will get what I wanted the ONLY thing I wanted and that was the only way I could get it. I tried talking to them, they didn;t want to hear it. I asked my sister to please give me just a few minutes of her time to talk to her and help me talk some sense in to them. She told me that "I was not in her plan when she moved in here, and there fore she was not going to get involved and she felt herself that I was the cause of all the problems. I was the family drunk and I was treated as an outcast. She would do nothing to help me as my moving in has apparently ruined her life and interfered so much with her life that she had no sympathy for my situation. Death just seemed to be the answer, though I could never get the balls to do it. I may be dying already, but I am a stubborn bastard and I was not and still am not done living. I don't want to die, either by my liver disease, or my own hand. I respect my life and what I have been able to overcome in the last 2 years.
God there is some much more, but if anyone can understand your frustration, it is definitely me. I lived and feared EVERYTHING you are going through. I feel as though we are living parallel lives, just some of the fact are different, but the fundamentals that we are both living with and through are quite the same. I felt like a neglected animal in a zoo. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, living under the oppression of my parents.Well thankfully, I have been able to knock some sense into them. Bottom line, I am dying and I refuse to die in misery. My mom the other day finally saw the light I guess you could say and decided that the best solution was to switch living arrangements. She decided that her and my step bad would switch bedrooms with me. I would get their current bedroom and they would turn the living room (currently my bedroom) into their bedroom as they are the one that really don't need that kind of privacy as they are the ones that need to be close to the kitchen so that they could do everything they need to with out denying me of my privacy. I hardly ever go into the kitchen accept at time where I would need to make my dinner, or get some tea, ect, I will finally be able to keep to myself in their old bedroom, we can both under this new plan have the privacy that both sides need. I will have my own door to the backyard patio, I will have a fire place in my new bedroom, I am even going to get a little fridge and microwave for the bedroom, so I will be less likely to ever have to leave the room accept to hit the head, or cook and occasional meal during times where they will already be awake, so I am really not going to need to intrude in their space as they do everyday to mine. It a hard, toxic setting that I need to get out of. I want to make it clear, that in know way have I ever tried to encroach on their privacy and I have no intentions of doing any such things. The new plan actually has so many benefits for all involved and with any luck it will end the strain of three adults living in such tight quarters. I mean it was getting to the point where is I were to be in the bathroom for a few minutes, someone would inevitably knock on the bathroom door and hear, " Are you going to be done soon, I have to use the bathroom. Seriously, men take their quiet time when sitting on the the thrown and trying to enjoy a few minutes they enjoy with no interruptions, but not me, I can't even do that with someone disturbing me, and it's not even like I would sit in there for more then maybe 10-15 minutes where I thought would be great to have that time to ralax... One word... constantly "DENIED!!"
So Blahman, as you can imagine from this post we have been through very similar living situations, the way we have tried so hard to do to deal with the pain, anger, disappointments, let downs, both by ourselves and that of our families, that I have 100% empathy for you on this most frustrating scenario and regardless of how old I get I constantly hear, "well your still my child and you need to respect our wishes", something I have never denied them, but that they have fully denied many of my wishes up until this current proposal my mom came up with and I sure hope they could try to just accept me for the way things are and I have tried so long and hard to get it. Noone knows just how long I have left in this life and I would like to be able to enjoy my time left in this life and I want to have happy thoughts while going through my personal "end of days". I hope all those that read this don't think that our actions under these circumstance are selfish, disrespectful, or that we are being ungrateful toward out parent's because we truly are not. In no way am I expecting them to drop everything to "cater" to me, in fact that thought has never even been part of and hope and wish of a peaceful resolution, this is more of a bid for self preservation. Both of us have either been or still are at the end of our whits end, and honestly how much of this do they think we can take with all that we have been through?? Look I know that they did not need to take me in, I am fairly lucky there as I have seen the damaging effects of what alcohol can create, and I am very grateful from the bottom of my heart, and I am lucky to have them, many others are not so lucky.. They brought me into their home and they have provided me a lot of help that most addicts will never see, hear , or in anyway receive from their families or friends and for that I am extremely grateful and EXTREMELY lucky. I love my parents, and if I have have children and one of my children is born with this defect of addiction, I hope that I am able to at the very least make sure I can bring them home with me and offer what ever I possibly can and assure them that things will get better, and rather then be selfish and make sure especially if they are sick like I am, I can make sure that they are as comfortable as humanly possible within my abilities.
I do not want to leave this like with animosity for my family. I want to leave here knowing that they did everything they could have to insure my comfort, even if that means I may have to give up a few things. The way my folks have been treating me, it's as if I am still a young, immature child, that needs mommy to hold me hand. I am an adult, I am a big boy. I have been successful in almost all aspects in my like up until I got ill, and I feel I have earned the right to be treated equal as an adult and I want nothing more then peace in this home. But with me being sick there needs to be some changes in the way I have been treated and for me privacy is at the top of my list. My body and mind can not honestly take to much more. I dread waking up while my parents are lurking around the house arguing with each other. I do not need the confrontations, and when I say confrontations, I am not just referring to them between me and my folks, but more so between the two of them. Once that start, everyone takes their anger with each other out on me and I was of no way part of the original argument, though in some way their arguments tend to be because of me do to the added stress I have caused them from them inviting me to live here. Since I was a child and my father passed when I was 7 (he was 32) and my mother and step dad got married my mother and him have fought pretty much non stop every single fucking day, and it's all because my step dad is no spring chicken he's 78 yo, and he is starting to lose his mental capacities somewhere and his denial forces him to not accept it, when it happens this causes my mother and him to be like oil and water as it doesn't matter what he does, (and she can be this way with me too, however, I have learned how to back her down off me and put her back into perspective), but no matter what, if he is doing something in a way that may get the job done, but not quite how she would have done it, or doesn't hear her say something she said rather then handling it like mature adults my mother jumps on him immediately. He can never be right, he has learning and comprehension disabilities and he also has a very hard time expressing whats on his mind and that has just gotten worse with his age.. My mother has said she is just tired of him not being there for her and taking the time to understand what she wants so he freezes, and doesn't want to do anything when my mom is around as she will sit there and yell at him constantly, yet one more thing I try to hide from. There is not reason for her to treat him that way, and this makes things worse because he fears doing a damn thing because he is tired of being yelled at. Once my mother has it in her mind that she is right and everyone else is wrong, or once she things he isn't understanding what she's saying due to his actions or lack there of, she turns in to mega bitch to him. I can not blame him for no longer trying to do things on his own or take initiative with anything, because no matter how right he may be in her eyes he is never right, so he backs down. He has become a useless, pathetic and rather sad being born from her and the way she treats him.. Once they are done fighting, usually because he just gets in his car and leaves and goes somewhere, the rest of her pent up anger is immediately turns of her anger, angst and aggression, right on me, and I may have just woken up and maybe still half comatose and ask her a questions, and that question no matter how benign, is met with all her pent up fury on me for no good reason.
WOW I so went on, I am so sorry, but as you can see that lack of privacy has driven alot of this sadness, frustration, at times hatred, rage, depression, and so on and so on. The good news is things are just recently beginning to get a little better here with all this, and once I swap rooms with my folks, I will finally have a room when I will have a door that I will be able to close and lock myself in. This way I can sit in my room and give a FUCK THE WORLD, AND FUCK MY LIFE!!! Don't like the sign DEAL WITH IT AS YOU ARE THE CATALYST. Maybe then they will get the hint or not, people in my family can be quite naive.
But yeah man, I know where you are coming from man and it can really hurt and drain you mentally and physically. I do not know your situation well enough to give you any miracle to fix the situation, but I can say this. Try if you can to just pull yourself out of the immediate reality if you can. From the addicts mantra, remind yourself that in no uncertain terms, "this too will past." Keep your head high, be thankful you haven't got my life.
If you ever want to talk, Im always here, feel free to PM me at anytime. I would also request that any flamers keep your matches and lighters home as this is my situation above and unless your living here with me and see what I see everyday, you will have no clue what you are talking about if you think that the way a portrayed my family is wrong and you think I am the selfish one. My story goes much deeper, much more then I care to type at the moment and my message was to Blahman to an effort to assure him that since I live practically every single day in the BS that's he is living through this post was for him and him alone to comment on. Thanks, and sorry if I seem a little snippy at the moment, it's not intentional, but mentally I am drained with everything going on in my life currently....
I anticipate the respect in advance..
Remember Blah, ever need to chat I would be more then willing to sit down with ya and give you some additional suggestions. Oh and one thing that I am finding is that if you ever want to block them out when your trying to sleep and you know at some point all the BS is going to start up again and you don;t want to hear it, buy yourself for under
$2 a soft set of ear plugs and sleep with them in. Make sure someone will wake you up if the fire alarm goes off however, as that would be bad then I would feel guilty for making the recommendation!
Best of luck to you!
-Pain
Please understand to all those that have already replied, I urge you to take no offence that I am not reading the previous replies to you got from others on your original post but I am not going to bother reading the replies. I want to respond to you on this as I can relate to absolutely every comment you made in your initial post and I can feel and relate to all that you are going through. Though our age difference may be vast (not sure again, I am 37), so I apologize if anyone has already said some of the things that I may repeat not only their comments and possibly my own, but honestly here's the deal...... I am 37, married and moved out of my parents house when I was 25. Since then, I have been divorced and my ex and I sold out house and I moved into my own house. I then got really sick 2 years ago, partly my own doing with drinking and part an unknown pre-existing issue that has since caused me (as you know from my other posts) to get End Stage Liver Disease and cirrhosis. I became so sick I wasn't expected to make it out of the hospital alive, thus my parents had me come live with them as I could not live on my own and thank god they have taken me in as I had lost my job and my house was/is in foreclosure. Again, thankfully my parents were kind enough to let me move back home with them. There was one catch and at the time I was so deep into recovery both from alcohol as well as my health that I would eventually learn to hate, and that was that in the years since I had moved out and gotten married, my sister worked out a deal with my parents to buy their home and create a "mother / daughter" setup in the house which simply is that my parents would move out of the main part of the house, my sister and her husband and kids moved into the main part of the house and my brother in law built them an apartment using the den and garage of the original main part of the house into more or less a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. This had left me turning their living room into my bedroom where like you I have no privacy what so ever. While I was very sick, in the beginning, I really didn't care, I was just happy to be alive, have a roof over my head and my folks there to take care of me. As I started to get better, I started craving my privacy. I literally was sleeping in between their bedroom and the rest of the apartment. This means that every single day regardless of how I was feeling, I would be woken up constantly from them coming out and going to the kitchen to feed the dogs, do laundry, make meals, wash dishes, ect all within 10-15 feet of my bed. I eventually craved my privacy so much I have sheets hung up around my bed, in the hopes of out of site out of mind, and the thinking was, if they could not see me, and I could not see them, I felt like I had a little privacy..... Um NOT... It didn;t matter how I was feeling, they acted like I wasn't there. They would yell across the small house back and forth... I would have to listen to them slamming the doors, tons of noise when they would be in the kitchen, and not once, not ONCE did anyone have the courtesy of someone saying, oh hey, he's not feeling well, lets try to be quiet. Many times I would ask for some quiet time and I would be told, "You living in OUR house, this is OUR (our meaning theirs not mine) and therefore I basically had no right to ask for such things. I would be sleeping, and my mom would think I had something she needed, so rather then waiting until I was awake, or with out asking, she would just move my sheet aside and come into my space and rummage around in my stuff looking for what ever it is she was looking for. In the mean time during her rummaging she would take it upon herself to start looking at my private papers, letters, cards what ever she felt like being nosey about and just start reading shit. For the longest time, I was the outcast just living on a couch in their living room. Over time as if became reality that my health wasn't going to allow me to move on my own, not to mention no money, losing my house to the bank, having 10's of thousands of $$ in debt, the need to file bankruptcy, my parents came to realize that I was stuck, with nowhere to go, no hope of moving back on my own, and even if I had the money to move out, I knew I could not live on my own as being an alcoholic I did not trust myself to live alone. My parents finally accepted me as being a part of the house hold. All the time my privacy was an issue. I just could not get away. Like you, I would cringe every time I heard my name called. I would same as you, stay up at night and sleep all day so that I knew while I would be up all night, that was my alone time as they were sleeping sound, behind their closed door to their bedroom. I would every now and then ask for some me time to make a phone call or something and would be told sure, we will stay in the bedroom, 30 minutes later, they would be coming out to rummage through the kitchen to get something to eat... Get something from the kitchen.. I would say come of guys I asked for only an hour of me time to take care of things, and I could not even get that. Her I am dying from live3r disease, and I could not even get an hour to my self to do anything. So my clock would change and I would flip to nights again, and sleep all day then be told that I pretty much have no rights, as it was their house. This battle has raged up until recently. Some may say that I am the one being selfish, as it infact is their house and they didn't need to allow me to live there, my family would accuse me of trying to take advantage of my parents because I would get mad at the way they were treating me and I would make it known I was not happy. Then, again here I am a recovering alcoholic and I would watch my parents becoming alcoholics themselves and the one thing I asked them was, they are old enough to do what they wanted, but if they were drinking I asked that they stay away from me, as that makes me very uncomfortable and puts my in a very toxic living environment. I could not talk to them about it as it was their house and they were completely in denial about their drinking... This would push me further to find away to burry my head in the sand, and it caused me to relapse a couple times as my drinking was all I knew how to hide my anger and frustrations with them. Finally I got really sick again, and once again the drinking almost killed me. I realized that I just could not drink anymore and my life was more important to me even if not to anyone else.However soon after getting sober again and this time staying that way (almost 2 years now) I found that I just couldn't take much more, but what else was I to do, it was infact their house. So I tried to make some compromises with them, and one of them was to take my food stamps and provide all the food for the 3 of us. Thats roughly $250 a month of my welfare benefits in the hopes of "buying" my way into becoming part of the family and I was finally accepted as a member of the house hold. Things didn;t get much better, and the tensions came to a head a couple times where my step-father literally physically attacked me twice. Here I am literally dying, and being physically assaulted by my step dad and both times, I nearly killed him in self defense. I had enough. I had to call the police on him the last time because he attacked me with a bat, thankfully he couldnt connect, I disarmed him and I lifted him up off the ground but about 6 inched with my hand around his neck and slammed his head against the wall and help him there until my mother separated us and I enjoyed watching him turn blue and beg for me to let him go. I refused to talk to him for months, and I could see that it was taking it's toll on my mother. So I told her that the only way things would change is if they knocked the shit off and allow me some privacy. We finally had a truce and started living life again only this time, things would have to change, they needed to give me space and to this day, I still live behind my sheets, and try as hard as I can to not interact with them unless absolutely necessary to do so. For a while my privacy was so unimportant to them that I was told I had to open the curtains and let light to come into the house, but they seemed to forget that my bed is right next to the window, so while I am sleeping I do NOT need people literally looking right at me if they were in the driveway. Anyway long story short, I needed that privacy, Blahman, I can not tell you how many times in the last year alone, I had fully thought out my suicide. I could not live this way. I felt I could not live this way anymore, and the longer this was going on, the more and more I was positive that I was going to have to OD on my meds to get out. I wanted to die, I felt atleast then I will get what I wanted the ONLY thing I wanted and that was the only way I could get it. I tried talking to them, they didn;t want to hear it. I asked my sister to please give me just a few minutes of her time to talk to her and help me talk some sense in to them. She told me that "I was not in her plan when she moved in here, and there fore she was not going to get involved and she felt herself that I was the cause of all the problems. I was the family drunk and I was treated as an outcast. She would do nothing to help me as my moving in has apparently ruined her life and interfered so much with her life that she had no sympathy for my situation. Death just seemed to be the answer, though I could never get the balls to do it. I may be dying already, but I am a stubborn bastard and I was not and still am not done living. I don't want to die, either by my liver disease, or my own hand. I respect my life and what I have been able to overcome in the last 2 years.
God there is some much more, but if anyone can understand your frustration, it is definitely me. I lived and feared EVERYTHING you are going through. I feel as though we are living parallel lives, just some of the fact are different, but the fundamentals that we are both living with and through are quite the same. I felt like a neglected animal in a zoo. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, living under the oppression of my parents.Well thankfully, I have been able to knock some sense into them. Bottom line, I am dying and I refuse to die in misery. My mom the other day finally saw the light I guess you could say and decided that the best solution was to switch living arrangements. She decided that her and my step bad would switch bedrooms with me. I would get their current bedroom and they would turn the living room (currently my bedroom) into their bedroom as they are the one that really don't need that kind of privacy as they are the ones that need to be close to the kitchen so that they could do everything they need to with out denying me of my privacy. I hardly ever go into the kitchen accept at time where I would need to make my dinner, or get some tea, ect, I will finally be able to keep to myself in their old bedroom, we can both under this new plan have the privacy that both sides need. I will have my own door to the backyard patio, I will have a fire place in my new bedroom, I am even going to get a little fridge and microwave for the bedroom, so I will be less likely to ever have to leave the room accept to hit the head, or cook and occasional meal during times where they will already be awake, so I am really not going to need to intrude in their space as they do everyday to mine. It a hard, toxic setting that I need to get out of. I want to make it clear, that in know way have I ever tried to encroach on their privacy and I have no intentions of doing any such things. The new plan actually has so many benefits for all involved and with any luck it will end the strain of three adults living in such tight quarters. I mean it was getting to the point where is I were to be in the bathroom for a few minutes, someone would inevitably knock on the bathroom door and hear, " Are you going to be done soon, I have to use the bathroom. Seriously, men take their quiet time when sitting on the the thrown and trying to enjoy a few minutes they enjoy with no interruptions, but not me, I can't even do that with someone disturbing me, and it's not even like I would sit in there for more then maybe 10-15 minutes where I thought would be great to have that time to ralax... One word... constantly "DENIED!!"
So Blahman, as you can imagine from this post we have been through very similar living situations, the way we have tried so hard to do to deal with the pain, anger, disappointments, let downs, both by ourselves and that of our families, that I have 100% empathy for you on this most frustrating scenario and regardless of how old I get I constantly hear, "well your still my child and you need to respect our wishes", something I have never denied them, but that they have fully denied many of my wishes up until this current proposal my mom came up with and I sure hope they could try to just accept me for the way things are and I have tried so long and hard to get it. Noone knows just how long I have left in this life and I would like to be able to enjoy my time left in this life and I want to have happy thoughts while going through my personal "end of days". I hope all those that read this don't think that our actions under these circumstance are selfish, disrespectful, or that we are being ungrateful toward out parent's because we truly are not. In no way am I expecting them to drop everything to "cater" to me, in fact that thought has never even been part of and hope and wish of a peaceful resolution, this is more of a bid for self preservation. Both of us have either been or still are at the end of our whits end, and honestly how much of this do they think we can take with all that we have been through?? Look I know that they did not need to take me in, I am fairly lucky there as I have seen the damaging effects of what alcohol can create, and I am very grateful from the bottom of my heart, and I am lucky to have them, many others are not so lucky.. They brought me into their home and they have provided me a lot of help that most addicts will never see, hear , or in anyway receive from their families or friends and for that I am extremely grateful and EXTREMELY lucky. I love my parents, and if I have have children and one of my children is born with this defect of addiction, I hope that I am able to at the very least make sure I can bring them home with me and offer what ever I possibly can and assure them that things will get better, and rather then be selfish and make sure especially if they are sick like I am, I can make sure that they are as comfortable as humanly possible within my abilities.
I do not want to leave this like with animosity for my family. I want to leave here knowing that they did everything they could have to insure my comfort, even if that means I may have to give up a few things. The way my folks have been treating me, it's as if I am still a young, immature child, that needs mommy to hold me hand. I am an adult, I am a big boy. I have been successful in almost all aspects in my like up until I got ill, and I feel I have earned the right to be treated equal as an adult and I want nothing more then peace in this home. But with me being sick there needs to be some changes in the way I have been treated and for me privacy is at the top of my list. My body and mind can not honestly take to much more. I dread waking up while my parents are lurking around the house arguing with each other. I do not need the confrontations, and when I say confrontations, I am not just referring to them between me and my folks, but more so between the two of them. Once that start, everyone takes their anger with each other out on me and I was of no way part of the original argument, though in some way their arguments tend to be because of me do to the added stress I have caused them from them inviting me to live here. Since I was a child and my father passed when I was 7 (he was 32) and my mother and step dad got married my mother and him have fought pretty much non stop every single fucking day, and it's all because my step dad is no spring chicken he's 78 yo, and he is starting to lose his mental capacities somewhere and his denial forces him to not accept it, when it happens this causes my mother and him to be like oil and water as it doesn't matter what he does, (and she can be this way with me too, however, I have learned how to back her down off me and put her back into perspective), but no matter what, if he is doing something in a way that may get the job done, but not quite how she would have done it, or doesn't hear her say something she said rather then handling it like mature adults my mother jumps on him immediately. He can never be right, he has learning and comprehension disabilities and he also has a very hard time expressing whats on his mind and that has just gotten worse with his age.. My mother has said she is just tired of him not being there for her and taking the time to understand what she wants so he freezes, and doesn't want to do anything when my mom is around as she will sit there and yell at him constantly, yet one more thing I try to hide from. There is not reason for her to treat him that way, and this makes things worse because he fears doing a damn thing because he is tired of being yelled at. Once my mother has it in her mind that she is right and everyone else is wrong, or once she things he isn't understanding what she's saying due to his actions or lack there of, she turns in to mega bitch to him. I can not blame him for no longer trying to do things on his own or take initiative with anything, because no matter how right he may be in her eyes he is never right, so he backs down. He has become a useless, pathetic and rather sad being born from her and the way she treats him.. Once they are done fighting, usually because he just gets in his car and leaves and goes somewhere, the rest of her pent up anger is immediately turns of her anger, angst and aggression, right on me, and I may have just woken up and maybe still half comatose and ask her a questions, and that question no matter how benign, is met with all her pent up fury on me for no good reason.
WOW I so went on, I am so sorry, but as you can see that lack of privacy has driven alot of this sadness, frustration, at times hatred, rage, depression, and so on and so on. The good news is things are just recently beginning to get a little better here with all this, and once I swap rooms with my folks, I will finally have a room when I will have a door that I will be able to close and lock myself in. This way I can sit in my room and give a FUCK THE WORLD, AND FUCK MY LIFE!!! Don't like the sign DEAL WITH IT AS YOU ARE THE CATALYST. Maybe then they will get the hint or not, people in my family can be quite naive.
But yeah man, I know where you are coming from man and it can really hurt and drain you mentally and physically. I do not know your situation well enough to give you any miracle to fix the situation, but I can say this. Try if you can to just pull yourself out of the immediate reality if you can. From the addicts mantra, remind yourself that in no uncertain terms, "this too will past." Keep your head high, be thankful you haven't got my life.
If you ever want to talk, Im always here, feel free to PM me at anytime. I would also request that any flamers keep your matches and lighters home as this is my situation above and unless your living here with me and see what I see everyday, you will have no clue what you are talking about if you think that the way a portrayed my family is wrong and you think I am the selfish one. My story goes much deeper, much more then I care to type at the moment and my message was to Blahman to an effort to assure him that since I live practically every single day in the BS that's he is living through this post was for him and him alone to comment on. Thanks, and sorry if I seem a little snippy at the moment, it's not intentional, but mentally I am drained with everything going on in my life currently....
I anticipate the respect in advance..
Remember Blah, ever need to chat I would be more then willing to sit down with ya and give you some additional suggestions. Oh and one thing that I am finding is that if you ever want to block them out when your trying to sleep and you know at some point all the BS is going to start up again and you don;t want to hear it, buy yourself for under
$2 a soft set of ear plugs and sleep with them in. Make sure someone will wake you up if the fire alarm goes off however, as that would be bad then I would feel guilty for making the recommendation!
Best of luck to you!
-Pain
painenduser
Bluelighter
It's got nothing to do with being a cry baby bro, so you really should not go there. Privacy is an important thing for some people such as myself. It is one thing to live WITH your parents, it's another thing when your life is displayed like a public spectacle in front of them. I belief that is what he is referring too. 27 37 47 whatever the age, when you have no way to have time for yourself while your life is displayed in front of your family is where the difference comes in. And seriously man there is no need to flame the guy or anyone else for there post. Just because you haven't any issues with living with your folks, doesn't mean that is isn't suffocating for someone else. You know reading your insensitive reply really makes me wonder what you are doing trolling TDS. TDS is a place where people can come in and write about things that people are haunted by, things that bother them and looking for some kind of support. You reply is a bit cold hearted and insensitive. I realize that people are entitled to their own opinions, but calling someone a crybaby kinda crosses the line for me as that is not what this forum is for. It's for posting in hopes of finding like minded people that can relate and give some advice and not be flamed by people like you. Your life maybe roses if you were born with a silver spoon in your trap, but not all have had that privilege.
So in the future before you decide to reply to someone elses' post. post some thing encoraging. After all they didn't come here to be belittled by you. They posted to try and meet and get some thoughts from people who may be able to relate to their story and possibly offer some advisel Sorry but in my opinion, your reply was not cool not needed and really uncalled for. It's a shame I was not a mod or I'd delete your post for flaming, as your post actually pissed me off.
Peace.
-Pain
ay help them
Last edited by a moderator:
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 690
Thanks to Pain for pointing out the uselessness of that person's post, and thank you to Vaya for getting rid of it. Hopefully that poster can see how that wasn't helping anyone.
Pain, I read your post. Took me a while because I had to get off here a few times while I was in the middle of reading, but I appreciate your input and it definitely sounds like you know where I'm coming from, and it sounds like you've been through a lot. For people like us, it just isn't easy. I can't speak for anybody else, but personally I'm basically a loner. That doesn't mean I want to be a shut-out or a recluse, nor does it mean that I hate everyone and don't want friends. It means that for a certain portion of the day, I really do need some alone time, or else I just run out of energy and all that is left is anxiety and frustration. A lot of people sometimes fail to make that distinction. I woke up a bit late this afternoon because I stayed up late last night, and to my delight the house was empty. I begin cooking myself some lunch and suddenly after just a few minutes I hear the door open and my folks came in, and my appetite suddenly left me and I just cringed and wanted to get the hell out of there. My dad asked me what was wrong, and I was frustrated but tried to explain to him that I'm never alone and it's driving me nuts. A couple hours later he started screaming at me and cussing me out over it, saying that "WE'RE NEVER ALONE EITHER, YOU WANT TO BE ALONE THEN GET YOUR OWN FUCKING PLACE," and a few other things. I kept telling him that I wasn't blaming anybody, and that some people are just like that. But then again, my father isn't the type of person who is capable of seeing or admitting when he is wrong. I don't believe I've ever heard him genuinely apologize or own up to anything.
While I was in the hospital, my room was a mess (hell, I'd been a drunk for three years), and I kept asking my parents to not go into my room, that I need them to respect my privacy. But they kept insisting that they were going to go in there and clean it. I kept asking them not to, and I promised that I'd clean it as soon as I got home. I took a taxi home when I was discharged, and when I got home, my parents were walking around my room and stuffing things into bags, my computer was on and a bunch of private stuff was up, papers and pictures and a lot of things that I consider VERY private were all over the place, etc. My whole room is FILLED with things I consider very private. Hell, a couple of porn DVDs I bought years ago were right out in the open along with open journals and notes from friends and ex-girlfriends.
Maybe I just need a good period of time where I'm just completely on my own, living alone (somehow), and seeing friends on my own chosen time. And maybe I just need to spend a year or so completely detached from my family, for all our sakes. I don't think I do well living so closely with other people, and this isn't how I'm going to learn. It's just not healthy anymore. So I'm looking for better ways to make money and I'm just going to move into the next little room I can find with the cheapest rent and shortest lease possible. I'll go from there. It wouldn't be the first time.
Pain, I read your post. Took me a while because I had to get off here a few times while I was in the middle of reading, but I appreciate your input and it definitely sounds like you know where I'm coming from, and it sounds like you've been through a lot. For people like us, it just isn't easy. I can't speak for anybody else, but personally I'm basically a loner. That doesn't mean I want to be a shut-out or a recluse, nor does it mean that I hate everyone and don't want friends. It means that for a certain portion of the day, I really do need some alone time, or else I just run out of energy and all that is left is anxiety and frustration. A lot of people sometimes fail to make that distinction. I woke up a bit late this afternoon because I stayed up late last night, and to my delight the house was empty. I begin cooking myself some lunch and suddenly after just a few minutes I hear the door open and my folks came in, and my appetite suddenly left me and I just cringed and wanted to get the hell out of there. My dad asked me what was wrong, and I was frustrated but tried to explain to him that I'm never alone and it's driving me nuts. A couple hours later he started screaming at me and cussing me out over it, saying that "WE'RE NEVER ALONE EITHER, YOU WANT TO BE ALONE THEN GET YOUR OWN FUCKING PLACE," and a few other things. I kept telling him that I wasn't blaming anybody, and that some people are just like that. But then again, my father isn't the type of person who is capable of seeing or admitting when he is wrong. I don't believe I've ever heard him genuinely apologize or own up to anything.
While I was in the hospital, my room was a mess (hell, I'd been a drunk for three years), and I kept asking my parents to not go into my room, that I need them to respect my privacy. But they kept insisting that they were going to go in there and clean it. I kept asking them not to, and I promised that I'd clean it as soon as I got home. I took a taxi home when I was discharged, and when I got home, my parents were walking around my room and stuffing things into bags, my computer was on and a bunch of private stuff was up, papers and pictures and a lot of things that I consider VERY private were all over the place, etc. My whole room is FILLED with things I consider very private. Hell, a couple of porn DVDs I bought years ago were right out in the open along with open journals and notes from friends and ex-girlfriends.
Maybe I just need a good period of time where I'm just completely on my own, living alone (somehow), and seeing friends on my own chosen time. And maybe I just need to spend a year or so completely detached from my family, for all our sakes. I don't think I do well living so closely with other people, and this isn't how I'm going to learn. It's just not healthy anymore. So I'm looking for better ways to make money and I'm just going to move into the next little room I can find with the cheapest rent and shortest lease possible. I'll go from there. It wouldn't be the first time.
modern buddha
Bluelighter
You really do need to sort things out with your parents. Getting upset over hearing them walking / singing is not good. It seems to me that your partial hatred toward your parents stems very far into the past. I suggest family counseling for the three of you and if they won't go, you'll have to go alone.
Honestly, as for privacy, my family somewhat respects it. However, I don't keep anything in my possession that I wouldn't want anyone finding. I do NOT keep anything private, not even a diary. I keep a journal, where I put a very vague expression of my thoughts, or pictures.
You've got a long time coming and I do hope you can find yourself and your place in this world. Good luck trying your own thing.
Honestly, as for privacy, my family somewhat respects it. However, I don't keep anything in my possession that I wouldn't want anyone finding. I do NOT keep anything private, not even a diary. I keep a journal, where I put a very vague expression of my thoughts, or pictures.
You've got a long time coming and I do hope you can find yourself and your place in this world. Good luck trying your own thing.
painenduser
Bluelighter
No problem Blahman, I am glad that you were able to see that you are not alone in your pain and frustrations. Vaya, no problem to you as well, infact I am glad that you had stepped in, because that guys post was not needed. Thanks for leqaving mine as it just helps to show people that this forum is not here for people to flame. It just brings down the entire dynamic of this forum.
Simply, I understand what your saying, I mean I my life basically is an open book too, I mean it has to be, I'm an addict and if it were not, then it would allow me to engage in drinking again, and that would literally kill me, however, everyone needs their space, everyone needs their zone, their down time, away from other people. It's why we sleep, it allows our body to heal, it allows us to keep going day after day, and the brain needs that time as well. The problem is if you never have time to yourself, then you never have time to give your brain time to heal. You need to be alone every now and then with just peace and quiet. It has nothing to do with hiding things from people. It has more to do with having some personal space. I don't think there is anything wrong with anyone wanting time to be alone. It's a proven fact that people who are constantly around other people with no time for self reflection tend to lose their own self identity as they are always influenced by their surroundings. So I don't see why people think it's wrong to want time alone. I mean that is the bottom line here. What you don't want to do is become a complete recluse. There's a difference between being a recluse or a hermit, and just wanting some time by them selves. When your life if displayed out in the open, when you can't get any time to yourself it can be damaging. I do believe that people are misunderstanding what Blahman and I are asking for. Unfortunately Blahman is speaking somewhat out of anger and in doing so it is coming ot as if he is saying he just wants to build a brick wall around him and be secluded for the world indefinitely. That I don't believe is what he is asking for. I believe, if, like me, he is just asking for some time for himself, giving himself sometime to regroup. Everyone wants time to themselves. I mean look at a typical family dynamic. You have a family, 2 parents and 2 children. In that dynamic, usually, the father has his garage, where when he goes out there it's his time. Time to himself. time to do what he wants somewhat free of all disruptions. The wife usually has a room where she can go, may it be the kitchen, or like my mom, she created herself a sewing room (this was when they had the whole house) and the kids have their rooms, and usually can sit in their rooms playing or talking on the phone whatever, it's just their little domains. In his case, as well as mine, we don't have that. We don't have a place to call our own to just give us time for ourselves, that is not asking too much I do not think. It is perfectly normal. It's not an expectation that anyone else would have.
So I think if we could just read through his anger and frustration you would see that he is no different then anyone else in his request. It's not a total isolation he is asking for, just some privacy some personal space. Really is that to much to ask? I don't think so.
Peace!
-Pain
Simply, I understand what your saying, I mean I my life basically is an open book too, I mean it has to be, I'm an addict and if it were not, then it would allow me to engage in drinking again, and that would literally kill me, however, everyone needs their space, everyone needs their zone, their down time, away from other people. It's why we sleep, it allows our body to heal, it allows us to keep going day after day, and the brain needs that time as well. The problem is if you never have time to yourself, then you never have time to give your brain time to heal. You need to be alone every now and then with just peace and quiet. It has nothing to do with hiding things from people. It has more to do with having some personal space. I don't think there is anything wrong with anyone wanting time to be alone. It's a proven fact that people who are constantly around other people with no time for self reflection tend to lose their own self identity as they are always influenced by their surroundings. So I don't see why people think it's wrong to want time alone. I mean that is the bottom line here. What you don't want to do is become a complete recluse. There's a difference between being a recluse or a hermit, and just wanting some time by them selves. When your life if displayed out in the open, when you can't get any time to yourself it can be damaging. I do believe that people are misunderstanding what Blahman and I are asking for. Unfortunately Blahman is speaking somewhat out of anger and in doing so it is coming ot as if he is saying he just wants to build a brick wall around him and be secluded for the world indefinitely. That I don't believe is what he is asking for. I believe, if, like me, he is just asking for some time for himself, giving himself sometime to regroup. Everyone wants time to themselves. I mean look at a typical family dynamic. You have a family, 2 parents and 2 children. In that dynamic, usually, the father has his garage, where when he goes out there it's his time. Time to himself. time to do what he wants somewhat free of all disruptions. The wife usually has a room where she can go, may it be the kitchen, or like my mom, she created herself a sewing room (this was when they had the whole house) and the kids have their rooms, and usually can sit in their rooms playing or talking on the phone whatever, it's just their little domains. In his case, as well as mine, we don't have that. We don't have a place to call our own to just give us time for ourselves, that is not asking too much I do not think. It is perfectly normal. It's not an expectation that anyone else would have.
So I think if we could just read through his anger and frustration you would see that he is no different then anyone else in his request. It's not a total isolation he is asking for, just some privacy some personal space. Really is that to much to ask? I don't think so.
Peace!
-Pain
modern buddha
Bluelighter
I won't go into the "proven fact" talk.
However, note that it's not healthy behavior to be mad because other people are the in the house. You can close the door and get a little bit of alone time, even if you can hear the presence of other people in the house. There have been five people in my house for over a year now and it's very, very rare that the house is empty other than for me.
However, when you walk into your room with the practice of "this is alone time", then you can enjoy having a door. Put in some ear plugs, OP. You'd be surprised how much it helps... Though I guess I can't say all that much, I'm almost deaf as it is.
painenduser
Bluelighter
Simply, I guess I take this more personally then I should after all in my situation, I have no door. I have nothing but a sheet between me and the rest of the house, so I feel bad for others who can not find their own version of privacy. I'm not trying to start any kind of debate about it, bit I guess i would think differently if I even had a door to close, but since I dont, I know that listening to people whistling when they walk in the house door everytime would and does piss me off. I have no where to get away. I do where earplugs at night and the down fall is when I want to watch TVm can do that with ear plugs.. Anyway, I think we both have some thoughts that are gems, its just how OP chooses to go forward that will make the difference.
Peace my friend!
Pain
Peace my friend!
Pain
modern buddha
Bluelighter
... No door? Is there any way you can construct one, even if you have to do it on your own? Everyone needs a door.
Wow you sound like you're in a similar situation to me, I used to live with my father where he was home for 1 week and then away for 2 weeks so I had a lot of privacy and time alone, then he had to move elsewhere for work whilst I was studying so I moved in with my grandma, being an elderly person she is literally home 24/7 and it drives me crazy as well. There were points where I would be going to sleep at 6-10am and waking up at 5-10pm just so I could have some alone time. Hope all gets better man, if you can, get a job (if you don't already have one) and move out with a mate or get your own place.
painenduser
Bluelighter
Simply, no, I live in the living room of a 1 bedroom apartment with my mother and step dad. If you read my first reply to his post (sorry it's so long, it just stirred a lot of frustrations in me) you will understand a little more of my situation. I literally live in a makeshift bed in their living room. My walls are made of sheets, and my current door is ducking under a sheet. So, yeah no way to have a door or real walls. As for work to move out, that is all explained too in the other post, I am in end stage liver disease and a recovering alcoholic. I can not work thus I am on welfare and food stamps until my Social Security money gets approved. I also fear living alone as that is what caused my loneliness and my drinking, I would be too afraid that I could start drinking again and with my illness, even one drink cold kill me as I am already dying a slow death that only a transplant can prevent. My story is here in the earlier post as well as in my blogs, as I don't want to derail the OP's post.
As for work to move out, that is all explained too in the other post, I am in end stage liver disease and a recovering alcoholic. I can not work thus I am on welfare and food stamps until my Social Security money gets approved. I also fear living alone as that is what caused my loneliness and my drinking, I would be too afraid that I could start drinking again and with my illness, even one drink cold kill me as I am already dying a slow death that only a transplant can prevent. My story is here in the earlier post as well as in my blogs, as I don't want to derail the OP's post.
weekend addiction
Bluelighter
I understand wanting your own life. The transition between adulthood now takes place so late these days because its just not affordable to move out anymore for a lot of people. I know I just couldn't do it these days. I'm trying to make it myself but its difficult.
This is what I would suggest: Your irritable most likely because you want some alcohol (atleast physically). When people piss me off and frustrate me I just find something to do alone. Be creative there are shit tons of things you can do alone and I'm not going to list them. One of the things you can do alone is pondering hobbies or activities that you can do without people pissing you off...
This is what I would suggest: Your irritable most likely because you want some alcohol (atleast physically). When people piss me off and frustrate me I just find something to do alone. Be creative there are shit tons of things you can do alone and I'm not going to list them. One of the things you can do alone is pondering hobbies or activities that you can do without people pissing you off...
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painenduser
Bluelighter
I am not angry... I have learned to cope. I have been sober for 603 days and don't miss it one bit, not even physically. But again, this post is not about me, this post is for the OP, please lets not forget that this thread is for him, I was just relating too him as we have similar situations. My past alcohol issues are in the past and in the past it shall stay.
Please do not let my posts derail the OP's thread. Thanks!
Pain
Please do not let my posts derail the OP's thread. Thanks!
Pain
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 690
I personally do get pissed off and frustrated, and that was one of the many reasons why I'd drink. It would lower my anxiety and agitation, and I'd feel less like I need to be away from certain people. There were holidays where I'd have to get at least half drunk so that I could be around my family. With friends, I can be sober and I'm fine. But here at home, I just want to be by myself or else I start to get very frustrated. I've been working on it because trying to explain it has mostly just led to disaster. It's not my house and I'm obviously not going to try and dictate what anyone else does around me when they're here. But nonetheless, I just feel like I'm in an overall unhealthy situation and I need to work on getting out of here.
As I'm becoming more used to sobriety, I think maybe, very slowly, I'm learning to cope better with the anxiety that has come with it. It's true that if I could have a bottle of Xanax in my pocket or a line of Oxycontin cut right in front of me, there'd be little hesitation. I'm done with alcohol but I still crave something in general to use and have in my system. I know that if I had something like that, I wouldn't feel like such an isolated asshole and I'd be able to feel comfortable here, at least while I'm on something. Obviously that kind of thinking is part of what has gotten me here, though.
All I can do is keep looking for better work, try my best to make money, stay healthy, and hope to get out of here as soon as I can. Some people probably don't understand why it's such a hardship for me to live here, and some of you do understand. The living situation in this house is just not working out anymore. It's not healthy and I'm very unhappy here. When I'm here, I feel like this very irritable and isolated person. For now I just have to keep doing my best not to make that anyone else's problem but my own.
As I'm becoming more used to sobriety, I think maybe, very slowly, I'm learning to cope better with the anxiety that has come with it. It's true that if I could have a bottle of Xanax in my pocket or a line of Oxycontin cut right in front of me, there'd be little hesitation. I'm done with alcohol but I still crave something in general to use and have in my system. I know that if I had something like that, I wouldn't feel like such an isolated asshole and I'd be able to feel comfortable here, at least while I'm on something. Obviously that kind of thinking is part of what has gotten me here, though.
All I can do is keep looking for better work, try my best to make money, stay healthy, and hope to get out of here as soon as I can. Some people probably don't understand why it's such a hardship for me to live here, and some of you do understand. The living situation in this house is just not working out anymore. It's not healthy and I'm very unhappy here. When I'm here, I feel like this very irritable and isolated person. For now I just have to keep doing my best not to make that anyone else's problem but my own.
painenduser
Bluelighter
Blahman, just don't lose sight with the fact that you can come here and talk to us about it. Some people may judge you, but who cares, those people have never had to deal with the same things that you and I have. Don't lose hope, and don't isolate to much. Alot of your urges to isolate are being caused by your anger right now, then once you get out on your own, with your history with alcohol and drugs, you may find yourself getting too bored and then find those drugs inorder to relieve the pain of the isolation. So take your time before you make any rash decisions. Think about all that you are going through and where you want to be and then find a happy medium between the two.
Keep us in the loop, let us know how your doing. Feel free to bounce your ideas off of us before you make any of those decisions. Try to focus on those that understand and the suggestions we have given you. We will always be here. PM me if you want my information incase you need to talk and I am not around here on the forums. Make sure your talk about your plans before you act on them. All my best to you my friend and stay in touch!
Peace!
Pain
Keep us in the loop, let us know how your doing. Feel free to bounce your ideas off of us before you make any of those decisions. Try to focus on those that understand and the suggestions we have given you. We will always be here. PM me if you want my information incase you need to talk and I am not around here on the forums. Make sure your talk about your plans before you act on them. All my best to you my friend and stay in touch!
Peace!
Pain