depressed about guys

[venus_]

i have horrible past history with guys and its fucking with my head. cant get the sex i want or anything........ i need help. feels like one day im just gonna fucking kill myself .

 

[LuGoJ]

Need to be a bit more specific

 

[MikeRWK]

I dont seem to get women and couldnt get laid in a whore house with a stack in each hand, i dont let it get me down i just focus on my hobbies and i figure someday i'll find someone.

 

[clear_sky]

i have horrible past history with guys and its fucking with my head. cant get the sex i want or anything........ i need help. feels like one day im just gonna fucking kill myself .

I have a shit past history with guys as well, same goes for not getting sex I want..
The way I see it, they're missing out by being lazy, inconsiderate pricks. Not like I ask for much.
If you want to chat some more, message me.
But don't let it get you down xx

 

[rangrz]

The way I see it, they're missing out by being lazy, inconsiderate pricks. Not like I ask for much.

"they" being inconsiderate pricks? May I point out that the only concrete and objective factor which all of your experiences with men have in common, is that of yourself. Perhaps it is worth investigating if that factor may be the under laying mechanism.

I have a shit past history with Armenians as well, same goes for not getting sex I want..
The way I see it, they're missing out by being lazy, inconsiderate pricks. Not like I ask for much.
If you want to chat some more, message me.
But don't let it get you down xx

Still cool...?

 

[shimazu]

yeah talk about a vague post

do you mean you have sex and arent satisfied or just cant find anyone to fuck? If its the latter how hard are you looking because I know some dudes who will hit anything that moves. Unless you are like 300+ pounds I dont see how you cant find anyone to have sex with. And if you are 300+ some guys are into that too

 

[clear_sky]

rangrz, my reply was somewhat hasty and, I must admit, over-generalized.
I should have expressed myself more clearly.

I think that you are saying something along the lines of - the way we are treated is, for the most part, the way we expected to be treated or would treat others. And it comes back full circle. I am familiar with that thought.

However, I can honestly say that I would not treat anybody in any negative way.. and that is what I have received from every relationship I ever had. The only explanation underlying mechanism within myself that I can pinpoint is that I am too forgiving and kind, refusing to believe that people are capable of evil. Until they show me they can. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I know I'm not. But the men I have had dealings with - their imperfections far outweigh my own. In the sense that I would never take pleasure in deliberately causing harm to another living soul, be it through violence, lies or any other sort of abuse.

When I say I don't ask for much, I meant that my demands are simple - let's not hurt each other. It's not difficult, and things work so much better that way. I follow that rule, yet others refuse to do so.

Maybe I'm missing a very important detail, can't see the forest for the trees?

I genuinely apologise for causing any offence by making a generalised comment.
In my defence - I'm still deeply hurt by my last awful experience.
Even though, I understand that's not an excuse to say stupid things.

 

[rangrz]

^

I am not personally offended. I'm a big boy. I was only trying to illustrate the invalidity of generalization of a very large group based on observation from an extremely small sub of that group. As well as the tendancy to externalize blame or culpability for negative experiences that may not be per se culpable with regards to anyone's actions, or which may instead rest one's self and not others.

I can honestly say that I would not treat anybody in any negative way..

Is it possible what you consider negative treatment and what someone else considers negative treatment may differ? As such, it is possible you are trying to do good towards them, but they seen it as ill, and that they where trying to do good towards you and you personally found it objectionable?

I'm sorry to hear that your previous romantic undertaking was adverse.

And you don't need an excuse to say things, stupid or otherwise. But for the sake of having well, a discussion board, it makes for better reading if some conflicting ideas or other considerations of an issue get raised, otherwise, you may as well just read your own post over and over.

Care to share what entails "being a rude inconsiderate prick" its a pretty wide statement which makes hard to offer useful or relevant feedback/opinion without knowing what the subject matter is.

 

[morpher001]

i have horrible past history with guys and its fucking with my head. cant get the sex i want or anything........ i need help. feels like one day im just gonna fucking kill myself .

Whats wrong with the sex you have received in the past?

And what have you done to assist your partners in getting you to where you want to go?

 

[Delighted]

If you experienced some unpleasant situation with a guy recently - then may be you need time to believe in good relations again. Don't try to rush things, and you'll meet the one who'll turn your thoughts around( in a good sense)

 

[GenericMind]

I've found that the most fulfilling relationships come when you aren't chasing one. Forget about guys, spend your time working on yourself, and once you're content with your situation it'll be easier to find what you're looking for. I can't say I've ever seen someone that unhappy and stressed about the opposite sex find a relationship that worked out well for them.

They should put that shit on a fukn coffee mug.

 

[clear_sky]

Is it possible what you consider negative treatment and what someone else considers negative treatment may differ? As such, it is possible you are trying to do good towards them, but they seen it as ill, and that they where trying to do good towards you and you personally found it objectionable?

Yes, that scenario is perfectly valid. I believe it partly stems from people's ignorance and selfishness - if we weren't so self-absorbed, we would be more aware of others' needs and perceptions of others. There are so many factors influencing the development of self-absorption. It's not anyone's fault. All we can do is realise that that's the way things are and try to understand others' points of view as best we can. That is definitely something I have learnt in the course of my 'romantic undertakings' And I hope my ex's have learnt it also, for the sake of their future partners.

Care to share what entails "being a rude inconsiderate prick" its a pretty wide statement which makes hard to offer useful or relevant feedback/opinion without knowing what the subject matter is.

I will try and explain that statement in a satisfactory way... an "inconsiderate" individual is someone who should be aware of their partner's thoughts and feelings because their partner has gone to the effort of explaining these things and stressing their importance. Yet said individual chooses not to consider this information when making decisions that ultimately affect both partners. Such disregard for partnership equality is, in my opinion, the "rude" part.

I know there are people out there who try to be in harmony with the world and people around them. Unfortunately, they're not the majority yet, but I hope one day they will be

 

[morpher001]

I will try and explain that statement in a satisfactory way... an "inconsiderate" individual is someone who should be aware of their partner's thoughts and feelings because their partner has gone to the effort of explaining these things and stressing their importance. Yet said individual chooses not to consider this information when making decisions that ultimately affect both partners. Such disregard for partnership equality is, in my opinion, the "rude" part.

Do you have a specific example?

 

[rangrz]

I will try and explain that statement in a satisfactory way... an "inconsiderate" individual is someone who should be aware of their partner's thoughts and feelings because their partner has gone to the effort of explaining these things and stressing their importance.

It is not possible for another person to be aware of your feelings. Only you have direct and accurate cognition of your feelings, emotions, thoughts and perception of external stimuli. All anyone can else can do is make a prediction based on various pieces of information, and than attempt to have empathy and/or understand and relate to that state.
.
.
.
There is no way for my GF to know that I am currently thinking about region and culture of the region of Waziristan/South Afghanistan at this moment, and I can't make a realistic demand or expectation that she could/does, as an example of the limitations one should place on that sort of thing.

. Yet said individual chooses not to consider this information when making decisions that ultimately affect both partners. Such disregard for partnership equality is, in my opinion, the "rude" part.

Perhaps that is not in of it self a "bad" thing. Consider "double effect" briefly, is an argument that An act which was intended to do good, or at least a neutral thing, which also causes a bad thing, is not bad if the bad effect was neither an ends to itself, or the means to effect the good effect, and where the good outweighs, or at least matches, the bad.

Reactor meltdowns Japan, and related damages. The reactors where built with the purpose making heat to boil water to spin turbines to make electricity. A not "bad" goal. The fact that they ended up causing a bad effect can not be held against them, as the contamination of the area was not the ends sought by building them, nor was it the means to carry out that end.

So he may make a decision to do something that benefits him, that may/does end up causing you some suffering, but for which causing you that suffering was not a goal, and the act of causing you suffering was not as such part of achieving the other goal. It is essentially a side effect, and may merit some level of understanding and/or forgiveness on such basis.

(Alternately, doing what would of pleased you, may of caused him suffering, and it becomes a catch-22 of who shall give up something they want to enable someone else to have what they want?)

But I'm fishing here cause I am still working with very abstract concepts.

 

[clear_sky]

morpher001, I'm referring to those situations where you have let somebody know what makes you happy or unhappy and they ignore your feelings because they think they know better. Or because they simply don't care about your feelings, which is more likely.

I have a couple of examples: Let's say there's a couple. And the bf tries to convince me the gf threesomes would benefit their relationship. Even though gf declines, bf consistently invites random girls (randoms one meets at a party/rave) to their house and insinuate that they all hook up. Besides being incredibly awkward and annoying, it is rude and inconsiderate of the gf's feelings.

Another couple. Bf is a rock climber. Gf had never climbed until she met him, wasn't really into it, but enjoyed it occasionally, when she was in the mood. On her days off work, gf wakes up and finds out that they're going climbing that day and she has no say in it. All her attempts to reason with bf completely fail. Gf has her own interests that she would care to pursue in her spare time. Bf insists that his interest is the only worthwhile thing anybody can do one's their spare time.

It is not possible for another person to be aware of your feelings. Only you have direct and accurate cognition of your feelings, emotions, thoughts and perception of external stimuli. All anyone can else can do is make a prediction based on various pieces of information, and than attempt to have empathy and/or understand and relate to that state.
.....
So he may make a decision to do something that benefits him, that may/does end up causing you some suffering, but for which causing you that suffering was not a goal, and the act of causing you suffering was not as such part of achieving the other goal. It is essentially a side effect, and may merit some level of understanding and/or forgiveness on such basis.

That's a valid point, rangrz. I meant something more specific though.
In both of the above examples - the bf's were given plenty of indication, not in any vague terms, about gf's feelings on the subject. Yet they consistently chose to ignore this information, causing grief and hurt.
I have given very specific examples, but I'm sure the general practice, sadly, continues to be applied in relationships all around us.
I can't, for the life of me, figure out why it is that people choose to act this way.
The way I see it - mutual happiness benefits both people in a relationship in a much bigger way than individual satisfaction.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

VENUS - can't get the sex you want or anything?

Hmmm sounds like you need sex to make you feel good about yourself - you crave closeness...but your post was seriously vague so I couldn't really speculate too much.

Going for the wrong kind of guys?

Work on yourself babe - just work on yourself... tell us more.

 

[Coolio]

Why would a girl continue to date a guy if he's expressed interest in threesomes and she isn't interested? That's such an important fundamental divide that those two people can never work out as a couple. If you have divergent sexual goals you should split up and not complain about being unsatisfied by this very different type of person than you.

 

[clear_sky]

To answer your question, Coolio.. The girl continued to date the guy because she was young and knew absolutely nothing about human relationships. And he was older, and devious and sneaky enough to brainwash her into believing that it is normal and even healthy for him to want other women. Also, she loved him and, due to being extremely inexperienced, hoped that he will change one day...
This was an historical example - the couple in question split up a long time ago.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Why would a girl continue to date a guy if he's expressed interest in threesomes and she isn't interested? That's such an important fundamental divide that those two people can never work out as a couple. If you have divergent sexual goals you should split up and not complain about being unsatisfied by this very different type of person than you.

that's total crap - sexual goals? like you have a check list? Lol OK me too BUT it's not a deal breaker if a girl I'm seeing says she isn't up for a threesome but I see her in every other way as totally my type - she can be convinced! The power of teh mind is infinite lol.

I find it hilarious you find that so fundamental. it's a sexual fantasy, not fidelity in a committed relationship - you juvenile joker!

 

[Bostonguy9]

dont kill yourself. youll find someone