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I'm so tired of pain

Coraline

Coraline

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 11, 2011
Messages
1,918
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Pink Palace
Im nearly in tears. I'm always hurting. My hubbie thinks in a pill head. He doesn't understand. I don't abuse pain meds and until like last week they worked ok. I hurt all over even on meds now. I'm scheduled an appr with a neurologist tomm. I'm scared he will think I'm faking it. But I'm not there for meds. I have plenty till February. that's not my concern. I want to know what's wrong with me. I can't go on working. Right now I feel like I can't go on one more day working. My job is pretty easy. And it pays well. I actually feel a little better now I put my feeling into words

I have been in 5 major car accidents and it did not really bother me till 1 1/2 years ago. I'm 33. My bone joints back neck head now reciently stomach have been killing me. I won't end my life because my kids keep me going and I believe in Jesus Christ and love him with all my heart. He gives me strength to Carrie on. I go to church and worship. Every time I go to the alter to pray for any think I cry. I think I have so much repressed inside me. I have been through hell in back and still smile on the out side. I help other people but think I need help. There is no one I can talk to. Nobody would understand. I forgive my trespassers. But I have so many open things from my past that I can not find closure to. I have been verbally abused, physically abuse and repressed. Idk I'm rambling on. I just feel a lone a lot. I have anxiety. Light hurts my eyes. Chronic pain. Anger issues. I isolate my self a lot. I have interests to do so much but no energy for it. I'm scared. Feel alone. And just live life day by day. Idk. I do feel pretty and love shopping. I like high end stuff. My favorite store is Juicy couture. My other side loves gothic rocker clothes from Mertopark. I can't wait for the reopening in spring. Idk. I feel better now. I ain't going to re read this so if it doesn't make since sorry :(
 
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I would definitely consider going to a doctor. They won't think your faking it, especially if you describe your situation, A therpaist could help with repression as well. It's better than staying in the dark until your meds run out...
 
I agree that seeing a therapist can help a lot. Outside of here, the one therapist that I have seen helped me a lot in terms of being able to talk to someone in person that understands, compared to just people on here (which is a great help as well). Things will get sorted out for you, so I wouldn't worry much as hard as it may be to have a positive outlook at this time.

Your doctor(s) should be able to sort out your pain treatment, so try not to worry about that until it actually comes to that. Chronic pain can be very difficult for people to understand if they are not going through it, so I would suggest including your husband in the therapy as well to help him understand that your issues and concerns are legitimate. Involving him in any other therapy (exercises, meditation, stretches, etc) can be beneficial to both of you, so it is important that you discuss this with him.

You are doing all the right things, so relief (physical, mental, moral, etc) is not far away. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow, and we will be here for you if you need to talk about anything.
 
Sadly unless people have dealt with severe chronic pain themselves they often think people are just pill heads or whinging about it so that could explain why your hubby thinks that. It is still no excuse for him not to be more understand though. What chronic pain condition do you have if you don't mind me asking? There are more and more pain treatments coming on the market every year so there is no excuse (besides the fact that doctors can be like the gestapo when it comes to pain meds) to suffer needlessly in pain. It sounds like you may have built tolerance to your meds which can be easily fixed in many cases by just upping your dose a little or adding another medication to help with the pain.

Reading over your description of what happened to you was gut wrenching so i am very sorry you had to go through all that. Are you seeing anyone at all like a psychologist or some kind of therapist? It often helps just to talk to someone about the problems your having and what you've been through. The worst thing you can do is just bottle it up as it tends to come out in other ways and depression makes chronic pain much worse in my experience.

As on e who has both severe neuropathic pain as well as bipolar disorder i know what it's like to have people dismiss you and there is not much worse then that. I don't have time enough to write out much more here now but if you ever need to vent feel free to PM me anytime ok.
 
I'm so sorry you are going through all this <3

As others have said, it is so unfortunate that people with genuine pain get labelled as pill-seeking.. I hope that your appointment with the neurologist goes well; a good doctor should be able to see that your pain is legitimate. I would encourage you to try to find a doctor you can build a good, trusting relationship with so that you can get the treatment you deserve for your pain...

Have you tried non-opioid avenues for pain relief? I am sure you have, but there is a lot out there - other meds such as gabapentin/pregabalin for neuropathic pain, NSAIDs if you can tolerate them, physio, tens machines, nerve blocks..

A therapist is an excellent idea too. Your psychological wellbeing has a huge impact on your physical wellbeing and how you handle your pain - it would also really help you to talk to smeone who understands I think, especially if your husband doesn't.. I am glad you have your faith and that is helping you; it is really important to have something to hold onto when everything seems dark.

We are here for you too - feel free to vent as much as you like, ask for advice and support, or just let it all out.. I hope it helps you <3
 
Whether or not there is a physcial component to your pain, it sounds like there is a psychological component. Now, when I say this I am NOT putting you down, or minimizing your pain, but you could be having more pain because you are somaticizing (turning the mental into the seemingly physical) your mental distress, which sounds to be quite significant. It could be that all of the physical pain is causing you this, but even still that only makes the physical pain worse. I am in favor of aggressive drug therapy when it comes to most things, but I think psychotherapy (with or without a therapist) could help as well with your problems. Homeopathic therapies such as massage, reflexology, infra-red therapy, and accupuncture could be of great benefit in addition to the drug therapy. You sound to be in a lot of pain, mental and physical, as I said I don't think they are very seperate, but quite related. Try to get on the right drugs if you feel you aren't, get comfortable and pain-free, and then therapy (and LIFE) will be much easier and much more beneficial. I can't diagnose you, but I can give advice. Good luck.
 
why do you keep going to church, why do you keep worshiping at an alter of a god that apparently is not doing anything about your situation ?

Why do you believe in all that stuff, is it your original idea or is it just someone elses rap that you bought into ?

if you had never been told about this jesus story would you have invented it, if you had never been told about it as a child ever but someone had laid that rap on you as an intelligent adult would you have bought in to it ?

Have you had any kind of mystical experience that convinced you that Christianity has any fundamental basis of truth behind it or is it just conditioning. ?

What are you hoping to get out of going up the the altar every week ?

have you considered or learnt about any other kind of belief system, have you tried meditation ?

Do you feel that this so called god/jesus figure is a supreme boss that is punishing you in some way, do you feel helpless because of this. ?

I feel that this misguided energy that you are directing towards the doctrines of a male dominated fearful control based religion of intolerance and judgement may well have a lot to do with your situation.

I am not saying that you do not have medical issues and chronic pain problems, I believe that you do, I have been suffering from chronic pain and as a result some mild depression myself following a workplace injury a few years ago when i really injured my spine, but I cannot for the life of me see how christianity and all its hypocrasy and delusional madness would have ever helped the situation.

It has been all about taking personal responsibility for myself, not looking outwards and blaming the world for my situation but looking inwards and finding out who I really am behind the masks that are so easy to put and hide behind that has really helped me through this the most.

I really hope this doesn't cause you any offense, as challenging as someone questioning your beliefs can be, maybe you have to question them yourself.

good luck with it all, pm me if you want some advice on meditation and new ways of viewing the world other than as a guilty sinner that has been damned from the beginning and if you would like to stop feeling and carrying around all the baggage of confusion and unworthiness that religious dogma brings with it.

peace
 
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^there's nothing inherently wrong with being christian, if you read the new testament you can tell Jesus was an awesome guy and the kind of person you would want to be. I don't see any harm in believing; sure Christianity has been used to justify all sorts of terrible stuff but that's not the fault of the writings. Read the new testament from an historical perspective and you will see the value. It's okay to have faith, it doesn't make you unreasonable or anything. It's good to be critical of your beliefs but Christianity as a religion can hold up pretty damn well, read some St Augustine or Aquinas, if you still think it's bullshit then just understand it from a cultural/historical standpoint.

for the OP: i'm also sorry you had to go through so much and deal with such pain, i know what it's like to be not understood and basically labeled as a junkie for just wanting legitimate relief. It is amazing when you finally find someone who understands, I also recommend seeing a few therapists to find one that can help and understand you.
 
^yeh man I do totally get what you are saying here, I think I should have tried harder to explain myself but i didn't want to get into a deep theological argument, but yes what you are saying is true, there is huge difference between the religion OF jesus and the religion ABOUT jesus.

The true gospel, the true good news that he was trying to share was that we are all god, but the church couldn't have that as it undermined there position of authority and control, so they said OK you jesus can be god, but no one else, and they pedestalised him, put him up the front on an altar to be worshiped and in doing so they killed the gospel stone dead and turned him into a stone cold idol, when what he was actually saying was, you are all divine beings, just as i and the father are one so you and the father are one also.

sorry if I came across as unreasonable but it is hard to get this message across to people as the doctrines of the church have done such a great job of squashing the true teachings of jesus.

does this make sense, sorry to the mod's if this is straying off topic but I dont want to get right into a massive discussion about all this right now, I was just going on my intuition that the OP could do with a different way of viewing the world, if I am wrong about this or have offended anyone I sincerely apologise.

peace
 
I do believe in God. He has been there for me through everything. I have read the Holy Bible from cover to cover. I'm the book there are people who have been through worst things than me. They inspire and keep me going. I have had countless miracles in my life to verify my belief that God is real. But that's my own belief and if anyone wants to hear more PM me. I do spread the gospel and not afraid to do so.

My neurologist thinks I might have fibromyalgia. She wants me to stop taking narcotic pain medication. But I think she is anti narcotic pain medication. I don't want it from her so :p. she gave me Cymbalta and I can't hang with it. It made me very sick. I'm just going to leave the diagnosising to her and keep my PM dr who is great.

I am cutting my hrs at work down. I think this will help with the stress. A lot. They are really good. To my benifit part time is better than full time. It actually more money per visit :) yay!! Go me!!

As you can see I'm feeling better and today the pain is less. I'm relaxing at home and watching tv. I feel like things will get better. That's enough for now. Thanks for reading :)
 
Zoeylynn said:
My neurologist thinks I might have fibromyalgia. She wants me to stop taking narcotic pain medication. But I think she is anti narcotic pain medication. I don't want it from her so :p. she gave me Cymbalta and I can't hang with it. It made me very sick. I'm just going to leave the diagnosising to her and keep my PM dr who is great.
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Of course your PM (I'm assuming PM is pain management) doctor is great: he's the one who gives you narcotics!

So let me see if I've got this right: is your plan is to continue to see your neurologist, deceive her and tell her that you are taking the Cymbalta while you continue to see another doctor prescribing narcotics? Because that's what it sounds like to me.
 
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unfortunately pain med prescripts are so closely scrutinized, and since they're so addictive, of course it makes sense the neurologist would want to find alterior methods. How long have you been trying hte Cymbalta? I'm thinking of asking my doc what he thinks of it as well for fibromyalgia (part of my pain issue), as well as for the depression it can help. If it doesn't work, I'm sure the neur. will have other suggestions.
I'm not saying dont' take the pain meds (clearly I do!) just wondering what else the neur. suggests...I'd be interested to hear!
 
Oh no!! I called her already and told her it made me sick. And she knows I'm seeing the pain management dr. She has the file. She only suggests that I stop. I'm totally honest with her on that aspect. I keep a log of what I take and when. I'm not deceiving anyone. I just want the neurologist to find the cause of the pain. Maybe there is a physical cure to stop the pain.
 
bliz62 said:
unfortunately pain med prescripts are so closely scrutinized, and since they're so addictive, of course it makes sense the neurologist would want to find alterior methods. How long have you been trying hte Cymbalta? I'm thinking of asking my doc what he thinks of it as well for fibromyalgia (part of my pain issue), as well as for the depression it can help. If it doesn't work, I'm sure the neur. will have other suggestions.
I'm not saying dont' take the pain meds (clearly I do!) just wondering what else the neur. suggests...I'd be interested to hear!
Click to expand...

I took one Cymbalta yesterday about 3:00pm. It me feel sick about 2 hrs later. I have nausea, diarrhea, throbbing headache, confused, runny nose, puples dilated like saucers, insomnia, sore throat and I constantly swollowed. I was scared to take anything else but later in the night I took a Benadryl to get to sleep. I was tired of the torture.

She perscribed topamax and neurotin. But that is it. I already told he I'm sticking with the pm doctor for medications.
 
Zoeylynn said:
I took one Cymbalta yesterday about 3:00pm. It me feel sick about 2 hrs later. I have nausea, diarrhea, throbbing headache, confused, runny nose, puples dilated like saucers, insomnia, sore throat and I constantly swollowed. I was scared to take anything else but later in the night I took a Benadryl to get to sleep. I was tired of the torture.

She perscribed topamax and neurotin. But that is it. I already told he I'm sticking with the pm doctor for medications.
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Are you committed to trying a non-narcotic approach? You won't know if the gabapentin works if you're taking narcotics on top of it.
 
I have tired the non narcotic way. I have tried the don't take anything and suffer way. I started using opiates about 16 months ago. Norco 10/325mg works for the most part. I still get pain about 3hrs after I take it. But I still wait till at least 6-8hrs before my next dose. I don't want the meds to stop working all together or have to up my dose any time soon
 
Zoeylynn said:
I have tired the non narcotic way. I have tried the don't take anything and suffer way. I started using opiates about 16 months ago. Norco 10/325mg works for the most part. I still get pain about 3hrs after I take it. But I still wait till at least 6-8hrs before my next dose. I don't want the meds to stop working all together or have to up my dose any time soon
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So then what's your question to the group?
 
No I feel it belongs here. Hince The dark side. I'm tired of pain and having to use pain meds. You don't have to comment or read this.
 
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