[Methoxetamine Subthread] Addiction

[bluedolphin]

Fair enough thanks for replying I just assumed you were not experienced with addiction by the way you said you did MXE 2 times and found it addictive.

That background helps me relate to you and respect your personal wisdom for what it is.

peace!

(I smoked cigarettes for 5 years straight and then quit one day and never looked back.. no withdrawls)... Just goes to show addiction works differently for different people, and all drugs are different for different people too.

What NA or AA teaches you is a load of shit.

Good discussion, here!

 

[DexterMeth]

I guess now that I understand your definition of "addiction", I understand why we disagree. I would not call having a remote fondness or preference for a substance that you can remember years later and would still be willing to try it again anything close to "addiction".

I've been to AA and NA meetings and dealt with real addictions in other ways on my own. IMO the word addiction gets tossed around sort of lightly. For me, having been through the hells of serious benzo addiction which led to hospitalization and seizures and temporary schizophrenia upon withdrawl ... and also moderate opiate addictions and binging on cocaine and methamphetamine and other kinds of hard drugs... also GHB and shit like that... maybe you can see where I'm coming from.

Is MXE addictive? Okay, I guess. About as much as caffeine is. But on the scale of 1-10 on the substance addictiveness scale MXE can't be any higher than a 2.


Also having been through all kinds of addictions and beaten them, physical and psychological and combined, I no longer consider purely psychological addictions to be true addictions. It's just a matter of making up your mind and quitting.

We could be having this same conversation about Ketamine, which I probably snorted about a kilogram of the stuff over a year and a half time. I've only used it less than a handful of times in the last year and didn't really enjoy it and don't plan to ever do it again. So am I really addicted?


What it comes down to is some people are simply stronger willed than others, and that's something a lot of you aren't willing to admit here. Especially if you happen to find yourself "addicted" to a substance that really isn't that addictive. Wake up. It's not the drugs as much as it is you.

This mindset is how I quit smoking cigs. I've been through all that shit too man.
I bought a really nice 3-piece (self loading) ecig a little less than a year ago, and I was vaping more nicotine than I ever would have ingested via smoking tobacco...for the first couple weeks of owning it. After that, I could see what it was doing to me, and I simply stopped.

I now use it "sometimes". I don't keep track of my use of it, because I'm no longer addicted to nicotine, so it doesn't even matter.

MXE ftw.

-edit: The last time I used K (~the summer), I didn't fiend for it at all. There is something inherently special about "mket" (I don't really like that name for it).

 

[cocoabud]

it seems that most people posting have taken methoxetamine for recreational reasons. hooked on a feeling, so to speak, not to rip off a song lyric. then there are some, such as i, that have physical nerve damage [as a result of an accident] which manifests as pain. at times, intense pain. methoxetamine attenuates the intensity of the pain i experience. to be able to dial down the pain signals allows me to have a more normal life. to visit again how my body felt prior to the injury. my focus has been on providing myself a chance to tamp down the pain signals. methoxetamine has been a godsend for me. i guess i'm here to say that not all long term responsible use of methoxetamine is addiction [per se], rather, a form of treatment. hopefully legit research will happen and someday methoxetamine or something like it will be available outside the research chemical area. i mean, party on people, ya know i wish in a way i could but for the time being this molecule just helps me maintain, if you know what i mean. i'm sure most of you don't. be safe.

 

[DexterMeth]

I flew through a car not long ago. I know exactly what you're talking about.

I have a couple friends that tile houses as well, and it's a godsend for their backs. It got all of us off using dope daily.

 

[Mugz]

Buying from online indian "pharmacies" (i.e. vendors) is inherently risky because they are notorious for selling very weak or entirely bunk pills. I'm sure some of them are more trustworthy but I think most people don't want to waste their time fucking around with it.

Yeah, this risk exists with rc vendors in general but any rc vendor selling bunk product is going to be quickly outed on that certain website we all know about. And frankly you deserve to be screwed if you don't check there first.

I know you're going to say "but the same types of communities exist for online pharmacies!". Indeed they do exist and I'm aware of them, but they are much more shoddy and unregulated and prone to scammers.

Not wanting to derail the subject too much again or go into vendor talk, but just have to say that the etizolam the rc vendors sell is etilaam, where do you think they bought it from?????? it is the same stuff, the pills are identical and the effects too. I have tried etizolam from both options.

I do want to make a post about my issues with MXE and consumption of it, but will either edit this one or add another post at a later date.

 

[NotQuiteThere]

Word to the wise about MXE...

I don't want to scare anyone away from this drug because I feel it can certainly be useful to certain people who have their lives relatively together, and have solid impulse control.

However, for individuals like me with escapist tendencies, I'd just like to reaffirm what others have said about its potentially very addictive nature. I've done my fair share of psychadelics, amphetamines, dissociatives, benzos, opiates, stimulants, not to mention good ol' booze in the past. And so far nothing has really held a candle to the utter power MXE had over me when I had it on hand. Its relative lack of a negative comedown (as opposed to amphetamines or high dose alcohol, for example) coupled with its tendency to give false 'life changing realizations' makes it especially risk for those with escapist tendencies to experiment with.

I feel this drug could be great if it were used in a clinical setting where the dosage and frequency were controlled by someone else. I don't think it's safe to experiment with by yourself unless you're already a somewhat stable, responsible individual. I got to the point where I would lose whole weeks of my life unable to tell what day it was, redosing compulsively, and unable to form coherent thoughts about anything. I eventually threw my whole stash down the toilet, slept for most of three days, and then started to feel better (and this was after going through about 5 grams in 2 months). Watch out and be safe, if you want to take some, ask yourself what would happen if you didn't. If the answer is "oh well, I can do it later" or "no big deal, it's not that important" then go ahead whatever, but if you feel like you've gotta do it right then, be careful

 

[FnX]

I can relate. I've had similiar problems with ketamine in the past and I bought 2 grams of methoxetamine 'just to give it a little test'. The first day or two were all fine, I did relatively low amounts like 25mg or so as I had read it was a good dose to start with. Slowly I was increasing my dosage and when I got to the truly dissociative doses... bam. Two grams lasted me 1-2 weeks total. I would rather spend my time in that dreamland, never really enjoyed life or reality in general so I have huge escapist tendencies.

What I would do was basically redose MXE all time, whenever I was capable of redosing. Even if I was incapable of redosing I still tried, doing horrible things to my body that I really regret like trying to hit a vein multiple dozens of times with the same needle when totally trashed on MXE missing time after time... then just doing it IM because I couldn't hit one. I felt no pain really so I could just use the same needle god knows how many times. I had to apply real pressure for it to just penetrate the skin... think I fucked up something in my left arm long term. I think my MXE doses went up to something like 120mg-160mg in one go max, and boy was that intense (until I blacked-out). Days would pass with me having no idea what planet I'm on. This stuff can fuck you up really good, I'm glad I only had 2 grams. At the end of it I was just lying on the bed, crying out loud begging for god to help me. Very rarely do I cry and I'm not even a religious person/believer really, I just thought it might help and I was desperate. I wanted to sober up and do the important things that needed doing but every time I managed to get up I did more mxe and went back to dreamland.

Had some minor w/d's too after that binge, they were somewhat of a nasty type but they didn't last long. I find ketamine more benign than mxe though, so I would recommend using it instead seeing how they're quite similiar, if you like the k-hole type doses ofc.

 

[transitioneer]

I can relate. I've had similiar problems with ketamine in the past and I bought 2 grams of methoxetamine 'just to give it a little test'. The first day or two were all fine, I did relatively low amounts like 25mg or so as I had read it was a good dose to start with. Slowly I was increasing my dosage and when I got to the truly dissociative doses... bam. Two grams lasted me 1-2 weeks total. I would rather spend my time in that dreamland, never really enjoyed life or reality in general so I have huge escapist tendencies.

What I would do was basically redose MXE all time, whenever I was capable of redosing. Even if I was incapable of redosing I still tried, doing horrible things to my body that I really regret like trying to hit a vein multiple dozens of times with the same needle when totally trashed on MXE missing time after time... then just doing it IM because I couldn't hit one. I felt no pain really so I could just use the same needle god knows how many times. I had to apply real pressure for it to just penetrate the skin... think I fucked up something in my left arm long term. I think my MXE doses went up to something like 120mg-160mg in one go max, and boy was that intense (until I blacked-out). Days would pass with me having no idea what planet I'm on. This stuff can fuck you up really good, I'm glad I only had 2 grams. At the end of it I was just lying on the bed, crying out loud begging for god to help me. Very rarely do I cry and I'm not even a religious person/believer really, I just thought it might help and I was desperate. I wanted to sober up and do the important things that needed doing but every time I managed to get up I did more mxe and went back to dreamland.

Had some minor w/d's too after that binge, they were somewhat of a nasty type but they didn't last long. I find ketamine more benign than mxe though, so I would recommend using it instead seeing how they're quite similiar, if you like the k-hole type doses ofc.

I just used this substance fairly similarly to you, where I did a gram in about 2 weeks. It probably would have taken less time but I also had a pretty large stash of ketamine I was finishing up as well. I would IM up to 75mg and re-dose a shot every like 3 hours. Aside from some mental w/d that have been a little more rough than what they would normally be when I run out of k/mxe, I've noticed no ill effects. You should try to use a new needle for every shot. I think your poor injection habits/techniques is what lead to that mental breakdown of sorts.

Hopefully that isn't offensive as it isn't meant to be.

 

[FnX]

...
Hopefully that isn't offensive as it isn't meant to be.

No offense taken. You are right about the needles, but the thing is I only had 3 or something total and I was in no shape to leave home to get more and most of the time I was conscious it was already dark so I don't think any of the places was open either. I rarely use needles normally anyway, but with MXE I went completely crazy, it was kinda scary. I would just rotate used needles and always use the least dull one... until I couldn't even penetrate the skin properly. Actually had the pigment of my skin change to somewhat yellow-greenish in my left arm, a rather large area too, no idea wtf that was but luckily it wasn't permanent. Didn't feel any pain so it was easy for me to abuse my body, normally I would have problems injecting because I'm quite sensitive, my hands start shaking when I touch the skin with a needle etc. I promised myself not to do this again, I was quite ashamed.

About the w/d, I had what I would call restless legs syndrome but it was affecting my whole body, it was like I wanted to explode in to million pieces, couldn't stay still at all, I was just marching around the apartment, stretching a lot etc. It was quite terrible. Also had the typical running nose and I felt quite cold even when it was warm inside. Mentally I was depressed and anxious. I was aching a lot too but that might be because of the way I treated my body under the influence, not necessary due to the drug. I do yoga occasionally and I did that too on mxe, it was like "oh boy I didn't know the human body is even capable of this!" I managed to get myself in pretty crazy postures and did extremely stupid excercises because of the analgesic aspect of mxe. Can't remember if there was anything else.

Under the influence of MXE, I turned into a completely different person, I would do things that I definately would never do sober.

 

[transitioneer]

I can see what you mean from my own experiences as well. When I was binging on MXE however I just laid around the house living life as normal, just very dissociated but also much less anxious and depressed than normal. We will see what happens in the future with me and this drug as I've compiled quite a large cache of needles and have a fat satchel of mxe heading my way.

 

[Xtc <3]

I love this stuff, use it about once a week and find it wonderful everytime, couldn't imagine binging on it hardcore though, did it not feel dangerous at all at those doses at that frequency? Overall I dont think my usage of this stuff is that problematic although i'll guess i'll find out further on down the line.
Not discrediting your warning or anything but its just my take on Mxe

 

[Vaya]

I, too, experienced that addictive tendency to a shameless extent; this stuff got me worse than any opiate or opioid I've ever touched, and *far* and away worse than Ketamine, Cocaine or even Methamphetamine. I went through several ounces (4 1/2 if I recall correctly) of Methoxetamine in about five months. By the end, I lived in order to come home at the end of the day and lose myself, and I came to abuse the drug continuously until several hours (or less) before my next major obligation like my job where I could not afford to be fucked up at all. In fact, the job was the only obligation that I would stop for, and I ended up losing the job in the end, too - as well as my three-year beloved relationship. I'm still f*cking heartbroken over that - that pain seems to know no end.

It was interesting for me to hear someone mention in the Big & Dandy MXE Thread that how the use of this drug can leave one egocentric, yet completely unaware of that fact. Drug-induced narcissism. I have been clean off all street drugs due to the consequences of MXE abuse for almost seventy days now. I'm still not back to my old self.
The world I had been living inside for so long had warped into a brutal tug-of-war between what was left of my conscience and hedonistic escapism. So, too, am I still experiencing marked cognitive deficits that are far and away worse than when I would use 200-300mg of MDMA 4x/week for months on end, and that really scares me. Sometimes, I wonder whether or not I have incurred some form of irreversible brain damage that has yet to be discovered as a consequence of gross overindulgence in MXE. While I was on it, and especially during the brief periods of sobriety between binges, I noticed I had developed most of the symptoms of schizophrenia: delusions of grandeur, paranoid psychosis, auditory/olfactory/tactile/visual hallucinations (again, when not on the drug), suicidality, depersonalization, anxiety, irritability... I mean, it was intense. And this isnt even to mention continuing deficits in relating to other people, controlling impulsivity, encoding and retrieving memories, lack concentration and motivation, anhedonia...

But as the OP said, this isn't meant to be some scare tactic. MXE has the potential to be a wonderful tool for some. But I shall never be anything less than brutally forthright about how much destruction my addiction to Methoxetamine caused my life. It had the truest consequences of anything I've ever been majorly addicted to, and I was using it with complete abandon from reality and in order to abandon reality. The MXE dissociation became my reality, too, and that is definitely worth trying to convey for those out there that may view this as just another "once-in-a-while" dissociative psychedelic.

Moderation was never my forte when it came to drugs with severe potential for addiction, but Methoxetamine... brought me to my knees. And I'm still crawling.

~ vaya

 

[Xtc <3]

Jesus man 4 and a half ounces in 5 months... pure insanity. Hope you get better dude sounds beyond rough.

 

[bluedolphin]

I must have a permanently insane NDMA-drug tolerance.

I don't notice much of a change in personality on or off MXE.. besides a bit more energy on it. I don't use high doses and I don't trip or get dissociated from it.

5 grams lasts me a few weeks usually and then I take a couple weeks off before getting more.

I choose no longer to abuse it like I used to because high doses and repeated doses give me high blood pressure... so I just take a little bit in the morning, a little bit in the afternoon, and maybe a little more after work or before I go out.

Don't get me wrong.. I 100% believe that people who are posting about being addicted to it and having psychosis issues or whatnot are telling the truth. However I happen to be one of the people for whom two cups of coffee would make me much more manic than any dose of MXE and also have worse side effects.

Just my 2 cents. I think most people can handle MXE responsibly and avoid addiction or psychic issues if they exercise a bit of self-control and self-monitoring.

 

[cecil_cbr]

yeah, 4 1/2 oz is definitely a crazy amount, hope you get everything back to normal soon.

Did you ever consider maybe doing some tryptamines or something like that, just to balance things out and give yourself a break from daily use?

 

[Vaya]

Thx for the well-wishings all.

Did you ever consider maybe doing some tryptamines or something like that, just to balance things out and give yourself a break from daily use?

Well, remember that I'm not still using it daily. I've been on off MXE and all other drugs aside from 20mg d-METH/day orally (Desoxn) and 1-2mg Xanax/day orally for 70 days (67 actually). I guess the point I wanted to convey was that my experience suggests that recovery from high-dose abuse (and indeed... I know I must sound pathetic for 4.5 oz It was horrible) may a pretty significant period of time for full recovery (if it happens) and that people ought to know that someone out there found it that addictive. I mean, I just wouldn't wish that experience on my very worst enemy! Darkest period of my life where there wasn't an overdose involved - Don't even have to think twice about that statement, and one might argue there are a lot of contenders.

As for the tryptamines, explain further: Why do you say taking tryptamines would "even things out"? I happen to have some aMT and DMT...? I guess I dont see the connection, but school me!!

Don't get me wrong.. I 100% believe that people who are posting about being addicted to it and having psychosis issues or whatnot are telling the truth. However I happen to be one of the people for whom two cups of coffee would make me much more manic than any dose of MXE and also have worse side effects.

Just my 2 cents. I think most people can handle MXE responsibly and avoid addiction or psychic issues if they exercise a bit of self-control and self-monitoring.

Wouldn't have taken it any other way, bd I agree with you 100% on both tails; that psychosis is most definitely related to dose and frequency! (Got a dammnn positive correlation, there) and that most probably, most people can handle getting away with far smaller doses, or far less frequency than would begin to cause some real physical and social issues (Simply put, I am simply not one of these souls).

~ vaya

 

[Mysterie]

i can kinda relate to this

i also have escapist tendencies and mxe is the reason i got into IM in the first place

and i never really thought that would happen

stay safe i guess, for the most part though i can space mxe trips out at least a couple days

 

[NotQuiteThere]

I love this stuff, use it about once a week and find it wonderful everytime, couldn't imagine binging on it hardcore though, did it not feel dangerous at all at those doses at that frequency? Overall I dont think my usage of this stuff is that problematic although i'll guess i'll find out further on down the line.
Not discrediting your warning or anything but its just my take on Mxe

Well once a week wasn't my problem. My issue was I felt so profoundly disinhibited and relieved of long standing depression and other issues that I felt I'd found a miracle drug. I didn't use very high doses (maybe 20-30mg insufflated at a time), but I used them several times a day to keep the 'buzz.' Over a few weeks though, my purpose in life became less directed towards achieving my goals, and more towards taking more MXE. And it snuck up on me so slowly that I didn't even realize it until I just noticed I couldn't think straight, I felt terrible without it, and that all the original positive emotions I had when I started using it were gone.

 

[NotQuiteThere]

But as the OP said, this isn't meant to be some scare tactic. MXE has the potential to be a wonderful tool for some. But I shall never be anything less than brutally forthright about how much destruction my addiction to Methoxetamine caused my life. It had the truest consequences of anything I've ever been majorly addicted to, and I was using it with complete abandon from reality and in order to abandon reality. The MXE dissociation became my reality, too, and that is definitely worth trying to convey for those out there that may view this as just another "once-in-a-while" dissociative psychedelic.

Moderation was never my forte when it came to drugs with severe potential for addiction, but Methoxetamine... brought me to my knees. And I'm still crawling.

~ vaya

Thank you for sharing your story. I created this thread just to warn people a bit about the potentially dangerous and seductive nature of this drug. It seems in the big and dandy thread that everyone is posting either about "omg I did too much" or "omg best drug ever" and there isn't much coherence in the discussion.

The egocentricity is really one of the effects you don't notice at all and can become dangerous. When I stopped I truly realized how, for lack of a better word, self centered I had become. While my first few dosings made me feel like I wanted to go and help others and truly make something of my life, this soon gave way to a feeling that I was somehow connected in a bizarre way to important people and happenings around me. It took about two weeks of abstinence for this to go away personally, although my usage was less than yours.

I'll say this. It may be neurotoxic at high doses, it may not be. We don't know for sure. So keep your chin up, stay clean, get good sleep, exercise, and nutrition, and the cognitive impairments will probably resolve themselves. There is more research every day showing just how sturdy the human brain is. Thanks for sharing :]

This is a VERY useful substance people, but it's not a toy. I've given it to a few friends who were feeling down or otherwise somewhat lost in their lives without giving them any real information on where to get it, what it was (beyond that it was a dissociative and the expected effects for safety reasons) and so on. All but one of them had very profound experiences that improved their lives at least for the short term. I offered to tell one of them where he could get more, and he told me that it was a substance he'd love to do but never know where to get - wise words.

 

[NotQuiteThere]

Just my 2 cents. I think most people can handle MXE responsibly and avoid addiction or psychic issues if they exercise a bit of self-control and self-monitoring.

From your own post it's obvious why you don't have the issues people have described. My point here was that, speaking as someone who has escapist tendencies and a woeful lack of self control (working on it!), the effects of the drug seemed to, at first, fix these problems. Somehow, when I started using MXE, I became able to do work I had been avoiding. I got along significantly better with people I had relationship issues with. I regulated my schedule, started working out again, other things. It really gave me a boost to the point where I felt it was a "fix." Unfortunately I was wrong, and I don't want anyone else with my particular set of issues, that aren't very uncommon, getting sucked into a very nasty place by this drug.