• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ
  • PD Moderators: Esperighanto | JackARoe |

☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Cross-dimensional chatter. Now featuring mesphereomeantoliopeme.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Argh, internet is so fucked up lately, I'm having trouble loading pages at all sometimes now!

I want a darned drink (what I really want is a nice shot of H, but hey, let's keep our wants in the range of remotely affordable). All this sobriety means nothing is stopping my brain from obsessing over shit and stressing out so much I obsess more and try to find a swift, dramatic solution to all of my problems, which are quite unpalatable to say the least (and stupid/misguided), which leads to more stressing out...'tis driving me mad I say.

Damn Rog, your post about feeling older than you are got to me man. I'm balding like hell BTW. The end of my front hairline in the two arches above the temples is about in line with the front of my ears. A lot is genetics but I can't help but wonder if the skinny, strung out, hypervigilant, anxious stress case has something to do with it.
Click to expand...

This is one problem I do not have, I feel like I haven't aged at all these last few years. I'm just standing still as all the people I used to know move on and develop their lives/futures while I'm stuck ont he same old shit (well I am changing, just not maturing, I merely grow more despondent and bitter as the what is now 2.5+ years march on).
 
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz
 
nah man that's Ginsberg. :) It seemed to be an apt quote to comment on the ominous vibe in the zeitgeist that I've been feeling lately.
 
yes mang should be within the hour ill be able to go get some dexedrine.
yo rog you'z tried crack cocaine right?
hows that shit compared to smokin methamphetamine?
 
Last edited:
Never Knows Best said:
In general or in our little world here? (reading the entire poem now...)
Click to expand...

Moreso in general, but macrocosm:microcosm and all that.

So much powerful stuff in that poem:

"What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains
and imagination?
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable dollars! Children
screaming under the stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the
parks!
Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch
the heavy judger of men!
Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbone soulless jailhouse and
Congress of sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast
stone of war! Moloch the stunned governments!
Moloch whose mind is pure machinery!
Moloch whose blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a cannibal dynamo!
Moloch whose ear is a smoking tomb!
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in
the long streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in
the fog! Moloch whose smoke-stacks and antennae crown the cities!
Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch whose soul is electricity and
banks! Moloch whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch whose fate is a cloud
of sexless hydrogen! Moloch whose name is the Mind!"

I think the very last line there really sums it up.
 
Last edited:
Roger&Me said:
Moreso in general, but macrocosm:microcosm and all that.
Click to expand...

So it's not all my fault then? Hoozah!

psox said:
This is bad because of the gulf it produces, it'd be good if more people around me were in a similar situation. That way I would have people my age I could connect with on a higher level. Well, come to think of it, that's why I spend so much time on Bluelight. It'd be nice to have that IRL though.
Click to expand...

I think that may be an issue many of us here have in common (crew-folk especially). If you had that kind of connection with people in your life, and rich/rewarding experiences with them, would you feel the need to spend the time you do here, pouring yourself into a digital community?
 
Roger&Me said:
lol, now that I'm a bit older I kinda wish I hadn't done so many drugs during my formative years. I feel old and fucked in the head, when I should feel young and full of energy. Haha, I even have gray hairs and I'm not yet 24. Feels like my soul is tired,TBH, need a break.
Click to expand...

No, no. The only reason you feel "old and tired" is because you're worried about it, and you're asking yourself whether or not you feel old and tired. That's how this sort of thing works. I remember feeling old and tired when I was 14 years old, only because at the time I was paranoid about my own health.

Honestly, so much unnecessary aging probably comes from the sheer concern and fear that people have of aging itself. The best advice I can give to anyone watching the clock ticking with fearful anticipation, is to accept the inevitable, and cease resisting death. Life is a continuous transition, and you began dying the moment you were born.

You will find that once you truly accept your own impending destruction, an immense amount of needless anxiety and pain will be lifted, and you will find yourself with more energy and vitality than you had even hoped you'd find in your futile battles against death.
 
Last edited:
heya PD im late to the discussion but just got to say...

Roger&Me said:
lol, now that I'm a bit older I kinda wish I hadn't done so many drugs during my formative years. I feel old and fucked in the head, when I should feel young and full of energy. Haha, I even have gray hairs and I'm not yet 24. Feels like my soul is tired,TBH, need a break.
Click to expand...

dude, i always thought you were older than that. not meaning anything by it, just that you seem quite the experienced person eh :)

we all feel old form time to time i guess. and dont worry about receding hairline, ive got a cousin, balding at 18... myself ive got half my hair white, and im not over 30.... its got a lot to do with genes mates.

unfortunately TAC, ive never experienced relief that comes from realizing my own mortality. just a kind of dispair. its in the moments of closeness and love, appreciation for friends and family that i feel most alive. that, and facing the magnificence of the human spirit
 
Never Knows Best said:
I think that may be an issue many of us here have in common (crew-folk especially). If you had that kind of connection with people in your life, and rich/rewarding experiences with them, would you feel the need to spend the time you do here, pouring yourself into a digital community?
Click to expand...

Likely not. I'd be spending my time interacting with people instead of sitting alone in front of a computer.

Well I'm going to do something totally rash today, almost unthinkable; I'm going to actually do work without amphetamine. 8o I know, I'm a real trailblazer ;)

It's the source of a lot of my tension, which feeds my desire to consume benzos, the lethargy from benzos feeds my desire to take amphetamine... but it starts with amphetamine.

Anyways I need to get some fresh air and groceries. It's a good hike to the nearest grocery store and today's high was 0C and the sun is already starting to wane. Fresh indeed.
 
Just got back from rehab. Great non 12 step program. Uses the Health Realization model. Lost of the concepts you guys would love. Now on Zoloft and Suboxone management and feeling amazing!
 
It's great to have you back nearjat, glad to hear it went well :D Keep up the good work.

D&D night again! I'm curious to see how this goes, the first session last week was fun though :)
 
Good to have ya back nearjat, glad things went well :)

Oh Hank;

Perils+of+Polling.jpg


"His handshake; it's limp."
 
in other news, i am absolute shit at weighing powder, then getting said powder into gelcaps.
i have a feeling the cap that i put the full dose in is a bit more MDMA than its suppoed to be, and i just put the rest of wat i had in a separate gelcap.
i probably lost half a point or some shit from me being shit at handling powder.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top