I think it's really great that your not the girl. And you want to know how it makes her feel. Love is love, my father od'd on heroin, I hated IV users. Contempt, they were scum. And who winds up finding an old love and he is what you dont like.
Surpirse surprise, the love was already there, the bond. It also feels you are a help, like he is being cared for, you want that person to feel loved and taken care of. Yes, it broke my heart to with him go through withdrawl and it broke my heart to find needles and watch him do everything but H, because that was the only thing he was trying to give up. But I loved him, how could I leave him, I can save him, I have a whole family who has done drugs, I understand from a place other people don't and oh yeah I love him. I think in all honesty if you are to choose that type of relationship, your setting your self up for a fall, but you don't know it. It can't work. One person cant be on something while the other person is not. It doesn't work, things come up. You feel guilt, she justs wishes it will come to an end and blah blah blah. No matter what she says, she is a woman, she is trying to help you....but she must secretly want you to be like No, i love you. How romantic would that be, we are women. It started to get to a point that I was drinking with him, because he really drank, crazy southern comfort, until we were either laughing or fighting. I came home one night, and he started yelling at me in front if my friend. I left, I hated leaving but I needed to save myself. I was spiraling.
If I didnt get divorced and my hub said yeah its okay if you do coke on the weekend, its not really okay. I love you so yeah. I married my husband because I was so honest with him, and he believed he could deal with my wild streak He just loved me so much, but when ush came to shove he couldn't he just wanted to. I was open, honest, felt clear about this is the only guy i will marry he gets it, i felt i had been honest and that we would be okay. When you fall, its always okay, but when comes down to day to day livin, its hard. And it is serious work. And you cant be passed out on a toilet bowl and put in the work. Everyone thinks they can and its quite noble, but unrealistic. I couldnt put in the work, you have to maintain and focus and work a relationship, you cant when your still hanging out. I thought I could and I couldnt. I thought I could still be shelly party bar girl ,not as often, but you can't, but still be his wife. Look at some of the most famous rock starts that have had the same playboy wife since they were famous, aren't they all clean. Even rockstars cant do it. Im telling the story from my point of view, so you know your girlfriend better, you can think of her personality but with my input, because we are all wired to a certain degree the same. Woudld you be okay if she was a sex addict. She had it under control, but maybe you wanted to have be the one that could make things work, Be different from the main frame, but it doesnt. I just got divorced last week, what I learned is to be with someone, one you need to be sober, or the distance just comes and the bond becomes your drug of choice. not building on your connection. Not a safe place to feel protected. I thought me and him were connecting because i was so okay with it and not judging and stuff. I was lying to myself. My husband and I, he thought I drank too much. I didnt even drink, but then just the word alcohol after three years just took on a life of its own. And yeah it was our bond, we shared that, that is what we always remeber, that loaded word. He was trying to protect me, and it came off as controlling and the spiral begins. For you to be in any succesful relationship, and anyone who has moved past drugs, because at some point you have to....they will tell you man you have to be sober and to be be truly able to get there, you wont be able to do it with a girlfriend. You have to work on you, and that is the only way it works. I said no, the counselor doesnt know us, well he did and he warned me and i thought i was okay to be the different one.. You'll want to make the effort to put her first, but there will be the time she sees you don't. And she will know you don't mean it, but it still hurts. My father had one bad dose, was a newbie. I soent my entire life feeling like my own dad choose the risk if that, who knew it was a bad dose, shit happens, in stead of being with me. It's a very complicated place to be. I don;t know your exact situation but that was mine and I can see some variations, but all the basics are there. She is a good girl.
And if you loved her, why would you let her see those things. The images that I saw of my boyfriend, when My husband saw me as the substance abuser, how awful i felt. why put yourself through that. Be friends, realize what your asking of someone to do. I hope you do not take anything I say in a hrash way, i just know it so well. We talk once a week, he tells me what drugs he is doing and how much alcohol. Only because I want him to hear it. And he is getting married, thats not gonna work for long. Substance and long term relationships dont work. neither do two people who like to get fucked up, cause what happeens you spiral together, and again the drug is the bond.
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Did you get a feel for it? For you be even asking, you must know that's got to be a hard spot for her to be in. I haven't unpacked, do not have my mouse, cant left click all of my misspellings. macs...ugh I did my best to write properly, but when I know about something, i just want t put it out. thoughts come from all angles, and you have to get them down before you miss a point so i type quick....hope that helps you begin to think about it.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
