lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
How are you? I've been thinking about you and hoping that you are alright-whatever that means! Just wanted to put that out there.
Hello 10!! I've been MIA, as of late....just working too hard. And then I get home, clean up, try to eat (which is REALLY a frickin chore because I cook all day), maybe watch some tube if I can keep my eyes open, read and then pass out! One day stretches into the next and I cannot believe how the time really does fly. Remember when you were a little kid and the summer vacation seemed like it lasted for years??! What happened to that?? I am still using and I am currently trying to taper before this coming weekend. UGH!! Its like, here we go again! But! I managed to score a few benzos to aid in the induction process, so I am feeling much more confident about this next stab at kicking this crap. You made me laugh as I was reading your post about the dealer you want to punch and do not so nice things to!! I'm in the same boat, sister! I have had the most detailed scenarios floating around in my head about the grimy shit I want to do to one of mine. And yet I can't. And it pisses me off that I am so thoughtful like that! In the end I just can't lower myself to that level. Wish I could.
I don't know where you live, but it is finally cooling off here. Today it was so beautiful outside it was painful. Does that make any sense?! I ride my bike to work and when its time to head home, that ride is one of the highlights of my day. And today was just perfect. That awesome crisp air and the sky was like a forget-me-not blue. What do you like to do (besides opies)?! I ride a lot. I feel most free when I'm on that bike. I'm usually trying not to get hit by cars...so I focus only on staying alive in that moment. NO time to think about the bullshit in my life, you know what I mean?
I hope you are staying well and fighting the good fight! YEAH! Hey-I meant to ask you....what the real difference is between Subutex and Suboxone (besides one being a full agonist, right?) and why you chose one over the other.
Thank You Rio!! Sometimes I just need a blunt (not an actual blunt) kick in the ass! You are absolutely right...always finding a reason to delay, delay, delay. And in the moment the reasons just sound so damn....REASONABLE! The procrastination is just coming from a place of fear. I have had some nasty inductions on sub, but I lived. And after a couple days on it I am ok. In the past I never needed much more than 2mg a day, even with the amount of dope I was slamming. I no longer iv my dope, so I hope that is to my advantage. Maybe I should have taken more in the beginning? I was taught less is more with the sub, so I dunno. Anyway, the battle continues in my brain. Right this second I am trying to figure out how to stay well for the work week, as my financial resources hit the shitter. OR!!! I could just TAKE THE SUB!!!
So you're already aquainted w Rio, Lovemissile? Lol. He jumped on your thread just to type "oh my god, just do it already" (says the guy who relapsed - well and to let you know all you're doing wrong in his opinion) He can't resist trying to start an argument.
You handled that perfectly. . The only person you have to be accountable to is you. Noone else. I know you're going to do it. You've already started the process by having the desire, reaching out and starting a thread - even if it's online.
The people I'm close to on BL, are really important to me. They genuinely matter to me. I genuinely care about them. Some of them became real-life friends We talk on the phone. They can contact me 24/7 if need be - and I can do the same.
Hey Rio-! Glad you're back posting on BL. Share your experience about your relapse with us. How long did it last? What triggered you to make the final decision to use? Emotional things? Boredom? How are you feeling now that you're back on track? How big is/was your habit?
Rather than be cranky and lash out on anyone you feel is vulnerable, share your experience with all of us. Thats what really helps and matters.
You're fortunate to feel stable right away on subs. Not everyone does. Me included. It takes a few days.
Hope you're well today Lovemissile and Rio.
Not to steal your post, lovemissle..
But Rio. I meant to answer this in my thread, but I got carried away with my own personal drama.
I do attribute the success I'm having to methadone. It works so much better for me than suboxone. It gets rid of the cravings and, the one or two times I've attempted to use on it, it's been absolutely pointless. And not like a block from suboxone which just takes more drugs than usual to get high...like using and using and using and not so much as a yawn. And then you get into OD territory there, so not a good idea either. When I am tempted to get heroin, I remember it is literally a complete waste of money. I would have to stop taking methadone for days in order to feel full fledged opiates once again, and I don't feel like going through that misery just for that.
Getting off methadone will be hard, and I know that. But it's nice to be out of the insanity for awhile.
The reason I'm saying this is...it might be a good option for you. I just know that I finally took the plunge with it after I had failed suboxone so many times and I knew my life was very close to falling to pieces if I didn't do SOMETHING. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing time and time again and expecting a different result...