Probably more the latter, Rio. Ugh.
I'm so sorry to hear about y'all's bank accounts. I had this happen to me last year while I was in active addiction and had no money for 2 days and went into horrible withdrawal. My dealer knew I was good for it too and refused to front me anything (God, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that asshole anymore). By the time the money hit my account (i was checking just about every 10 seconds...hitting refresh on my banking app) I was about to go insane. I probably yelled at half of the management at Bank of America by the time those 2 days were through.
10years, I'm really proud of you for not using with your husband. But, Jesus, that situation has got to be SO ROUGH...having it offered to you. You've got some killer self control these days, I know it prob doesn't feel like it sometimes. You seem to be learning some good coping techniques...getting out of the house when tempted by his use...utilizing the folks at NA. I know you must love him dearly to still stay with him despite him still using and how hard it is for your own recovery, but have you talked to him about how tough this makes it for you? Maybe get him to not push it in your face like that? I know he's just trying to help...he loves you and he hates seeing you distressed and wants to do whatever he can to make you feel better, that's natural for anyone who truly loves someone...but I know he's gotta realize that your sobriety is important and, even if he's not going the right direction right now, your personal sobriety should be respected. I have one friend who uses, and still does, but he realizes my sobriety is important to me, so the occasional times I see him (he's so bad, he rarely goes to social events anymore), he knows better than to even mention dope to me bc, even though he uses, he wants me to quit (just like he wants himself to quit...but cant at the moment). Now, this is a friend not a lover and I know things are different...I just don't want to see you fall back into the habit full time because of this relationship.
lovemissle, don't listen to our resident asshole, Rio
You induct when you are ready. Though, I will tell you that it will never be the "perfect time" if that's what you're looking for. Just make sure you induct on a day you know you won't have to work (or handle anything else important), preferably sometime when you have 2 days off in a row. I took a half-day at work the day I inducted (my clinic said to plan on being there from 7am-11am) thinking after the subs kicked in, I'd be fine to go to work...and I was wrong. Luckily, I have an office job and my boss let me take the remainder of the day off (i told him I had gone to the dr and the medication they gave me was making me sick...which was true). I made it through the second day but just barely. Don't let me frighten you too much though..my tolerance was THROUGH THE ROOF when I started (2-3 grams a day just to feel normal). One of my biggest regrets was not tapering down some before I inducted. I would recommend inducting when you have 1-2 days you can take completely off and have it be during a week where, after work, you don't have to do too much if you don't want to. The first week, I would just go straight home from work and lay in bed and watch netflix or read murder mystery novels. I wouldn't call it a "relaxing experience", but it felt good to not have any responsibilities for a few days while I adjusted. After 5 days, I was completely fine and ready to live life like normal again. Like I said, I had a ridiculously high tolerance and my experience is probably worse than most. Good luck!
Love yall, thinking about you guys always!
. Don't you just love when you make up your mind to quit and suddenly