Subs didn't work :(

[ladyhlove]

Yeah, I don't feel too much shame in using the first day 1/2. It helped me get through the worst of it physically and actually make it to work...and if I hadn't, I would've been fired and I'd have another set of problems to deal with during this recovery. It was silly for me to think I could jump from a 2g a day heroin habit onto 4mg of subs with an easy transition. After using a small amount those first two days, I stopped and dealt with the withdrawals for a few days as they continued to up my sub dosage and my tolerance worked itself down to where it felt normal on the amount of subs they were giving me. I got there, thank god. It took about 5 days but I got there. I was tempted to say fuck it and just go back on dope, but I knew that was no sort of long term solution. Subs are holding me good, physically, and mentally I'm ok just trying to relearn how to live life without going to get dope every afternoon after work. I'm more bored than anything...not that I was doing anything terribly exciting while on drugs...I was just more content with being bored whilst high. Dealing with a breakup too, so I'm not coming home to someone anymore with a set of plans (cook dinner, snuggle up watch a movie, etc) so it's made life seem completely different these days. I'm working on it though. Trying to do one thing every night after work whether it be cleaning the house, going for a run, or going out to dinner with a friend. Day by day I'll tell ya. i know it'll get easier.

As far as getting off the subs, I don't even want to think about that right now...

 

[JDGRAMZ]

Wow thats awesome! Im also on a 2 g a day h habit and a professional just like you...im on day 3 i took 4 mg yesterday and 8 mg today...can i ask how did u stop yourself from calling the dope man? Mine actually call me becuz it turns out when u spend $160 a day your basicallys one of their best customers- whod of thought? At any rate any tips to getting to week1? Thanks and you have accomplished a great thing you should be proud!!!

 

[ladyhlove]

Wow thats awesome! Im also on a 2 g a day h habit and a professional just like you...im on day 3 i took 4 mg yesterday and 8 mg today...can i ask how did u stop yourself from calling the dope man? Mine actually call me becuz it turns out when u spend $160 a day your basicallys one of their best customers- whod of thought? At any rate any tips to getting to week1? Thanks and you have accomplished a great thing you should be proud!!!

Yeah, I deleted the numbers. They still called. Like you, I was one of their best customers. First, they wanted to make sure I hadn't OD'd or something, then they wanted to know what dealer I was going to instead of them. Had one of the more shitty dope boys I know even try to "blackmail" me, told me he was gonna call my job and tell them I did drugs if I didn't stop "buying from other people". Luckily, he's full of shit and has no idea where I work (plus, my job doesn't even have a public "landline", we all use cell phones and he has no idea who the hell my boss is).

I know you want an easy solution, but WILLPOWER is all you can have. Deleting the dope boys number doesn't help when you have it memorized (turns out, I did...didn't even realize it till I had a minor relapse last week..I mentioned it in my formal recovery journal, slipped up one night last week). But the truth is, dope boys are always going to be there no matter where you go. Temptation will always be there. I'm glad I didn't get shipped off to some rehab in Utah or something because I don't know if I would've handled the temptation of the dealers once I got back home to Atlanta. Trust me, I still have the urge to call them sometimes but I try to remember how far I've come already. You're on day 3! That's major! Think of it this way, remember how shitty day 1 and 2 were? You never have to do that again! You're in the home stretch...I started feeling pretty much completely back to normal by day 5 or 6. Are you going to continue to up your dose? I didn't find relief from the withdrawals of my 2g a day habit till I hit 16mg...but I also had 3 days clean of dope at that point on lower sub levels so I don't know if it was the 16mg or my body finally adjusting to a lower dose of opiates.

Keep with it! It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it'll be so worth it. Day 22 now and with only one minor usage early last week (which taught me many things about my triggers and how to stop myself in the future). Life is starting to feel normal again. You'll get there too just keep with it! Congrats on 3 days, like I said above, that's major!