Voluntary Reclusion

[cyberius]

I've always feared being this would become my ultimate fate, but I've fully given up on anybody but myself. I don't want friends, my family only serves to an end, and I don't really want intimacy with anybody anymore. I've begun rejecting society, I've never had good experiences with other people. Society just seems like a burden to me without any reward.

Is it healthy to accept this wholeheartedly? Nothing ever really gave me satisfaction, and I've come up short with people more times than I can count. I'm done feeling bad about this, but I'm fully done attempting to socialize. I was thinking about telling my therapist this... but the desire to get any better is nearly absent at this point. My life feels much more satisfying without others tainting it.

 

[herbavore]

I would tell your therapist--after all it is honestly how you are feeling and that is what you are there to discuss. There just is no right or wrong in this. Wanting to be alone and acting on that can be extremely healthy if you are doing it for yourself; on the other hand it can be isolating and detrimental if you are blaming everyone you have ever met or interacted with (all the people in your life so far) for disappointing you, for making you want to be alone. We are all disappointing to each other on some level--human beings want a level of intimacy and knowledge of each other that is not even humanly possible, craving a level of unconditional love and acceptance that we rarely extend to anyone else.

I can understand wanting to be alone for long periods of time, but writing everyone else off for good seems like more of a bitter reaction that a real desire. There are so many variations of people, such diversity, that I would hate to see you wall yourself off from possibly satisfying bonds in your future. As far as society goes, it's healthy to step outside it, to say fuck off to all the BS sold to us about how we are supposed to look, act and feel. Everybody gets a damn coca cola ad implanted in their brain before they turn two. No wonder we all struggle so much with ourselves.

You are reaching out in a lot of different directions it seems (I'm basing that on a number of threads here and in SL and MH) and I know that can feel uncertain and chaotic--maybe even terrifying. The uncertain times are the richest--the most comes out of them. Keep talking to your therapist and to yourself. It's okay to be in a free fall sometimes. I know many things are feeling uncomfortable to you right now but I read your threads and think wow, that's a lot of courage you are drawing on right now. Keep exploring.

 

[badfish45]

For me when Im depressed, isolation is my main tactic. Its just what feels best , but it never really helps me feel better. The more I isolate, the deeper in I go.

I think what herby said is right, you should go out and experience the world on your terms and not care what others or yourself thinks. Even just going out in public and people watching or working in a cafe or library will help; just being around humans is good for you even if you dont interact one on one..sometimes I'll go to the store just to interact with the clerk because hey at least thats something.

I love being alone, just beware that if its for too extended a period of time it may negatively impact your health (mental and physical).

 

[Painful One]

I think this is a normal and necessary experience to reach a higher understanding and comfort with thyself.
Many ancient writings speak about this experience. There are cultures that require this isolation before you are considered a human being fully.

Enjoying your own company and being at ease in your own skin is invaluable.

May you journey well....

 

[Tranced]

I think that ultimately it will cause issues in the long run, because as much as you dislike society, you are still a part of it. I saw an article before which might be interesting, although I haven't read it yet.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...meet-people-extreme-isolation-found-happiness

 

[Mafioso]

I would think things like this are definitely something you would want to discuss with a therapist. A therapist can help you to decide for yourself if this is a healthy decision for yourself.

Just from reading your post though, it doesn't really sound like it is what you truly want. The words "I always feared this would become my ultimate fate.." do not sound like those of someone content with their circumstance, rather from someone who has resigned to his place in life despite being discontent with it.

There is nothing wrong with accepting you for who you really are, whether you are introvertive, quiet, and reserved. We should always strive to improve ourselves by correcting the negative parts of our personality, but we shouldn't feel the need to try and be someone who we are not. For instance, we don't need to be the life of the party if we are just not that person. It's possible to be content with who we are while still striving to improve.

There is also nothing wrong with enjoying solitude, but when we use isolation as a way of avoiding relationships I think it becomes problematic. I think you should ask yourself if it is that you truly desire to be alone, or if it is just easier than dealing with the disappointment and other negative feelings that can come along with relationships. Is it what you truly desire, or is it a way of avoiding risk, basically.

Not just risk too, I can see how someone might find it more peaceful to be alone if they struggle to relate to others. Being around people when you know how to relate well to others can be stressful, so if someone is struggling to relate to others it would be very uncomfortable. The thing is though, when you do find someone you can relate well with it can be some of the most rewarding times in life.

It's also possible to develop your social skills. Just because someone isn't good at socializing doesn't mean there is something wrong with them, or that they can never be good at interacting with others.