☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

[perpetualdawn]

Has anyone here read The Rose of Paracelsus by Leonard Pickard?

 

[Xorkoth]

Nope, but I would, were someone to present it to me.

Man, my girl and I went to visit samadhi_smiles... he and his girlfriend are having a baby, she's due in the next 2 weeks. My girl has this weird thing with fans, she hates them, the noise and motion makes her anxious. They had 3 box fans going, because his girlfriend gets really hot, being so pregnant, and my girl had an anxiety attack when we got home, and she hasn't been able to shake it. it's weird, she just can't get over it, I've been trying to cheer her up and she's just sitting there staring and nothing can make her smile. It's half annoying me and half freaking me out. It makes me think something else is going on because it just doesn't make sense to me...

 

[Xorkoth]

She started looking up something called "anxiety-induced sensory overload"... it makes too much sense. She's basically experienced chronic anxiety from as early as she can remember because of her dad, basically... one of the big symptoms of anxiety-induced sensory overload is slowly, over time, finding smells absolutely unbearable. She has the weirdest reaction to smells I have ever seen. And it's gotten substantially worse since I met her. More and more totally neutral smells she finds disgusting, and when she smells something she doesn't like it feels like torture and makes her feel depressed. Sometimes I won't even smell anything and she'll be super bothered by whatever she smells.

 

[psy997]

She needs to work with someone skilled, my dude! If that's the case, things are not going to get better without it, and will probably only just keep getting worse :/

 

[Xorkoth]

I know... it's really hard for her to make that step. She went to a few therapy sessions last year but it clearly wasn't the right fit. I have been trying to talk to her about finding someone who specializes in childhood PTSD, someone who uses CBT. And that the hardest step is the first. I can't make her do it, though...

 

[cosmic charlie]

Been really sick again in the hospital. Spent the whole day yesterday getting shot up with IV Morphine and it sounds enjoyable. But it definetly wasnt, well maybe the rushes were. Been having issues with Gastritus again, but im back home this morning. Eating some grits and smoking some weed this guy gave me. My girlfriend is hysterical, she was convinced i was gonna die. I'm gonna be alright, this all got triggered me running out of my Protonix for 3 days, my acid reflux is that bad.

Tell you what though Marijuana helped me more than the opiates most of this week. Especially this bag of Gummies. Not sure what they we're dosed but i ate all eight of um in 2 days and was high for 3...And i also gobbled up 7mgs of Clonazepam over a few days. Another one I'd had IV Fentanyl for a different day. Its all been a big blur. I'm showing improvement today tho.

Couldn't even post i was so out of it

 

[psy997]

Hey Muddy, not totally sure what you're thing is, but man, I feel a lot of compassion and care for you

Xorkoth, I know that experience all too well :/ It sucks because most the effort is in finding the right person, and since that's before you're starting doing anything, there's no new motivation or drive to make it happen, so it doesn't. So frustrating.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Thanks man i appreciate it. Feeling pretty good today, just made some green tea. Pain has been pretty manageable, smoked a bowl. I feel like i am through the worst of all this sickness. I just gotta take it seriously easy on my body. Very bland diet for awhile, lots of cereals and starches. Been doing laundry and washing dishes so I'm helping around here somewhat.

Definitely a positive morning

 

[Img_9999]

one of the big symptoms of anxiety-induced sensory overload is slowly, over time, finding smells absolutely unbearable. She has the weirdest reaction to smells I have ever seen. And it's gotten substantially worse since I met her. More and more totally neutral smells she finds disgusting, and when she smells something she doesn't like it feels like torture and makes her feel depressed. Sometimes I won't even smell anything and she'll be super bothered by whatever she smells.

Brains are weird as fuck.
Or maybe I should say "The mind".

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah they are. Man I had some WEIRD dreams last night, holy shit. Whenever I take GHB, I wake up from the dopamine rebound way too early (since I'm taking it at night for fun, not to try to sleep). I wake up in the middle of really intense, strange, fever-like dreams, which aren't very fun but are very interesting. But so fucking weird. It reminds me of the restless dreams when I've had phenibut withdrawal, but more intense and dark in nature, and when I pass through the dopamine rebound I feel fine after that. I wrote down my dreams for the dream thread in the LAVA subforum, but I'm gonna repost here, since the topic of brains being weird came up.

October 1st, 2018, ~5am: GHB Fever Dream - From Death to Creation

I wake up suddenly from my slumber, the dopamine rebound having hit. Inconvenient because I can tell it's only around 5am. Uh oh... something is odd. The darkness is swirling around me. As I look up out of my skylight above my bed, I appear to see my cat walking on it and crouching to take a shit. But she just sits there and every time I look away and look back, she seems to reform. It's probably just a shadow or something. I have a vaguely ominous feeling about me, and that weird obsessive thought pattern I associate with the dopamine rebound from GHB (as well as from phenibut withdrawal, but much stronger with GHB). I can tell my brain is being weird, and my subconscious wants to draw me in. I'm a little afraid and a little excited to close my eyes, but since I want to sleep more, I have to do it.

I am confronted with frantic people who are rushing up to me and asking me questions. Their urgency makes me feel alarmed and somewhat unsafe as they grip my arms. I can't quite make out what they're asking for, but I think they want me to provide some service for them. Their words are inaudible, but I gather that their intention is for me to experience them. I look into a man's eyes, and all of a sudden a great rush of experiences washes over me, like a life passing by in the blink of an eye. The speed of it shocks me and in fear, I pull back, which is difficult. But the crying of the people (as I write this it seems almost like the spirits of the dead though I didn't think of it that way at the time) only grows more frantic, masses of them gathering up close and reaching. I try to resist because the feeling of the life rushing by feels like a powerful current which I barely escaped even after dipping my leg in for a second. But it becomes impossible to resist as there are so many pressing around me, so eventually I give in. I feel the experiences of a life in extreme fast-forward, a cacophony of emotions, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, all in barely an instant, images, sounds, people, places, things, culminating in a starkly lonely moment of death. But as that moment comes, the eyes of the person I am experiencing meet the eyes of another, and I am drawn into that life, and so on. It feels like this MUST be done, even though it's harrowing every time. I quickly start feeling claustrophobic because I can't stop it, but I'm also aware I'm dreaming, sort of (though I have absolutely no ability to alter what is happening in the dream).

After a while, I feel a darkness, a shape full of clicking and slicing edges, which is speaking to me. It is ripping apart some of the souls around me, with glee at the mayhem. It tells me its name is Clickticktiklee (I think, or something like that), and it speaks in a sibilant hissing voice. It doesn't seem to want to hurt me, almost as if it considers us equals in this space, or perhaps it can't hurt me. It seems to be trying to convince me of the necessity, or maybe just the joy it finds, in its work. Maybe it's trying to convince me to abandon my work. Overall, in retrospect, it feels like this was some malicious spirit bent on destructive and suffering, whereas I was saving these souls by acknowledging and releasing their lives. This malevolent spirit is starting to creep me out and make me feel a little... unclean perhaps, so at some point, still aware I'm dreaming yet wondering whether it is more than that, I open my eyes and decide to get up to take some L-theanine and magnesium to relax.

As I get up and walk across the house to my office, the darkness around me is shifting, wispy shapes. I try not to pay too much attention because I am kind of creeped out by the dream I had just had, though I wouldn't classify it as a nightmare and there was no terror involved. I can still feel the fever-dream-style obsessive/abstract thought process going on in my brain and I try not to think about spirits, thinking instead that the shapes I am seeing are the result of a combination of drug rebound and hypnagogic patterning. I try to anchor my mind in what I know to be true around me because I don't really fancy going back to the place I had just been.

Once I return to bed, I close my eyes again and allow myself to be drawn back into semi-lucid dream land. Before long, I find myself talking to a guy, he seems to be a friend. He's telling me that in this dream, I have to be careful because whatever I imagine actually becomes true in real life. At this point I'm fully lucid and able to control the dream, but instead of being liberating, it's somewhat terrifying because I realize, deep-down, that this is a curse. It becomes about controlling my mind and what I visualize. I have to make sure not to let stray thoughts fuck my life up. Whether my eyes are open or closed becomes difficult to determine because I see the same either way. The friend I imagine is there when I open my eyes. I do an experiment, and imagine my cat coming into the room, and when I open my eyes my cat comes into the room. I'm unsure whether she really did or not. Then the next time I close my eyes, I accidentally imagine her replaced with a different cat, and when I open my eyes (though it looks the same either way, I can tell whether my eyes are open or closed by just knowing if they are, and it seems that when they're closed is when my power to imagine affects things, and when they're open I have proof I have affected things), she is a different cat. This gives me a moment of panic and then I think to myself, wait, I can just imagine her back. And I do so, but I start to wonder whether she is actually the same, if she's even real anymore. How much alteration/transmutation can things handle before they're not really the same? Not really alive? If I can will someone in and out of existence, are they real in the first place? The question disturbs me.

At this point I only half believe that this is real, but it feels so real that I have to take it seriously. There seems to be a running dialogue in the back of my mind, a warning not to stop being vigilant to the extreme damage I could cause to the world/my life. I imagine myself in my upstairs bedroom and open my eyes, and there I am. I imagine my house disappearing around me, and it does. Then I panic and realize I just lost my house, and I try to imagine it back but the details are all wrong. I toss and turn and change positions, trying to get to normal sleep. I'm not sure exactly what is real anymore and what's in my head and I'm starting to wonder if it might be better to go back to re-experiencing the lives of others than this. My girlfriend stirs beside me and I suddenly get really scared I would accidentally change her or make her disappear. So I lay on my back and try not to think about anything at all. What a burden. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm just having a weird and intrusive dream, the same as every other time I get GHB dopamine rebound before it's time to wake up.

Eventually, I begin to feel my muscles relax and my thoughts slow down and become more peaceful, as the theanine and magnesium kick in. And blessedly I drift off into normal slumber...

October 1st, 2018, ~6:30am: Flood in the Mountains

I find myself in a dream world of mine I particularly enjoy. It's a version of the place I live (Appalachia), with somewhat larger and more majestic mountains, and places that represent places that are here, but that are largely different, also. It's a beautiful place and I tend to have fun outdoor adventures here. Also, occasionally I am aware of doors into the mountains which are part of a vast, interconnecting underground city in the mountains, but sometimes that's not a part of things, and it is not tonight. For a few moments I'm aware I'm dreaming but I decide to just let myself get sucked into it because I like this dream world and I feel peaceful and I don't want to risk waking back up now that I've finally passed into real sleep.

I'm with my friend's parents and we're driving around. We'd just been camping, and it had rained a lot the night before. I remember the hike the previous day, up a trail I know well (in my dreams anyway), and smile. We're near a small mountain town I've visited many times, taking a pull-off that winds down under the main road and heads towards home. But when we get a bit down the pulloff, we see that the road is entirely submerged in rushing water, as if the road is a river. It gushes over the hill and looks like nothing less than a waterfall. My friend's mom suggests we go anyway, as "we have 4 wheel drive". But I don't like the look of it at all, and I say so, and my friend's dad is like, yep, we're definitely going to die if we try this, we're turning around, we'll try to find a way across. As we go into town, I hear a town crier () holding newspapers, shouting about historic flooding of the river. The entire town is on one side of the river, and from a vantage point I look at it. Normally it's a little thing way down below, but now it has risen impossible high, like a hundred feet, filling out the whole valley, almost up to the level of the town which is on the top of the ridge of the canyon.

Now instead of my friend's parents I'm with a couple of my friends, and we decide to enjoy the nice sunny day while we wait for some news about whether there is a way across the river. We stop into a park and there's an ice cream stand, and I get some ice cream. We're just hanging out shooting the shit, when a young girl comes to sit next to me, and clearly starts flirting with me. I look at her and ask her how old she is... 17 she says, how old are you, 24? I just kinda laughed and said nope, older than that... too old for you, that's for sure (clearly this came from a couple of weeks ago when I girl I met at my alcohol course who is 20 was flirting with me and guessed I was 24... which is quite a compliment I guess since I'm actually 35).

Suddenly, my boss calls me and I realize I am supposed to be at work, and it's like 3:00pm, most of the way through the work day. I answer the phone and I'm like, dude, so sorry, I was camping last night and we were supposed to get back in the morning but there's catastrophic flooding and now I'm stuck in a town on the other side of the river. He says oh man, that's fine, I heard about the flooding, I hope you can get home okay. But listen, we're all gathered here for a special meeting, and we really need to get you on video chat. It seems clear to me he is insinuating that they've got some sort of award or something for me. A promotion, I wonder? But damn! Not enough service up here to get video chat working, and also I'm at 10% battery life. I tell this to my boss and he's like okay, well, just find a place where you can charge and get some wireless, we'll be waiting.

So I head around, looking for these things. People I ask don't seem to know what wireless Internet is, it's as if the town is stuck just a little bit in the past. No one seems to have an iPhone charger either although I find people with Android chargers. Eventually I make my wait to a Best Buy and walk in. I ask them about wireless Internet, and they don't know what that is either. But they tell me to walk over to the wireless charging products (a more advanced technology 8)) and as I do my phone is charged to 100% within seconds. But I still can't find any service, I'm stuck at 1 bar of 1x service.

Then my alarm goes off, and I see that I have just missed a call from my boss (in real life), and that I overslept by an hour.

 

[Help?!?!]

Hello friends, its been to long, hope your all well, and swirling in extisential bliss !

GHB is my favorite hedonistic drug of all time. Better than heroin and all that shit. Combined with psychedelics and MXE back in the day 3.5g's would have me unable to do much else than writhe in ecstasy! Such a good drug to smooth the edges of a heavy trip too like phenibut is.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I recall a customer asking if desktops weren't made any more when I worked at an electronics store. I told them I had just built a new one myself and that there was a table full of them right behind them. They were genuinely surprised. Let's just say I wrote them off as unintelligent right then and there. I mean, if anything desktops are picking up for gamers, laptops will never supersede them there, and certainly not phones. I'd like to see someone fit a gtx 1080 inside their phone. And a 144hz 1440p monitor for that matter.

I had the same question from someone not too long ago. I also get amazed looks from people when they see my PC. I run four monitors plus a television off mine with plans to add another monitor soon. I've been building my own computers since 1996 and I can't imagine ever running anything pre-built or going totally over to the phone full time. I do use my phone to browse but it frustrates me because I can't communicate on it as quickly as I do with a full keyboard. I also spent some time with just having a laptop when I moved down south but it frustrated me to no end because I didn't have a proper keyboard (laptop keyboards suck). I'm planning on building a new PC as soon as I can as I want one of those dual-CPU POWER9 motherboards. Really want something that is FOSS all the way down to the firmware. I can't trust my current machine because there are so many known exploits in Intel CPUs and the GPU I run in it. I have a pretty nice set-up and it does everything I need but I really want to move away from x86-64 based CPUs.

I'll send you a picture in PM. Don't want to post my current machine here because I've posted it elsewhere before and I don't want this account linked back to me.

Yeah I hate Internet browsing so much that I just won't use the Internet except for functional things like finding the address of a place/directions on my phone, I'll just wait til I get home (I have a laptop and docking station so it works like a 2-monitor desktop setup). I'll go without Bluelight if I'm on vacation or something and don't have my computer with me. It's like pulling teeth trying to do anything not social media-related on phones... and social media is kinda like pulling teeth too.

This was all by design imho. They wanted to make sure you stay on approved websites when using mobile. Since most people use mobile exclusively it helps them keep a tight grip on what information gets spread. Like Bagseed said I don't think desktops and laptops will ever go away but they're certainly getting used less and less by the general population. It's really bad with kids because I've noticed most kids these days aren't using proper computers. Means there is less chance for them to explore, program, and learn how to write software/make other types of content. I've noticed that the main reason kids get PCs these days is because they want to stream video games and be like their favorite e-celebs on youtube/twitch.

I've also found it odd that so many people will happily buy a console but won't even consider building a computer for gaming. I tell everyone that asks me what console to get to just get a PC instead and they act like $600-$800 for a PC is insane but they'll buy a new console for $500 every few years. I don't understand why you'd go with the console when the PC is a better value and allows you to do so much more with it. It has a wider selection of games and you can use any input device with them. The games themselves are cheaper too and most of them allow you to modify them. I have a ton of games that are 10 years old now that are still drawing a good usebase because of mods. I don't play as often anymore but it's nice to be able to play anything I want going all the way back to my childhood on the same machine. It's also fun to create or use mods for the games I do like to keep them fresh.

 

[yepyepwoah]

My cousin that's in high school, will sit there all day with a phone or tablet, but I don't think I've ever seen her use a computer at the house. All they do is look at shit like youtube, facebook, twitter, and text with their friends. Seems like such a waste.

 

[xammy]

lol @ mobile & tablet kids these days even though I use my phone a lot when lying in bed nowadays. Bought a new PC year or two ago that cost like over 1k ? but I don't even play games anymore. Great purchase though.
btw is it my problem or bluelight forums mobile when I try to edit a message it removes it completely?

nokia was great back in the days

 

[Xorkoth]

The mobile edit bug on Bluelight is definitely a problem with the site, not just you. But we're close to making Bluelight work much better on mobile.

Well, all done with my alcohol course. He didn't even drug test me again. I'm actually gonna miss those people though. I connected to a few of them on Facebook, I hope we stay in touch.

 

[xammy]

speaking of alcohol, I'm on my fifth beer and it's 5pm

 

[xammy]

I traded 400mg MDMA for 3g of weed, don't know if I was stupid or not because weed is always around, MDMA is not. But I was thinking of not doing mdma for a year anyway so whatever I guess.

 

[yepyepwoah]

I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I wake up and just stare at my phone for a bit before getting up. I guess it's better than getting on the computer for " a minute" and 3 hours later...

Xammy, if you want to take a break from MDMA and don't trust yourself to not take it in that time, then it was a good trade.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I traded 400mg MDMA for 3g of weed, don't know if I was stupid or not because weed is always around, MDMA is not. But I was thinking of not doing mdma for a year anyway so whatever I guess.

Look at it this way. That MDMA might find its way to someone that will rarely see it or never taken it before. I often just gift 200mg+ of MDMA to people just because I like spreading it around.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Wuts up guys, I'm doing well just gonna relax this weekend. Have started to feel much better over the past couple days. My battery for my vape pen just broke though and i just bought this OG Kush cartridge. I mean it holds a charge for like 2-3 hits and then goes dead. After i throw it back on the charger again it will repeat, its a hassle.

So probably gonna have to wait for another one to come in the mail. Have some regular bud to so it's gonna be alright. I got a solid 6 months use and the thing only cost me 15 bucks. So not really a bad deal, picked up a bunch of Etizolam as well but i put them away for awhile until im in better shape. But things are definetly on the up and up.

Hope everyone is well