Rage Trip on LSD

[bongosyo]

Hi, I just wanted to share with the community a terrifying and horrible trip that I have experience recently, something that has
seriously fucked me up.


I want to start with that I would consider myself a psychedellic noobie, I had only experienced two LSD trips before hand, a couple DXM
trips, and rolled on MDMA once.


To begin, the LSD I had ingested, was the same stuff I had taken two times before, it was pretty strong, and I'm guessing it's pretty pure,
I purchased it from a very reuptable vendor on the Dark Web. I had decided to try my first two tab experience (first mistake), with someone
I didn't know very well (second mistake), this person, lets call them Jeff, was a friend that I'd known a bit of, but wasn't particularly close
to me. I took the two tabs, and within about 45 minutes, was in the experience head on.


The beginning of the experience was blissful, and one of the best experiences in my entire life, I walked around my neighborhood, I listened
to amazing music, I had an overwhelming senstation of euphoria, it was amazing. I walked for a good 20 mintues, looking at houses, trees,
the landmarks of a suburban community. I finally thought it was time to head back, and that I did.


I sat outside of my apartment for about 30 minutes, I called some of my friends, laughed a lot, talked with my friend that was tripping with me,
and just enjoyed the experience. It was really amazing, looking back on it, it's really what makes me love LSD, and its why I am so conflicted
and depressed at the moment. This is around where the trip started to head southwards, beforehand, most of the information I'm gonna be saying
was told to me from my friend, I went in and out for some reason, I don't rememember most of anything after this point.


I had got agitated for some reason, I cannot remember, and stopped talking to my friends, I sat outside and started thinking I did something wrong.
I was fully in the tripped state, I forgot what was happening, what LSD was, and franitcally kept asking if I did something wrong, over and over.
I went inside my apartment, to my room, and that was it. Whatever happened in my room completly changed my state of mind.


From what I was told, after this, I started speaking in numbers, I would be asked a question by Jeff, and would reply with a number. This started
to scare him. I started going into a rage, I don't know what induced it at all, I started shouting, saying I was going to kill everyone,
I started breaking things around my apartment, throwing things, I proceeded outside comppletly nude running around shouting random lines.
It was hellish, and the worst thing is, I don't remember a damn thing, one of my other friends (sober) came over as Jeff had called for him,
and I locked him out of my apartment. Screaming and shouting at him. At this point I went to my couch, and I came down to reality for a second.
This is one of the few memories I have from the experience, I was sitting, thinking I was in a dream, as I didn't feel like I was tripping.
It seemed I had no visuals, no body high, and I felt like I was out of the LSD headspace, but this of course wasn't true. I began to think I was
in a dream state, that I had passed out somewhere and was trapped in my own mind. I began screaming and begging to go back to reality, I called
my parents, asked them if they were real, to me they sounded like robots. I was convinced, I tried calling friends, and none of them picked up,
this further convinced me I was in a dream.


I was thuroughly inside of the fortress that was the bad trip, I built myself comepltly into the mindset, and was coming to relization I was
going to die. That I would slowly fade away and die. I couldn't think of anything scarier, I thought my entire life was over. I left my apartment,
and took my car out of the complex and got on the road, the stupidest thing I've ever done. I raced around my neighborhood screaming, flipping people
passing by off, honking. I took my mirror of as I scrapped the side of a guard rail, and just drove around frantically, contemplating weather I should
plant myself into some building at 80 mph.


Thankfully, I turned around for some reason, and headed back to my apartment, as I was closer to reality than I was before, when I hadn't remembered
anything. I got out of my car and went back to my apartment, and began crying furiously, thinking I was gonig to die. The cops had been called by my
neughbors, so I was greeted by them soon after, they had caught on that I was tripping very hard, I ranted that nothing was real and that
I was stuck in a dream, that they were fake and nothing mattered. They sat me down, talked to me, and were extremly caring cops, they talked me down
from where I was, and eased me a bit out of the trip. I told them I had no more LSD, they decided to let me go, and left. This further convinced me,
once again, that I was in a dream. What cops would let a person go like me? It was obvious to me. My Dad decided to drive to my apartment to check up on me,
and to his surprise, found me crying in my mess of an apartment, broken glass, clothes scattered my surroundings. He talked to me, and calmed me down,
he was able to finally bring me out of it, I finally realized where I was, that it in fact was not a dream.


Needless to say, I was broken, I had damaged my car, scared countless people, broken many items in my home, I was a fucking idiot. He stayed there
with me as I started to come down, I finally had escaped the trip, but found myself in a new dark place.


I know I am an idiot, I am just wondering why this has happened, why I went into a complete rage trip, I was psychotic. Has this type of thing,
obviously not this level, happened to you guys? I feel horrible, I feel completly worthless. I can't do anything withough thinking about it,
I had to face my own death, and found I was completly unhappy with my life. I am saddened that more than likely I will never get to experience the
good side of Lucy again, as I think doing it again is too much of a risk to myself and the people around me.


I don't know what to really do at this point, I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts, which has never happened to me, sober before this experience,
I am a really happy person, and I felt that I was in the right mindset at the time, but I obviously was not. I can't even listen to the music
I listened to during the trip with out it making me think of those terrible thoughts.


Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment your thoughts, goodnight.

 

[SheWasLvL18]

That's crazy, thanks for sharing! Though I do think this will be moved to the Trip Reports forum. As for the anger, IDK, but some believe that psychedelics can bring out underlying mental "disturbances", we will call them, but this is all speculation as far as I know.

 

[PsychaStevic]

I personally don't think you were in the right state of mind to take a trip that strong for yourself. Set and setting is key as well, and both of those might've been way off, an unknown person in a small apartment isn't a great setting, and it sounds like it turned your trip sour and started a loop.
Trying working your way up to that dose, maybe 1 or 1-1/2 next time with a close friend on a hike or in nature? There's a lot of factors that could play in to why your trip went south but personally I think you just jumped in too deep without having much psychedelic experience/knowledge. Familiarize yourself with the LSD state of mind on smaller doses before going that deep again or even take one then up the dose in an hour to an hour and a half with another once you know you can handle it and all is well, safe travels!

 

[Weltmeister]

You should probably never do LSD in high doses ever again as you seem to be vulnerable to psychosis. Also for medium doses keep benzos around and some people who can force feed them to you in case you flip out again. Also try out shrooms as they dont have the dopamine agonism (which is probably responsible for this).

 

[pupnik]

@bongosyo
not psychosis at all
the max effect of psychedelic is amnesia, (this can be observed while reading thousands of trip reports at higher ranges)
you were going in and out of amnesia and trying to deal with the unstable universe.
It sounds like excellent acid to come on so fast and fluctuate between amnesia (forgetting what you did or what is happening or blacking out) and rich sensory and mental effects.
Give yourself time to digest what occurred before making big changes in your life, and if you do use psychedelics be cautious with your dosage and dosage advice, if you need a stronger trip experience, then explore your substance by carefully titrating up.

 

[bongosyo]

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies. I really would like to try psychedelics once again at a later date, and it is evident I haven't took into account how much it matters of my set and setting. I had 10 tabs of this stuff and got rid of it thinking I'd never use it again, bit of a bummer as it was really high quality. I think you're all right that I was not ready for the effects of such a high dose, obviously. I have been thinking some time down the line starting with mushrooms, as I see people saying it is a bit more slow, less energy and upper effects of Lucy. Would this be smart to start with a low dose of Mushrooms in the future instead of trying LSD once again?

 

[EntheoDjinn]

Some good advice above. There is a school of thought that LSD is (or can be under the right circumstances) a powerful 'imprinting' tool. Therefore a significant dose could in future bring about a recollection of the unfortunate anxiety, distress or whatever you experienced in your amnesic periods. The good news is that you could re-imprint (or overwrite) the negative stuff by following the advice above. Mushrooms or LSD in smaller doses along with pleasant/fascinating/amazing experiences might act to re-establish a positive mind set. Patience and a disciplined approach might be the way to go.

It would be a shame to lose the possibility of wonderful experiences in the future

 

[SheWasLvL18]

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies. I really would like to try psychedelics once again at a later date, and it is evident I haven't took into account how much it matters of my set and setting. I had 10 tabs of this stuff and got rid of it thinking I'd never use it again, bit of a bummer as it was really high quality. I think you're all right that I was not ready for the effects of such a high dose, obviously. I have been thinking some time down the line starting with mushrooms, as I see people saying it is a bit more slow, less energy and upper effects of Lucy. Would this be smart to start with a low dose of Mushrooms in the future instead of trying LSD once again?

I would think mushrooms would be easier, but that's just my experience with mushrooms, which is pretty limited. In both my experiences with shrooms, I would say it almost felt more like a "delirious" state than what I had expected a "psychedelic" trip would be like. Now I don't mean this in a bad way, like Datura, but in-terms of the high it felt like it was more effecting the way I thought about things and my mental state much more than any "visual" effects. I think I can say pretty confidently I didn't have any "psychedelic" hallucinations while on mushrooms, though I did see things differently, almost like looking through a different lense, and simple things like doors would send me into weird thought-trains about portals and crap

 

[bongosyo]

it almost felt more like a "delirious" state than what I had expected a "psychedelic" trip would be like. Now I don't mean this in a bad way, like Datura, but in-terms of the high it felt like it was more effecting the way I thought about things and my mental state much more than any "visual" effects.

I would say that's kind of similar to LSD, with my experiences, especially my first it was much more weird thoughts, and the same with the second, forgetting basic things, etc. I think there is just a misconception on what a trip really is, its much more of a head space than just trippy visuals, not that that's not a big part, but the mindset is the biggest presence in my opinion.

 

[SheWasLvL18]

I think part of it is how different the expectations of the trip are vs. the reality. Like when you read trip reports online, people talk about the craziest things and then once you actually acquire the drug and use it, your personal experience is always so different from what you read online. Also, personally, I don't think I would consider psychedelics/hallucinogens to be fun or necessarily pleasant. I'm sure there's many people who can say otherwise, but IMO, the strange thought patterns and body feelings they bring aren't fun on their own, like say an opiate/cannabis high would be. Hallucinogens I would think of as more of a tool, the pleasure they can provide is that they can provide new ways to think and perceive the world, but often I find myself just kind of wishing the effects would go away after a short-while, as I'd rather just be comfortably stoned. I think hallucinogens are a set/occasion thing and for me aren't fun by themselves so I don't really "plan" on doing them again, though if the right time came along, I would, of course, indulge.

 

[bongosyo]

That's a very good mindset, I personally view them as both, because I find them to be endlessly fun, and enjoy the 12 hour ride it brings. But it's kind of negative to think my way, because I end up wanting to abuse it, wanting to do it every weekend like I had during this experience and before, which is just not the right way to partake in the experience. Making them special and occasional things is definitely the best way to go about psychedelics, but for me it is hard, because I really enjoy the body high, visuals, and head space.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

As I'm sure you know now psychedelic doses don't exactly stack in the 1+1=2 kind of way. Sometimes it turns out 1+1=4 in terms of effects from psychedelics, if you decide to ever take psychedelics again work your way up to your target dose slowly. Start with a low dose and work your way up in small increments, obviously spacing the doses out to prevent tolerance.

Thanks for the story, those sound like really good cops and a wonderful dad.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Also that's a good way to think of psychedelics, they must be respected and using them for pure recreation is certainly possible but it's also a little disrespectful to a class of compounds that have so much more to offer then just "fun."

 

[bongosyo]

Thanks for the story, those sound like really good cops and a wonderful dad.

Thank you, and I am lucky to have had excellent cops show up, and a caring father. I knew the whole jist of the power of LSD, 1+1=4. I had taken LSD recently and thought the tolerance would effect some part of it, but I just wasn't really aware how much power there comes behind it.

 

[Xorkoth]

Honestly I do think you experienced psychosis, almost all the trips I hear described where people temporarily become psychotic involve amnesia of those parts. Some people seem more prone to it than others (for example, and I do realize I'm very lucky in this, out of probably 400/500 trips in my life it's never happened to me, including some insanely high doses). I think you should be quite cautious about taking that much again in the future. It sounds like your set and setting could have maybe been a little better, but since you describe it being one of the best experiences of your life until it turned, and you didn't describe an event that was difficult leading up to the change, it seems like more of a bad reaction of your mind. Especially since you were enraged and evidently contemplating suicide by crashing your car.

You might try a different psychedelic though, look into the tryptamines. LSD is quite powerful and due to its dopaminergic action, especially at higher doses, it seems to have a greater chance to lead to psychosis.

I would think mushrooms would be easier, but that's just my experience with mushrooms, which is pretty limited. In both my experiences with shrooms, I would say it almost felt more like a "delirious" state than what I had expected a "psychedelic" trip would be like. Now I don't mean this in a bad way, like Datura, but in-terms of the high it felt like it was more effecting the way I thought about things and my mental state much more than any "visual" effects. I think I can say pretty confidently I didn't have any "psychedelic" hallucinations while on mushrooms, though I did see things differently, almost like looking through a different lense, and simple things like doors would send me into weird thought-trains about portals and crap

Any good trip affects me much more in the thought process and such than in the visual department. To me that's what psychedelia is, and what makes something psychedelic. Pretty visuals can be cool but if that's all psychedelics did I would have stopped taking them years ago.

I have always found mushrooms to be substantially more emotionally difficult than LSD. They can also be extremely rewarding. My first trip ever was on mushrooms and it was one of the most beautiful and incredible experiences of my life.

 

[pupnik]

You could say some aspects are psychosis like, but it would be unkind, and somewhat alarmist, to use that word so freely.

Many aspects of Psychedelic experience have been likened to 'psychosis', especially in the early days, since it initially seemed to be a direction of research that could be followed which could potentially make use of LSD.

However psychosis is not the same as psychedelic experience, and equating them introduces concern about a person's mental health where it is not necessarily appropriate (hence an unkindness).

Anger is not insanity, confusion is not insanity, especially when emerging from amnesia during a moment of extreme intoxication - it is natural to resort to primitive defensive response if the setting is challenging and the mind is flooded with overlapped sensations and the shadows of chaotic perceptions.