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July Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. "Fireworks and Toss your Works"

Captain.Heroin said:
Do you have any jobs or education lined up?
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No, nothing. All i have is the expierence doing utility/line work,and to be honest i do not want to get back into that type of work.
I have no drivers id(just an id card)
No car
No health insurance
Eye sight is going bad in my right eye.

My problems keep piling up on me, and the more i think about them the more i feel like saying 'fuck it,thats to much stuff to do', its not that im worried that i wont have anywhere to stay,because i can always stay on the streets.i know i shouldnt think like that,i just find it hard not too.

Dont want to get into working at fast food, i really dont want to.

Not sure where to go from here.
 
I've had a shit week. Anyone else who has had a shit week, I hope this little gem I stumbled across on YouTube brings a little levity into your life:
 
D's said:
No, nothing. All i have is the expierence doing utility/line work,and to be honest i do not want to get back into that type of work.
I have no drivers id(just an id card)
No car
No health insurance
Eye sight is going bad in my right eye.

My problems keep piling up on me, and the more i think about them the more i feel like saying 'fuck it,thats to much stuff to do', its not that im worried that i wont have anywhere to stay,because i can always stay on the streets.i know i shouldnt think like that,i just find it hard not too.

Dont want to get into working at fast food, i really dont want to.

Not sure where to go from here.
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You should apply for health insurance. I believe the ACA still is available, despite the Republicans' attempt to destroy it.

Have you considered going back to school? There's federal grant money you can get by attending classes. You can also apply for a subsidized loan.

I know you are attempting to avoid living on the streets, but many students out here are homeless. Not having a home doesn't have to mean you give up on life. You can still try to hold a job down, or go to school, and get something going for yourself so that in a few years you won't have to live so meagerly.
 
Thats whats up ch, same here.day went by pretty quick for the most part. I was told that tomorrow i will be going with a group of guys to talk about our own struggles with addiction to abunch of teens. Not really sure if they are troubled teens or not.either way i am excited to do so on my day off.
 
Nice guys! :)

I've been having a weird day. Going from place on retreat where I am highly respected, accepted and loved precisely for what I'm interested in and all about to staying back with a parent were I have to literally fight to make myself heard is a very frustrating experience.

That said, today is going okay. And now it's less than a month until I move out and start school. The end of my summer is really filling up with a lot of (fun) stuff to do professionally, academically and socially, and I imagine staying occupied in such a way will really help me maintain a semblance of balance and stability.
 
That's sounds great! :)
Being able to be yourself and get the respect you deserve, and moving out to start school.

I believe the only place I can totally be myself is either here in Bluelight or at home. But even at home there are sensitive subjects we can't really talk about as openly as I'd wish.

Maybe that's one of the reasons I try to travel travel solo as often as possible, or sometimes with my son eventually. I guess I can be more of myself, my son is pretty open minded so I feel we can talk just about everything. But I do hide my previous history, he's too young. We can definitely talk about drugs and how tough life was but I try to take myself out of the scenario when things start to get a bit "darker".

My older daughter knows - and remembers the life we've had many years ago despite of all my efforts to keep myself as 'clean' as I could be so but we really don't go there, although I feel I could talk to her more openly. I realized that most people I encounter during my trips are so light, all they want is to enjoy being out and far, and like me we are pretty focused on what's is going on day after day. Most of them have real bad conceit about drugs and I just turn to mute and try not to go deeper whenever we discuss about this topic.

I wish that when I'm older this won't matter as much it does nowadays. I truly hope I could feel I have nothing to hide and come out as who I am. Maybe some day.
 
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I really look up to a lot of you all more then you really know,and really can relate to what you said erikmen. Theres times where i try to be myself in 'real life',and catch shit about being who i am. I am very insecure about myself,and find it hard to go up to a group of strangers and introduce myself, i can be myself here on bluelight because no one really cares what i look like or how i act in 'rl'.
Been struggling with the piece of not fitting in with others,even tho everyone i am around have one thing in common,and thats our addictions.

I go to meetings to expect to see others helping others,and what i observe is people slapping hands and hitting it with chicks,and the new guys just look around and walk outside.
I left the meeting early tonight to go and speak with the guys in 'blue hospital smoks/detox'and asked them why they left the meeting,and they told me why. I didnt have a sound answer for them except for them to stay and it does get better,so it really irritates me when i see clicky shit going on,and in reality its about reaching back helping the newcomer.

So,going to stay the fuck away from the clicks,and help somebody thats outside of the circle.
 
That is really tough D's, definitely one of the things that turned me off with that community. That and the preditors, among other things too I guess.

Do you have any Against the Stream meetings in your area?
 
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toothpastedog said:
That is really tough D's, definitely one of the things that turned me off with that community. That and the predictors, among other things too I guess.

Do you have any Against the Stream meetings in your area?
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Ive never heard of against the stream before, I'm always open to suggestions. Is there a webpage where i can find out?

Maybe I'm so insecure about myself that i find reasons why not to go to meetings, really looking into that today.
Possibly i see my younger self in the shit that goes on at the meetings?
 
I think you're not liking meetings as much says more about your recovery than anything else. That being, it's perhaps time for you to focus on more of blazing your own trail (I'm not suggesting you stop going to meetings, but branch out to other perhaps not explicitly recovery oriented supportive communities). Or at least work on diversifying your recovery a bit more.

Most people I've met, or at among those who have found 12 step stuff helpful, seem to spend less and less time involved in AA or NA as time goes on, instead devoting their time and energy less to meetings and more to what they are passionate and interesting about in life. 12 step meetings being what they are, it would seem most people have far more in life they're passionate about than NA or AA.

Againstthestream.org is their website.
 
I was just reading about this at the Recovering from Recovery blog:

https://www.recoveringfromrecovery.com/leaving-aa-staying-sober/

I've turned enough of a full circle with 12 step that I'm ok with some types of meetings. The ones focusing on literature seem to be much less of a pointless circle jerk (not to mention more structured and less boring) than the discussion meetings. The last thing I want to do at this point is go to these meetings and let my irritation with the people there get the better of me. I've got bigger issues to deal with. That was somewhere on recovering from recovery as well. The final takeaway I have from my own experience is that if you want to stop, you have to fill the time you spent drinking/using with something, whether that something is meetings or something else, but you can't just have the same life you had minus only the drugs/alcohol.

Speaking of bigger issues, I almost started ranting at the mechanic I go to. I told them that they are causing me serious fucking anxiety and not that I could explain it to them but they're singlehandedly making it impossible for me right now to depend less on benzos. I think probably all garages are this way, but there always seems to be some small problem that causes some major delay. A full week, two tows and $200 bucks in rental car expenses, this shit is getting old. Enough already.
 
A nice blog indeed. Good enough to get slapped in the directory even.
 
simco said:
Congrats, D's!!!

Weird coincidence too...today is 9 months for me. <3
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Thats whats up simco! Really 8/22/16 is the date i checked into detox, 8/21 was the day i took my last drink.

Looking back at this year is amazing at all the stuff I've gone through sober. Its a good feeling for real, and especially for the newcomer.
 
Yeah Congratulatuions simco and D's!! Great to hear.
Hope things get better for you dreamflyer.
 
Congratulations to all of us who are trying to beat this day after day! I'm have gone beyond 2,5 years. My record. It scares me sometimes though.

Much peace to all! :)
 
dreamflyer said:
D's & simco: Congratulations on your sobriety. That is awesome!

I'm having a rough time with anxiety and depression (and therefore, addiction), so I apologize for not having anything to contribute lately. I spent my therapist's appointment with my head down, muttering one-word answers because I just didn't even feel up to interacting with anyone. He started to act annoyed with me (not that I can blame him), so now I feel like I can't even count on him ​for support.
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Sending you my best, dreamflyer. It'll be better. Please take good care.
 
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