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Recovery I can't go on, I'll go on

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thanks, friends. it feels so good to come on BL and see folks' kind words...really, it makes a big dent in the gloomy.

i'm still hanging in. i made myself go to a yoga class today (i've been trying to go at least a couple times a week). it felt good, but my weird agoraphobia started gnawing on me, so i was pretty on edge by the time the class ended. nevertheless, i know it was good for me to get out of the house and to do something physical.

my energy, to the extent that i have any, is devoted to a few very small goals. as i mentioned, i'm trying to go out to a yoga class at least a few times weekly. i'm also trying to keep the kitchen stocked with decent food...so i've been doing several small grocery runs each week too. i'm going to try to keep doing these regularly. and hopefully i can add a few more little goals to my roster.

since i'm spending so much time in the house, i've been trying to play music again. i found some old songs that i had written, but i never wrote them out properly. so i've been transcribing them and writing out the music. it's kind of nice...they're a little better than i had remembered. hopefully i'll find it in me to write some more.

anyway, i just wanted to come on and say a quick hello.

love and peace.
Sim
 
Sim, you are not alone in this healthcare fa?ade. Take small steps so not to be overwhelmed. Ask yourself what can you do now, this hour, today ect. Be good to yourself.........
 
Its good to hear from you Sim.

Im so glad to hear that you are taking these positive steps. A healthy diet is so beneficial for me, despite all the dishes haha.

You write and play music? Wicked. What instrument(s?) do you play?
 
Man, life is hard! Just remember basically everyone you encounter is dying inside about something. Every single one of us.
I'm detoxing now and literally want to kill myself its so miserable. Like you, I called and called place after place to find a rehab place but none took my insurance and cost hundreds upon hundreds just for the initial visit. What a joke. So here I am in agony home alone, taking care of my sick toddler. One day at a time.
 
Hope you are doing well Sim- I read your posts often- you are such an inspiration to me. You are in my thoughts- positive vibes headed your way!

Faith- grsh
 
I'm going to rehab for the 2nd time on Wednesday. The wait is killing me! I can't wait to be clean again! This community has gotten me through some hard times realizing I'm not alone. So thank you all! ( I don't post much but read a lot)
 
Cleaned up some posts in this thread.

Do not detract from the friendly atmosphere we have in Sober Living.
 
Hey Bonch! Good for you-!! I wish you all the best.

Sim- you are an awesome person and friend. <3
 
Thankyou Captain.H I treasure - and count on- the atmosphere in SL and the support of my BL family.
 
^^^^ Seconded

There are other more appropriate places for ppl to voice opinions others may feel are Harsh etc

We don't need much tough love or IN YOUR FACE direction. If we've made it to SL -- ain't none of them negatives we haven't already heard said felt lived and by gods Grace, overcome.

Keep it supportive folks, please
 
Absolutely tough love is for when nothing else works, we've all shown that something worked, hence why we're in sober living.
 
Also still wishing for painless (or Less pain ) days n night's for you Sim
Always wondering why life has to be so hard n miserable at times.
I tell my kids to think of the pain as "taking the bitter with the better" . They don't usually appreciate such statements but that's all I can do at times; try n Ratio the Shit times over the joyful times in life so I can say "see its just a small percentage " and that life's been Mostly joy.

For the BIG HURTS : loss of loved ones thru death, divorce or other unplanned events, well those are the most painful. And of course, I will forever believe that Depression EQUALS unresolved losses.
I look back over all that was Good with the lost one's and feel Gratitude that i was able to know them, love them, laugh with them. And pray (or think towards ) their Peace and happiness now, if they are alive. I ask for their continued rest in love n peace if not.

That's just MY litany of How To Get a Fox Thru the Blues.
I hope you're ok sim -- things have to improve soon.
 
Hey Sim- I'm hoping that some of the hope that you have so often given away is coming back towards you these days! We miss your honesty! It is so nice to know that getting clean doesn't require perfection. I hope you have time to say hello!
 
Hello, Dear Friends.

Things are still dark and spooky in these parts. But I'm really hoping to start returning to BL...both in terms of updating this thread and as a mod. Thanks a million to all the kind souls who have been wishing me well.

Over the next few days, I hope to catch up on what's been going on around SL.

As for me, things are more or less unchanged. Very sad about my wife's decision to end our marriage, and weirded out by my recent crash and burn (walking away from my career, moving back to my childhood home). But I have been able to stay away from opioids (and other problematic substances), so that's good. In fact, my urges to use haven't been so bad. It feels almost like I got so depressed I was even too depressed to use...something I'd never felt.

And although I do still feel pretty compromised, I have noticed some subtle improvements in my outlook recently. I don't feel as paralyzed by the gloom.

So...I'm going to try to be back on BL tomorrow.
 
Thinking of you always brother! I mean it!
I'm still sober but it's incredibly trying. I'm in so much pain that I can hardly function, my job is slipping away, my relationship is rocky.. sometimes I just don't know what I'm even doing this for anymore. I'm still waiting to see the light... Right now it's pretty black.

Hit me up any time simmy, let's catch up bro.
 
Sims and Six: I am thinking of you both and found it positive to read your posts of the last day or two... being about to reach out at times of darkness and/or distress shows you are fighting the good fight -whether it be against addictive urges or mental illness. Sending you both kind and healing intentions.
 
Good to hear from you Sim and Im glad to hear that youve been able to steer clear of your problem substances.

Itll be nice to see you around more...but we understand the need to get away.
 
Just got off the phone for a job interview. My mood has been see-sawing so much that a couple days ago I felt pretty strong and put in this application. Then yesterday they said they wanted me to interview and I had a bit of a freak-out (feeling unready and exposed and generally like a fraud).

I didn't crash and burn as badly as I feared during the interview (it was a technical interview, so had to answer a bunch of made-up problems/brain teasers). But I'm thinking I need to take some more time before signing up for more of these.

Does anyone remember the reclusive guy (the shut-in) who Donna used to visit in the old series Twin Peaks? I feel like that guy these days. Agoraphobic and depressed but also curious about the world outside.
 
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