cj -
I know we don't know each other well, and you've been here for ages and I'm new...so I don't mean to sound pretentious or preachy...you said you can't help yourself for "some" reason. It's not just some arbitrary reason. Most people in our position can't control themselves around their DOC - you aren't any shitty-er than me or anyone else here. You are just addicted.
If you haven't taken any yet (and even if you have!), get rid of them. You just made it through the worst of it - please don't go backwards. There is freedom and power in knowing that you can't be responsible with the benzos and off-loading them onto someone who can. Just do what you have to do to get them away from you, ASAP. It's hard, I know, but the sooner they are gone, the sooner that voice in your head will shut the fuck up or quiet down some.
Best of luck and I'm pulling for you. I'll be thinking about you.
- VE