is it worth kicking Suboxone/bupe!? has the time come.. even tho I still "slip".

[ImSTILLtrying]

is it worth kicking Suboxone/bupe!? has the time come.. even tho I still "slip".

cant figure it out, man! been w/ my Suboxone Dr. for over 2 years and paying $140/mo to see the dude. its helping, of course, but at the same time I feel I can do it w/o problem. do you think the 2MG is killing my URGE TO USE or what? I can see 4-8MG but at 2MG I feel the urge is sometimes there, so how bad can it be w/o a thing in me, ya know!? and this would be full time, not just a day trial run.

btw, I still pick up, ONCE IN A WHILE. I barely use like I once did but still make that mistake once a month, maybe less, maybe more, all depends. sometimes ill go 3 months w//o a problem, etc. so again, does the SUboxone make a difference here or what? I really dont know what to do, man. lol.

my family would like to see me OFF Suboxone; I am going though Chemo as is, so I am on enough "drugs" in their eyes, but the SUboxone is basically NOTHING compared to what other things I am going through. but, they also do not fully understand addiction, the heroin addict I was once who used daily, for years and years, and how far I have come to even use once a month (IF THAT) an how well I am doing otherwise.

so, does it make sense to QUIT Suboxone even tho I didnt QUIT drugs, even. barely using but using, ya know!?

I am sure this has been asked before; I probably even tried to ask myself before, but I cant find shit, so help me out, so I know what to do.

 

[HeadHigh]

If you cannot stop your urge to use, even once a month, then dont drop the suboxone. That urge is still a part of your addiction, and until that has completely stopped, i wouldnt advise dropping the bupe

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

I figured that would be the "answer" or "reply" I would be getting. I agree to a degree (I rap and rhyme).

but for real, I agree to a degree (wow, brain is fried because I truly forgot I just said that, lol). I just hate having to pay to see my Dr. who I feel does NOTHING for me; I dont even see the guy; its all done over Sktype, which is better and easier for me, so I should be happy it happens like that since he moved from Boston to CA after being w/ .him for a year+. now we are around the 2 year mark and I continue to speak w/. him monthly and will take a drug test locally, still. I am sure he has many clients in this area still. these Ichats we do are so easy compared to the half hour appointments we once had. I seriously chat w/ the dude for 10-15 mins before getting off the phone and him automatically withdrawing the money from my account before I even see the dude, lol .fucking greedy fuck, but its so easy compared to other Suboxone Dr. stories, that i cannot complain.

so, what else? what are other options? yes, I Use once a month, if that. I sometimes go 3 months and then I sometimes used twice in a month. all based on how LIFE IS GOING, because I am a man w/ chemo and its a pain in the butt living like this right now but doing the "right thing" for my own health purposes. I was once an addict who would shot 2G's of dope a day w/ ease, but now a half G or a 40/bag is all I need to get by. but I barely even need to use because I accept where I am, what i am doing, and everything else that comes w/ it. also, recently I saw a close friend (old work buddy) die from an OD - fucking sad, man. just kills me to hear/see this stuff. I am used to hearing it on the news, or hearing a friend of a friend, blah blah. but when its someone that is close to home, close to your heart, its a different story, man.

so w/ ll this being said, the right thing to do is stick w/ my 2MG bupe.. BUT.. lets just see as it plays out. I may but my scrip this month and just NOT USE IT to see if I can get by. if I cant, I do NOT have to worry because everything is right there anyway and I will NOT bring it up to the Dr. so he does not hold it against me. THAT, my friends, is the plan for this month. LETS SEE IF and HOW this works.

he still scripts me Xanax and Seroquel, for my MAJOR sleep issues, based on chemo, so I would NOT want to lose those either way but would have to give it up if I decided to give it all up, baby. would LOVE TO TRY AND BE CLEAN, man. TRY, TRY, TRY AGAIN! clean, clean clean and more clean. IMAGINE?

 

[CfZrx]

paying $140/mo to see the dude.

That's fucked! In Cali Subs and the doc visits are now covered by Partnership health plan, which is poor-person govt. insurance Can you move to Cali?

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

That's fucked! In Cali Subs and the doc visits are now covered by Partnership health plan, which is poor-person govt. insurance Can you move to Cali?

lol, funny you say that cuz I really could. EX GF lives there and I was in Compton w/ her for a few months before coming back. we still talk, and I could easily go back but I wouldnt want to be living w/t he EX but would have to right away.

the $140/mo isnt that bad considering I was paying $90+/day for dope, really $200/day at my worst, but the $140 bothers me since its only subs and I am taking 2MG; I get scripted 14/MG/day but only take 2MG; I "move" the rest and make all the cash back; yeahhhhhh baby, but becasue my chemo and other problems, I need all the money I can get, lol. where in Cali you living? funny, because out there opiate addiction is NOT a major deal; people like Crystal and other drugs more out in Cali; the clinics I saw out there and other things were all so small and junk, and we are talking a clinic in a nice city or shit city, been to both. but dope is just not as big out there so they treat it so different. they were getting monthly take homes w/o a problem out there; here in MA its so hard on a methadone clinic. for me, not a bad deal cuz Suboxone is better, baby.

do you know a lot of people on Suboxone out there? how long you been on it? you have the insurance through the state? thats why. I can get FREE SUBS but I see a private Dr. rather than a Dr. from the state; my private Dr. is easy, I dont have to do meetings or anything; just a once a month iChat w/ him and its 10-15 minutes. then take a drug test, which is 45 mins away; thats the biggest pain in the ass. other than that its worth it for how easy it is. but I have Mass Health insurance, Neithborhood Health Plan insurance; its good insurance. I have CHEMO cuz of a brain tumor and I barely pay anything a month; I go to the Dr. every week almost, multiple times a week and currently going through CHEMO and again, I DONT PAY FOR SHIT! the script cost me NOTHING FOR CHEMO and I take other scripts, gabapentin and keppra for seizures and I pay $7 total for both.

my scripts through Sub Dr. are

14MG/day//sub
50MG/night/seroquel (not bad but doesnt work anymore; I need 100MG easily, so I use Xanax sometimes to keep me from over doing seroquel)
1MG/night/xanax (I take them at night, sometimes around 8PM to chill but even .5MG can knock me out easy. but usually run out prior to month end; I also use some nights instead of suboxone; suboxone doesnt always knock me out; or at least not fast. xanax will knock me out in 15 mins and the suboxone will keep me sleeping; if I decide to mix - not often but sometimes if I need sleep.)

 

[CfZrx]

lol, funny you say that cuz I really could. EX GF lives there and I was in Compton w/ her for a few months before coming back. we still talk, and I could easily go back but I wouldnt want to be living w/t he EX but would have to right away.

the $140/mo isnt that bad considering I was paying $90+/day for dope, really $200/day at my worst, but the $140 bothers me since its only subs and I am taking 2MG; I get scripted 14/MG/day but only take 2MG; I "move" the rest and make all the cash back; yeahhhhhh baby, but becasue my chemo and other problems, I need all the money I can get, lol. where in Cali you living? funny, because out there opiate addiction is NOT a major deal; people like Crystal and other drugs more out in Cali; the clinics I saw out there and other things were all so small and junk, and we are talking a clinic in a nice city or shit city, been to both. but dope is just not as big out there so they treat it so different. they were getting monthly take homes w/o a problem out there; here in MA its so hard on a methadone clinic. for me, not a bad deal cuz Suboxone is better, baby.

do you know a lot of people on Suboxone out there? how long you been on it? you have the insurance through the state? thats why. I can get FREE SUBS but I see a private Dr. rather than a Dr. from the state; my private Dr. is easy, I dont have to do meetings or anything; just a once a month iChat w/ him and its 10-15 minutes. then take a drug test, which is 45 mins away; thats the biggest pain in the ass. other than that its worth it for how easy it is. but I have Mass Health insurance, Neithborhood Health Plan insurance; its good insurance. I have CHEMO cuz of a brain tumor and I barely pay anything a month; I go to the Dr. every week almost, multiple times a week and currently going through CHEMO and again, I DONT PAY FOR SHIT! the script cost me NOTHING FOR CHEMO and I take other scripts, gabapentin and keppra for seizures and I pay $7 total for both.

my scripts through Sub Dr. are

14MG/day//sub
50MG/night/seroquel (not bad but doesnt work anymore; I need 100MG easily, so I use Xanax sometimes to keep me from over doing seroquel)
1MG/night/xanax (I take them at night, sometimes around 8PM to chill but even .5MG can knock me out easy. but usually run out prior to month end; I also use some nights instead of suboxone; suboxone doesnt always knock me out; or at least not fast. xanax will knock me out in 15 mins and the suboxone will keep me sleeping; if I decide to mix - not often but sometimes if I need sleep.)

You sure sound like you're staying positive in spite of the chemo thang! I live in Northern Cali and heroin is tied with meth for biggest social problem. One possible reason for this is the big prisons nearby, but it seems like the hard drugs piggyback on the weed dealing. I have heard that the east coast dope scene is the biggest in the US. I have never been on subs myself. I was fortunate to eventually after a couple years of bad chronic pain, be put on low dose methadone. It works like a charm. I hope kratom doesn't go away, but we'll see

 

[BluesoulENC]

I'm in a similar boat. Been on subs 2 1/2 years. I want to get off of them, but I think I might just have some fear subconsciously that I could be on them the rest of my life or until something better. Sub has improved my quality of life tenfold. I was so disgusted with what I had become before treatment/subs. Not including all the death and demons around me. I'd sit down and weigh the pros and cons of you remaining on sub. If you feel like that occasional using would increase without the orange peel in your life then I'd advise to stay on sub. Good luck man! Thanks for sharing, it really hit home with me.

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

dope in the east coast is killer right now; almost all cut w/ fent if not just fent itself. when I use I usually use dope cut w/ fent cuz it still has "legs". meaning I actually get a ?good feel" for a few hours as opposed to when I shoot just fent and I get a 5 second rush and all the "good" is gone within minutes.

a gram of fent last me about a half hour; a gram of GOOD BROWN slight fent cut w/ last half a day.

I am going to TRY and make a push to cut my use down before kicking the bupe; lately I've been wanting to use but luckily stayed away all week.

lets hope it stays this way.

btw, I tried ur West Coast dope - DAMNNNNNNNN IT SUCKS! you should come to Boston and shoot whats around here; you'd be on your ass, lol

 

[EyeOfHorrus]

dope in the east coast is killer right now; almost all cut w/ fent if not just fent itself. when I use I usually use dope cut w/ fent cuz it still has "legs". meaning I actually get a ?good feel" for a few hours as opposed to when I shoot just fent and I get a 5 second rush and all the "good" is gone within minutes.

a gram of fent last me about a half hour; a gram of GOOD BROWN slight fent cut w/ last half a day.

I am going to TRY and make a push to cut my use down before kicking the bupe; lately I've been wanting to use but luckily stayed away all week.

lets hope it stays this way.

btw, I tried ur West Coast dope - DAMNNNNNNNN IT SUCKS! you should come to Boston and shoot whats around here; you'd be on your ass, lol

Having tried the best west coast dope and the best East coast dope, I still prefer the tar from the west coast. It's way cheap and harder to cut than the powder over here, although yes a lot of it is coming in now with Fent and it's off the charts.

With that said, there's no way your ready to come off the bupe. Let your family know that it needs to be your decision, and that it will only work when enough is enough for YOU. That's how it happened for me, I just wish it would have happened a lot sooner as anything longer than 2-3 years on bupe becomes more problematic than is ideal. Also, coming off bupe having been on it for years, is quite the process itself.


Edit: But to be fair I was buying the tar in San Diego in quantity or if not from the Cartel, whileas here on the east coast I would get in the Suburban area unless I wanted to go to Baltimore or DC

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

I am only on 2MG bupe; I feel that maybe it kills the urge to use - to a degree because at a lower level dosage its not as good as kicking the "urge" as if u were on 16MG of 8MG even. but still helps to a degree. and yes, I still do it once a month or so, sometimes more if I am having "bad" times, family issues, etc. I've come so far but its hard t explain to parents or others who do not understand. as I said before, I was once spending $200/day, going bananas w/ 3G's a day. now if I get a half G I am happy, lol. it doesnt do what it once DID for me, ya know? I am kinda sick of it and only use based on boredom nowadays to be honest, or based on fights within the family, etc. I am happy I've come so far and now w/ my CHEMO COMING TO AN END I honestly think I will be able to stop using COMPLETELY because I will be back to work full time, have a busy lifestyle again, and all the other BS that comes w/ it. but even still, I've been doing great, so I cant complain.

 

[keeping]

That's fucked! In Cali Subs and the doc visits are now covered by Partnership health plan, which is poor-person govt. insurance Can you move to Cali?

yeah man, $140 a month is mad
i get all my subs for free, but i m on the NHS so

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

yeah man, $140 a month is mad
i get all my subs for free, but i m on the NHS so

but youre in a program, right? gotta go to a meetings, see the Dr, maybe do other things as well, right? I just speak to him over iChat for 10 mins a month and thats it.

he scripts me 14/MG/day bupe
1MG/night xanny
100MG/night seroquel

its not too bad for the pricing. it is what it is since its a private Dr. and he lets things go very easily.

I havent tested dirty in a while anyway, so its not like im doing anything wrong.

we do under the tongue testing, so the drugs are so quick to leave the system.

 

[Ilove2nod]

Definitely stick with the subs man.. And that is horrible about the chemo/brain tumor.. I am sorry to see anyone go through that.. but you said its nearing its end with the chemo, so that sounds like a good thing, hope everything gets better for you man. But I am basically at that point too, where even at 8mg a day of sub, I still even at a high dose like that get cravings now and then to use.. and when I was on 2mg I just kept fucking up and using pharms/dope.. I relapsed many times when I was on low dose bupe because I knew I could still get high after like 8 hours or so taking 1-2mg in the morning.. so if I had money I would just keep buying dope and coke and fuck up.. had to have my doctor put me back up to 4mg a day and still fucked up and used.. so I just went back to where I started with 8mg a day, 2mg 4x a day and haven't relapsed since.. so I would for sure stay on subs as long as you have to before you know you aren't going to want to use again, because if your still using while on bupe, once those awful bupe withdrawls kick in, you will most probably just go back to dope to get well again.. crazy how opioids can cause so many problems.. literally for me all it took was one small little blue pill, a roxy30 and I never stopped after that first time with an opioid... the only thing I have accomplished since is getting off full agonist opiates and getting on bupe.. hang in there man, best of luck to you.

 

[keeping]

but youre in a program, right? gotta go to a meetings, see the Dr, maybe do other things as well, right? I just speak to him over iChat for 10 mins a month and thats it.

nah man, i have to go pick up my prescription from my key worker once a month, we have a 15 minute talk about whether im happy at my dose or if i wanna up it or lower it and that is literally it.

wish i got xanax, cant get that over here unless you go private.

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

pretty good then. what do you pay total? NOTHING! I have the top insurance here in Boston but my provider does NOT take insurance - I only pay $3 for the pills but the "meeting" which is a 10 mins iChat call is where the $140 is spent. he is a drug dealer, man. luckily, I dont want to be on the drugs anymore, so I do NOT need that much help other than getting the script and getting OFF heroinsubuxone MYSELF!

 

[keeping]

yeah i pay exactly nothing, 0, zip, zilch, nada.
sounds like you've already made your mind up bro, do it. shouldt have to pay $140 a month for some pills you don't need.
follow your heart.
you can't be tamed.
mahalo

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

yeah i pay exactly nothing, 0, zip, zilch, nada.
sounds like you've already made your mind up bro, do it. shouldt have to pay $140 a month for some pills you don't need.
follow your heart.
you can't be tamed.
mahalo

dude, I just see it like this.

when I was a junkie, I paid $200/day mostly; so $140/mo is NOTHING, man. and that $140 is saving my life, so why not keep it up, I guess. hep me STAY OFF THE BAD STUFF FOR THE MOST PART! I am only using 2MG/day so I still get urge/craving but I am able to keep in control for most part.

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

Definitely stick with the subs man.. And that is horrible about the chemo/brain tumor.. I am sorry to see anyone go through that.. but you said its nearing its end with the chemo, so that sounds like a good thing, hope everything gets better for you man. But I am basically at that point too, where even at 8mg a day of sub, I still even at a high dose like that get cravings now and then to use.. and when I was on 2mg I just kept fucking up and using pharms/dope.. I relapsed many times when I was on low dose bupe because I knew I could still get high after like 8 hours or so taking 1-2mg in the morning.. so if I had money I would just keep buying dope and coke and fuck up.. had to have my doctor put me back up to 4mg a day and still fucked up and used.. so I just went back to where I started with 8mg a day, 2mg 4x a day and haven't relapsed since.. so I would for sure stay on subs as long as you have to before you know you aren't going to want to use again, because if your still using while on bupe, once those awful bupe withdrawls kick in, you will most probably just go back to dope to get well again.. crazy how opioids can cause so many problems.. literally for me all it took was one small little blue pill, a roxy30 and I never stopped after that first time with an opioid... the only thing I have accomplished since is getting off full agonist opiates and getting on bupe.. hang in there man, best of luck to you.

I agree, the lower the tougher it is but when I was on 16/MG my dick didnt work and the GF at the time didnt like that, so I dropped 8MG over night and my dick rose w/ the drop of the 8MG, lol. so I kept at 8MG for a bit before I decided to drop another 2MG, another 2MG, etc. nowadays at 2MG I do not have a killer urge but it comes and goes as it pleases, man. but I can fight it off because my dope dealer moved further away (half hour rather than 30 seconds, lol) so I take that as a negative, so I do not go like I once did; I also do not have the URGE I once had, so thats also a good thing. but there are days where I want to "get back" at my family because i will be told "you look high today, or you are acting high today", even tho I am not. so what do I do? I go actually use because they bothered me, lol. sick, I know, but I do it. but nowadays I spend $50 if that. back in the days, I'd spend $200/day almost. so its almost too easy. but I dont even enjoy the dope, or the fent, or whatever. I had enough, man. but I still slip, so gotta stay w/ the bupe I guess for now... until there are no more slips for at least 3-6 month.