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Getting off Oxycodone for good

I have no understanding of w/d. I'm just doing it. But I am glad to see your progress. I find that I derive comfort from reading how w/ds are over by day 6 and how life begins all over again. However I am sure this will not be my experience.

Everything that you share will provide a different example for those coming here in the future. It's extremely helpful!

And yes,I wish you luck!
 
Hey Elle, I’m on day 10 (and closing in on the beginning of day 11) and I still feel far from normal. I’m also trying to use the least amount of sub for comfort as possible. Today around 4pm I again began to feel RLS (around 24 hrs after my 1mg dose) so I took some Kratom. It took the RLS away and I feel fine, though still lethargic and depressed. I’d say moderately to severely lethargic and slightly to moderately depressed. Of course the lethargy doesn’t help the depression.

Tomorrow (day 11) is going to be a relapse risk because I have two friends throwing a joint birthday party with 4 hrs open bar and all that stuff. It’s gonna be a great time and as is my usual trigger, I take the oxy when I feel like I need to “be on my game.” We shall see.
 
Officially beginning day 11 :) but worried about tomorrow as it’s going to be my first big relapse risk. As of this moment, I feel like I’m gonna relapse.. ugh. Hope I don’t though. Don’t want to set myself back even a day or two..
 
Dude, your young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Your on day day 11!!! You’ve won!!
Keep it up!!! PLEASE!! U don’t want what comes with opiate addiction. That’s a promise! Don’t be like me, be like YOU. The REAL YOU.
Trust me!
Best of luck!
 
Thanks beenbetter, I was getting tired of talking to myself!

So I relapsed sat and sun (as expected lol but I did have a great couple days out with friends - it was a nice reprieve from the lethargy and depression in all honesty, and I had sex - but I digress).

Monday morning took 1mg sub in the morning and another 1mg sub at night. Tuesday I did the same. So I’m clean 13-15 days. Planning to continue to take / wean off sub. I’m at 2mg daily taken in two separate 1mg doses. I am going to visit family in another state for thanksgiving. I’m going to continue to take sub. I’m gonna see if I can make it through the day with only 1mg - but we’ll see. Worst case I’ll take another .5 so I’m still weaning from 2mg.

Will continue to taper my sub post thanksgiving, then I leave for Hawaii for 2 weeks which I am hopeful once I return I will be close to my old self. I will also be taking mescaline there :) I am an experienced psychonaut but I have yet to take mescaline. Hoping to be on no sub entering the trip, and at the completion not take an opiate again. We’ll see lol
 
Clean 15-17 days.. feel somewhat normal (but have also been drinking - thanksgiving). Took 1mg of sub today.
 
Clean 16-18 days. Still feel less than ideal but trucking along with the occasional 1mg sub.
 
LOOK AT YOU!

This is hard but you're doing it. I hope you have a wonderful time in Hawaii. Soak in those sunsets. Life can be beautiful and it's right there for you jump in.
 
Blueballs69 said:
Clean 16-18 days. Still feel less than ideal but trucking along with the occasional 1mg sub.
Click to expand...

You're probably well aware of the potential for dependency linger buprenorphine use can lead to if not managed maturely, but I'm a big advocate of keeping some buprenorphine around for when it gets tough following cessation. That was really helpful for me for a long time, although it probably had more to do with the fact I just wasn't ready to fully stop using at that point. But a little buprenoprhine is far better than a little heroin if you're planning to use.
 
Just wanted to update everyone. I relapsed (again) ugh. This time my oxy habit switched to heroin and I was sniffing a brick every 3 days. This time around I entered a detox instead of detoxing at home. This has been my best attempt yet and I truly believe I'm going to stay clean this time.

I was put on sub in detox for 5 days. 8mg day 1, 8mg day 2, 6mg day 3, 4mg day 4, and 2mg day 5. I did not do sub days 6 and 7 but was given gabapentin 300mg 3x daily. Day 8 I felt the withdrawal come back and was extremely restless / did not feel good. I sniffed 1/4mg suboxone which made all withdrawal symptoms go away. 1/4mg insufflated did not last me 24 hours (it lasted ~18 hours prob a little less) but I would suffer and allow my brain to heal / down regulate those 6 hours until next dose. I sniffed 1/4mg on days 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. Day 13 I switched to Kratom and have been taking 1.5-3mg every 4-5 hours. I just wrapped up day 14 and am going to sleep to begin day 15.

I still don't feel right. Biggest problems are lethargy and depression with a feeling of being generally unwell. But I'm trucking through. I'm hoping by day 30 I feel 80%+. I'm currently halfway there. My main question at this point is what can I do to help with PAWS and to aid my brain back to normal function?

I'm having much more success this go round because I decided to out myself. I told my family and friends. My girl knows and has been unbelievable support for me. There are certainly negatives that come with outting yourself. But since my biggest trigger was the need to act normal due to hiding my addiction from everyone - telling everyone what was going on was necessary for me to stay clean. Now I can just be a sack of shit without having to worry about the need to perform I.e. Act like myself... Ha

Wish me luck. Day 15 off oxy/dope and I don't feel great, but I do feel a little better everyday. Objectively and tangibly. I just wish this process went quicker..... As I'm sure every addict in recover does. Ugh.
 
You didn't want to stay on buprenorphine for longer and do an IOP or something?
 
I really don't want to stay on bupe because then I'll have to withdraw from that. Worst withdrawal of my life was coming off bupe in 2011 and I was pissed as fuck that it was being touted as "nonaddictive" and I had only delayed the inevitable. I'm not playing around with bupe.

I am trying to get into an outpatient. I actually had an appointment today at noon but due to their having multiple locations and my having gone to the wrong one I didn't get to the right location til 1 - and they sent me home. I'm just getting home now. Left a message with admissions to reschedule.

Either way I'm not trying to do medication assisted treatment because the brain is still dependent on opiates. I want my brain to heal and to function normally. I can say on day 15 I certainly feel better but the light at the end of the tunnel still seems far off.
 
^for what its worth, the brain is able to heal while using something like buprenorphine or methadone. It's a longer process, sure, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Slow and steady tends to win this race.

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing what your want in treatment. If your current efforts don't work out well, there are still lots of options. It isn't an all of nothing thing.

What's probably most important is learning to trust and believe in yourself, your own capacity for growth, your own inherent dignity and capacity for goodness.

I caution you not to treat this like a zero sum game, but if you feel you'd benefit most from conventional outpatient treatment, go for it!

Learning to believe in yourself is a huge part of recovery <3

That happens when you start realizing you're able to meet mistakes and challenges in a way that transforms them into opportunities for growth. It also comes from succeeding in recovery, however you define it. It doesn't hurt to have people around that at least want to believe in you too, even when you're struggling to do so for yourself.





How do you define success in terms of what you want from recovery? Is it just about not using drugs, or does it (as I'd hope) go beyond questions drug use?

(there is no right or wrong answer to that question)
 
TPD, I love u man. Thanks for always checking in on me.

So as far as your brains ability to heal on bupe, the time when I had those horrible withdrawals from sub I ended up using heroin to deal with the withdrawals after day 5 cold turkey and I was still hugging a toilet feeling no better. I was so done with opiates and the life at the point though that I used one bundle as needed to get me thru the sub withdrawal and successfully stayed clean for over a year.

I've thought back to that time and if my memory serves me correct (and it may not) I did not have PAWS. Or at least I didn't have PAWS badly enough to even remember them. That was one of the thought processes behind my question in my original post (from a couple days ago). I had stayed on suboxone 4mg daily for 3-4 months. The acute part of that withdrawal was the worst I've ever experienced, but after I got through it I felt mostly normal.

If my brain can properly heal to the point of having little to no PAWS, then doing another week of acute doesn't sound so bad. I was saying to my girl yesterday that I'd rather do a week cold turkey acute than suffer the long dredge (3-6 months) back to feeling mostly normal that is PAWS.
 
PAWS is weird. Sometimes people really suffer from it, but other times the same people don't have any issue with it whatsoever.

The more you can put your resources towards taking good care of yourself, your mind and body now, the less of a problem PAWS is likely to be down the rode :)

I look forward to hearing how your story unfolds. Keep up the great work!
 
Thanks, man. I look forward to seeing how it unfolds as well. Taking it a day at a time.

So you think my lack of PAWS that go round is likely due to the strangeness of PAWS rather than taking the suboxone while my brain downregulated it's opioid receptors? I figured if I stayed on sub id have another acute and post acute withdrawal to deal with down the road. But if it's only acute I can deal.
 
If you spent long enough tapering and did other stuff along the way to get healthier, I don't see any reason why you'd have to suffer another difficult episode of PAWS just because you used buprenorphine to help stabilize. Would getting on buprenorphine be more likely to contribute to PAWS? Possibly, but not necessarily probably.

But whether or not you will or won't experience PAWS regardless of how you do it isn't really something someone can predict.

There are things you can do to help mitigate the chances or severity of experiencing PAWS.

It's certainly possible buprenorphine had something to do with the PAWS you've experienced. What was it like tapering off buprenorphine when you got PAWS?

Abruptly quitting a moderate to high dose of buprenorphine all at once or over a brief period of time is probably more likely to be associated with someone who experiences PAWS. Time taking the medication and doses are also relevant.
 
Blueballs69- Hello, I'm Dale. I've read through your posts (and TPD's great feedback and advice).
Withdrawals are part of the healing process for every one of us - you are not alone, my friend. WD/healing becomes the main focus in your life for a while and it hurts, but if you get through it, there's a brighter future for you waiting. Imagine not even thinking about drugs anymore, imagine not needing to be sure you have enough or wondering where you'll get the next dose - imagine not coming down while you're at work or with people you love. All of that can be your future and I hope you want that more than anything. You can do it. Believe it.

"A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
Mother frowns, “Oh, and so you came to me, huh?:)”

Dale
 
Hey there Blueballs...lol

You're doing so well, you and I are on a similar path right now, I'm in acute cold turkey opiate WD right now. 3 rd day in....We can help each other through all this ugliness. I find for me the hardest part of WD is the sadness and emotional outburts read: super awesome crying jags.....Lol!

Oh don't get me wrong the last few days have been no physical walk in the park. With the runs and the chills and the sweats and the sneezes and the running nose and the insomnia and the RLS. Fuck what a total mess!!!! You know what I'm going through I'm sure. But the emotional shit is what's hard for me.


Anyway, I read through your whole thread today and you've come such a long way. Keep up the great attitude, I see you're strong willed and have a lot going for you so I know you'll ace this as well.

Hugs my friend,
here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ashley.
 
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