Blueballs69
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2016
- Messages
- 49
I know there are an infinite number of threads on this, but I thought I'd post my own experience for personalized responses / support during this time.
I have been addicted to opiates since 2010. I dabbled with percocets and OC's before 2010 but a few negative experiences occurred simultaneously that drove me to use opiates as an escape and to numb my emotional pain.
My initial descent comprised taking one large dose a few times a week. It topped out at 90mg Oxycodone snorted at once.
I then graduated to insufflated heroin. I never injected. This peaked at sniffing a bundle a day for a week straight before I finally said ENOUGH. This was in 2012/2013.
I then went on suboxone, which I easily acquired from one of the many people I knew who were prescribed. I took 4 mg daily for about 3 months, never veering from the path to take full agonist opiates.
I was young and naive and did not respect the power of sub. The withdrawal I experienced around day 4 was the worst I have ever experienced. I remember being on the floor of my bathroom in between vomiting praying to God to just take me or end this - that I would never touch another opiate again blah blah blah.
On day 4 of my withdrawal (day 8 no sub) and seeing no progress in my symptoms I went to the block and got dope. I sniffed a bag or two and all of my withdrawal went away. I used it semi-responsibly and ended up getting off sub but continuing my habit (albeit with much lower amounts than previously).
I stopped using dope when I moved away for law school. I had oxy connects in this town and would still sniff pills occasionally. There was another point that I went on sub (with much more respect for the drug - never went on more than 2mg and properly weaned) and successfully got off opiates completely.
My sobriety lasted about 3 months until me and a group of friends (all of us clean as we had weaned the last time together) decided to do "one blue." Fucking idiots.
That was in 2014. From there, not wanting to dig a hole for myself like I had before, I would only take a quarter pill (~7.5mg) whenever I wanted to get high. This worked for awhile.
In 2015, after graduating law school, I took 2 bar exams simultaneously. I used the non-stop studying as an excuse to take oxy (on top of the daily adderall I was taking). I told myself I was going to sacrifice my body to pass these exams, and oxy gave me the mood boost I needed to forge on and continue studying.
I ended up passing both bar exams, and am now an admitted attorney in 2 states. I also got hooked back on opiates so - a little give and take.
As of now, I take roughly 90mg of Oxycodone daily. At a point not long ago, I was taking 6-7 blues a day. I have leveled off at 3. I had 2 8mg subs and 2 2mg subs at my disposal.
Last week I inducted myself at 4mg, next day 2mg, third day 2mg. Third night I did a 30mg oxy. Fourth day I took around 75mg oxy, Fifth day 75-90mg oxy.
Today, with 1 8mg sub and 2 2mg subs remaining, I took 2mg of sub this morning at 8am. At 6pm I blew another 30mg oxy. Shortly after, and at my wits end, I created a BL account for help and advice. I have used the site for informational purposes many times over the years.
My question is - can I successfully get off this shit with the suboxone I have? 6mg + 2mg + 2mg. What about my self destructive and undisciplined tendencies to still take oxy? Can I potentially use both in smaller doses as a taper? I have successfully taken sub ~12 hours after an oxy dose with no precipitated withdrawals. Is my only option to get a sub doctor? I have no desire to go on long term sub maintenance, but a month or two on the stuff may be what is needed. I am also afraid of the repercussions of having a sub doc on my medical history.
Any thoughts / comments / advice, please let me know. I want to get off of opiates for good.
I have been addicted to opiates since 2010. I dabbled with percocets and OC's before 2010 but a few negative experiences occurred simultaneously that drove me to use opiates as an escape and to numb my emotional pain.
My initial descent comprised taking one large dose a few times a week. It topped out at 90mg Oxycodone snorted at once.
I then graduated to insufflated heroin. I never injected. This peaked at sniffing a bundle a day for a week straight before I finally said ENOUGH. This was in 2012/2013.
I then went on suboxone, which I easily acquired from one of the many people I knew who were prescribed. I took 4 mg daily for about 3 months, never veering from the path to take full agonist opiates.
I was young and naive and did not respect the power of sub. The withdrawal I experienced around day 4 was the worst I have ever experienced. I remember being on the floor of my bathroom in between vomiting praying to God to just take me or end this - that I would never touch another opiate again blah blah blah.
On day 4 of my withdrawal (day 8 no sub) and seeing no progress in my symptoms I went to the block and got dope. I sniffed a bag or two and all of my withdrawal went away. I used it semi-responsibly and ended up getting off sub but continuing my habit (albeit with much lower amounts than previously).
I stopped using dope when I moved away for law school. I had oxy connects in this town and would still sniff pills occasionally. There was another point that I went on sub (with much more respect for the drug - never went on more than 2mg and properly weaned) and successfully got off opiates completely.
My sobriety lasted about 3 months until me and a group of friends (all of us clean as we had weaned the last time together) decided to do "one blue." Fucking idiots.
That was in 2014. From there, not wanting to dig a hole for myself like I had before, I would only take a quarter pill (~7.5mg) whenever I wanted to get high. This worked for awhile.
In 2015, after graduating law school, I took 2 bar exams simultaneously. I used the non-stop studying as an excuse to take oxy (on top of the daily adderall I was taking). I told myself I was going to sacrifice my body to pass these exams, and oxy gave me the mood boost I needed to forge on and continue studying.
I ended up passing both bar exams, and am now an admitted attorney in 2 states. I also got hooked back on opiates so - a little give and take.
As of now, I take roughly 90mg of Oxycodone daily. At a point not long ago, I was taking 6-7 blues a day. I have leveled off at 3. I had 2 8mg subs and 2 2mg subs at my disposal.
Last week I inducted myself at 4mg, next day 2mg, third day 2mg. Third night I did a 30mg oxy. Fourth day I took around 75mg oxy, Fifth day 75-90mg oxy.
Today, with 1 8mg sub and 2 2mg subs remaining, I took 2mg of sub this morning at 8am. At 6pm I blew another 30mg oxy. Shortly after, and at my wits end, I created a BL account for help and advice. I have used the site for informational purposes many times over the years.
My question is - can I successfully get off this shit with the suboxone I have? 6mg + 2mg + 2mg. What about my self destructive and undisciplined tendencies to still take oxy? Can I potentially use both in smaller doses as a taper? I have successfully taken sub ~12 hours after an oxy dose with no precipitated withdrawals. Is my only option to get a sub doctor? I have no desire to go on long term sub maintenance, but a month or two on the stuff may be what is needed. I am also afraid of the repercussions of having a sub doc on my medical history.
Any thoughts / comments / advice, please let me know. I want to get off of opiates for good.