Don't give up that easy SweetLeaf7. Believe me, I am scared too and I am sorry to hear you have not had a good experience with the online dating.
The online dating seems kinda sketchy but I think you should keep trying. Look at it as an interview. It is going to take some time to find an acceptable candidate and even more time and effort to find real love. Don't give up though. I loved it when you said you had lost weight and were feeling so good about yourself and wanted to date again. I had a good, strong, psychic impression that you would indeed succeed in finding love.
Although it is true that you need nothing else besides you.
We always have love with us. We are our true soul mate.
We need some physical contact and affection.
I feel like it is starting to effect my health actually.
I am going about it a different way... I am actually trying to magnetically attract myself my match and I will wait.
Sweetleaf that was a smart defense mechanism on that date.
I can see myself being a good husband-wife team one day. I have been meeting a lot of women lately through my volunteer work since it's me with a volunteer hot chick working together it is the best way to meet girls I can think of right now. Most of them are recent post-secondary education graduates or in school so a little younger and they all go to hot yoga enough times a week to justify working a shift for it. Of course, the one I find the most attractive is the one I randomly ran into 3 of the past 4 days there and she has been gossiping about me to the other girls. Since I met her with two of her friends. K I'm already cracking up cause I know they have talked about me in this way.
They are pretty much all horny girls in their early / mid 20's potential great matches for me, lol. I have been so pissed off because I refuse to go to bars like for drinking nights and I don't hang out with friends anymore at least nowadays it totally sucks, so how do I meet girls with no social life or more work? Well, this is great. Since it's like a community of friends, 95% hot girls and then me. K if I can't get myself laid now I am a lost cause in life and the fear-and-drug-obsessed genetics will die out. Now I am thinking about what they are saying about me just for kicks. There are enough of them haha times 100. I was warned about this gossiping. I didn't realize that it's sooo silly because it's such a cliquey thing. There are teachers, and volunteers, and receptionists and it's like which one are they scheming should ride me first lol but seriously I can't follow through with anything. I am working on that. It is the magnetic state and everything slows down to a low frequency and it is her and I and nothing else. When that happens I tend to shy away it is happening more though and I'm not. Cause I know how good these two hot yoga girls would be I don't get why the attention comes from the girls I think are crazy hot. I do though I just don't want to say it. I am holistic like them, but a fucking punk, that somehow got away with so much shit and with a good degree (they don't know about that, I don't like talking myself up it's just stupid but the one brunette asked so. Word will spread LOL. and also a straight up creative I'm always dressing different and doing random shit with my hair and stuff the way I think and talk is like I'm communicating from another dimension. I dunno I'm just different everyone tells me that. Its not necessarily a good thing but I don't think I'd actually want to be normal. It would be way too easy. When I get my hands on one of these foxes... lol. Kinda feel sorry for poor girl ahah maximum horniness at this age and also coming off opiates even more of a disaster.
I think there are a lot of reasons for that which I don't care about. I am really stoned by the way or just laughing I guess fuck I haven't even had my morning coffee yet. No wonder I am procrastinating.
I volunteered so my family would stop offering to pay for it each month since I practice for free for this. Always always happens when I'm not thinking about it and also it always happens with someone I don't think it is going to happen with and not someone I think it is.
I have heard crazy stories about online dating lol like people with multiple identities on there and stuff but it can work, has for a cousin for sure.
I find it begins to happen (if only it ends up happ) when I stop thinking about it. And start being confident for fucks sakes like how can I not be right now. And I realized the girls gossip at yoga and I made one new friend on my shift this past week who is a lovely girl and I know has gossiped about me and all this drama lol well I met her 4 times ago and ran into her 3 times already (magnetism? or quantum teleportation maybe? or the position of the planet Venus relative to the moon, the earth, and the sun? anyways point is she is adorable I won't have trouble with this for much longer.
I get attention from the ones I am most attracted to it is irritating like that. But I am just figuring this out, even if I got a date I'd need to know how to go on one lol. I do know that. This will happen to me if I keep off the opiates I'm having cravings though. I'd hate to relapse just before the summer seriously worst time ever to relapse. I just endured the harsh winter without them.
Yeah painful one it is magnetism that is what I'm saying. I think I should keep going to yoga. lol. You are saying silly things I agree with you that you only need yourself to be happy well because it's true. I'm feeling happy right now, in this moment. Let's get real though I am pretty much in need of hot sex right now for my mental and physical well being. I have talked to enough girls I started being less shy last Autumn when I did a lot of 2cc while getting clean. Now I am keeping it going, it is just a think to learn. I have to re-learn easy things, this is something more new to me. I went there to find peace and solace during acute oxy withdrawals and then went with it and never looked back, I love it. Volunteered cause it's expensive as hell and I'd rather vigorously clean for a few hours once a week and have more weed.
I am too damn busy now to worry about women now the yoga girls can figure that part out I'm just need to keep my mind clear. I know what to do lol I'm burnt out half the time stoned the other half and especially when I go to yoga like I'm there for myself. To exercise. It just so happens that attractive women like a lot of the same things as me because they are healthy and for some reason they pay attention to me. I suppose I have to acknowledge that they might like me. I'm just a fuckin punk lol but like I'm a girly boy too a little (brunette chick says not at all when I made a joke about this) . It's just like I can converse with them about all these things most guys wouldn't have a damn clue about. But then I am also by no means a pussy. It makes for an exciting balance of extremes. The one teacher is always like hiiii blondie it really cracks me up. Apparently they call me the blonde guy. I dress for yoga like I'm dressing for a date lol. I will never step foot in there not showered and looking good.
This shit is too funny to me all I need are a few girls to talk to or have in mind. I didn't have that during detox I was to fucked up to think straight and I just wasn't reliable or sane. People try to help I can't focus enough to listen. 3 months pass by and I wake up like from some kind of fucked up fucking nightmare. Never could have met someone in that state but now I probably could. Like it's pretty fuckin obvious why this is a problem for me I am realizing. I never made any effort before and there were a lot of reasons for that which I also don't care about. I care about that fucking cute little brunette fox but see now that I mentioned it, I will end up with someone else haha. I don't like having someone on my mind like this. Unless we are already close. But yeah... I have put so much effort into worrying about this over nothing and also caused so many problems for myself. Lonely is bad but yeah like just having a couple girls in mind who I know have been flirting and gossiping and all this about me is enough right now. To follow up with that, I mean. haha for once I kind of want to be a little promiscious that brunette fox though... she has been going there 6 years and I didn't realize it when we were working but she seems chill and fun too.
Things never work out the way I want them to, just an example of that. Well, writing done. I am 14 weeks clean pretty much. Going to pick up my book and I wrote a to-do list on my new whiteboard before I got stoned cause otherwise I forget I have to do stuff.
Way easier to meet girls in the right setting I haven't had any sort of reasonable setting for a long time and I'm too passive to approach people I don't know which can also be sketch. Networking is important. Hell I am getting Facebook not online dating personally. I don't want to but I have to give in now if you can't beat em I guess it's sometimes okay to join em. If it's for hot yoga girl. haha. It's better to join a community of foxes, as a fashionably and creatively attired punk blondie I stand out to these girls apparently and also it's hard work and I'm there all the time.
I stopped mentioning girls like before for a while because there isn't any point it always ends up being unpredictable I am catching on though and I don't think there will be many issues in my life other than ongoing drug problems. I can't stop fiending weed and I am stuck on benzos.
