I can't take SSRI's, at least the two I've tried, but especially Paxil, would send me in a manic mood. My psychiatrist was taking his damn sweet ass to renew my script by phone, when I don't need to meet him, we do that since years, being my psy doc since 2007. The other was Celexa which also threw me in a mixed state, but much less serious than Paxil. Oh I also can't take Wellbutrin, I shake like I've taken 10 cups of coffee and my upper lip turns blue from it. Effexor XR (we only have the XR version here,generic or not),I've taken one day and its made me so nauseous, my pupils were huge like if I was on shrooms, I had to take Gravol(same thing as Dramamine in Canada,dimenhydrinate.) Effexor is an SNRI so yeah, not much better. The only antidepressant that worked for me was Manerix (Aurorix in Australia and the UK) which is a reversible MAOI (I used it to make some pharmahuasca once, only had mimosa and my 150mg tabs of Manerix. My psychiatrist who wanted me on an antidepressant a lot with the benzos (thats before the 5 months of Paxil incident,don't feel like going through it right now, was like, "so what is the dosage of moclobemide (he tested me with that question, trying to verify that my BSc aint BS,I later faxed him a copy. He said 300mg a day (you gotta take it twice a day at 150mg bid or the 300mg bid) that's a weak dose, they always want to give you the highest dosage possible other than when it comes to benzos don't they, but at least he understands that I'm Bipolar I with rapid cycling during summer and I am very down during autumn, I'll get a fancy UV light one day. But yeah Manerix while it worked, and it makes benzos and opiates stronger for some reason, its wikipedia's entry on moclobemide and it provides links) Unlike the first AD's, the irreversible MAOI's, I didn't have to watch my diet, I could drink beer, eat cheese whatever.
But it made me smile at the sunset during a shitty part of my life (just as I finished my BSc I got that accident which messed up my left jaw articulation and nerves there, which left me with TMJ disorder and TN type II, it took 5 neurologists to say this is definitely Trigeminal Neuralgia Type 2, since its a constant boring pain.). But for some reason I didn't like to feel happy artificially, I mean, the feeling normal/happy, not happy from recreational drugs, know what I mean. I got a lot of jars filled to the max with 60x150mg...I keep em in case I wanna do DMT again, only did it once, mimosa is a lot less disgusting than the say syrian rue or other high MAOI content plans.
Shortly, my anxiety is at its worse for me is when I have an argument with my girlfriend when comes over to my condo and she ends up leaving, or when I wake up at night from some little remembrance of a nightmare, sometimes I dont remember at all, just wake up all of a sudden feeling a malaise and the thought that I was having a bad dream but thankfully, I don't remember...when I was on methadone, especially when I got at 2 highest levels I got to 55 and 60mg, then if I had nothing to get rid of the anxiety, I know that I couldn't fall asleep without putting 4-5 Breaking Bad episodes in queue in VLC, or listening to podcasts that deal with real alternative media, not pseudo-alternative media. Ed Opperman, Pearse Redmond and back a while James Corbett podcasts (i don't like him anymore, he's predicted something awful to happen, like "THE COLLAPSE", and was going mad at the idea of that Jesuit Priest we got (which is not normal, Jesuits cannot become popes..anyway, he believed in the shemitah thing and nothing happened on his chosen date of september 13th 2015, following a retarded bandwagon about that thing, his podcasts make me angry.
Ahem anyway,I take my suboxone and a benzo dose with 25mg (half-cut of our blue 50mg OTC the pharmacist has to approve selling to you without a script. One pharmacist once didn't want to sell it to me, when she a long time ago sold me 100 count bottles of ratio-lenoltecs 8mg/15mg/325mg..they're the generic tylenol 1's. One can buy brand name Tylenol #1 but that's totally a waste of money. RatioPharms make our yummy pure codeine syrups we get up here, its a german company that makes our pure codeine pills and syrup. But yeah, if no promethazine, I'll use hydroxyzine 50mg which I am rx'd because methadone when I started and before I switched to bupe, they, the ORT doctors continued to script it to me when I switched to suboxone, anyway methadone gave me some serious itching compared to IM codeine/IV morphine (yes i'm one of the rare person who after being given a shot of Toradol (an NSAID so strong it only comes as injection ampoules, stronger than fucking indocin where it only exists as a suppository because it would eat your stomach away if eaten anyway..), I was given a shot in the arm and I asked, what's that, just gave you a good dose of codeine, you're prescribd Atarax so this should be strong enough to knock you out, I asked how much codeine was in the shot and it was 250mg. Back then I was a lightweight chipper (I was for a long time...I was going to beat the myth that pills lead to the needle, but when they removed CDN's, generic Oxycontins were not out yet, and when my guy and everyone's guy could not find oxycontin, and even Oxy IR's 5, 10's and 20's (our canadian Roxies, max is 20mg though) were still available, all my guy had was Dilaudid and Hydromorph Contins (and a bunch of SteriFilts for the crushed beads inside, Morphine beads in a gelcap type of morphine XR or whatever are more common than MS-Contins or generic MS-Contin like XR morphine pills. I read there was something weird we had here called MS-Contin XL which is a bead in a gelcap thing. Anyway, enough off topicness, if you guys realized how long it took me to write this. Flunitrazolam is strong, my sense of balance was total shit earlier when I went to feed my cat.
I don't have panic attacks anymore because I don't smoke weed anymore, its that simple, weed in general, not all strains, but if I smoke these days it means i'm thoroughly drunk and on benzos, then I can enjoy weed without my heartrate going up to 175 which caused me panic attacks, I would hide very well if I was with my friends, but I guess they noticed bad vibes from me, you know how it is when you're with a couple best of friends in a room playing video games and everyone can suddenly feel the vibes coming from someone which will make everyone go paranoid. Smoked it for 9 years in a row practically everyday, buying ounces of weed also hash and hash oil, god I miss BT'ing some great oil. Hash and hash oil even though stronger, only contain THC I think, nothing else and do not give me a panic attack if I smoke more than a tiny bowl, thats what happens with weed to me now. Weed has changed into a kind of flashback device too, where it would make me feel like if I was on 5-meo-amt.I mean, my mom knew I smoked weed and it didn't bother her way back in the early 2000's as it didn't effect my schooling, but once when very strong weed, where it was impossible to hide the fact I was high as fuck when I came home for supper...she was like "did you also take PCP? I don't like seeing you like that". So these days, if i smoke weed to help the other meds, a tiny bowl is needed, less than 0.1 even, weed is already so fucking cheap and strong here, when you find a strong strain that is different from the main commercial BUT still quality weed, "winch" as we call mids in Quebec has almost pretty much totally disappeared, I don't know what will happen, I could get zonked out, the most common strain here being m39 (northern lights x skunk #1), you can google image it, I be
Sorry for the wall of text lol, when i'm thoroughly benzed like I am now, I tend to autotype everything so there is no question left to ask me once I answered in general, here no question was asked. Flunitrazolam is a weird one, it's not as sedative as I thought it would be, but it sure anxiety's ass, also it isn't that hypnotic, I never had Rohypnol, it never was approved in Canada back then, they gave the last green light for a benzo when clonazepam was invented, pretty much the last rx benzo in most of the world to have been invented, thienos like Etizolam are rx in Italy, India and Japan and it seems like it would be pretty new, as the only other commercialized thieno is Brotizolam, and I don't even know of any country where it can be found.