Cocaine Control?

[BadHero]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to ask your opinions on cocaine.

I was clean for almost 11 years and never touched anything. Now I am back taking cocaine. It's been a really tough year and, although it's not a justifiable excuse, I needed something stronger than beer!!

In less than 6 months, I lost 2 uncles (not blood related, but men who had been there from the year dot), and both my godmother and godfather to cancer. Things went from bad to worse in the times between the deaths. I needed to find a happy place.

Now I'm hooked again. I'm doing up to 10 wraps over a 48 hour period. I'm skipping work to get high and thinking about selling my cellphone just so I can get more gear.

I know I need to be in control of the drugs instead of the other way round... Problem is, I'm not sure if I want to be or even if I remember how to be.

Advice?

 

[Tanner Blaze]

I was in the same spot years ago. Everyones situation is different, but for me I didn't care if I died because I was that unhappy. What I did care about was my family so I got clean for them. For me it was meth not coke, as cocaine never lasted long enough for me to enjoy it an entire day and it was too expensive. Tbh, I never got completely clean (I still drink and use pills+weed occasionaly) but I stay away from hard street drugs. Hope this helps.

 

[beels]

aren't there any addiction organisations around you? they're usually fairly helpful. Mainly willpower is key, I know easier said than done.
I've been there myself with cocaine, still use it now just not as much as I used to. It is damn expensive!
Maybe try sourcing cheaper/lower quality shit and cut down by 1 wrap a day?
replace it with the gym man, cant beat natural endorphines.

 

[BadHero]

aren't there any addiction organisations around you? they're usually fairly helpful. Mainly willpower is key, I know easier said than done.
I've been there myself with cocaine, still use it now just not as much as I used to. It is damn expensive!
Maybe try sourcing cheaper/lower quality shit and cut down by 1 wrap a day?
replace it with the gym man, cant beat natural endorphines.

There are addiction organisations but they report you to the police when you register... Can't have something like that hanging over my head.
It's not that I don't have willpower... I just don't want to stop. Don't want to think about things. I'm just running myself into debt because I get it on a tab and then pay it off at the end of the month. I don't use every day but when I do, I go way over the top.

I'm on my last bit and I know that I have more coming later. I've not slept. I'm having intermittent nosebleeds, I don't think |I can physically get anything more into my system. Yet I'm already looking for my next fix... Got to wait a few hours and then I can go again.

I really need to stop but I don't want to.

 

[RDP89]

There are addiction organisations but they report you to the police when you register... Can't have something like that hanging over my head.
It's not that I don't have willpower... I just don't want to stop. Don't want to think about things. I'm just running myself into debt because I get it on a tab and then pay it off at the end of the month. I don't use every day but when I do, I go way over the top.

They report you to the police?? For what, wanting help for an addiction? That's bullshit.

 

[BadHero]

The closest one to me is run by the police so you're automatically reported.

 

[beels]

Hmm sounds odd. My local is private and totally anonymous, police/doctors are usually only involved if lives are at risk.

police wanna find suppliers not addicts.

 

[manboychef]

NA or CA available in your area hero? They are not allied with any police or government organization (it states it in the text they read at the beginning of each meeting)

The first step is having the desire to stop. It is like 10% willpower, 90% desire. If you are on the fence about stopping (as you have stated) then chances are you are going to fail at it. For me I had to be ready to stop as I constantly relapsed because I just wasn't ready.

Cocaine is one of those drugs that rewires the reward center in your brain and causes anhedonia when you quit. I highly suggest just taking the plunge and stopping all at once, however you will need a support network in place to help you to help yourself. This is going to be hard, especially if you had substance abuse problems previously, but with a little work I know you can do it.

 

[manboychef]

Hmm sounds odd. My local is private and totally anonymous, police/doctors are usually only involved if lives are at risk.

police wanna find suppliers not addicts.

This is not completely true. They do want to arrest addicts, however they just want to try to get them to flip on their supplier. This can definitely lead to problems for the user. In FL any amount of cocaine, meth, pills, or heroin is an automatic felony.

 

[BeachBum4u]

There are addiction organisations but they report you to the police when you register... Can't have something like that hanging over my head.

Seriously, that is totally fucked up! Think about it, freakin' AA and NA etc. are first and foremost all about anonymity. 90% (probably more!) of the folks who go to those organizations for help wouldn't go near them if they didn't protect their member's identity. Hell, they only use first names for cryin' out loud.

I honestly believe you are at a point where you need to be at an in-patient facility. If not, please consider NA or it's like. I have to believe there is an organization somewhere near you that isn't run by the cops or report to the cops. Seriously, give it a try!

 

[BadHero]

Hey guys and gals,

Thought I'd deliver an update....

Spent the last week putting things into perspective and working out triggers etc... I don't use every day. I use to alleviate stress and to temporarily erase memories so I get a break from misery.

I don't know anyone here so it's very hard for me to share without fear of judgement. However, I realise that sometimes when you get the opinions of those looking in from the outside, sometimes you get a better understanding of your own situation.

A history of me.... I have a history of depression and anxiety. When my mental health was at its absolute worst, I was clean from drugs. I wouldn't even take an anti depressant. I rarely drank... Physically, I was in a brilliant place. Mentally and emotionally, I was beyond broken. I fell pregnant at 22 and was "advised" by my parents to terminate the pregnancy because I would fail as a mum.

My family all turned on me and my daughter was placed in to the care of my mother and then my sister. They managed to convince Child Protection Services that I had taken a drug overdose and my daughter wasn't safe with me. There is no evidence of me ever taking drugs and I was still subjected to random drug testing. I never failed a single one. But it didn't matter to them. I was a hazard to myself and my daughter.

I ended up getting back together with an abusive ex because I, stupidly, believed he had changed. I was wrong. I left him after he had butted me and broke my nose because I went out for a beer and a catch up with a girl I went to school with and hadn't seen in a few years because we had lost touch.

Before anyone thinks I am looking for pity, I'm not. The abuse and torment I suffered made me a much stronger and better person. I overcame my depression and anxiety. It's not completely gone but I am much better than I was.

A little over 2 years ago, I met someone new. I couldn't have dreamed up someone more perfect for me. Total opposites but with so much in common. Things blossomed and grew and developed and we moved in together in February of this year. We had been together for about 18 months at this point. That's when I found out about his coke habit. His habit has now become our habit.

I mentioned in the beginning that I had lost 4 people to cancer in the last 6 months. I lost another uncle, this time biological, to cancer 2 days ago. I've had serious stresses with work and tonight I picked up again.

We got home a few hours ago after picking up 2 each. He's finished his and I'm not far behind him.

I was about 3 lines in and told him we needed to talk. I explained how I'm feeling and that this isn't what I want to be doing anymore. I don't blame him because it was my choice. But if I'm calling quits, he has to do it too. I've told him, it's our relationship or the coke.

Together we are great but being together with this habit is destroying us.

We've been looking and have found an anonymous group..... We start Sunday.

 

[burn out]

you cant control it because youre doing the wrong kind of drug. I dont know many people who control their coke habits. I mean sure there are a lot of people who do it do party and arent addicts but generally speaking cocaine is one of the harder drugs to keep to reasonable limits especially for people who struggle with chronic misery and regularly use drugs to feel better.

what you need to do is either stop using drugs entirely and find other ways to feel better, or switch to non addictive herbs. a couple I can recommend are kava, aminita muscaria and psilocybin mushrooms. these wont get you hooked and you wont end up spending hundreds of dollars for a few nights with them. a hudred dollar worth of kava will last you for months even if you are a regular drinker.

 

[Erikmen]

NA or CA available in your area hero? They are not allied with any police or government organization (it states it in the text they read at the beginning of each meeting)

The first step is having the desire to stop. It is like 10% willpower, 90% desire. If you are on the fence about stopping (as you have stated) then chances are you are going to fail at it. For me I had to be ready to stop as I constantly relapsed because I just wasn't ready.

Cocaine is one of those drugs that rewires the reward center in your brain and causes anhedonia when you quit. I highly suggest just taking the plunge and stopping all at once, however you will need a support network in place to help you to help yourself. This is going to be hard, especially if you had substance abuse problems previously, but with a little work I know you can do it.

I agree with you. First you really need to be wanting to quit. I clearly remember that I once wanted to quit coke a very long time ago and I went drove 4 hours to the rehab center to tell I was ready to stop but I was still high and thinking that I would first go home do a little more and come back later. I took my chances and said that to the guy who was asking me all the questions. He said if I wanted to really quit I'd have to stay, make a commitment and they would take care of the stash I had at home. It worked. I cried like a baby back then. This happened a little afterwards when I was coming down.

This sums up how strong and powerful that powder is and trust me, you won't stop without suffering it's literally no pain, no gain.

Secondly doing drugs you've quit before like Coke or even opiates will rewire the reward center in your brain for sure. It does not matter if just put it in you gum. The feeling will be sent immediately to your brain.

So unless you want to go rock bottom, and again I ask you to believe me. The bottom is always deeper on the following times. Don't expect miracles. Stop now. Never mind if you are still high or craving. Suggest you look for meeting at NA, or help from whoever are your friends, family, PM me if you want to but don't sell anything and try to sleep to break this wave are now and go back to reality.

You deserve this. You have done it before and you can do it once more. Fight with yourself. Talk if you need to but don't let this fuc..ing coke put you down. You are stronger than this!

Good luck and start as soon as possible. That's what my instincts tell me to pass on.

 

[Erikmen]

you cant control it because youre doing the wrong kind of drug. I dont know many people who control their coke habits. I mean sure there are a lot of people who do it do party and arent addicts but generally speaking cocaine is one of the harder drugs to keep to reasonable limits especially for people who struggle with chronic misery and regularly use drugs to feel better.

what you need to do is either stop using drugs entirely and find other ways to feel better, or switch to non addictive herbs. a couple I can recommend are kava, aminita muscaria and psilocybin mushrooms. these wont get you hooked and you wont end up spending hundreds of dollars for a few nights with them. a hudred dollar worth of kava will last you for months even if you are a regular drinker.

Ditto.
Whatever it takes.

 

[BadHero]

I've handed the other wrap over to my partner and told him I am done now.

I've blocked all my shady contacts from my phone and have deleted numbers of others that I knew of but only used if absolutely necessary.

I've got no booze in the house. I've just cut up my bank card so I can't get any money out to buy more. Suffering with shaky hands so I found a colouring book and pencils to occupy my mind, hands and time until I'm ready to fall asleep.

I have 3 cigarettes left and then I think I'll try and quit smoking too. It's just one big vicious circle. A bad day leads me to smoke more, which a pub, which leads me to beer, leads me to coke and I inevitably end up miserable.

6 months ago, I wouldn't take paracetamol for a headache. Now I look for hard drugs to numb pain.

The thing I can't work out is why I never craved any sort of drug when I was diagnosed with manic depression but when I reach a better point in my life, I need them!!!

 

[Erikmen]

This happens. It's part of the process. Make sure you stay off totally. For coke rehab, these first days are super important.
And remember that cravings do not last all day long. As long as you manage each hour you'll be fine.
I'm really hoping you succeed. You have done it once and now is the time.
One day at a time!

 

[David Wooderson]

I hope that things are working out for you badhero.

I can't stress how much exercise can help in fighting cravings, and overall stress associated with drugs.

Take care.

 

[crzydiamond]

I agree with the poster who said the first days are super important for coke rehab

Once I'm away from it for a few weeks or longer, the cravings fade away and then go away. But when using or a day after those cravings are so so strong you can't think of anything Else

I had a heroin habit and could mostly maintain that, but when I added cocaine into it --it brought me down hard and fast every time. I was using it IV, and that craving will have you emptying your bank account at 3 am for one more shot, just one more...

But once you get a little time away you don't crave it nearly as bad. It's been about 2 1/2 yrs since i did a shot of coke and I don't even think about it. Unless I read a thread then occasionally my mouth waters and I can almost taste it. But I just push the thought away before it becomes a craving. The first few days you just have to grit it out. As someone above said, no craving lasts all day.

Stay busy, do things you like, focus on what matters more to you.

Wish you luck and strength to get through !!

 

[BadHero]

November has been awful and december isn't looking much better.... A "friend" told me he had and asked if I wanted.... I said "no".

I have found an RAF Cadets place that's looking for mentors for troubled learners.... I told them about my "habit" and they said if I stay clean, I can do it. My interview is next week and I will be subject to random drug tests so I can't afford to mess up.

And for the first time in a long time, I spoke to someone about the whole thing. Start to finish including the highs and the lows, the pick ups and come downs. Spoke about me, my fella, life, the world, stuff in general.... Turns out that it really does help!!!

Thank you all for your support so far xx

 

[DonStatus]

I can relate, cocaine is a great high but a terrible drug overall.

Not to mention it's also the most expensive drug ever, so a couple months of serious use will put almost anyone in the poor house.

It's fiending for more part is particularly bad...

I was doing a 3.5gram (insufflated) every two days.. burnt through thousands of dollars and destroyed my nose in the process..

I haven't done coke in almost 3 years now

You can do it bro! Once you get over the cravings and urge to use it gets better, plus there's no physical withdrawal like other drugs so that's a major bonus!

Best of luck to ya