HR tip of the day:
Combining Xanax and Roxicet may lead you to slice an inch-and-a-half gash down the bottom side of your toe because your dumb ass dropped a razor blade on the carpet, couldn't find it and said to yourself, "
fuck it, it'll turn up."
Yeah, that mother fucker sure turned up eventually.
Swear I thought I was gonna have to go to the ER for stitches. I, uh...
I popped .5mg aplraz' after I sprint-limped to the bathroom. Found no first aid but my pills were there so cool but, meanwhile my shit's leaking all over everything (I mean EVERYTHING, you guys.) From my bedroom to the bathroom, downstairs to the other bathroom and then to the kitchen where I found my god damn first aid kit? Yeah, it looks like an unprepared girl had her first period and went running from room to room excited about the whole thing. But yeah, I wrapped that shit up with a huge amount of TP in the upstairs bathroom and by the time I hopped downstairs that shit was soaked scarlet and dripping blood along the way.
Fuckin' panic moment? Would've been, but I'm barred out and in it's-time-to-handle-shit mode, so I tossed the red TP aside (more on that later) and continued the search for the first aid kit that I knew had those butterfly bandaids that hold skin together, dodging two dogs and a cat left and right that wanted in on the chaos (or just smelled blood....)
Anyways, found the kit. No butterflys, just regular old bandaids. You might think that would've been the straw that broke the camel's back and made me lose my shit, but no, bro, Xanax. Xanaxxxxxxxxxxx....
I managed to pinch my toe shut while I wrapped it in gauze and a huge bandaid as tight as I can. Then it kept bleeding and I'm like "
wtf? You're covered up, bro, where's that blood coming from?" So I flipped my foot all the way over and I discovered I also impaled myself with the corner part of the razor blade in a different spot, that was close enough to the cut to make it seem like a single wound with all that instant bloodflow action I had going on.
AND I WASN'T EVEN USING ANY RAZOR BLADES TODAY, FUCK
Oh, nearly forgot-- That blood-soaked TP I tossed aside once it started leaking through? Searched the house after I fixed myself up, nowhere to be found. So I went out to smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves and there's my mother fucking god damned amazing cat that I love to death playing with.. well, playing with my blood. I hope to God she doesn't realize where to get more of it.
[EDIT: As of this posting (and actually prior to it, too), I've now replaced the bandaid/guaze wrap 4 times. I really might need stitches this time....]