My secret
- Thread starter Imtryin
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
Congrats Imtryin,
Your success is an inspiration to the community! On day three today of quitting smoking myself (from a persistent 2 packs a day), so here's to kicking our vices to the curb! Done a lot of those juice fasts over the years. It can give your body a nice reboot. I thought it was beneficial. I'm sure you already know this, but just wanted to mention that when you break your fast it's important to ease yourself back into normal eating. You spend a few days there dreaming of food and what you are going to eat so when you actually break your fast you crave a nice hefty meal with a side of fries. You lose almost all the benefits of doing it that way. So, transition out of the fast. Start dreaming of boiled veggies and rice.
Best Wishes
Your success is an inspiration to the community! On day three today of quitting smoking myself (from a persistent 2 packs a day), so here's to kicking our vices to the curb! Done a lot of those juice fasts over the years. It can give your body a nice reboot. I thought it was beneficial. I'm sure you already know this, but just wanted to mention that when you break your fast it's important to ease yourself back into normal eating. You spend a few days there dreaming of food and what you are going to eat so when you actually break your fast you crave a nice hefty meal with a side of fries. You lose almost all the benefits of doing it that way. So, transition out of the fast. Start dreaming of boiled veggies and rice.
Best Wishes^hello Ami!!!
i guess it is safe to say on here that I live in SW, as most people do!!
Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm sure someone on here actually thinks that you are not a. Real person!!! But I know you are I am touched that you took the time to actually join to say hello. And I am really glad. Perhaps now there is something more you will get out of the site. Maybe one day, you can share your story.
An update on what's going on today. Guess what? I feel really good!!! My knee is still sore and I am still limping, but my mind feels good. Now that I think about it, I'm not that good physically. My back is sore, I've been having some digestive issues ....but my mind feels so good that I'm not even caring about the physical stuff. For me, as much as I don't like pain ( I'm a baby), I would take the physical side of withdrawl over the emotional side ( paws) ANY day. And I am sure there is WAY more PAWS to come, but rit now, it's not there. I feel motivated, energetic, happy. It's like a switch got turned back on inside of me. And if all I have to do to keep in on is to not take pills-I'm not taking pills ( I am aware that I haave said this before)
anyway, I was up until 3am this morning. That should show you how "ok" I am. Because after all that, im ok
after a great day and early evening at the beach, my daughter and I decided to go for dinner as well and didn't get home until 9:30
it was probably a couple of hours before I went to grab a bottle of water from the frige and found that my fridge was no longer working. Or the freezer. I called a service, but it was an extra $200 in service charges to have them come out last night-so my daughter and I spend the evening emptying both sides out ( a very full fridge , with a surprising amount of garbage inside). I then had to spend another hour cleaning out my deep freezer to create enough space and found more expired stuff in there. Another hour to empty and clean out the fridge in the basement ( thankfully we have one). Then 20 trips downstairs to move it all. Then another hour and a half to clean my upstairs fridge and freezer. That was a whole lot more disgusting empty than full I guess when it's full, it hides all the evils. The fridge guy is coming this afternoon
I realize that was all more i formation than any of you probably wanted to hear about my house. Sorry about that.
anyway. Today I am continuing to clean out the playroom. Hope you all have a great day.
i guess it is safe to say on here that I live in SW, as most people do!!
Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm sure someone on here actually thinks that you are not a. Real person!!! But I know you are
I am touched that you took the time to actually join to say hello. And I am really glad. Perhaps now there is something more you will get out of the site. Maybe one day, you can share your story. An update on what's going on today. Guess what? I feel really good!!! My knee is still sore and I am still limping, but my mind feels good. Now that I think about it, I'm not that good physically. My back is sore, I've been having some digestive issues ....but my mind feels so good that I'm not even caring about the physical stuff. For me, as much as I don't like pain ( I'm a baby), I would take the physical side of withdrawl over the emotional side ( paws) ANY day. And I am sure there is WAY more PAWS to come, but rit now, it's not there. I feel motivated, energetic, happy. It's like a switch got turned back on inside of me. And if all I have to do to keep in on is to not take pills-I'm not taking pills ( I am aware that I haave said this before)
anyway, I was up until 3am this morning. That should show you how "ok" I am. Because after all that, im ok
after a great day and early evening at the beach, my daughter and I decided to go for dinner as well and didn't get home until 9:30
it was probably a couple of hours before I went to grab a bottle of water from the frige and found that my fridge was no longer working. Or the freezer. I called a service, but it was an extra $200 in service charges to have them come out last night-so my daughter and I spend the evening emptying both sides out ( a very full fridge , with a surprising amount of garbage inside). I then had to spend another hour cleaning out my deep freezer to create enough space and found more expired stuff in there. Another hour to empty and clean out the fridge in the basement ( thankfully we have one). Then 20 trips downstairs to move it all. Then another hour and a half to clean my upstairs fridge and freezer. That was a whole lot more disgusting empty than full I guess when it's full, it hides all the evils. The fridge guy is coming this afternoon
I realize that was all more i formation than any of you probably wanted to hear about my house. Sorry about that.
anyway. Today I am continuing to clean out the playroom. Hope you all have a great day.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Hey Imtryin,
Wow... you are a busy woman! I, like you, would and do take physical pain over emotional pain any day of the week. I am busy, as you know, and on my low dosage, my chronic physical pain issues are completely manageable. Picking up a toddler all day does not cause undo pain, and I can actually see my biceps coming back, just a tiny bit.
I am dog sitting today, so will get a lot of healthy walking done.
I see the breakage of your refrigerator as a spiritual coincidence.... the universe or God, or whomever you choose as your Higher Power, is making it awfully easy for you to have a "clean slate" for your juice cleanse and also for the transitional foods out of your juice fast. The dirty refrigerator can symbolize your recent life, and the new pristine one will remind you of being clean of drugs, toxic foods, etc. I love when the universe gives me a clear message I am on the right path... take it for what it is worth! Have a great day!
Wow... you are a busy woman! I, like you, would and do take physical pain over emotional pain any day of the week. I am busy, as you know, and on my low dosage, my chronic physical pain issues are completely manageable. Picking up a toddler all day does not cause undo pain, and I can actually see my biceps coming back, just a tiny bit.
I am dog sitting today, so will get a lot of healthy walking done.
I see the breakage of your refrigerator as a spiritual coincidence.... the universe or God, or whomever you choose as your Higher Power, is making it awfully easy for you to have a "clean slate" for your juice cleanse and also for the transitional foods out of your juice fast. The dirty refrigerator can symbolize your recent life, and the new pristine one will remind you of being clean of drugs, toxic foods, etc. I love when the universe gives me a clear message I am on the right path... take it for what it is worth! Have a great day!
Everything in this thread continues to inspire me every day.
Great work imtryin. SWON FTW.
Kee up the great work everyone. You are all so loved, and matter more than you know to more people than you realize.
Day 18 over here. Feeling good... Went to my pharmacy and signed a form cancelling my scripts saying that I want to stop the meds - that way I'm not tempted at the end of the month. It was a moment of joy, followed by a slight notion of wanting to stick my head in fire, but then made me feel good again as the day went on.
Mentally today I'm good, limited PAWS (though I'm sure it's just a 'good day' amongst many bad ones). Physically, abdo pain is killing me, but I'm starting to realize I'd rather deal with it than the battle with addiction to opiates.
Have a great evening everyone (or day, depending on where you are!).
Proud of you, imtryin. I'm still almost glued to my bed other than one 2km run per day, so your level of activity is incredibly healthy and shows how well you're doing.
Peace and love. We all make it out one way or another.
-D
Great work imtryin. SWON FTW.
Kee up the great work everyone. You are all so loved, and matter more than you know to more people than you realize.
Day 18 over here. Feeling good... Went to my pharmacy and signed a form cancelling my scripts saying that I want to stop the meds - that way I'm not tempted at the end of the month. It was a moment of joy, followed by a slight notion of wanting to stick my head in fire, but then made me feel good again as the day went on.
Mentally today I'm good, limited PAWS (though I'm sure it's just a 'good day' amongst many bad ones). Physically, abdo pain is killing me, but I'm starting to realize I'd rather deal with it than the battle with addiction to opiates.
Have a great evening everyone (or day, depending on where you are!).
Proud of you, imtryin. I'm still almost glued to my bed other than one 2km run per day, so your level of activity is incredibly healthy and shows how well you're doing.
Peace and love. We all make it out one way or another.
-D
workforchange
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2014
- Messages
- 4
Hi Imtryin,
I just finished reading through your thread. Wow! Ain't sobriety uh... interesting? lol Time consuming as well, hmmm? I've been sober from alcohol for 7 1/2 years and, reading your story reminds me of my struggles. For me, I tried to do it on my own because, if I went to meetings, that meant I really had a problem! When I finally gave up (after 35 years of drinking (no problem there, huh?)) and went, I had heard someone say "I wasn't a one white chipper (meaning they kept relapsing while in the program)" so, of course, I used that as an excuse to relapse. Six months later, I was back/relapse/back again. That obsession of mind, thinking of drinking every night, was driving me nuts! My sponsor asked me if I got on my knees and asked God to take the obsession away. I was not a religious person at all but I was desperate so I did it and it worked. I haven't had a desire to drink since. But, that's my story. The program doesn't work for everyone and I certainly respect everyone's journey. It worked for me because, being an isolation drinker, it taught me how to be social again without having to be high. I also got to hear how other people lived through crap without having to take a drink to do so. To each person their path.
I do admire yours, in that you have experienced some difficult situations since you've started on this journey of freedom from using codeine. You seem to be one tough lady! You seem to take your slipping when you lost your job very hard, and, while it's understandable, the point of a slip should be to learn from them, not beat yourself up about it. I mean, you can if you wish, that is your choice, but it's not very productive.
To be optimistic, seven months after I finally got sober this time, I was filling out the forms for financial aid for my sons to go to college and I thought "why not try for myself?" which I did. Amazingly, I got financial aid and got accepted to college! That was a dream of mine for 30 years! I went to community college to become a substance abuse counselor, found out I needed a bachelors degree so I went to university and graduated from there! During that time, I met a guy, fell in love, found out he kept relapsing on heroin, nearly lost my mind, he went to rehab, only to start dating my best friend while he was supposed to be working on my trust issues with him. Turned her on to heroin, she overdosed and died, and that was when I found out he was cheating on me. Two years of insane depression (while going to college), I was in no state to be a counselor, so now I'm in graduate school, much better emotionally (still hate him though. Working on that. lol), and I graduate next year. I work with people who have been incarcerated due to substance abuse issues. When I got sober, I was working as a cashier in a hardware store.
I tell you all that to show that, if I had thought almost 8 years ago that, when I got sober, all I would do would be to finally get my life back by not drinking, I would have sold myself very short. I have had moments when I had no idea how I'd pay my rent, only to have something happen where I would have the money. Like they say: "I don't have everything I want, but I've always had everything I've needed". I've also replaced my addiction to alcohol with an addiction to technology. For someone with no job for the last 7 years, I now have 3 laptops, 1 desktop server, the latest hi tech cellphone, two tablets, two smartwatches... you get the idea. I take vacations, etc. You hate that you spent all that money fixing up your house. I saw it as you spent all that money improving your home so that, if you have to sell it, you'll get more now, with the improvements, than you would have before.
Two other insights: 1. I believe everything happens for a reason. It may be just me but, it looks like you may have lost your job so that you can be there for your daughter during her time of difficulty. If you had lost your job sooner, she might not have been receptive to being with you (as you stated, she couldn't go on vacation earlier due to her state of mind). Now, with no job, you have the time to be there for her, which is what she needs right now. You can both be there for each other (without her knowing how much she's helping you, of course).
And 2. Try to stop reading about PAWS. Everyone's reaction is different but we, as addicts, will read someone else's symptoms and swear we're going through the same thing. Suffice it to say that it exists, it can suck, it is what it is, move on. It won't kill you but, if you obsess about it, it will make you miserable. Exercise, enjoy your daughters juice fast, try not to fantasize about steak too much, and remember, every day above ground is a good day. I wish you all the good fortune on your journey. You're fighting a very tough battle, one that, for everyday clean, you can be proud of. Celebrate your victories, learn from your mistakes.
Sorry so long.
I just finished reading through your thread. Wow! Ain't sobriety uh... interesting? lol Time consuming as well, hmmm? I've been sober from alcohol for 7 1/2 years and, reading your story reminds me of my struggles. For me, I tried to do it on my own because, if I went to meetings, that meant I really had a problem! When I finally gave up (after 35 years of drinking (no problem there, huh?)) and went, I had heard someone say "I wasn't a one white chipper (meaning they kept relapsing while in the program)" so, of course, I used that as an excuse to relapse. Six months later, I was back/relapse/back again. That obsession of mind, thinking of drinking every night, was driving me nuts! My sponsor asked me if I got on my knees and asked God to take the obsession away. I was not a religious person at all but I was desperate so I did it and it worked. I haven't had a desire to drink since. But, that's my story. The program doesn't work for everyone and I certainly respect everyone's journey. It worked for me because, being an isolation drinker, it taught me how to be social again without having to be high. I also got to hear how other people lived through crap without having to take a drink to do so. To each person their path.
I do admire yours, in that you have experienced some difficult situations since you've started on this journey of freedom from using codeine. You seem to be one tough lady! You seem to take your slipping when you lost your job very hard, and, while it's understandable, the point of a slip should be to learn from them, not beat yourself up about it. I mean, you can if you wish, that is your choice, but it's not very productive.
To be optimistic, seven months after I finally got sober this time, I was filling out the forms for financial aid for my sons to go to college and I thought "why not try for myself?" which I did. Amazingly, I got financial aid and got accepted to college! That was a dream of mine for 30 years! I went to community college to become a substance abuse counselor, found out I needed a bachelors degree so I went to university and graduated from there! During that time, I met a guy, fell in love, found out he kept relapsing on heroin, nearly lost my mind, he went to rehab, only to start dating my best friend while he was supposed to be working on my trust issues with him. Turned her on to heroin, she overdosed and died, and that was when I found out he was cheating on me. Two years of insane depression (while going to college), I was in no state to be a counselor, so now I'm in graduate school, much better emotionally (still hate him though. Working on that. lol), and I graduate next year. I work with people who have been incarcerated due to substance abuse issues. When I got sober, I was working as a cashier in a hardware store.
I tell you all that to show that, if I had thought almost 8 years ago that, when I got sober, all I would do would be to finally get my life back by not drinking, I would have sold myself very short. I have had moments when I had no idea how I'd pay my rent, only to have something happen where I would have the money. Like they say: "I don't have everything I want, but I've always had everything I've needed". I've also replaced my addiction to alcohol with an addiction to technology. For someone with no job for the last 7 years, I now have 3 laptops, 1 desktop server, the latest hi tech cellphone, two tablets, two smartwatches... you get the idea. I take vacations, etc. You hate that you spent all that money fixing up your house. I saw it as you spent all that money improving your home so that, if you have to sell it, you'll get more now, with the improvements, than you would have before.
Two other insights: 1. I believe everything happens for a reason. It may be just me but, it looks like you may have lost your job so that you can be there for your daughter during her time of difficulty. If you had lost your job sooner, she might not have been receptive to being with you (as you stated, she couldn't go on vacation earlier due to her state of mind). Now, with no job, you have the time to be there for her, which is what she needs right now. You can both be there for each other (without her knowing how much she's helping you, of course).
And 2. Try to stop reading about PAWS. Everyone's reaction is different but we, as addicts, will read someone else's symptoms and swear we're going through the same thing. Suffice it to say that it exists, it can suck, it is what it is, move on. It won't kill you but, if you obsess about it, it will make you miserable. Exercise, enjoy your daughters juice fast, try not to fantasize about steak too much, and remember, every day above ground is a good day. I wish you all the good fortune on your journey. You're fighting a very tough battle, one that, for everyday clean, you can be proud of. Celebrate your victories, learn from your mistakes.
Sorry so long.
Last edited:
Runtoparadise
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2014
- Messages
- 1,268
Wow!!once I could read through that wall of text, utterly inspiring !!
Please edit & break into paragraphs so others will read & appreciate your effort,
Rtp
Please edit & break into paragraphs so others will read & appreciate your effort,
Rtp
Erikmen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 3, 2014
- Messages
- 20,708
Very inspiring post indeed workforchange!
Some parts are pretty amazing like switching your addiction from alcohol to technology. That's a major step forward in your life. Or not having everything but everything you need is also pretty rare to hear.
Keep posting. And welcome to BL. Sorry I've read your post today.
Some parts are pretty amazing like switching your addiction from alcohol to technology. That's a major step forward in your life. Or not having everything but everything you need is also pretty rare to hear.
Keep posting. And welcome to BL.
Sorry I've read your post today.Hello there!
pokemama-I LOVED your thoughts on my refrigerator!! I agree with you, it is the universe telling me that it is time for a clean slate everywhere in my life! I was thinking about you and your taper. You have a lot of chronic pain and I wonder if maybe you actually need to take what is prescribed for you. What are you going to do with all the pain ? I know that I can not control a script. I have proven that to myself. I also could not do a taper, ever. Do you think you would be able to do it? Or am I dumb for even suggesting it? Please excuse me if I am out of line here. You are such a great person, I hate thinking that you have to go through terrible pain every day.
workforrchange-thank you so much for your post! I read it a couple of times and I really appreciate what you wrote. Welcome to BL, I hope you will hang around -you. Are an awesome addition to the "gang"!!
Dil-OH MY GOD. When I read that you cancelled your scripts I was speechless. I am so proud of you. I can not even begin to tell you. Today is your 3 weeks clean, right? Congratulations Dil-you have done an amazing thing for 3 weeks clean.
I had had a crazy weekend-I'll post more about it later, but I'm happy to tell you that I have 2 weeks clean today!!!!
pokemama-I LOVED your thoughts on my refrigerator!! I agree with you, it is the universe telling me that it is time for a clean slate everywhere in my life! I was thinking about you and your taper. You have a lot of chronic pain and I wonder if maybe you actually need to take what is prescribed for you. What are you going to do with all the pain ? I know that I can not control a script. I have proven that to myself. I also could not do a taper, ever. Do you think you would be able to do it? Or am I dumb for even suggesting it? Please excuse me if I am out of line here. You are such a great person, I hate thinking that you have to go through terrible pain every day.
workforrchange-thank you so much for your post! I read it a couple of times and I really appreciate what you wrote. Welcome to BL, I hope you will hang around -you. Are an awesome addition to the "gang"!!
Dil-OH MY GOD. When I read that you cancelled your scripts I was speechless. I am so proud of you. I can not even begin to tell you. Today is your 3 weeks clean, right? Congratulations Dil-you have done an amazing thing for 3 weeks clean.
I had had a crazy weekend-I'll post more about it later, but I'm happy to tell you that I have 2 weeks clean today!!!!
Hi there !
i fell asleep last night in the middle of writing a post!
I am on day 3 of my 3 day cleanse. I am the only person in my family that hadn't complained through the the last 3 days. My daughter made it through 2 days, but is eating regular food today, because she couldn't choke down the drinks, so she was getting no real benefits from it. Out of 5 drinks a day, she got down less then 2....my husband just guzzles them down, even though he hates them. He has not stopped complaining since we started the cleanse. He is pretty much starving. Me-I have actually not been hungry at all. I don't love the juices-especially the beet based ones, but I drink them. I could probably do 5 days. The best part of a 3 day cleanse is that you don't have to spend one minute trying to figure out what to cook!!!!
i went to a local flea market on Saturday and Sunday, and sold my "stuff" ( mostly my daughters stuff) for 8 hours each day. It was actually an exhausting weekend. I Did pretty well, but during the last hour on Sunday, I was the most popular booth, becasue I started to sell everything for a dollar. Needless to say, i only brought home a few boxes, so it was successful to me!! I am trying to get as much money as I can to transform the bedroom/old plaYroom into a teenage hangout room.
The he last few days, even maybe the last week have been really good. I haven't thought about using. And before I thought about it all the time. While I still spend more time on the couch than I should. It is like more than 50% less than i used to. I am well aware that the crappy feeling might come back, but for now, they are gone. I am healing. I feel better about myself. I feel like somehow ( and I don't know how), everything is going to be ok
have a great day
i fell asleep last night in the middle of writing a post!
I am on day 3 of my 3 day cleanse. I am the only person in my family that hadn't complained through the the last 3 days. My daughter made it through 2 days, but is eating regular food today, because she couldn't choke down the drinks, so she was getting no real benefits from it. Out of 5 drinks a day, she got down less then 2....my husband just guzzles them down, even though he hates them. He has not stopped complaining since we started the cleanse. He is pretty much starving. Me-I have actually not been hungry at all. I don't love the juices-especially the beet based ones, but I drink them. I could probably do 5 days. The best part of a 3 day cleanse is that you don't have to spend one minute trying to figure out what to cook!!!!
i went to a local flea market on Saturday and Sunday, and sold my "stuff" ( mostly my daughters stuff) for 8 hours each day. It was actually an exhausting weekend. I Did pretty well, but during the last hour on Sunday, I was the most popular booth, becasue I started to sell everything for a dollar. Needless to say, i only brought home a few boxes, so it was successful to me!! I am trying to get as much money as I can to transform the bedroom/old plaYroom into a teenage hangout room.
The he last few days, even maybe the last week have been really good. I haven't thought about using. And before I thought about it all the time. While I still spend more time on the couch than I should. It is like more than 50% less than i used to. I am well aware that the crappy feeling might come back, but for now, they are gone. I am healing. I feel better about myself. I feel like somehow ( and I don't know how), everything is going to be ok
have a great day
ShadowedLight
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2015
- Messages
- 202
Sounds like you're doing really well :D
I cannot possibly apologize enough. I haven't been on here in a few weeks and what you wrote made me cry. Talk about PAWS? I turned into a real bitch. God, I'm so sorry. Just as you know little about oxycodone, I know little about codeine. I'm a good person but these drugs have destroyed me. They turned me into someone I am not. I did stop....but of course relapsed because I couldn't take the pain or the withdrawals anymore. God, I'm still crying. Losing your job in the midst of all else you have going on? I became questionative because of my rehab experience....which was not a good one and wasn't even for my doc now. Also because of my past occupation. I thought that maybe you were using but were too ashamed to admit it. Then there's the fact that you live in Canada. I didn't even know until recently that codeine can be bought over the counter there (I'm sure glad I don't live there).....anyway, I'm back to not using again....a vicious cycle.....but my condition has progressed and when it did I got angry at the world. It's still no excuse for my behavior though. Especially in a place that I felt loved unconditionally and comfortable. I truly came back on here because of you (and not because I'm stalking you) but rather because I have felt so bad over what I said. I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive me because I am so very sorry. To the person that called me a "scum"? Yes, I suppose I am when I either take too much of my doc or don't have any. I want to stop yet I got a new dr who said that all of my ailments are "over his head" and he then referred me to multiple places. Over the past month month I have had a lot of anguish (I may also have cancer), hurt and "beatings"(which my body can't endure anymore) and for some reason I took it all out on people who care about me. On my post, you did right from the start. I will end though by saying that a "slip" is a slip...you're a strong woman, I can tell and things will get better for you. I'm sure of that. I'm now at my 2nd withdrawal experience. 48 hours without (big deal) and I have no idea how I'm surviving it. The doctor before the one I have now who is more familiar with my disorder and my spinal cord issues prescribed me neurontin (3000 mg per day which to me seems like a lot), baclofen, cymbalta, hydroxyzine and amytryptyline. I'm like a walking nothing or rather to be honest I don't walk at all. My pain has not reduced from these meds which is what caused my relapse. The summertime is my favorite time of the year yet I've done nothing. I used to always cut the grass, plant flowers, take care of my pool....yet as I said this year nothing but either going to pt, laying, crying or becoming angry. I hope upon reading this you accept my apology. I neither go out and buy clothes (or anything for myself) but did when I stopped taking the oxycodone and it did make me feel good just as you said getting your hair done and nails made you feel good for the time being. Everyone tells me I'm "pretty" but I feel horribly ugly yet I wish I could take my own advice and words that I live by which are....the "supposed" ugliest person to me can be the most beautiful and the "supposed" most beautiful person can be "ugly".....it all comes from within the heart and I can tell you're a beautiful person and that's what bothered me about you saying about getting another job. You WILL. I'm sure of it. I can tell you're beautiful on the inside and I'm sure on the outside as well. And I honestly only checked your posts to see how you were doing just as you did mine which I appreciated so very much. Sorry for the long ramble. There's more I could say but I will end by saying that I wish you the best of luck and that you CAN and WILL do this. Lots of love to you and again hoping so much for forgiveness....As I said I am just not "me" anymore
Hello Bern
Of course I accept your apology! I hope that things start to get better for you soon-I truly hope that cancer is not in your future. I wish you pain-free days.
Bluelight has been such an amazing source of knowledge and strength for me. There are some awesome folks on here, Perhaps you will find some hope here like I have.
Thanks again for your message
peace
Of course I accept your apology! I hope that things start to get better for you soon-I truly hope that cancer is not in your future. I wish you pain-free days.
Bluelight has been such an amazing source of knowledge and strength for me. There are some awesome folks on here, Perhaps you will find some hope here like I have.
Thanks again for your message
peace
simco
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,246
hey, @Imtryin. just wanted to say hi and express how impressed i am with your strength and resourcefulness.
i've been off of BL for a while because i find that BL, even the Sober Living forum, prompts me to think about drugs. but i was curious how some of my SL 'friends' were doing. glad to see you're still fighting. me too!
i've been off of BL for a while because i find that BL, even the Sober Living forum, prompts me to think about drugs. but i was curious how some of my SL 'friends' were doing. glad to see you're still fighting. me too!
Loyaltothefoil12
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2015
- Messages
- 8
Honestly you need to get professional help from a doctor or a clinic. Also I think you need to be honest with your husband and tell him what is going on. Keeping big secrets like this has the potential to destroy a happy marriage. Your husband deserves to know what is going on with you. If he is a good man he will stick with you and try to help. If you keep abusing these pills the way you are now it can very well kill you. If the pills don't do it, the depression induced by them will. Many people become suicidal after depression caused by drug addiction. Seriously. Get help from someone or someplace. Pride will only keep you from getting help you need. Life is worth living and being drug free.
Be smart and safe!
Be smart and safe!
Hello there!
im so happy to tell you that I have made it to the one month mark (again)!!
i can't wAit to get to 6 weeks-because that is the most I have ever been off the pills.
im doing really well right now. Ever since I read the post from workforchange about PAWS, I've had a different outlook.
before that, I was so afraid of paws thAt anytime I had a good day, I would brace myself to be ready for the bad days and for paws to rule my life
but now, most of my days are good-and when I'm having a tough time, I just tell myself that it will pass and I will feel better soon
i know that paws is 100% real, but I'm trying hard to stay out of the negative
I haven't been on BL at all lately because I've been so busy and I'm "off the couch"
anyway, I hope you (whoever is reading this) are well and happy. And thank you
im so happy to tell you that I have made it to the one month mark (again)!!
i can't wAit to get to 6 weeks-because that is the most I have ever been off the pills.
im doing really well right now. Ever since I read the post from workforchange about PAWS, I've had a different outlook.
before that, I was so afraid of paws thAt anytime I had a good day, I would brace myself to be ready for the bad days and for paws to rule my life
but now, most of my days are good-and when I'm having a tough time, I just tell myself that it will pass and I will feel better soon
i know that paws is 100% real, but I'm trying hard to stay out of the negative
I haven't been on BL at all lately because I've been so busy and I'm "off the couch"
anyway, I hope you (whoever is reading this) are well and happy. And thank you
Loyal, you need to go throug every page of her thread and read everything from start to finish. She has been doing tremendously well and it seems as if you've only read her initial post.
Cheers
sim - same with me. Coming on here too often causes my cravings to spike, especially in some "graphic" posts read by accident. But I'm with you, it's nice to check in on SL friends periodically. I'm glad you're still fighting. Good work and keep it up! Sometimes some small words of encouragement from a stranger can make a difference - for me, at least. Keep up the great work.
And imtryin - I hope you're still doing well and enjoying the fantastic weather that we've had here in SW ON the past several days and weekend! Keep up your fight - you're doing a great job and your story here continues to inspire many. Keep up the fantastic work!
All the best. Peace and love to you and all fighting the fight
!-D
Hey imtryin! So great to hear from you and Fantastic work on reaching the one month mark again! That is great news and I'm so happy for you. It's great to hear that you're focusing on remaining positive and happy. In my opinion, happiness is a choice. So by focusing on the positives, trying to keep your mind busy and stay away from negatives, you're doing the right thing and taking charge in your life and your happiness. Great job.
I too have been away from BL the past little bit just to keep myself busy and as you say - off the couch. I find that reading some stories about drug use can sometimes take me to that "dark place" in my mind, so I've been trying to limit time on the computer but still check in on my "friends" that are fighting the fight with me - we're all in this together, after all! I've been spending a lot of time outside with my wife and our dog, going for walks, keeping busy at work, running a little more each day, and over all just keeping my mind focused and busy. And doing my best to always stay positive - instead of embracing the negatives, even on the "bad days," I do my best to stay positive and think about and do what makes me happy and feel positive. It certainly changes things and can help turn things around on a bad day.
Anyway, I'm glad you're doing well, and congratulations again on your month long milestone! Keep it up, you're doing great! I hope you've also been outside enjoying the great weather that we've been having here! I've been doing so as often as I can when I am home from work and it's been great.
im glad youre doing well and thanks for the update. your story continues to inspire me and im sure countless others as well who in sure come on here every day and read it from start to finish, inspired by every word of it. keep up your great work, and thanks for being an inspiration to us all!
peace and love, everyone.
d
Hey there!
another good day. just a few more days left and the kids are back to school. I gave myself a deadline of back to school to get this spare room converted into a teenager hangout, and it looks like I am going to make it!!
the technical guys are coming on Friday to Install the tv, and the furniture is being deliverd on Saturday!! Yes, I spent money that I don't have, but I put it on 36 months no interest , no payment, so I am really hoping that in 3 years, I will be working again so this will not be an issue.
My daughter was amazing in that for all her back to school shopping, she actually had a big sale and sold tons of her old clothes. So that money will finance her back to school shopping. I didn't ask her to do that, she did it all on her own. I am so proud of her.
Wanting to use-all my physical withdrawls are gone and like I have said before, I feel pretty lucky with the paws stuff. But there is this "thing". I get feelings of wanting to get high. Mostly when I am bored, and it isn't physical by any means. It is a very stupid thought that enters my head a lot. Like if I had any pills on hand, I'm sure I wouldd take them. I'm not sure why I get these feelings, but they are frustrating. I know I can not trust myself with any kind of pill. But I feel good for the most part.
I guess I just wanted to share that. Am I alone in this?
Anyway, I hope you are having a great day!
another good day. just a few more days left and the kids are back to school. I gave myself a deadline of back to school to get this spare room converted into a teenager hangout, and it looks like I am going to make it!!
the technical guys are coming on Friday to Install the tv, and the furniture is being deliverd on Saturday!! Yes, I spent money that I don't have, but I put it on 36 months no interest , no payment, so I am really hoping that in 3 years, I will be working again so this will not be an issue.
My daughter was amazing in that for all her back to school shopping, she actually had a big sale and sold tons of her old clothes. So that money will finance her back to school shopping. I didn't ask her to do that, she did it all on her own. I am so proud of her.
Wanting to use-all my physical withdrawls are gone and like I have said before, I feel pretty lucky with the paws stuff. But there is this "thing". I get feelings of wanting to get high. Mostly when I am bored, and it isn't physical by any means. It is a very stupid thought that enters my head a lot. Like if I had any pills on hand, I'm sure I wouldd take them. I'm not sure why I get these feelings, but they are frustrating. I know I can not trust myself with any kind of pill. But I feel good for the most part.
I guess I just wanted to share that. Am I alone in this?
Anyway, I hope you are having a great day!
I'm trying, I agree, people need to read the WHOLE thread! Grrrrrr....
Anyway I have, mostly only your posts and wonder if you have any idea how many lives you could be possibly saving with your post\blog whatever hahahaha you are a trooper and don't you listen to negative Neds you owe NOBODY but YOURSELF accountability. We don't know anything about your husband. Mine is amazing too but I'm not ready to come clean to him either.
PS. I just counted out an actual taper because of your posts ( mostly because we are almost the same)
Big hug!
Anyway I have, mostly only your posts and wonder if you have any idea how many lives you could be possibly saving with your post\blog whatever hahahaha
you are a trooper and don't you listen to negative Neds you owe NOBODY but YOURSELF accountability. We don't know anything about your husband. Mine is amazing too but I'm not ready to come clean to him either.PS. I just counted out an actual taper because of your posts ( mostly because we are almost the same)
Big hug!