May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

[love88]

Hey guys! You all keep up the good work!!!

As for me, I relapsed.... Monday was my third day and I had a rough day more then usual. I don't know what happened... I was taking the gaba then my legs were getting bad. REAL bad. I stand for my job and I could barely walk. Caused me to relapse. I relapsed for 3 days. Today I'm past 24hrs. I'm gonna try suboxone detox for 3 to 5 days then switch to gaba (hopefully my tolerance to gaba should be alil lower from not taking it for a week)

Tomorrow I start work and it's gonna be crazy. I work fri sat sun. The sub is gonna pul me through. Then I have off Monday and work tues(usually easy) then off we'd n thurs and that should be ok and done w sub.

Even tho I wasn't sober for all of May, I'm gonna make may the most days sober in one month! I haven't done or tried to be sober in over 8 years. I'd say out of 8 years I prob had 6 days sober n that was cause I couldn't find it or was outta money. I've never tried this hard.... IM READY. I was this. I want a nice life.

I might relapse but I'm never, NEVER gonna give up

 

[totach]

I feel like withdrawals just hit me out of nowhere today is that normal?
I physically and mentally feel like shit today it's very scary
I'm not even craving to get high I just feel really bummed out
Hopefully it will pass quick I don't feel like doing anything
I can't tel friends or family this cuz then they will just be worried so I really appreciate being able tell you guys how I feel

 

[festivus]

I feel like withdrawals just hit me out of nowhere today is that normal?
I physically and mentally feel like shit today it's very scary

yes. withdrawal is an extremely non-linear process and it is completely normal to have bad days or bad hours pop up out of nowhere. it is really annoying to feel like you have turned a corner only to feel back in the dumps again but that is the nature of the beast.

 

[simco]

yesterday was tough. i had two challenges: did well on one and failed on the other.
failure: i took a step that will make it easier for me to cop. stupid as fuck. nothing good can come of it.
success: i was offered a handful of percs but walked away.

i suppose the other success was that i stayed clean another day.

my failure yesterday is my second obvious move back towards using. (my situation makes scoring dope complicated.) if i'm honest with myself, it's not just getting high that i miss. i also miss the rituals associated with dope. i had a million of 'em.

well, today i'm gonna try to make two NA meetings. i hope everyone is hanging in. it seems like lots of tough times circling around this thread. keep the energy up and keep posting, folks!

 

[P0kemama]

Tough times, indeed, Sim. I am on such a tight budget, another reason to get clean, and found out my house insurance was greatly increased, through no fault of my own.
Colorado had floods, storms, wildfires over the past couple of years and my insurance went up almost 35% over the past two years. It is like a slap in the face...
Well, I better be nice to my visitor tomorrow and pull out one of my addict skills that I am fairly proficient at: manipulation. It is sad that I am being so honest about being able to pull other people's strings when I want something out of them, and knowing this, I am still going to do it. But she has a lot of $$$, so if I am really really nice and then cry when I talk about my bills, she may give me enough to make a dent.
As for my taper, I had a very good day yesterday... keeping busy and walking in the evening helped. I attended a meet-up of people that like to try out new reasonably priced area restaurants, and they picked one within walking distance. The place also included a very well stocked whisky bar ( I hope I don't trigger any alcoholics, sorry), which was packed. We sat in the restaurant, and although the people around me had wine and beer, I had no interest in drinking. The food kinda sucked, for the price, and so until I figure out my budget, I will not be going to restaurants, unless someone else is treating.

 

[totach]

I feel much better today thank god
I even went to a meeting second one since I got clean
Have a good weekend everyone!

 

[Papaverium]

Today was a really rough day at work, I got sent home because I almost had a mental breakdown before I left the building... Good thing I could contain it until then...
But I went out and copped yesterday and am beating myself up for it... and how? by copping again.. Im such an idiot i need professional help.
I need to be locked up! This is pathetic... You know how many time's I've come in here being all proud that I'm quitting IVing Dilaudid??? Wayy too many, it's sad.... Every time I say I think I'm doing well, I just end up caving and feeling like absolute rubbish for it.
Will tomorrow be day 1 again???? Or is every day just day 1?

 

[simco]

Yes, Verri, every day *is* day one for all of us. As they say in NA, just keep coming back. The only way to fail is to quit trying.
-Sim

 

[veodo]

8 days sober!

 

[phactor]

One Year for Me Today!

I have my Uncle's funeral tomorrow, who sadly died directly from this disease. Just got home to my parents house. Long drive.

 

[P0kemama]

One Year for Me Today!

I have my Uncle's funeral tomorrow, who sadly died directly from this disease. Just got home to my parents house. Long drive.

Congratulations on One Year Clean!! My thoughts will be with you and your family as you say goodbye to your uncle tomorrow.

 

[snortmdma]

I'd just like to share something good that I did about my drug use, I had the money and I was just about to go buy bit coin for drugs but I said no, I'd rather spend this money on traveling or hobbies or anything really except drugs. Goes to show that it's never too late to not use, I've got only a week and a day off psychedelics but today I'm not gonna use them, that's for sure, and to think of how different things would be for me if I was tripping out right now. Glad I'm not

 

[Papaverium]

8 days sober!

Congrats!! :D Keep it up

One Year for Me Today!

I have my Uncle's funeral tomorrow, who sadly died directly from this disease. Just got home to my parents house. Long drive.

I'm sorry to hear that you had lost your uncle to addiction. It's a real eye-opener when you lose someone you love..... I haven't ever experienced that before, as I don't have much family or "true" friends that use hard drugs, but I'm sure it would really make one directly think about their life choices.

Anyway, congratulations on ONE YEAR, phactor!! :D That's super awesome. :D

 

[Erikmen]

Congratulations for all of you who have succeeded in becoming sober!
It does not matter if it´s a week or just a couple of days as long as you´re trying.

 

[simco]

Phactor,
That's an errie convergence of events going on for you (death in the family + anniversary). But serious congratulations on a year sober. That's fucking amazing, especially for me, who is sill measuring clean time in days/weeks.

 

[olypen]

Originally Posted by simco
yesterday was tough. i had two challenges: did well on one and failed on the other.
failure: i took a step that will make it easier for me to cop. stupid as fuck. nothing good can come of it.
success: i was offered a handful of percs but walked away.

i suppose the other success was that i stayed clean another day.

my failure yesterday is my second obvious move back towards using. (my situation makes scoring dope complicated.) if i'm honest with myself, it's not just getting high that i miss. i also miss the rituals associated with dope. i had a million of 'em.

well, today i'm gonna try to make two NA meetings. i hope everyone is hanging in. it seems like lots of tough times circling around this thread. keep the energy up and keep posting, folks!



I could easily turn down percs.. unless it was like 100 of them and i could CWE because otherwise i wouldnt feel shit lol. It's be like an alcoholic having just a beer... whats the point?


Stay strong brother. I know you have it in you, but also know i'm (we) are there for you no matter what!

When i was using, my drug of choice really was MORE! I always had the 'one is good than ten must be better' mentality. I''m also trying trying to incorporate that into my recovery. Attending as many NA meetings as i can and then going to some AA meetings on top of it. AA is a little more strict around here, but i figure addiction is addiction and a meeting is a meeting. I've also been hitting some small town meeting in the surrounding area. They're usually so grateful for new faces and outsiders they go to great lengths to make you feel welcome and show extreme hospitality. My sponsor sets it all up and i tag along, but at the last small town meeting they had homemade pecan pie, ice cream, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and homemade sesame candies.

Keep up the good work Sims im proud of you bud!

Originally Posted by Papaverium
Today was a really rough day at work, I got sent home because I almost had a mental breakdown before I left the building... Good thing I could contain it until then...
But I went out and copped yesterday and am beating myself up for it... and how? by copping again.. Im such an idiot i need professional help.
I need to be locked up! This is pathetic... You know how many time's I've come in here being all proud that I'm quitting IVing Dilaudid??? Wayy too many, it's sad.... Every time I say I think I'm doing well, I just end up caving and feeling like absolute rubbish for it.
Will tomorrow be day 1 again???? Or is every day just day 1?



I totally understand the work thing. I got suspended from work too, but when i questioned the term suspended, because when someone is suspended and found"not guilty" of whatever they're accused of, they're paid for the time off, the term was changed to "a leave of absence." .. nonetheless a forced leave of absence which i have never heard of. Basically i have to use what little vacation and sick leave i have left and it'll still leave me short a paycheck. Thought i was going to be allowed back Monday, but now it'll be Wednesday at the earliest. I knew i was falling asleep in a meeting, but apparently i was also talking in my sleep and/or to other people who weren't there. So i probably was having a break from reality or at least very livid lucid dreams from not sleeping for way too long.

I had countless Day 1's too friend. The rush from IV dillies is a hard habit to quit on your own. When i couldn't get the D's started extracting and slamming/smoking fent. Not an analogue, but real fent. I used an ISO extraction, warm water bath and a little citric acid. As my habit grew and i could only get like 25 or 30 100mcg patches every 2 weeks I even started looking into ordering a/b fent online to supplement. I know the thing that definitely saved my life, was a suboxone maintenance program. The last time i abused opiates i slammed some fent and fell out with my arm tied off and the rig still in my arm. I woke up after who knows how long. That was the night before i went in and got induced on the subs.

Don't know your circumstances or anything, but if you like me and have had just too many day 1's and are ready for a real change at least consider sub maintenance

Originally Posted by phactor
One Year for Me Today!

I have my Uncle's funeral tomorrow, who sadly died directly from this disease. Just got home to my parents house. Long drive.




Sorry about your uncle and CONGRATULATIONS ON A YEAR!! You give newbs like me hope its actually possible. I'm just coming up on 60 day here in less than two weeks!!

Originally Posted by P0kemama
FWIW, I also had to fill out the ADA paperwork several years ago when my chronic pain issues were interfering with my job, in that I was taking a lot of time off. It turned out to be a positive... I had my work week hours reduced and then for the hours that I was not working due to my disability, I received 60% of my pay. I started with a small reduction in hours, and then my doctor requested a larger reduction. I was lucky in that my doctor was familiar with ADA issues, and knew how to fill out the paperwork to my benefit. Meaning, he did not document my injuries/issues as being so severe that my company could not make "reasonable" accommodations. Nobody messed with me b/c I was protected under the ADA. My boss, Human resources, etc.. could not say a word otherwise they would be out of compliance. Being it was for physical pain issues, and not mental illness, I felt no stigma although some co-workers would roll their eyes, etc... I think they were jealous of my work schedule. No matter. I felt it did offer me protection. Also, I had the upper hand if any of my confidential information was shared inappropriately. I could report my company to the proper authorities. Like Sim said "You gotta claim what is yours."

Originally Posted by P0kemama
Everyone's situation is different, but just wanted to share my experience.





That's definitely something to think about. Part of my plan for reasonable accommodation specifies that i might need to tale time off when i am cycling, like right now, or when i have med adjustments right now. If i end up requiring time enough to require to take enough time off, that i would get less than 60% of my wages i wonder if i would qualify for unemployment or temporary disability benefit. Who paid you your 60% of your income if you don't mind me asking?

 

[totach]

I just realised how i dont fear the weekends anymore i actually look forward to relaxing on the weekends instead of just wanting to nod out all weekend so it can pass faster
I realise i will have good days and bad days and i have to learn how to deal with the bad days
Even people not in recovery have bad days and i tend to forget that when im having a bad day
I always feel like if i wasnt a junkie i would be able to handle whatever bad thing is going on but that is false even before i started getting high i would get sad sometimes
I feel like im really progressing in my recovery and i am very grateful for that
3+ months clean

 

[P0kemama]

Olypen: You asked who paid my 60% wages.... our company made us pay a ridiculously small monthly premium on both short term disability insurance and long term disability insurance. That company that we paid the insurance premium to paid my 60% wages. I did have to speak with their case manager assigned to me, but she was very nice and gave me no trouble... she would just request a medical form be filled out by my doctor every so often. The way it worked is everyone would start out on short term disability, and I think that was good for about 12 weeks or so, to coincide with the same length of time as FMLA allows. Then, you applied to the same company for long term disability after you exhausted the short term benefit, had a different case manager... she was a little stricter, it felt like, and the same insurance company paid my wages. They would send a check via the mail every month, after receiving the payroll information from HR on the hours I did work. Feel free to PM me if you need more info, although I don't mind posting here.

 

[P0kemama]

I stuck to my taper plan today. My relative flew in this afternoon, and I realized that having her here is good incentive to stay on my taper. She would kill any high I have, as I can't really relax with someone else in my house, so I figured this is the best time to be aggressive with my taper. I did get to eat dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in town... her treat. So far, I am being very nice.

 

[infectedmushroom]

^Keep on it! Tapering is a great way to slowly re-integrate into sober life.

I've said goodbye once again to lady opiate. This time the impetus truly came from within. I looked at the bottle of tablets and said, "I fucking hate you." Every time before there was a part of me which said "But you can't forget the good times." Now when I think about opiates, the thought returns when I looked at the bottle as if it were a cheating, manipulative liar and I said to it..."I deeply, deeply hate you." We'll see how this goes.

Luckily I was only back on them daily for no longer than six weeks, before that chipping using 2-3 times a week...well...you know how that turns out. I'm not the %1 who can chip. Lesson learnt. I love the name, "neversickanymore..." that's what I'm gunning toward like nothing else matters.

Best of luck everyone, I hope you find the spark within that pushes you to kick your dependence to the dust like the piece of shit it is.