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March forward, and fear not the thorns... March 2015 Gettin' & Stayin' Sober Thread

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Coming up on 7 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of dream, or what I went through relapsing after 8.5 years clean was just a horrible nightmare. It was very traumatic and still question that it happened, but it did. Everyone I see now is mostly still around, with exception of some that went out and died, they just look a couple years older. It does feel good to walk down the street and not have to hide from everyone.
I still communicated with people on H but it was mostly on the phone as I had large circles under my eyes. They are slowly dissipating, but that strange wood/metal smell still comes around. I sometimes have to put on a memory from that time using just to rememberer that it actually happened. If I was watching on Netflix or music or images I took when I was out there, and it's like " Oh yeah, it did happen " … I can easily forget and feel OK.

Sometimes triggers make we want to use but other times they remind me that I never want to go there again, and can scare me into reality.
I absolutely don't have another withdrawal in me, nor can I make it through another overdose… It all seems so far away, long ago …. but it's really not that distant whatsoever, at all ...

I forget what I want to remember, and remember what I want to forget.
 
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Smoky said:
Coming up on 7 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of dream, or what I went through relapsing after 8.5 years clean was just a horrible nightmare. It was very traumatic and still question that it happened, but it did. Everyone I see now is mostly still around, with exception of some that went out and died, they just look a couple years older. It does feel good to walk down the street and not have to hide from everyone.
I still communicated with people on H but it was mostly on the phone as I had large circles under my eyes. They are slowly dissipating, but that strange wood/metal smell still comes around. I sometimes have to put on a memory from that time using just to rememberer that it actually happened. If I was watching on Netflix or music or images I took when I was out there, and it's like " Oh yeah, it did happen " … I can easily forget and feel OK.

Sometimes triggers make we want to use but other times they remind me that I never want to go there again, and can scare me into reality.
I absolutely don't have another withdrawal in me, nor can I make it through another overdose… It all seems so far away, long ago …. but it's really not that distant whatsoever, at all ...

I forget what I want to remember, and remember what I want to forget.
Click to expand...

smoky

I had 7 months clean before i relapsed

I love you and you're an amazing person, please stay clean!!! you can do it!!

:)
 
Thank you Captain, I can, or will… I have been having what seems like dopamine mental floods in the evening… where everything is surreal and unreal like… It might be post trauma related too, feeling rather bizarre, but moving through it.

You have been amazing and such a help to me on BL since the beginning. I really appreciate your words.
I love you too,
Smoky :)
 
Good Morning Guys..

mountain-sunrise-wallpaper-10819-hd-wallpapers.jpg
 
Smoky said:
Thank you Captain, I can, or will… I have been having what seems like dopamine mental floods in the evening… where everything is surreal and unreal like… It might be post trauma related too, feeling rather bizarre, but moving through it.

You have been amazing and such a help to me on BL since the beginning. I really appreciate your words.
I love you too,
Smoky :)
Click to expand...

definitely might be trauma related. I get that way a lot of the time - and I'm sure it's trauma related for myself.

A lot of <3 to everyone, keep up the great work guys
 
Glad you had a goodday captian im sure theres many more of those kinda days to come

Mylove i hope its temperary cuz i eat all day but i try my best to not eat junkfood and i only drink water
If i didnt follow those rules i prob woulda gained 30 pounds last month
Besides that Im doin pretty well i dont have much else to share today goodnight ;)
 
It is pretty temp. I probably gained about 10lbs all together. The majority of it in the first 30jsh days. It's honestly what I needed to get to a healthy weight tho. And most people I know it's been about the same. Just eat when hungry hungry tho, and not bored hungry. That was prob for me to figure out which I was lol.
 
This is such a good point. I gained 15 lbs but I needed it, like in the first couple months. Now I have to be careful to not be an emotional eater, or eating to cope or when bored.
 
So! I've finally decided to officially, once and for all quit doing opiates. It's messin' up my life, and I have dreams in to fulfil.
I wanna travel! See the sights, not see myself get sick and just sit around all day.

This is my second real attempt at quitting!
My day of decision was March 12, 2015 so, Day 4 here I come!
I will try my best to stay positive.

Wish me luck! <3 :)

~Verri
 
Wish you lots of luck! You can do this. You never know how strong you are j til strong is your only option!! Have hope!
 
You got this Cap!! Keep fighting love. I'm sure you've been thru a hellava lot worse ❤️❤️ Just know you have all of us walkin with you. ✌️
 
My problem is im always hungry i smoke weed maybe a couple times a month but i feel like i have munchies all day
I like to workout but my job currently gives me no time for anything
I dont like this job mostly because of the hours and shitty pay
I am not sure of it but i think it is also helping me stay clean sincr even.if i get a craving during the day theres not much i.can do about it
Overall im doin pretty well i am off to work in a bit
Have a goodday evreyonr ;)
 
8 months no amphetimine! Absolutely no opiates this month either (chipping at it even just once a month was definitely slowing down my recovery). Feeling better about everything daily! There was a long hump of depression between now and last July but it finally feels like I'm on the downward slope of it.
 
Thanx so much guys your positive posts help me so much
I feel really good this morning
I had a really crazy dream last night like I've never had before
I was in a helicopter that almost crashed and I was so scared to die that when it crash landed and I survived I started crying cuz I was so happy to be alive
I used to be belive that if I died in a way like that I wouldn't mind
To be honest I'm tearing just writing this I dunno why
That dream really woke me up I'm so glad I had it I really feel like I will cherish life a lot more after that dream
It was so real it was great
I'm off to work hope everyone has a wonderful day ;)
 
Hey guys so i just got back from work and i flipped out at my boss
I dont think i lost my job cuz i have.one.of his cars at my house
I just couldnt take it anymore.they are really abusing there power
When.i went for.my interview they said the hours were 10 to 6 and sometimes theres no work and.you stay home and sometimes there alot of work and you get home later
So this was my schedule this week
Sunday 10 to 9
Monday 10 to 12 14 fucking hours
Tuesday 8 to 11 15 hours
Today 10 to 10
Basically.hes a fucking liar and we agreed on a weekly salary not hourly so he abuses that
So today i finally lost it and said something thankgod thete.was another worker there to calm me down
Overall im fine tho i didnt feel like getting high.or anything so.im grateful for that
But i do need to find another.job im really not happy with this job
I honestly wanted.to get more clean time before i went looking for another job but i cant take another week with these people taking advantage of me
Its more that then the actual pay.i.care about
I like to belive that i am a fair person and i hate when people are not fair
Anyways thanks for letting me vent i needed to type it out
Goodnight evreyone ;)
 
Yeah that doesn't sound fair at all - that's a lot of hours. If you're being adequately compensated that's one thing, but if you're not it's bogus.

I have the opposite problem, I got promised a certain amount of hours and it's never what they said - sometimes it's 30 minutes less, other days its like two hours less. Which is irritating - I need those hours. I'm looking for something else.

I had a good day today though :) Had the day off & went and gave someone I care about alot a present, and he loved it. The look on his face and his smile was better than a million pounds of heroin.
 
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