I dont think ive had a drink for several weeks, perhaps its as long ago as since i finished off the wine and some of the beers i had leftover after Christmas. This hasnt been any sort of conscious decision or plan, i just dont really enjoy alcohol very much on its own. When i might once have drank if i was feeling stressed or uptight or something i now have benzos or kratom or light opis which hit the spot much better. But obviously the dependency risk is far higher and stopping these is far more difficult if you allow usage to become habitual as i have well and truly found out for myself.
Perhaps unusally for a drug addict I've never had a drink problem. Even when i was at Uni and would be out drinking every night for 11 weeks straight as soon as i was away from that environment for the holidays i didnt crave alcohol at all when back at my parents house. Come 5pm or 5.30 during term time though i definetedly did occasionally experience cravings or thirst specifically for beer.
In his brilliant memoirs on becoming an alcoholic; "John Barleycorn", Jack London stated that it took 20 years to "learn how to drink" (how to get the best effects, in which he talks about being 'lit up' with a tremendously powerful 'clarity of mind' amongst other effects resembling the effects of some very good drugs) and truly acquire the taste for and dependency on alcohol. Alcohol doesnt affect me that way atall, which is probably why i can very easily take it or leave it. Im not prepared to dedicate the next 20 years 'learning' how to get the best out of alcohol, so meanwhile the stash of Fosters i bought for Christmas sits gathering dust, it's more than likely that i wont touch it until we get some hot weather, which is often a cue for a nice cold beer.
Or, if and when i do quit benzos i may slip in some alcohol for a while to help 'steady the ship' if deemed 'necessary', but not enough or habitually enough to switch dependencies from benzos to alcohol. I know, I know, be careful not to replace one problem substance for another. My 27 years experience of drinking on and off, sometimes heavily and frequently gives me confidence that it will never be a problem for me. In some ways i wish that alcohol was more rewarding for me, then maybe it wouldnt have lead me down this other road which although ive not been too far down to think its completely hopeless to ever get off that road, its still not been easy to regain control once i lost it.
Do you drink coffee Evey? I think that could play a small but significant role in the cravings you regualry experience at 4pm. It could be the caffeine wearing off leaving you a bit frazzled and stressed or depressed and needing something to fill that void or to pick you up or however you want to phrase it.
Sorry to hear that you've returned to the bottle with a vengeance Sammy G. I hope it doesnt go on to become too habitual or for too long to become a problem.
