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July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather

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ANOTHER 24 DOWN yALL :)

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I'm still alive and sober. I miscounted before, I'm a bit over 10 months right now.

Sorry for not checking in. I was traveling around Asia for a few months. It was great. Didn't think about it nearly as much, and wasn't nearly as depressed. Too busy.

I'm back home now. Cravings are hitting me pretty hard. I forgot what this was like. I'm craving but I know a relapse is just going to be shitty, and my brain is tricking me. I KNOW this, and yet my brain still tries to trick me into thinking how much fun it would be to binge for a few days as that's what the upcoming circumstances would allow me to do. It's all bullshit. It will never be fun again. I would binge for those few days and then be unable to stop again. That isn't my life anymore.

I have so many good things going for me in my life and I need to remember I wouldn't have any of these things if I was still drinking. And yet the addict voice says, "Oh silly, you can just binge next week for a few days, there is zero harm because you'll just stop the week after when real life starts again. Think of how fun it would be"

C'mon addict brain, you gotta do better than that. That idea is definitely not a rational thought. Not only would it not be fun, I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd sit in my apartment, sort of but not really watching shitty tv and/or shitty movies while basically being passed out the whole time, basically being a brain dead slob. No euphoria. No joy. Those days are long gone, despite what my addict brain says. Just brain dead. Then the anxiety and self loathing would kick in in full force as I sobered up, just leading me to drink more to make it all go away. Doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.
 
Not a good day. At all. It's really early and... Fuck. But, I think I know how to burn alive in front of people. So, I'm pretty sure I won't use. Right? Fuck.
Good luck everyone.
 
GenericName12 said:
I'm still alive and sober. I miscounted before, I'm a bit over 10 months right now.

Sorry for not checking in. I was traveling around Asia for a few months. It was great. Didn't think about it nearly as much, and wasn't nearly as depressed. Too busy.

I'm back home now. Cravings are hitting me pretty hard. I forgot what this was like. I'm craving but I know a relapse is just going to be shitty, and my brain is tricking me. I KNOW this, and yet my brain still tries to trick me into thinking how much fun it would be to binge for a few days as that's what the upcoming circumstances would allow me to do. It's all bullshit. It will never be fun again. I would binge for those few days and then be unable to stop again. That isn't my life anymore.

I have so many good things going for me in my life and I need to remember I wouldn't have any of these things if I was still drinking. And yet the addict voice says, "Oh silly, you can just binge next week for a few days, there is zero harm because you'll just stop the week after when real life starts again. Think of how fun it would be"

C'mon addict brain, you gotta do better than that. That idea is definitely not a rational thought. Not only would it not be fun, I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd sit in my apartment, sort of but not really watching shitty tv and/or shitty movies while basically being passed out the whole time, basically being a brain dead slob. No euphoria. No joy. Those days are long gone, despite what my addict brain says. Just brain dead. Then the anxiety and self loathing would kick in in full force as I sobered up, just leading me to drink more to make it all go away. Doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.
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What's up!? I was just thinking about you yesterday, and voila, out of the blue. Asia, huh? I haven't been in Asia since the turn of the century, but I'd spent a good 8 years there beforehand. I miss it! What parts?
 
I know. That is why I didn't ask how u were doing. Have u tried Vitamin D supplements and getting enough sun? My doc kept pushing it and I ignored him. Initially when I quit I had some bouts of severe depression and fatigue and this cured it entirely. I was severely deficient. Many people are.
 
thats interesting - I might look into the vitamin D thing.


Still sober. I think monday I'm going to ask my counselor to speed up my taper - either one every 3 days or one every 2. I'm ready to get this over with... ready to be off methadone and starting to get better - I mean I know I'm setting better now, but it feels like the pace is glacial. I honestly feel like every day when I dose I set back my progress, but I know that I don't want to do cold turkey. Had a few cravings today. I was just thinking about how I miss feeling good, I deserve to feel good, and how maybe if I just got a few vicodin I could take one once in a while, just for a little break.... but I decided not to. I'm just going to try to be strong and fight through this and believe that I will feel better soon. I do notice that I'm having little moments of feeling ok, so I think some progress is being made.
 
I wish you the best of luck Blue Saffron, you're doing great <3

I have 205 days off Suboxone today.
 
Thanks CH, you're not doing too shabby yourself :)

eta: one thing I need to do is stop using feeling sick as an excuse. I'm not super dopesick, I just dont feel GOOD... but I've been using it as an excuse not to do things, like - I don't want to call my Mom, I don't feel good, or I don't want to go out with my friend, I don't want to sort through my clothes, I don't want to do this, that, ect, cos I don't feel good. Thing is tho, I aint gonna feel good for a while, mane. Probably at least another month, or two. So if I keep not doing things cos I'm waiting til I feel better I'm going to end up just sitting here being even more depressed, and getting nothing done.. So I guess I need to woman up and just do stuff regardless of how I feel.

Maybe if I make my life so good that I can enjoy it even while sick, once I get well I"ll be super happy. Makes sense, right? :)
 
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You have to go through hell to get to heaven.

Just know you'll get to feel much better down the road <3
 
Hey guys!

I went around southeast Asia. Thailand, Indonesia, Cambodia, Malaysia. It was pretty cool. Glad to have had that opportunity. Wouldn't have been able to do that in active addiction!

Also bluesaffron, that's the vicious cycle of depression you clearly are aware of. Gotta force your way out. You can do it! Some of your sickness might be a physical manifestation of depression.. Who knows? I know I sure as hell feel physically shitty when I'm depressed.

You deserve to feel good as you say. But vicodin won't make you feel good that's just the addict brain tricking you. You will feel good when you are clean and healthy! When the good things and the long term rewards of your sobriety start to happen, you will feel good then! As addicts we thrive on short term rewards and when things don't immediately happen (feeling good being clean) we think they will never happen.. But they will!
 
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I'm also sober and have almost 2 years. Good luck, and congrats everyone.

For those of you in the United States have a safe and happy Independence day.
 
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BlueSaffron said:
You can do it Papaverium :)
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Thanks ^^ I feel more determined this time, and more prepared...

I felt pretty shitty and sweaty waking up this morning but that's expected as always lol.
Looking forward to feeling better, and actually having money in my bank account to do the things I once loved before opiates took my interests away from me...... or more like borrowed, cause I'm gettin' them back ;D
No matter what.

Cheers to everyone keepin' it up, and everyone who is about to make the decision.
It's a tough one but the end result is way more worthy than just making a quick chemical escape.
Though it may seem so far in the distance... just remember:

There is no failing, only falling. Just get back up and keep on walking :) <3

~Verri
 
57 days sober today through N.A, Therapy, Meditation, Prayer, Conscious Contact with my HP, Exercise and chocolate... lots and lots of chocolate. :D

Happy 4th everyone, I am not really into nation states/borders, but I do believe its important to celebrate our history and the diverse place that is the United States.
 
Why not?!

Hello, new to this area of the site... trying to get off opiates to better my life and not lose the LOVE of my life, the real human one not heroin, cause she is up there!

I had a couple days clean using loperamide (seriously works motherfucking WONDERS!) but my dope dealer who I thought got popped actually just got a new number so when he rang I was like BZING but I regret buying it since he ripped me off (charged point per point) it's shit dope, and I want to be clean!!! I want my life back, I want my girlfriend back... I saw her the other day and we hugged and I rested my cheek against hers and it felt so beautiful... beyond anything dope could do that's for sure!

So I'm at negative amount of clean time, but I don't know how versed in AVRT some of you are but it is another addiction recovery program that is more for antisocial and/or stronger willed individuals.... in the AVRT program they claim (poorly paraphrased): Why would one measure clean time unless they were measuring between highs/drinks? Since you want to be clean FOREVER you don't need a record of how long it's been since you last used. They go on to describe why AA and NA and support groups are actually detrimental things sometimes/
 
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ksralyv2mch said:
Hello, new to this area of the site... trying to get off opiates to better my life and not lose the LOVE of my life, the real human one not heroin, cause she is up there!

I had a couple days clean using loperamide (seriously works motherfucking WONDERS!) but my dope dealer who I thought got popped actually just got a new number so when he rang I was like BZING but I regret buying it since he ripped me off (charged point per point) it's shit dope, and I want to be clean!!! I want my life back, I want my girlfriend back... I saw her the other day and we hugged and I rested my cheek against hers and it felt so beautiful... beyond anything dope could do that's for sure!

So I'm at negative amount of clean time, but I don't know how versed in AVRT some of you are but it is another addiction recovery program that is more for antisocial and/or stronger willed individuals.... in the AVRT program they claim (poorly paraphrased): Why would one measure clean time unless they were measuring between highs/drinks? Since you want to be clean FOREVER you don't need a record of how long it's been since you last used. They go on to describe why AA and NA and support groups are actually detrimental things sometimes/
Click to expand...

AVRT is better known as "Rational Recovery" http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=36 , it has a lot of good concepts and I find myself practicing many of its concepts (I got most of them via therapy). That whole thing about day counting doesn't make a ton of sense to me. I guess I can understand where they are coming from with that statement, but I have never heard anyone in N.A. suggest day counting was measuring between using. Its more of a goal and a way to share experience and celebrate recovery. Both NA and AA (I don't do AA at all personally) emphasize that the newcomer is the most important person at a meeting. One of the bravest acts IMO is a person taking a white key tag. I cannot stand it when adherents of any program (12 step or non 12 step) attack other ones. Doesn't make much sense.

When it comes to any program I take what I need and leave the rest. I do NA, therapy, exercise, try to eat healthy, take an anti depressant and a sleeping prescription (non-benzo) etc etc etc... What I don't do no matter what is use. I hope I continue to do that.

As for you being at a negative amount of clean time, I don't think you are personally. Seems like you have decided to do something about your problem, seems like you have motivation and you had a few days of not using dope! Build on that and don't look back. Keep posting here or other places for some accountability. If I can do it, so can you!
 
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