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trying to get sober. three days clean and i think im dying...

G

GettingClean

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2014
Messages
108
Hello all. I'm a total newcomer.... been reading for a few hours after desperately searching the web for some sort of support. If this isnt the right or best place to post feel free to move this. Also I apologize in advance if this is way long and will try to Keep it short and sweet! I have been addicted to tramadol off and on for probably the better part of three or four years. I actually cant actually remember how I first came across it but I sure wish I never had. I have tried to get clean a few times but it never stuck. This last time I am determined. I have to do this because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of planning to spend at least half my paycheck on pills. I'm sick of getting them. I'm sick of my dealer...what a douche!! I'm just done. I was taking a ton...like 10 pills three times a day. Somehow I never had a seizure but I'm not sure how. I took my last dose Sunday. Since then I've taken one 50mg pill each morning because I feel like death when I wake up. It helps a little but not much. The withdrawal symptoms are hell. Literally. Anxiety, diarrhea, fatigue, these crazy weird sensation I can only describe as brain zaps, dizziness, pain EVERYWHERE and the absolutely worst symptom of them all restless fucking leg syndrome. That shit is like some sort of medieval torture. OMG.... does anyone have any idea how long this will last or have any ideas for anything I can do to help make these things less severe? I've been off work due to a non related injury so I've been able to rest a little, but tomorrow I have to go back and I'm freaking out. I feel horrible tonight and don't know how I'm going to actually function tomorrow. I work a very high stress fast passed job and I'm not sure I can do it sober. I am just really scared I'm never going to bounce back from this. That I'm never going to be able to maintain this life I've built over the past few years without the pills. You see my story is sort of different than a lot of addicts in that I'm extremely functional. Which is both a blessing and a curse. No one in my life knows except a few close friends I told in the last few days. I'm just scared and miserable right now and kinda want to just die.
 
^Hi Gettingclean, welcome to Bluelight. First off, I am happy to hear that you are doing your best to stay clean. Withdrawal is a nightmare but after you get passed this, you would look back and say hey I made it and I'm glad I made it!.

OP, are you going to be willing to speak to a doctor regarding your withdrawal symptoms? The best way to get off drugs is to slowly taper off. If you cannot really bare the symptoms it is best to go to a gp and discuss this and see if there are meds that will be right for your recovery.

I also experienced some of these symptoms but this is not because of withdrawal but another drug. I recovered but it takes time. You just have to be patient and be strong.
 
Hi thank you for the reply so quickly! I have tried to taper more times than I'm willing to admit and I never stick with it. I know ct or close to ct is the only way this will work for me. Took a sleeping pill and thinking of heading up to bed.... but just the thought of sleeping gets the restless legs going...Ugh.....
 
Welcome to Bluelight again, GettingClean! :)

I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles with tramadol addiction. I was an opiate/opioid addict myself and suffered many of the same withdrawal symptoms so I can empathize with you. It really is hell, "like some sort of medieval torture", as you put it. The restless leg syndrome really puts into perspective why people refer to withdrawals as "kicking".

Unfortunately I don't really know of any way you're going to be able to get through this without taking some time off work. Do you have health insurance? You could take a medical leave of absence from work to go to rehab if possible, or at the very least a detox facility. Most half decent insurance policies should cover a few days at a detox facility. Addiction and alcoholism are defined as legitimate medical disorders which cause significant impairment, and I'm fairly certain it's illegal to fire someone for getting medical treatment(I could be totally wrong, someone please correct me but I recall being told this at rehab).

If that's not an option, I would try a very slow taper. You said you work in a very busy, fast paced environment - It's going to be incredibly difficult if not impossible to keep up if you're full on withdrawing and you may end up getting fired for your performance during this period. A very slow taper and/or taking some time off work to kick at home might be your best bet if you don't have insurance/can't afford a detox facility or rehab. As far as specifics go for tapering, I'm not totally sure to be honest the only time I've ever taken tramadol (ironically..) was when it was given to me at a detox facility in low doses to alleviate heroin withdrawal. I'd recommend posting in the Other Drugs(OD) Sub-Forum here for better tapering advice.

Keep us updated with what you decide on. It's going to be a tough road ahead but don't let that discourage you, because I promise continuing to let your addiction get more and more out of control with never be easier than getting clean. Withdrawing is going to suck really hard initially, but the rewards can be endless if you stick with it. The only thing guaranteed is that if you keep using your life will inevitably continue to get worse. I wish you the best of luck, if you have any more questions feel free to ask or even if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
 
Thanks for the reply: ) I wish I had the option of taking more time off but I simply don't. I barely slept at all last night because of the restless leg syndrome. Maybe 2 hours. I am going to pick up some loperamide on the way to work as I read a bit about that helping ease withdrawal. Anything I might be able to take for the rrestless legs? I'm sure I could get my hands on some Benzos...I've never had a problem with those. Or anything.... besides tramadol. I've been on hydrocodone for a pain condition for almost ten years and never had the inkling to misuse them. On a side note...I experienced a fleetinfo moment of pure true substance free happiness this morking and it brought tears to my eyes. Maybe there is hope after addiction?
 
That feeling of wanting to die will subside sooner than you think...the worst of it will last about 4 to 7 days until it starts to get a little better...i was taking anywhere from 20 to 40 percocet 10's a day for about 2 1/2 years because of a bike accident...of course i didnt start off taking that much but eventually i had to take that amount to dtay out of withdraw...when i gave it up i went through hell and i did it all alone which was what made it so horrible...advice...dont waste your money on those natural herbs you hear about because they don't work for severe withdraw...if you can taper yourself off do it that way i say that because cold turkey is dangerous and you dont wanna go into seizures....hot baths will help with the rls also have someone ready to rub your legs...a heating pad may work well for you too depending on what your body temp is at the time...there are also techniques they use in hypnosis to relax the body and those work wonders...if you have a smart phone there is a free sleep hypnosis app that teaches you how to releave the tension in your legs and body...one of them is to put your legs straight ball your toes and tighten your calf and thigh muscles all at the same time and hold like that for 15 seconds then release trust me works wonders for rls...as far as the lack of sleep i tried everything the only thing that worked for me was soma and xanax or even kpins benadryl might help you as well because of the dxm in it...do not take acetaminophen "tylenol pms will do you no good at all aside from making things worse...lots of gatorade...as far as making myself comfortable i made my room pitch black and cold since my blood felt like it was boiling and i had a box fan that made that awesome noise which helped me alot...as far as the depression went i was told to watch disney movies and play video games...it helped me some...stay away from alcohol, cocain, and adderral they will only make things worse for you...that should get you through the worst of it the rest is will power...if you have any questions let me know ive been where youre at several different times...good luck with everything
 
Also the rls is only bad when you're laying down....if your sitting on a couch or in a recliner trying to sleep you'll notice a huge difference and you're legs won't be absolutely insane...one more thing a body pillow will be your best friend
 
Keep your head up! I know how hard it is and i myself am tapering off of loperamide (yes you can get physically dependent on loperamide. If taken at large doses for long periods) and i agree that the RLS is the absolute worst symptom. For that i got prescribed ropinirole. Its hard to say how well its working but i tried to quit lope cold turkey and was having full blown methadone-like withdrawals.. I stocked up on lope and am lowering my dose by 10mg every 36 hours.. So it should be bearable at that point, cuz stopping abruptly was just too too damn excruciating..
Anyway i feel for you, and i hope thay you beat this monkey once and for all. Just keep moving to avoid the RLS, even if youre completely exhausted. You will reach a point where youll be so tired that your legs will give up and youll find yourself able to get some sleep..

Give me an update on how things go!! I wish you the best of luck
 
Thanks guys for all the replies! somehow I made it through work.. I think the only way was the entire bottle of lope loperamide I drank. Idk if it made the withdrawal any easier but it helped not shitting my pants every time I sneeze, which I also can't stop doing. Reading all the responses has helped so much. I have to say...at this very moment in time I can say being sober doesn't suck as hard as I thought. If you wouldve asked me an hour ago I probably would've given you a completely different response. Although the physical withdrawl historically hasn't been my down fall. It's the paws and thinking once I'm sober I can maybe use recreationally. Or making excuses like just this once to catch up on housework or to complete this project etc. I'm scared of that...
 
RLS is the worst shit ever! It would break me every time. I didn't know you could really get addicted to tramadol like that but obviously you can. I never liked it, I tried it a couple one and had to take 20 pills at once to feel anything. Anyways...yes things will he better. I'm 31 days clean from opiates and is say around 1-2 weeks is when I actually started feeling much better other than depression and anxiety. I still have minor RLS, it's only in the morning when I wake up though. It's hard going CT but you'll be feelin better soon. Lot of ppl say the third day is the hardest and it gets better after that, that's how it was for me.

Good luck, you got this!
 
Well, 5 days clean and I feel like I'm on the downward slope of the physical wd. Some rls and not much sleep again. Just really feeling drained and crappy...especially my belly. But no worse than yesterday. Thanks for helping me through this guys it means a hell of a lot Not to feel alone. I am starting to have dreams of getting high though when I can sleep...which is what broke me last time. How do you guys deal with that??
 
Ugh....I really really really wanna throw in the towel and just get high. Fuck my life. I feel like shit and after I stop feeling like shit I got depression and paws to look forward to. How the hell am I even supposed to do this!!?
 
Well there was a reason you decided to quit.
Do you really want to prolong your addiction indefinitely?

Like everyone was saying, are you able to find some comfort meds?
Do you know anyone with chronic pain? If so, they may have the gabapentin. Any doctor will most likely prescribe you clonodine if you are honest with them and maybe a weeks worth of a benzo (loprazalam). Worst comes to worst, go get some loperamide for some instant relief but be careful not to take it too often and for too long.

Im not sure what the half life on tramadol is but I dont think its long acting. If that is the case, you are almost through the worst of it. If the PAWs really gets to you, consider going to get a SSRI/SNRI prescribed. Worked very well for me.

Im telling ya man, stick with it.
 
You're right. I've never gone to a Dr and been Frank with them. Where/how do I find one who isn't going to be an asshole about it?
 
That part is going to be hard. As much as it sucks, your best bet may be to go cold turkey and just quit everything.. Man up and face the withdrawal and then be done with it once and for all! Hang in there man! Please! Remind yourself that this is only temporary, dont give up on something youve worked so hard for!
 
Thanks for all the support guys: ) just wanted to update and say I have a week clean off tramadol as of yesterday : ) I think I'm past the worst part of the physical withdrawal... though Ill admit Ive been using some comfort meds to get through it so I guess I can't claim to be totally clean. I've finally been able to sleep though I'm still shitting my guts out and all loperamide does is give me excruciating cramps. Also I have these terrible weird brain zaps that come and go randomly. but other than that I'm feeling OK. I really seem to run out of steam about halfway through the day which is my biggest issue right now. The paws has me scared shitless.... I'm really really worried about blowing this. This is the most "clean time" I've had under my belt in a few years....
 
GettingClean said:
Thanks for all the support guys: ) just wanted to update and say I have a week clean off tramadol as of yesterday : ) I think I'm past the worst part of the physical withdrawal... though Ill admit Ive been using some comfort meds to get through it so I guess I can't claim to be totally clean. I've finally been able to sleep though I'm still shitting my guts out and all loperamide does is give me excruciating cramps. Also I have these terrible weird brain zaps that come and go randomly. but other than that I'm feeling OK. I really seem to run out of steam about halfway through the day which is my biggest issue right now. The paws has me scared shitless.... I'm really really worried about blowing this. This is the most "clean time" I've had under my belt in a few years....
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Gettingclean,

I know it's been a little time. How are things going? I'm interested to hear if you still have time under your belt. Hope all is well and you are finding happiness and freedom
 
People often won't try quitting because it seems too hard to face withdrawal effects. When you stop using, it upsets your brain and body but you have to face it. Don't worry, It will pass.
 
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