My first experience was awesome. The next 5 years were not. I went from living a life of luxury, good job, good future, never arrested to having none of those things. I'm lucky I've only spent a couple of nights in jail but these things do not look good to an employer in the future. To those who think the life of a junkie is fun or glorious or who want that badge that you're "hard", you'll find out quickly that the life isn't any of those things. And remember, there's only 2 possible outcomes to long-term H use, you quit or you die. That's it. And yes, there is the .0001% who lives to middle/old age because of Narcan and smart decision making, but you won't make it long. Stats say 15-20 years (alarming as heck to begin with), I say that's BS, I see kids starting use in their late teens and they seem to die before 25. Is that what you want? To have your loved one's crying at your funeral?
I'll give you a quick story. 6 potheads in 2008. Smoking pot, messing with a couple of other drugs. Whatever just dumb teenage stuff. A badfish comes along and gets them a great source for Vicodin. Vike isn't enough so they progress to Oxy. They're sniffing them, but eventually they start smoking them. After their lungs turn to shit, they start banging them. DEA/Feds crack down on Oxy. They lose their source. The badfish comes up with another great idea, dope is way way cheaper than street Oxy, we'll be saving money and getting higher! This is the BIGGEST MYTH in the game. You will spend every goddamn cent you have on this junk. Anyway, they start smoking the dope, then they start sniffing the dope. Then they start banging the dope. And once you've gone there, you don't come back. 6 potheads in 2008, all of whom graduated from high school, all of whom graduated from university, by 2012, a mere 4 years later, were active heroin addicts living on the street, doing unimaginable things. 2012 was not a good year. Of the 6, 2 didn't make it out of that year alive. Both OD's. The remaining 4 decided to get clean as of January 1, 2013. By February 1, there was 1 who was still clean, that was me. The remaining 3 went back to the needle. 1 didn't make it past his first relapse, he passed in late January. We don't know the date because he laid there dead for a while. YOU DIE ALONE AS A DOPE ADDICT. There is no blaze of glory where you write some fancy suicide note and quote Dylan lyrics like Kurt, nah, you just die and lie in your poop until someone smells you. Of the 2 active addicts left, 1 contracted HIV and finally got clean in 2015. 1 is still out there.
And where does that leave me? I put together 1014 days. 1/1/2013-October 12, 2015. I built a life for myself. I got engaged. I didn't have one measly sip of alcohol, one hit of a bong, one crumb of coke not 1 bag of dope. And you know what? It gets better and easier everyday, but let's not pretend it goes away. It's the ex-girlfriend who won't leave you alone, she occupies space in your mind permanently. You WILL have traumas. You WILL have survivor's guilt. You WILL have an irresistible urge to use dope despite these things. The lucky and smart ones never give in. I'm not one of those. On October 12, I found myself in possession of some Oxy's from my fiance's surgery. I stared at the goddamn bottle for what seemed like an eternity. And I took one. Just 1 30mg. What was the harm? It came back with a vengeance.
The dope had been waiting. It was a monster unleashed. And from Columbus Day to American Thanksgiving, it went from a small amount to a large amount. Quickly. It went from sniffing to banging. Quickly. It went from having a bank account with a nice sum to overdraft. Quickly. That's the power of this junk. Its stronger than willpower. Its stronger than love for fucks sake. I didn't ruin my life in this relapse, I'm trying to pick up the pieces. But jeez, if you read this story and wanna use dope, you'd have to be insane. Don't use dope. There's nothing sexy, fun or rebellious about it. It fucks your future, it rapes your present. It is a wrecking ball in a bag, it will ruin everything. And like a sick stalker, it will follow you, even when you've ran far away from it, lurking in the back of your mind, waiting for a weak moment. Don't do it. Not worth it. There's a lot of other drugs that won't ruin your life in this way. Don't do it.
