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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Ativan Hell

D

Daddy's Girl

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 18, 2013
Messages
10
Hey y'all. I'm a 34 yr old female that has been fighting the war to get off benzos for 3 yrs now after experiencing interdose withdrawals and reaching tolerance several yrs before and never knew what it was, just knew I didn't feel good. I've been to 2 detox centers. My last one was a month long stay where they cold turkeyed me off of 10mgs of Ativan. That was last Feb. I got back on 5mgs of Ativan as soon as I walked out of detox because I could not handle the mental withdrawal symptoms. I am currently seeing an addictionologist and can't seem to budge from the 5 mgs due to mental withdrawals being so bad. I have SEVERE depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, fear, confusion, depression, dizziness. I have been thru manic phases but what gets me the most is the dp/dr. It's 24/7. I don't get a break unless I'm sleep, which I rarely do. I have NO SENSE OF REALITY WHATSOEVER WITH MYSELF OR MY SURROUNDINGS. I am always confused/cog fog. Can't remember ANYTHING. AND ALL OF THESE SXS ARE CONSTANT. I NEVER GET A WINDOW OR FEEL NORMAL. IM AT A TOTAL LOSS HERE AND ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED. THANK YOU.
 
I understand now. It's been moved to a different forum. But I'm not sober, I'm still on it and goin thru mental withdrawal hell.

Does anyone get on this site?
 
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you have to give it allot longer time than that.. buck up girl if you want to kick.
 
be more specific with what kind of help youre after and people are more likely to help.
 
Thk u for ur reply tentram. I guess I'm looking to see if anyone here has had severe and constant dp/dr like I do as this is my most bothersome symptom and causes alot of anxiety. I've had this since going through my first cold turkey detox in 2010. It wasn't quite as bad then as it is now.

I'm sorry neversickanymore, what do you mean?
 
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hes referencing your struggle to get past the post acute withdrawal stage, which as you know can be a long time. it seemed a little flippant to me.

i really dont have any advice sorry as i havent really gone through what you speak of.
 
OK, you need to google the Ashton Manual and follow the instructions you find there. It may be that you just need to take a benzo indefinitely but lorazepam isn't really a good benzo for maintenance therapy. Get yourself a longer acting benzo like clonazepam or diazepam and that nasty interdose withdrawal should cease.
 
Truth: You are going to have to stop, one way or another, you're going to have to go through benzo withdrawal, simple as that. From what I read I think you've been through it before, so you know what you're going to have to deal with. There's not much you can really do other than making it as comfortable as possible. Try tapering, but it seems like you think you can't. Could you make a tapering plan, throw out everything else, and stick to it?

You will feel so much better when you quit. When your withdrawal symptoms start to dissipate you'll remember how awesome it is to go back to reality. I was on heavy duty benzos for 5 years and I don't miss them at all.
 
If you can't get below 5mg of lorazepam then you need to be on another medication along with it. Most people find it relatively easy to lower their dosage when it's that high, and it's only when you get below 1-2mg that it becomes more difficult. I don't think that a benzo should be the only defense against dr/dp especially when even at high doses it's not fully working.

I suffer from depersonalization and detoxed off of benzos two months ago after taking them daily for 8 years. The only things that help are keeping busy, exercising, and not letting myself dwell on negative thoughts, particularly those about not feeling in touch with reality. In a way I think that depersonalization is my minds natural defense mechanism for dealing with a shitty reality.
 
Even keeping myself busy doesn't take my mind off of it anymore. My pdoc gave me a rx for Lamictal Tues to help w the DP/DR. Haven't started it yet.

BennyZA what were u taking and how often? Seems like the long I stay on Ativan, the worse I'm gettn. My pdoc will go along with the Ashton Method I'm jus scared w the DP/DR being so bad already.

DexyDevil, can I jus switch benzos like tht and still use the Ashton method to taper? I've done the Ashton Method b4 but my mental withdrawals were nowhere near what they are now.
 
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Daddy's Girl said:
I'm sorry neversickanymore, what do you mean?
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I was just saying that you are going to have to reach down and find some serious strength inside and use it to power through this.. You have that strength and are going to ber able to do this. I used lamictal for a stretch when I detoxed from 150mgpd methadone, 26o mgpd oxy, and 6 mgpd xanax and thought it helped a good deal with the severity and length of the PAWS.. not sure it did much for the acutes though. I'm sorry you find yourself in this spot but you have the strenght to get out and you will.
 
i've only ever been slightly addicted to benzos (to where i was trembling minorly, didn't feel like i was in seizure territory) and even that was hell because of the anxiety. best of luck.
 
Daddy's Girl said:
DexyDevil, can I jus switch benzos like tht and still use the Ashton method to taper? I've done the Ashton Method b4 but my mental withdrawals were nowhere near what they are now.
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You CAN just switch, but you might be more comfortable transitioning a bit more gradually. The Ashton Manual will show you how to do this.
 
Thx y'all. I would like to try the Lamictal but my insurance dsnt cover it so I'm going to have to get the generic. The DP/DR is almost unbearable. And I still have 5 more mgs of Ativan to come off of. I'm goin to try the Ashton method again to taper but I'd like to be more mentally stable before I do my first cut...
 
I'd say a super slow taper. Shoot for .25mg every month. Go to meetings. Get active in support systems.
 
I did the long valium taper, taking 1mg in the end. IMO its just a slow torture. I would switch to lyrica if you can, thats the best drug for benzo wd. I am back on benzos, almost daily, so you know. Clonazepam and diazepam are my benzos.

T
 
I have tasted benzo withdrawal and it's truly the worst feeling on earth. (That's coming from someone who's experienced every other kind of withdrawal except dissociatives and alcohol).

The only way is to tough it out until it passes. You can do cold turkey or a taper, but either way it's gonna suck. If you feel suicidal at any point, get help immediately. A stay in the psych ward or detox unit until the feelings ease up will make you feel like a new woman when you leave. (Or at least appreciate your freedom a bit more). Maybe there are some other non-benzo meds they can prescribe to help get you through the worst of it?

You obviously started taking Ativan for a reason, so you'll need to address that issue at some point. But detox comes first.

Best of luck to ya! Please don't let this passing feeling make you do something you can't take back. And it WILL pass.
 
Benzos are the worst drug I've had to quit. Just take it slow. Slow and steady. I spent a few months off benzos. Finally had to get back on a low dose. I have been taking them for years I think I'm going to indefinitely be taking a low dose for maintenence.
 
Lyrica or Lamictal Juststoppingby? I was originally on Ativan for dizziness because my dr said it was caused from anxiety. It actually worked for a while. Started out at 1.5 mgs a day and in 8 yrs, worked myself up to 10mgs and 6 nites a wk of drunken bar hopping. I quit drinking 2 yrs ago and kept taking the 10 mgs of Ativan because it quit working. But it no longer worked. I went to detox last Feb and reinstated at 5 mgs of Ativan and its bn mental HELL since. The derealization is unbearable. I can handle everything else. I could go up on my dose of Ativan but its not goin to do any good because its not working. But my DR would b much worse without it. I think the Ativan is actually having paradoxical effects. Idk what to do next???
 
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