Northern LIGHTS
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2013
- Messages
- 126
I am not sure how many times I have rolled (so quite a few) and until my comedown I was unaware of the consequences. I first tried it back in October-November 2011, during my first acid trip as well. i was on 2 points and 3-4 doses of LSD. after that, i would use around once-twice a month whenever a show would come in town. I would use around 1 to 3 points per roll on average, though there were times when i went overboard. one day around February of last year i took about a gram (give or take maybe a point or 2) over the course of one night. on top of that, i did a gram of blow, drank 5-10 shots of whiskey, and smoked a good amount of weed as well. 2 weeks later i rolled again and took 3 pills which kept me wired and awake for 3 days (probably a bit of meth in them) and they were pretty large. they were capsules which had i believe around .2 of powder each.
then around april, i took 1 or 2 pills of some 80% at a festival, and then followed it up the next day with another 2 points. on top of that, i did a gram of blow, some research chemical, a bunch of weed, dmt, 5 hits of acid, drank a shit ton, smoked synthetic weed, all over the course of those 2 days. theres probably some others in there but all i know is that i was in the double digits of substances used.
the summertime came and i rolled quite a bit. did it about 2 to 3 times a month, and often mixed. one time i took 2 pills that were dirty as fuck, and they planted me outside for the entire duration of the show. there was another time where i sampled about half a gram with a friend off probably the best molly i had in my life, along with a gram and a half of blow. rolled on 3 points the following week at a show, 2 at a party 2 weeks after that, and then 2 more at another party after that, and so on.
then there was one time really drunk in early September 2012 where me and some friends decided to take 2 points each, then me and my friends decided to do 2 more points the following night after we took a bunch of "acid"... i was on 5 hits, my friends were on 2 and 3 respectively. turns out it wasn't acid at all, but some 3-day-trip on a blotter type shit. following that i only rolled two more times, as the anxiety and depression set in. i rolled once 2 weeks later on 2.5 pills, then not again till November 6th or 7th. that was my very last roll and i only took one point that night, as i was becoming aware of the fact that drugs started causing anxiety rather than euphoria.
so... basically i have rolled more times than i can remember, as well as tripped the same amount, done blow for a while, drank a lot, smoked, took research chemicals, unclean ecstasy pills, and what have ya. all in the course of a year and a half. before anyone gives input on how stupid i am for doing that, i really didn't have anyone tell me anything about the long term affects as all of my friends were also in their experimental stages. i unfortunately, took it wayyy too fast and heavy, and cannot come near the stuff again. any of it.
its been 6 months, and i feel almost back to normal. i still have an occasional beer, still smoke an occasional joint and cig, and had one single coke stint back in march where i was drunk and sampled 2 small lines. as a result of cleaning up, im about 85-90% there. anxiety is very rare, but I've always been an anxious person. as far as depression, getting involved in normal life activities rather than drug binges has made me generally happier and more accepting of myself. now you know that i was much more foolish and stupid than you and am on a promising path toward complete recovery, maybe it can give you the reassurance that you will recover in due time. you just have to wait it out, and occupy yourself by being active, hanging out with friends, and avoiding risky behaviors. see a therapist or mental health counselor, as i did these things for quite a while. keep good relations with your family, as their support is unconditional vs. stupid friends who try to get you to do more drugs until you are back in the shithole. also, eat well and get proper nutrients, try to get a good nights sleep every night (i know its hard right now) and exercise. strenuous exercise could help you tire enough to fall asleep, while giving you the proper natural flow of endorphins into your brain, speeding up the repair of your serotonin system. most importantly, DONT DWELL ON IT. dwelling on it and worrying about permanent damage (which is likely non-existent) will just create a psychological loop of depression and anxiety. by learning to ignore those feelings and just accept that your brain is in a state of recovery, it will make day to day life much easier.
then around april, i took 1 or 2 pills of some 80% at a festival, and then followed it up the next day with another 2 points. on top of that, i did a gram of blow, some research chemical, a bunch of weed, dmt, 5 hits of acid, drank a shit ton, smoked synthetic weed, all over the course of those 2 days. theres probably some others in there but all i know is that i was in the double digits of substances used.
the summertime came and i rolled quite a bit. did it about 2 to 3 times a month, and often mixed. one time i took 2 pills that were dirty as fuck, and they planted me outside for the entire duration of the show. there was another time where i sampled about half a gram with a friend off probably the best molly i had in my life, along with a gram and a half of blow. rolled on 3 points the following week at a show, 2 at a party 2 weeks after that, and then 2 more at another party after that, and so on.
then there was one time really drunk in early September 2012 where me and some friends decided to take 2 points each, then me and my friends decided to do 2 more points the following night after we took a bunch of "acid"... i was on 5 hits, my friends were on 2 and 3 respectively. turns out it wasn't acid at all, but some 3-day-trip on a blotter type shit. following that i only rolled two more times, as the anxiety and depression set in. i rolled once 2 weeks later on 2.5 pills, then not again till November 6th or 7th. that was my very last roll and i only took one point that night, as i was becoming aware of the fact that drugs started causing anxiety rather than euphoria.
so... basically i have rolled more times than i can remember, as well as tripped the same amount, done blow for a while, drank a lot, smoked, took research chemicals, unclean ecstasy pills, and what have ya. all in the course of a year and a half. before anyone gives input on how stupid i am for doing that, i really didn't have anyone tell me anything about the long term affects as all of my friends were also in their experimental stages. i unfortunately, took it wayyy too fast and heavy, and cannot come near the stuff again. any of it.
its been 6 months, and i feel almost back to normal. i still have an occasional beer, still smoke an occasional joint and cig, and had one single coke stint back in march where i was drunk and sampled 2 small lines. as a result of cleaning up, im about 85-90% there. anxiety is very rare, but I've always been an anxious person. as far as depression, getting involved in normal life activities rather than drug binges has made me generally happier and more accepting of myself. now you know that i was much more foolish and stupid than you and am on a promising path toward complete recovery, maybe it can give you the reassurance that you will recover in due time. you just have to wait it out, and occupy yourself by being active, hanging out with friends, and avoiding risky behaviors. see a therapist or mental health counselor, as i did these things for quite a while. keep good relations with your family, as their support is unconditional vs. stupid friends who try to get you to do more drugs until you are back in the shithole. also, eat well and get proper nutrients, try to get a good nights sleep every night (i know its hard right now) and exercise. strenuous exercise could help you tire enough to fall asleep, while giving you the proper natural flow of endorphins into your brain, speeding up the repair of your serotonin system. most importantly, DONT DWELL ON IT. dwelling on it and worrying about permanent damage (which is likely non-existent) will just create a psychological loop of depression and anxiety. by learning to ignore those feelings and just accept that your brain is in a state of recovery, it will make day to day life much easier.
What do you take the benzos for sleep or anti anxiety?