i experience the same thing as you and have lived a similar life.
was a musician at an early ag, still am, but left it behind for a few years because i started to go to university.
my troubles started at university itself.
i would be at home in my apartment and suddenly while i was studying i would start to hear faint voices talking about the book i was reading, about what i thought, and then when i started to think so much about it that i thought "oh shit, they're going to be able to know my bank card number, there they were saying it in an excited tone to one another "it's ****!!!!!!"
i would as well hear them when electronics were turned on, as if there was some kind of reverberation that came through the electronic pulses or something. I know i'm not schizophrenic though, and here's why.
People that are around me. ACTUAL people, that have BODIES and are IN MY LOCAL VICINITY, know what I am thinking.
Just the other day, I was studying in the library, and it was happening, I was ignoring it as I always do, which is fucking impossible because they talk to your inner mind, about your inner mind, and laugh at your inner mind as if there's a group of them standing around a tv looking at YOU and enjoying the fun they are getting out of having their opinions about you, saying things about you, getting their laughs, etc. But what happened in the library was this: and it's fucked.
I was reading this material that i have to study and I was having at the same time a spiritual revelation in my head. About what I wanted to do with my life, and I started to think about the student loan I am going to get in january. it's going to be somewhere in the range of 6 grand. Anyway, while I was thinking about the fact that I am getting 6 grand in january, a PERSON in a TABLE BEHIND ME, SAID THE WORD SIX. IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE 6 GRAND.
What's more, it seemed as if there was a group of people somewhere else in the library that could hear my thoughts and were just laughing at them like i said. It's like they just don't have the fucking balls to come up to my table i'm sitting and reading at and just fucking talk to me! I hate them.
I know a doctor would diagnose me with skizo. I know I'm not. I have had enough experiences with people in my actual life to KNOW that it's not just faint subconscious voices in my head. It's actual people in the same local environment as I am. wether they are walking down the street or in another room i can hear them i know from the SOUND of what I hear that it's real people. It happens when people walking down the street can hear my thoughts and I am in my apartment and theya re making comments about what I am thinking. I can't describe it fully but it's the most frustraating thing in the fucking world..
that and the fact that in order to get help i have to surrender to a medical system that doesnt fucking think for a second that North America is and has been undergoing psychological warefare for the past few decades. It's fucking true. I don't know what to do. There is some way for people, psychic or not, to read my mind, your mind, and many other peoples minds. I think it's because we are getting close to some sort of truth, or that we have done so many fucked up things in our past that some sort of justification has been made to a covert military operation of national security of some sort, to monitor us. I think it is on a scale far beyond what i can even imagine and My only hope is to one day get enough people to believe me that something is done . i don't thinkm that will ever happen so really the only thing I can do is educate myself, survive, and make art.
Don't kill yourself man. Keep up the struggle. These people want to get inside your head because you have something they don't have. And they want it. You are the special one. Not them.
Hello my name is George Jim Hernandez. I'm glad to see this post!! I!going thru the same thing unafraid. Facebook me please!! I believe I can help n answer all your question s!!
i experience the same thing as you and have lived a similar life.
was a musician at an early ag, still am, but left it behind for a few years because i started to go to university.
my troubles started at university itself.
i would be at home in my apartment and suddenly while i was studying i would start to hear faint voices talking about the book i was reading, about what i thought, and then when i started to think so much about it that i thought "oh shit, they're going to be able to know my bank card number, there they were saying it in an excited tone to one another "it's ****!!!!!!"
i would as well hear them when electronics were turned on, as if there was some kind of reverberation that came through the electronic pulses or something. I know i'm not schizophrenic though, and here's why.
People that are around me. ACTUAL people, that have BODIES and are IN MY LOCAL VICINITY, know what I am thinking.
Just the other day, I was studying in the library, and it was happening, I was ignoring it as I always do, which is fucking impossible because they talk to your inner mind, about your inner mind, and laugh at your inner mind as if there's a group of them standing around a tv looking at YOU and enjoying the fun they are getting out of having their opinions about you, saying things about you, getting their laughs, etc. But what happened in the library was this: and it's fucked.
I was reading this material that i have to study and I was having at the same time a spiritual revelation in my head. About what I wanted to do with my life, and I started to think about the student loan I am going to get in january. it's going to be somewhere in the range of 6 grand. Anyway, while I was thinking about the fact that I am getting 6 grand in january, a PERSON in a TABLE BEHIND ME, SAID THE WORD SIX. IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE 6 GRAND.
What's more, it seemed as if there was a group of people somewhere else in the library that could hear my thoughts and were just laughing at them like i said. It's like they just don't have the fucking balls to come up to my table i'm sitting and reading at and just fucking talk to me! I hate them.
I know a doctor would diagnose me with skizo. I know I'm not. I have had enough experiences with people in my actual life to KNOW that it's not just faint subconscious voices in my head. It's actual people in the same local environment as I am. wether they are walking down the street or in another room i can hear them i know from the SOUND of what I hear that it's real people. It happens when people walking down the street can hear my thoughts and I am in my apartment and theya re making comments about what I am thinking. I can't describe it fully but it's the most frustraating thing in the fucking world..
that and the fact that in order to get help i have to surrender to a medical system that doesnt fucking think for a second that North America is and has been undergoing psychological warefare for the past few decades. It's fucking true. I don't know what to do. There is some way for people, psychic or not, to read my mind, your mind, and many other peoples minds. I think it's because we are getting close to some sort of truth, or that we have done so many fucked up things in our past that some sort of justification has been made to a covert military operation of national security of some sort, to monitor us. I think it is on a scale far beyond what i can even imagine and My only hope is to one day get enough people to believe me that something is done . i don't thinkm that will ever happen so really the only thing I can do is educate myself, survive, and make art.
Don't kill yourself man. Keep up the struggle. These people want to get inside your head because you have something they don't have. And they want it. You are the special one. Not them.
i get paranoid around people i dont know so i understand that. ive been diagnosed as bipolar and depression but only take a low dose of buspar for anxiety when i feel i need it. i think using meth is not helping your situation. i understand how u say drugs make you feel normal, but drugs seem to be making your delusions worse,so i would recomend stopping drug use, especially meth as im sure staying up for days on end is not going to help.
sounds alot like scizoaffective. i know because i was diagnosed with it and have alot of the same symptoms as you except yours sound alot more debilitating. when im not on medication i can hear voices clear as day and talk to people/friends in my head. i also have shared dreams. when i am on medication most voices stop but i get a ringing in my ear whenever someone is trying to contact me telepathically. its a trade off especially because antipsychotics are very unhealthy medications. im currently tapering off of my medication due to being fired from 3 jobs because they make me too tired to get up in the mornings. good luck!
By the way, I feel spiritual tools is the best for this kind of thing.
Like, you can sing psalms in your head to drown it out and fill you with more spiritual energy. At the same time also hear a choir singing it for you (you can listen to choirs first). You just sing it again and again, almost like brainwashing, but it's just to replace those negative energies.
When you sing these psalms you shouldn't worry about what religion you identify with, just think of them as a means to make a connection with God and higher spiritual energies. You can also listen to uplifting and positive classical music.
If you want to bring in the heavy artillery you can also recite the Invocation of Solomon. Say it either out loud or within yourself. It's an invocation to the ranks of the angelic hierarchy and very powerful.
With time you will be feeling shivers up your spine as soon as you say the first line, you can feel all this high spiritual energy around you.
The Great Invocation
Powers of the Kingdom be under my left foot and in my right hand.
Glory and Eternity take me by the shoulders and guide me in the ways of victory.
Mercy and Justice be the balance and the splendour of my life.
Intelligence and Wisdom, give me the crown.
Spirits of Malkuth, lead me between the two pillars that make up the edifice of the temple.
Angels of Netzach and Hod, set me on the cubic stone of Yesod.
Oh Gedulael! O Geburael! O Tiphereth!
Binael, be my love.
Ruach Chokmael, be my light.
Be what you are and what you shall be, O Ketheriel!
Ishim, help me in the name of Shaddai!
Cherubim, be my strength in the name of Adonai!
B'nai Elohim, be my brothers in the name of the Son, and by the powers of Sabbaoth!
Elohim, fight for me in the name of the Tetragrammaton!
Malachim, protect me in the name of Iod Hei Vav Hei!
Seraphim, purify my love in the name of Eloah!
Chasmalim, enlighten me with the splendours of Elohim and the Shechinah!
Perhaps telepathy and ESP is real. I've certainly experienced some very strange "coincidences" and I've heard voices a few times, but I don't think this is a case for that. ESP or telepathy doesn't usually ruin peoples lives like you're describing. People hallucinate on meth and coming off meth, but I don't think it's that either.
Early twenties is the prime age for schizophrenia to strike. And you have a relative with schizophrenia, as well. You sound extremely intelligent and insightful and I love how open your mind is. Wow...you describing how you think is the scariest/most beautiful thing I've heard in a while!
"You" did not make your mom depressed. Maybe your Schizophrenia made your mom depressed, but definitely not you. You didn't do this to yourself.
You did not sell your soul to the devil. If we must talk religion...who says it was ever yours to sell? I guess to define the force that drives certain ppl to do evil, one must first define "evil". But anything and everything has probably caused someone at some point somewhere to do something bad.
People aren't in your head or watching you. They don't have that kind of power. They just don't. I totally understand why it's hard for you to trust that though, considering your brain is really going haywire. Don't listen to the voices. Don't matter if "they" get "mad" at you. With luck "they" might get so mad they fuck off!
And lastly, you say you give up on relationships when you couldn't get laid? A man that plays music can ALWAYS get laid! That is like...one of those rare, sure things in life! Lol Buy new guitar. Keep playing.
Have you looked into schizoaffective disorder, and/or past traumas? Do you feel like you are out of your body at all sometimes?
The thing is you are aware of what's happening and seem not to believe it all which might r/o schizophrenia. To just observe it happening to an extent, by the way you describe your reality.
Also, we all have an internal dialogue. This is normal. Usually when it takes place with people in our lives or past has to due with unresolved issues, and inability to open lines of communication with them. Fear of authority figures can tie into this.
You might be a type 5 as well. Have you ever taken an Ennegram questioner? I am a type 5. Infp, mind type verses body/heart with a wing of 4 artist type. You seem like this type, but I cannot be sure. These maps look at our past experiences, not just mere dsm diagnosies.
I've heard voices, but I know they are not real.
I hear things that are very far away like the hum of refrigerator and have heard sports type games playing on the radio when my space heater is on. Very odd stuff, I have much post trauma… so can be rather dissociated, this is when Im not in my body so much but my mind.
It happens and is okay unless it interferes with your life which it seems like might be happening to some degree.
I took Strattera which really helped me which the noises, but that's just me cos of my childhood Ritalin use and adhd sx… which make this stuff worse, ptsd sx worse that I have, that I work on. I do think my brain has been altered somewhat as well.
Anyway, just wanted to chime in.
Best,
Smoky
I need help for my step brother and I tried to message PMS but the inbox is too full. How do I talk to one of you on this posting? I have never posted in a blog before or forum
lots of good advice here,my brother has this he says there are various famous people in his head..patsy Cline etc...
i would think meth would amplify all the stuff in your head.you should probably seek a doc and anti psychotic drugs,depakote worked well for my brother.
Your story sounds really familiar to me. Please don't listen to people telling you to ditch the shrink. I know it's hard, but finding the right medication and being free from voices and paranoia and not being able to tell what's real is really worth the struggle.
It's been over a decade for me, and the first few years of that were a mess. I'm happy to talk via PM if you want to know more.
Good luck. There are people here who have been where you are, and we care.
i have schizophrenia too, but i dont hear voices. instead i think too much and am too introverted. its like im constantly thinking about something every second of the day from the time i wake up to the time i sleep. alcohol helps in reducing these racing thoughts and gets me in a relaxed frame of mind.
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and had and have a lot of your symptoms. I found that the medications I was put on didn't work as I wanted them to (remove the psychotic elements of thought). It's unfortunate, bothersome, and depressing. The most I've been able to do is try to manage the directions of my thoughts.
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and had and have a lot of your symptoms. I found that the medications I was put on didn't work as I wanted them to (remove the psychotic elements of thought). It's unfortunate, bothersome, and depressing. The most I've been able to do is try to manage the directions of my thoughts. I continue to look for the right medication and would suggest that as well.
(Not sure if this belongs in The Dark Side- due to the depressive and sarcastic nature of this rambling.)
Hello, I am a male in my early twenties. Have some experience with almost every drug, a variety of research chemicals, and suffered a handful of methamphetamine overdoses. Smoked cannabis for seven years with no problems. I'm sorry for the poor quality and limited vocabulary of this writing, I blame it on brain damage from all the meth I've done. I will try to explain a phenomena that my doctor calls "paranoid shizophrenia".
I'm hearing voices all day long, and has been doing so for several years. I also have a strong feeling of being watched, or that certain people has managed to "learn" my being and notice what I'm doing, thinking, seeing and so on. It is if my personal space is invaded and filled up with other peoples energies and influences, and that I have no place to "hide", neither physically in my own house or inside my own head.
This is very uncomfortable and I would like it to stop, since this is robbing me of my time, self insight and freedom to think and act. I hear these voices in different ways, "inside my head" like I used to hear my own internal dialogue, and also manifesting in noise from my refridgerator.
They usually comment on what I'm thinking and doing, talk about my past and sometimes try to control me. Some of them are friendly and motivating, others remind me of past failures in various ways, and some are even aggressive and seem like they know the workings of my inner drive. I recognize many of the voices as friends and close family, though when I ask them if this is true, they either say "so what?" or seem like they keep a secret.
First time I became acutely aware of this phenomenon was after a Cubensis trip that was hard to handle. Also the voices are hugely excaggerated when doing amphetamines/meth, a couple of times I've had full lenght conversations with people that were not physically present. What worries me is that they have told me things that I did not previously know, personal information and such, that when checking was 100% correct. Some people I've spoken to believe this kind of "telepathy" or so to be a known fact, something everyone knows about and lives with, and don't think much about. I've heard old hippies talk about this and calling it "the jungle telegraph", and trusting it as a primary form of communication.
So I wonder, to ask with complete honesty for a true answer, is being able to "hear people" or "speak in the mind" for real? And is it possible to feel/read others minds and actions from a distance? Personally I've never been able to know what other people is doing, though I've been an "outcast" and quite slow in social aspects all my life. It occurs to me that it is a weapon of power and control, and that I should have been more careful in estabilishing myself- in distracting me every day and telling me how to act and live, I'm taken out of the scene and pose no threat to anyone; maybe it's their favourite pasttime having cruel fun using "weak minded" people as me as puppets. On some occasions I've gotten threatening/angry messages when deciding to start something for myself. Some of them seem to be homosexual and try to lure me into becoming gay, this is not good since I know I am not homosexual. "Yeah just give up the last of your life, come to us and get fucked in the ass." Oh yeah I'd rather blow my head off.
I cannot play music, write, read or do anything without "permission" from "them", especially when writing or using personal energy it's like they hang over my shoulder and notice every slight action. If I reject doing like they say, or work against their "energy", they get mad at me. Reality is that my personal life and actions have nothing at all to do with other people, I never notice what they do and couldn't care less, unless they meet me personally and share it.
Struggling with depression/mania and psychosis since my early teens, I've had alot of problems following my own thoughts and deciding for myself what to do, making realistic hopes/plans and so on- asking for advice from other people was a great idea at first, but first of all I've not done as I've promised/as they said and I don't like doing like other people tell me to anyway.
As said, it bothers me very much and I would like it to stop. Constant commenting and "advice" is very bothersome and, well I've believed it all to be true for so long that it has become a habit. Even when going to the bathroom, it feels like people are watching me while I shit. It's "okay", but "okay" in the same way that destroying my life, self, future plans and thinking about suicide is "okay", it's better than absolute horror and sickness, but not something that makes me smile and care. It worries me that this condition will influence my life negatively if it doesn't go away, as I will get used living accordingly to these "voices/people/individuals" instead of doing my own good- from my own thoughts.
Just while writing this thread, I've heard alot of them talk to me. I've told my doctor about this, and he has recommended antipsychotics, which I have tried. I've done Seroquel in doses up to 750mg's, Leponex, Oxazepam and Zyprexa- though none of these take the voices away. Being very, very high on meth makes everything feel normal and silent until the "plateau effect" is reached, then it gets worse on the comedown and for about a month later.
It does make sense to me that since we "used to" live in tribes with no spoken language, and share alot of similarities with let's say cats and dogs (who notice you from far away, know you, and don't speak like us) , this phenomena is completely normal, and has just become very noticeable after all my tripping/studies and insights. We all are aware of feeling other people's "auras" or different personalities, maybe explained like different "flavours" or "feelings". Then it has become excaggerated trough amphetamine use, living alone and unoccupied (used to be lonely), and letting other people "own my mind". I'm a bit of an "attention whore" aswell. I'm not exactly dumb, I used to be a rather smart and insightful person in many different areas including nature, "the other side" and a dozen of areas linked to psychedelics. So I'm either gone mad and imagine all of this, or it is for real and I will have to live with this until I either manage to hide, block off the "signals" or just get used to it and live like a controllable piece of shit until I kill myself. Eventually I have considered some kind of psychic shock/terror to scare "them" away though I'm afraid I won't have much to give in a wartime situation. Asking it to stop has never worked.
Also I've "gained" olfactory hallucinations/another sense of smell- where I can smell other people, foods, the smell of speed, vomit and many other smells either by thinking about it/getting reminded of a situation or out of nowhere. This happened the first time after going crazy and doing two grams of crystal methamphetamine in week with no tolerance. It is very bothersome in particular because it keeps me from noticing the smells actually present in my surroundings, and also because I'm worried about it getting worse, i.e. smelling that my house is on fire or a very rancid smell that doesn't go away.
I've seen things, mostly on speed, like a blank page filling up with words, sentences, drawings, a person I knew thought highly of this and called it "the black book". I realize that knowledge is power, and what you don't know, you don't know- that being said it's logical that there exists a huge amount of phenomena, information and ways of being that I can't even imagine. I've become surprised several times when realizing / learning about new things. On MXE, mushrooms and usually every time I start smoking cannabis again, I get epiphanies and all these phenomena go back to being a completely normal part of life and sensing, and then I forget about it and it's "just the way it is".
It is dangerous for my mental health, and I believe that the day I go mad / start yelling out into nowhere / or let them take full control of me, they will cheer and be happy, even high from feeling the power of controlling/destroying me as a person. Hate and evil is abundant everywhere I look, and I respect the fact that almost everyone will feel happiness/contentment when other people are in pain/ watching their failures. Not feeling particularly or unrealistically paranoid, I am completely sure that several people want me sick/dead/locked up in mental office. Just have to ignore that I guess. But it is true! It makes more sense that people hate me than that people love me, considering my mindset and previous behaviour.
Yes, I lost almost all reason and ability to believe in myself after I seriously "f'ed up" the first time, ruining my career and talent as a musician, wasting all my inheritance- $10,000 on drugs, and spending extreme amounts of energy damaging myself/working against my own dreams and hopes for a reason I still can not find. A couple of weeks ago I lost some of my best friends, who supported me and to whom I had promised to stay clean, I was a month off meth and starting to find happiness again, health and good things were coming back to me. Then what did I do? Well I spent all my money on speed, took it all (three grams) in two days, did everything I knew was wrong, and even crushed my most beloved possession- my electric guitar that I had owned and loved for five years. When doing this act all the voices were saying "no, no, NO! Hey man, don't! Why?!" - tears were running from my face and after killing it, I've been emotionless, agitated and unable to listen to music. I regret this very much.
What is worth mentioning is that I've discussed this with a family member diagnosed shizophrenic, and I can hear his voice as well as the others. He believes this to be a natural phenomena, but it became a problem for him after people sent him negative energies/bullied him. Atleast that's what we like to believe.
I'm looking for a solution, (yes, I've tried a tinfoil hat but that just made me feel like standing on a stage). As said medication does not work. Considering some kind of higher help from a guru or old stoner, visualising chopping off the "telephone wires" that connect me to these individuals. When I get especially fed up and tired from this, I often ask of losing this ability for good/ complete removal of it.
It would not be a problem if I could control what I hear and say to them/ both what I decide to hear and most important how I react to it- the degree of value I give to it. I do not want to care. Though if these people are real, I would imagine them to expect some kind of reward after spending hundreds of hours talking to me and noticing me. I can answer them and have some kind of dialogue, though it very rarely develops outside of repetive, one-sentence messages. There is a system of letters and short words they use, like they all know about, that carries a connection to my social life, diffrent feelings, and so on. Almost all of them will demand that I react with emotion to them, halfway asking in a demaning way like "that was my way of being", "that was your *insert keyword here*". I'm also asked to be silent, often when I experience "silentness" which is very rare. The air feels full of noise, my livingroom feels full of people and happenings.
When outdoors and around a group of people, I will hear them comment on my life and personal being, clearly and loudly in their spoken voice. How they know about me I have no idea, and why they care to mention anything is also beyond me, maybe everyone knows everyone and I'm the silly person trying to ignore it.
I need to find a way to not attract attention / dampen my aura and psychical/mental Have to admit that I've gone a bit crazy by myself on speed binges, and may even have used other peoples "energy" in bad ways- maybe this is why they won't let me go. But done is done and there is no way to change the past.
Distracting myself and spending time "clotting my mind" with meaningless thought patterns makes me less concious and present, and therefore also dampens these voices and feelings. I'm in inner pain because of my meaningless/self destructive lifestyle and so I feel relief from being "out of it" and dreamy. It's bad since it makes it more difficult to maintain control over myself/my mind and what I think about.
(A chapter about how horrible my life is... I never seem to get tired of this)
Had I done things differently, I would maybe someday find peace with myself- be "proud" or atleast content with myself. Then having this kind of social network/capability would be very positive. Though I've been forced to give up most of my dreams and future plans and don't see myself with much honor. Now I see two paths- the worst is having all my problems in bigger magnitude, pain, sickness beyond imagination- the better and most realistic one is having to admit defeat and live for maybe fifty more years like a lobotomized, controllable and damaged no'one. What I think is the best solution is actually suicide, but I'm too weak to go trough with it. Will just have to shut up and wait for life to end by itself I guess. Not complaining but rather telling the truth, I have nothing at all to brag about, I've never given anything positive to anyone, and all the gifts and help I've got would be enough for a thousand lives. Spent alot of time trying to make people feel sorry for me, but it just goes straight to the devil who grows stronger and stronger. Yeah I actually believe that a long time ago, in my first major depressive episode during my early teens, I gave up on having a good life and swore to satan that I would never believe in "god", reject help and love and make life hell for myself, because I deserved it. Then I've forgotten about it though it continues every day in my subconciousness.
Apart from the fact that I'm more-or-less brain damaged, can't trust myself or have a relationship, no longer can play music (i composed, improvised and enjoyed music every day since I was just 3-4 years old), I'm reasonably healthy and still got alot ahead of me. Much of my experienced apathy and emotional numbness I know comes from my speed abuse, though it's love and hate since it takes the edge and amount of feelings away. A dreamy carelessness where every day goes by, possibilities and happenings go straight by me (or are rejected) has come to today, where I feel both on the edge of breaking down emotionally, completely angry and unsatisfied with myself, unable to give a reasonable explanation of my lifestyle/way of being. And also there is nothing more I would want then to repair what is repairable, and continue living in a positive way (this I am sure will be much more painful than just giving up - though not in the long run - i absolutely have to do something if I am to avoid mental collapse and total destruction of my life).
What is the force that makes certain people work against good? Is it "the devil" or some kind of anger/ seeking revenge on earlier losses/failures with good? No, it's just myself, probably trying to milk others for even more sympathy and help. But why give those possibilities and feelings to a negative mindset/side of myself? I do not know. I could until recently see a "way" or "path" that I could follow and repair myself with, now I'm too late and will have to fix things by myself.
First it was just small things - I was an excellent multi-instrumentalist from early age, skilled in many genres - but I thought of giving up because I thought I had practiced too little to become famous. Then I gave up on being famous, and studied in music school - but gave up on sex/relationships because I couldn't get laid in my teens. Every time I've "given up" or what to say, I've still had alot of positives left, and I still do, but now I'm almost completely empty and "broke" if you understand what I mean. I could exuse myself as a "recovering addict who recently saw God" though I've never been an addict, and that would be even more respectless when considering that I've never really struggled or been in a hard place in life. I do not really look forward to my future and with giving up/working against/not appreciating the help and recovery I had the last time (for the thousandth time) I only have myself to thank for my misery- and of course other people doesn't appreciate this at all. I will have to develop self-sarcasm and tolerate others looking down on me.
It "just has to be that way" - thinking about deserving something, good or bad I deserve having to work hard and give positive things back to everyone. I've been exceptionally lucky all my life and gotten out of serious trouble by godsend many times, I've rarely done anything to recieve gifts and possibilities. If I had just let things happen naturally and felt happy about it, everything would have worked out by itself. Hard to think about since it doesn't make sense at all. I think some of it is because I'm afraid of having to compete with others, to have someone being jealous at me. I guess it's also because everything has come to me so easily, recieved so much without giving anything or working for it. I've given my mother serious depression since her beloved son, who should be happy, loving and well just sits at home doing drugs, destroying his guitar, hating and complaining about being born. The punchline of all my wrong doings would have to be 1. wait until Jesus appears and miracles happen, win the lottery and then kill myself- or 2. Having to live with myself, straighten up, realizing my behaviour and past, and then go trough life always thinking back and regretting what I've done. Maybe karma/god/destiny is going to have its revenge on me, the lucky day I'm on the right path, I'll get cancer or die in a accident. Just waiting for it, the devil will laugh. Well I'm gonna eat a couple of oxazepams and go to bed soon.
Anyone got advice and/or experiences regarding this, I would be happy to read and discuss.
Hello. You sound like me and millions of others. Reaseach these...
Search for: targeted individuals, electronic torture, directed energy weapons, mind control, emf/rf sensitivity, chemtrails, through the wall technology, cell towers, fake base stations, etc
Ive been going through the exact same things. Maybe you are a test subject or possibly other reasons. Theres support groups and millions of others going through it. Its true. The fbi has been sued and lost. Two ppl in Belgium were murdered with cell towers. Other countries recognize emf/rf sensitivity as a disability. How many cell towers do you live near? Are you bombarded with emf's and rf's? Search for a schizophrenic test called "the hollow mask test". After researching and you believe u yourself to be a victim remember you are not alone. Repeat to yourself that you are free. Heres one site: stopbeamweapons.com
I hope you find peace and remember you are not alone.
I have had similar symptoms after being on Adderall for 3 months (40mg of XR and 20mg IR). All the symptoms sound familiar. Many antipsychotics would not work, finally found that 4mg of Risperdone for 2-3 months will make the voices go away. I will never take Adderall again.
I heard voices after my dad died. I wasn't on any drugs. The voices were horrible and demonic like. I was diagnosed with bipolar. I now take meds for it and insomnia and anxiety, no more voices though. I hate the meds because they make me flat emotionally and cause sex side effects (and make ecstasy useless) but I'll take it compared to hearing voices any day.
I must admit that I have never personally heard any voices or experienced any of the other phenomena that the OP listed and so perhaps my opinion is of no use to anyone here, but I believe this fairly unique take on these experiences might be of interest to the OP or perhaps anyone who might read this with similar experiences in the future. The video I speak of can be found on youtube under "Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head". I'd also like to mention that I focused my studies on abnormal psychology while in college and so believe to have more of an understanding of such symptoms and their possible causes than an average joe with no formal education on the matter.
The contents of the video are by no means scientifically proven to be accurate. However, I hope that this talk given by Eleanor Longden explaining her unique take on her experiences with hearing voices and how she has managed to cope with them will be of use to someone.
