I'm finding a way
to do without
these drugs
that make me feel this way
but my natural self,
filled with ups and downs
i need a constant,
a particular drug,
which produces a familiar effect
some stability
for a few hours
at least I can be sure
that i'll be fine...
that i'll be just fine
for a few hours at a time
a lifetime of stability
based externally,
from time to time,
i'll be fine.
I'm sure I'll be just fine
from time to time.
A great writer died today. I drank to his memory. And now I'm drunk and in a lamentable mood. I thought about writing something grand and worthy of his memory as tribute. But alas all I could come up with is this sub par micro tribute that is hardly grand or worthy. Rest in peace Mr. Hitchens your intellect will be sorely missed, and don't worry I shall not keep the faith.
Yesterday I saw that the grey river had risen to swallow the trunks of the massive pink trees lining the bank. In the scribble of bare branches etched into the thin grey sky huge paper maché stars had fallen from the night like broken piñatas.
A bigger explosion through pity in the dark
Watch out for the sunshine becoming in a flash
Some trigger reaction some strong sort of a smash
For when devastation reaches the twelve hours mark
A scattered veil. Webs within webs within webs. The habitat itself a guided visualisation. Flits of light, frondescence, jade. Blowing a bubble in which to sit.
Grief is an unraveling, first the clothes that you used to cover your nakedness, then the skin that held your bones, then the very bones themselves go arcing and wheeling away like a flock of sparrows; black alphabet of loss in an empty white sky.
Laid upon the bed a love unfathomed
With splendid eyes as rare as an eclipse.
Her silken hair - a beauty unravelled.
A ceaseless kiss from her tender red lips.
All I remember of last night's dream was filling out paperwork, as if, even here in the dreamworld, everything must be calculated, everything has a cost.
The needle comes a knockin and stabbin at my dreams. Euphoria seeks to release, to control the uncontrollable and make it bearable, to oblige me anyway shape or form. The dreaded awakening comes... am I done with it? Is it done with me?
Staring back into the setting sun, the light at the end of the tunnel through time, ready to walk ceaselessly into the night - leaving a new dawn, the waking sun, to the newborn, a growing son.