Herbavore
I have been feeling exactly the same. I've been saying to friends that I am stamping my foot like a child and refusing to accept it and I spent quite a long time yesterday shouting "NO!" in the kitchen, where I remember Dave most.. just threw a pillow at the wall too. I know it is so pointless, throwing a temper tantrum and demanding that the Universe returns Dave to me, but I can't do anything else right now. And I don't think you can either
This is just part of the process, a horrible, frustrating, ridiculously painful and I am sure completely essential part.
People have told me I am doing well too. I almost took it as an insult, as if they were saying I didn't love Dave much and am fine now he is gone. I am so far from fine it isn't funny but I turn it all inwards, mostly.. I'm so scared too, herb, and angry, and distanced from everyone and everything by a wall of glass. I've been here for a few days now but this evening I finally managed to eat and start talking to people again, and it's eased a little, although I know it is still there waiting for me.
It just doesn't make sense, does it? Not even slightly, I can't comprehend it and I don't want to. And it's not fair!! I know that is meaningless really, the concept is flawed, if there was fairness in the world then wars and famine and tragedy like ours wouldn't happen.. but I just want to slap someone for being so cruel and taking Dave away from me. You're right, the rational mind plays no part in this, hah.. I think we need to be kids throwing a tantrum for a bit herbavore. It's allowed. And just because you've been carrying on wonderfully, doesn't mean you can't take a break now. It's okay to not be okay
This place we are in is so horribly uncomfortable because, as you say, what we want we can't have. Everything else is painful, and feels wrong and just doesn't fit. I think all we can do is just keep going, and trust that this phase will pass, and know that there will be times when we feel comfort again..
It is absolutely unbearable here, cold and empty and spiky all at once and I really hope we don't spend too long here.. it can't last forever though