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    Do's and dont's for your friend with benefits 
    #1
    Bluelighter
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    Yea so this girl I've always thought was pretty good looking in my class just asked me if I wanted to be her fuck buddy the other day. I said yea (who wouldn't) I'm not looking for a serious relationship, and would love to just keep it a casual thing. Also she was dating another guy when she asked me and when we first hooked up, so I know she's not girlfriend material, but I'm worried what's gonna happen once things start to progress.

    For anyone who's had a friend with benefits how did it turn out? Did you end up catching feelings for that person even if you were planning not to? Did u end up together, break up, friends, etc...

    I had her over last night, made her dinner, had a bottle of wine, and then basically you kno what... I didn't make her dinner and shit to impress her, i just did it cause that's what any guy with class should do when they have a girl over, but I started thinking afterwards, if I don't want this girl to catch feelings for me, I probably shouldn't be cooking her dinner and drinking wine with her all the time. I'm curious what anyone else's thoughts are on the subject

    I'm basically just looking for others experiences and any do's and dont's of a friends with benefits thing. Did you do anything you regretted afterwards?

    Also what do u think she would say if I started getting with other girls?
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    #2
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    DO:
    • keep the relationship is casual as possible. Avoid seeing/calling/texting eachother regularly. -- That's how feelings of attachment start.
    • Date other girls. -- If you are out there dating other girls, and she is dating other guys, there's a much less chance of any feelings developing

    DON'T:
    • Spend more time with her than any guy friend of yours.
    • Isolate yourself to just her.
    Last edited by severely etarded; 05-04-2011 at 06:34.
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    #3
    If your just trying to be fuck buddy don't go out together, I did that, and it was a mistake, because you start liking each other.

    The reason she says she wants to be fuck buddy with is that she doesn't want a relationship with you, but with the right person yes.

    The fact u cook her dinner shows that u want to be more than fuck buddy, that’s what people do in a relationship not here. The fact you had dinner together was a bad idea, next time call her over, fuck her and then politely tell her to leave, make a excuse or something so you don't sound like a jerk. The more interaction u have the more feeling u will develop, and usually these type of girls are not the kind you want a relationship anyway, most have issues..

    From my experience you should just fuck her, and leave, don't even start convo, just leave..
    Don't text her or FB and have convo. Only text her if either one of you want to fuck.

    The more you hang out and talk the more you will have feelings for her, which will confuse you on why she doesn't want to be more than friends with benefits.

    Also wear condom, even she she doesn't mind that u don't, u don't want to catch something, and no condom can create more attachment, which u don't want..

    Honestly I think it’s a bad idea, I really regard mine.
    I learn in the future if I just want sex, its better to just call a call girl.

    I doubt she will mind u dating other guys, most likely shes fucking other guys too.

    It’s a fun experience, but don't expect it going anywhere..

    Fuck her as many times as you can, but once you get tired of it, or drama starts happening such as her wanting to talk more and hang out, leave her asap..

    Usually people get hurt in these type of relationships.
    Again DO not ever go out with her anywhere, Don't ever do that.. Trust Me..

    Also its weird how sex can bring people together and create feelings. Which made me think can people even have sex on going bases and either have any feelings.
    Last edited by shahab6; 05-04-2011 at 07:02.
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    #4
    Bluelighter GenericMind's Avatar
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    I've never had one that didn't end with someone getting hurt. If you treat her like a girlfriend, she's going to start feeling like your girlfriend.
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    #5
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    ^ not only that, but you'll start to catch yourself viewing her as a girlfriend, too.

    I agree, every no strings attached extended relationship I've had ends in some kind of emotional distress.
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    #6
    Bluelighter xstayfadedx's Avatar
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    I'm a female and I shake my head at bitches who truly have no self respect. I will answer your thread though.

    do: -tell her about other girls you may like so she knows you're not falling for her

    -one night when she asks for sex say no I'm going on a date but tomorrow night?

    -do tell her you love the sex but tell her straight up nothing more is happening

    -do wear a condom

    Don't: -cook for her

    -let her stay the night

    -flirt with her or say how beautiful she is

    -do not get jealous about her messing with other guys

    -dont expect anything from her

    -do not text her 24/7 or try to get to know her too much that you will fall in love with the person she is
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    #7
    Bluelighter Monkeybizness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoUbLeYoU View Post
    I had her over last night, made her dinner, had a bottle of wine, and then basically you kno what... I didn't make her dinner and shit to impress her, i just did it cause that's what any guy with class should do when they have a girl over, but I started thinking afterwards, if I don't want this girl to catch feelings for me, I probably shouldn't be cooking her dinner and drinking wine with her all the time. I'm curious what anyone else's thoughts are on the subject
    ?
    dont do this all the time this is how my ex lover got me .. good sex and good food

    once you start getting jealous .. runn! i think a causal buddy relationship should not last more then maybe 6 months tops after a year of fucking the same person it turns into something else. one will get hooked or both will fall and realize that that its just not meant to be either way

    keep things VERY CASUAL .. dont make her your main focus
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Monkeybizness View Post
    think a causal buddy relationship should not last more then maybe 6 months tops after a year of fucking the same person it turns into something else. one will get hooked or both will fall and realize that that its just not meant to be either way
    Exactly, mine became weird after 4 months, i should of drop it then, i really regret it. To be on the safe side, drop it after 3 months, it will get weird, theres no way anyway can just have sex and not communicate, since it seems like there in the same class and school.

    Stick to this 3 month rule, and you will be ok.
    In fact do whatever you want with her in this 3 month,
    but then just leave when the time comes up.
    Last edited by shahab6; 05-04-2011 at 06:55.
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    #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by shahab6 View Post
    it will get weird, theres no way anyway can just have sex and not communicate, since it seems like there in the same class and school.
    Ahh. that's true. They have a class together. slippery slope can you imagine trying to pay attention in class while she's staring daggers and you're thinkin about her tits bouncing up n down while you were pounding that ass... it may be fun but you probably will fail the class. Something to consider..
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    #10
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    Hey whether or not it's a DO or a DON'T, I love cooking for a girl.
    It's fun and it just kinda completes the experience I think.
    Even though I have no interest of being in anything long term, I guess I like to pretend for a night. It's better than JUST fucking.

    Any girls think so?
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    #11
    Bluelighter Monkeybizness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 777xog View Post
    Hey whether or not it's a DO or a DON'T, I love cooking for a girl.
    It's fun and it just kinda completes the experience I think.
    Even though I have no interest of being in anything long term, I guess I like to pretend for a night. It's better than JUST fucking.

    Any girls think so?
    ohh dont get me wrong ... its fucking awesome !
    thats the problem
    something easy to get use to ..

    my ex lover use to cook awesome steaks and my panties would be wet by the time i was done eating .. then straight banggin ,

    you have to know when to cut ties .. but its hard when you enjoy the person alot (especially sexually )


    Quote Originally Posted by xstayfadedx View Post
    I'm a female and I shake my head at bitches who truly have no self respect. I will answer your thread though.
    what????
    Last edited by Monkeybizness; 05-04-2011 at 14:11.
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    #12
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    Some pretty good advice

    The dinner thing - sure you like it and sure she likes it BUT it will help the relationship go to a more "girlfriend" than a "fuck buddy" which is NOT what you want. That's just how it is. You will still do what you want - we are just warning you what will happen

    Don't talk too much with her, just sex. Stick to sex. Don't "go to parties" with her. If you meet her at a party or club or something, have sex, but don't chat her up and all that.

    I've never had that type of relationship but I've seen them. Doesn't seem like my type anyway.
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    #13
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    some pretty sound advice that ill keep in mind.

    lol nd yea about the whole dinner thing, i was hungry, and i needed the energy for what was to come later...


    it wasnt for "her" sort of speak, but i mean, everyones gotta eat right?


    ill continue to update if i have any worth while questions

    i also wanna add that i have the upmost respect for women, but i think sometimes that respect can be confused for attraction, so i mean i dont wanna be an asshole, but i dont want her to get the idea that i want to start a serious relationship
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    #14
    Bluelighter Don Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by severely etarded View Post
    DO:
    • keep the relationship is casual as possible. Avoid seeing/calling/texting eachother regularly. -- That's how feelings of attachment start.
    • Date other girls. -- If you are out there dating other girls, and she is dating other guys, there's a much less chance of any feelings developing

    DON'T:
    • Spend more time with her than any guy friend of yours.
    • Isolate yourself to just her.

    Shit. I'm breaking quite a few rules here Is my little forray going to end in disaster? I've broken a lot of the rules and it's been going on for about five months now..

    We're not really fuck buddies though. It's more of a romantic friendship, if you will. The thing is that we've actually become really close and are basically best friends. Neither of us get jealous about the other either though. Maybe I AM truely having my cake and eating it?
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by GenericMind View Post
    I've never had one that didn't end with someone getting hurt. If you treat her like a girlfriend, she's going to start feeling like your girlfriend.
    I hate this fucking post!!!

    Edit: the only way to possibly make it work is to make it just 'booty call' type sex ( not too often ) and continue to see other people
    Last edited by We are all ONE; 05-04-2011 at 22:25.
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    #16
    Bluelighter GenericMind's Avatar
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    Why? It's true.
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    #17
    Agreed.
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    #18
    Quote Originally Posted by GenericMind View Post
    Why? It's true.
    yes, very much so
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    #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don Luigi View Post
    Shit. I'm breaking quite a few rules here Is my little forray going to end in disaster? I've broken a lot of the rules and it's been going on for about five months now..

    We're not really fuck buddies though. It's more of a romantic friendship, if you will. The thing is that we've actually become really close and are basically best friends. Neither of us get jealous about the other either though. Maybe I AM truely having my cake and eating it?
    polyamorous is not that uncommon. lots of people can't handle that, and it's hard to know if you just met them.
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    #20
    ...

    shit

    wish i'd read this like 2 months ago; broken basically every "don't" on the page, no wonder she is harbouring "certain feelings"
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    #21
    Bluelighter izzy66's Avatar
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    if there are not very clear boundaries set right from the beginning, drama will start and end any hope of a mutually beneficial casual sexual friendship. friends w/ benefits can be fantastic as long as perspective is maintained but once perspective is lost, it's done.
    -izzy
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    #22
    Bluelighter L O V E L I F E's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GenericMind View Post

    I've never had one that didn't end with someone getting hurt.

    If you treat her like a girlfriend, she's going to start feeling like your girlfriend.
    Spot on on both points.

    Actions speak louder than labels.

    Decide what you want, and, as long as it's ethical, act accordingly.

    Good luck.
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    #23
    Greenlighter Joozeboi's Avatar
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    Okay, so I’ll mention this to save someone else some trouble. There was this girl who I’ll call Crystal, because that was her name, who used to fuck me. It all started as a message I sent her on Myspace that read “you’re kinda cute” . Surprisingly, up till then she had been the only girl I’ve actually met and closed with from any social network….( believe me, I’m finding out now it’s easier than meeting girls at over cramped night clubs and bars with shitty music and reeking of sweaty assholes hounding the one hot girl too fucking drunk and stuck up to know her left foot from her right, who’s probably stuck in the mind frame to feed her ego and eat men’s pride along the way. I’ll pass those hoes.)

    I’m 23 and she is 19. And if your story sounds along these lines, I think you’d agree with my last words of advice.

    After we joked and flirted with messaging, it led to meeting. Meeting led to two dates. Two dates led to fucking. And so on. What I did do was call her “babe” even before we fucked. She called me "babe", and I got flattered and these little feelings started to spurt somewhere deep inside. Yes, the few that get to that point are actually the ones I remember. These things happen while your riding that wave of positive attention. It’s natural and awesome but remember to stick your head out for a while and breathe.

    She lived across the world. (Actually it was more like a 40 minute drive, but it seems like that when neither has a car) so we rarely saw each other. (Has it’s good and bad things)

    What I realized while we didn’t see each other she would text me and actually initiate the small talk and let me know she was thinking of me. I never did once start the texting. Weird. I would reply with how busy I was and leave it at that sometimes. From experience, it’s best to limit how often you text before you actually see and fuck a girl. Just take that pointer. I did always want to see her and all that good stuff, and she made it obvious she was always eager to see me, but since I was recent felon, jobless, and pretty fucking bummed on top of that, I focused on working on my priorities. I knew before anything that I was in no position to handle someone else life if mine was shit.

    I'll also add, it becomes easier to push people away when you get older. It’s pretty fucked up now that I think about it.

    So I met this girl on July. Around Nov. is when the reality bomb dropped. I say “around” because I know it was before x-mas. Not exactly sure when but the point is that usually one of you will wonder what the fuck is really going on after 2-3 months of only sex, not a lot of interacting, and being casual buddies.

    When it started, I didn’t want a girlfriend. She must’ve wanted something and expected me to be “The Man” to step up and take things further. Men are supposed to do this. Right?

    One day, we were set to meet a week prior, but I actually ended up canceling because I just didn’t feel like doing anything and I knew I was going to get pretty drunk at my friends place and she would see me that way and that shit isn’t cool. I blew her off. The second time in a row because like the first time, I was doing heroin and surprisingly she didn’t fidge about that. She was on her way to the place I was at after she was leaving the club, but my friend was too fucking dumb to give me ride to meet her half ways. I actually told her that I really did want to see her, but neither of us had a car and obviously by the time I realized it my friends and I were too drunk and stupid to drive anywhere.

    She texted me

    “uhhm…can I ask you something?”

    “ yeah”

    “what exactly are we?”

    wow..i didn’t reply for about an hour.

    “I just gotta know…lol”

    At last I replied.

    “you’re mine” ..i’ll leave it there…

    seemed cute and like something a man would say… and i she gave me the option to choose.

    Next time I see her she doesn’t want to hug, kiss, do anything. I just kept trying and teased her until it finally hit me I must be annoying the fuck out of her. I’m with her and her friends passing a blunt around and about 2 hrs in I’m bored off my fucking mind and so is she. What the fuck should I do, entertain them??

    Well, that night we didn’t even kiss goodbye. I was rejected and by then I was pretty fucking pissed and felt judged by her friends. I was so focused on getting at least a blowjob out of her that I forgot to be in the moment and enjoy her friends company at least. What a perfectly good high gone to shit!!

    Couple of days she texted me with the old “let’s just be friends line”. I guess she was determined to beat me to it.

    my reply “I never promised anything dork” … didn’t contact her for weeks.

    So later on she texts me some joke …. I don’t reply……….my last text was “stfu. Im working. Ttyl” her ”ok”

    Haven’t heard of her since.

    So who’s confused here? She seemed like the one who was more inclined to be together. And at the end she breaks it all off??

    I think that as soon as she sensed I had feelings for her she freaked out. The paradox of the century. Maybe to keep the “win” streak when she tells her friends??? Fuck knows. I did start seeing myself as her boyfriend. So yeah it’s true. If you are a human, you will develop feelings, maybe you didn’t even know you have. But guard them, tred carefully. My mistake was prioritizing her. It was becoming obvious when I decided I wanted to meet her and even took a public bus to meet her half ways around the world!! How fucking lame!! Now she’s history. Lesson: don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Be a man slut and make it obvious she’s not your “main squeeze"…until you decide you want to settle. Happy hunting buddy…
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    #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Joozeboi View Post
    Be a man slut and make it obvious she’s not your “main squeeze"…until you decide you want to settle. Happy hunting buddy…
    exactly...
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    #25
    Bluelighter TheLostBoys's Avatar
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    Dont call the person unless you are gonna have sex that night. Its more of a booty call thing & less with be her/his friend. My point is dont even hang out when you're not having sex. Its sex & thats it, no more than that because feelings from someone will start to develop if you're hanging out & that spells trouble.

    Ive been cold hearted too many times, but hey.....those were the terms from the begining & girls sometimes like to manipulate their way into spending more quality time & thats a no no unless you guys wanna be bf & gf, then theres no reason for this thread.
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