I partook MXE via insnuffulation last night, ±20mg x 3 doses. I’d done 30 and 40mg sublingually on separate occasions prior to this. Here’s my take on it.
It comes on faster insnuffulated, and goes up smooth. There are subtle hints during the comeup that indicate something is underway, but these greatly understate the magnitude of the full effect that will soon be upon you. The first pronounced effect is a kind of heavy, perceptual wooziness; almost like the totality of my perception was beginning to be sloshed around inside my head, but not in an unpleasant manner. Colors soon appeared brighter and objects seem to have a higher resolution. I noted that the drip tasted kind of bitter and chemy. I’m consistently surprised by how deep this drug goes at you. It has some real purchase, and makes most other classes of drugs seem superficial in their effects.
One of my favorite aspects of this stuff is what it does to my perception of music, which takes on a deep, penetrating, tactile dimension. I find reggae and electronic music are the best, which is funny because I’m seldom inclined to listen to either of these usually, but they really enhance my experience. Similarly, other music that I do listen to normally has much less appeal and can even grate on me under the MXE spell. Music in general has a profound impact on the direction of the trip.
I was a dissociative newb before this stuff, besides n2o. The dissociation I experience is quite interesting. I’ve never really experienced anything like it before. It’s as if all of the pleasant perceptions – sight, sound, well-being, are turned up/emphasized, while I become insulated from a lot of the static that regularly dogs me. It can feel like I’m a thousand miles away from everything. Whatever negativity I’ve been harboring dissipates and can be analyzed in a very dispassionate way from this perspective. For me this accounts for the therapeutic aspect of the drug. It wipes my slate clean, but without imparting a bunch of irrational exuberance or philosophical/spiritual idealism that psychedelics typically leave me with.
I find the stuff also helps me see things in a more objective manner. It breaks things down into their fundamental components and helps you see the interplay between them; like the cold reality of how things are. I can see how ‘metaprogramming’ would be borne out of this if you really went deep with it. Admittingly, these benefits are impeded by the difficulty of developing and maintaining linear thoughts; my focus is easy scattered in the trip state.
Moving around is both pleasant and challenging; everything is sped up and hectic, like your mind is struggling to get kinesthetic traction. I often feel like I’m going nowhere fast on it, although I have ridden a bike across town before (and led a physics study group…yeah).
The drug has elements of escapism to it. Except that when I reflect on the goals I’m working towards, I get excited about them and look forward to their eventual accomplishment, and wouldn’t want to compromise that by continually seeking this state.
There’s a lot to like about MXE. Small amounts of it are quite pleasant and have the effect that I always looked for in alcohol (but never found): mild impairment, loosening up, and imparting an outgoing mood lift. I’m still eager to use this stuff in more social situations and see just how useful it may be (in very small amounts, of course).
At higher doses, the manic and ‘brute strength’ aspects become much more prominent. I can recall empathizing with the bit about how it can take several police officers to restrain someone on PCP. Not that I’ve ever even done that, but I can see how this class of drug could lead there. I find I lose the ability to gauge my own strength and exertion under MXE, as if it anesthetizes me to the normal feedback I receive from those things, and it’s easy to go full bore. The mania is basically entertaining and seems fairly harmless.
Still, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt using this stuff. It’s a hard drug, and I don’t know if it’s robbing me of something. Is it diminishing my capacities somehow? Is it sucking me in with the same insidious manner that ketamine is known for? I don’t think it’s been around long enough to answers these questions, or to even form a prediction based on the anecdotal accounts of others. I’m not entirely comfortable with being a guinea pig. But in light of my life circumstances right now, I’ll probably stick with this stuff, though I’m hesitant to give it my full endorsement to others.
Waking up the next day after this ‘run’ had me feeling kind of flat. Not depressed, but not very chipper either. Luckily after a good exercise routine I burned all of that off and feel completely normal again, besides the lingering contentedness. I’ve been studying for finals and my brain capacity doesn’t seem noticeably degraded, which is always good.
You can really get away from yourself on this stuff, and on my higher oral/sublingual doses I was far gone at a few points, to the extent that it wasn’t enjoyable anymore. There is not a lot of room for being irresponsible with this drug, I feel. It really needs to be taken in a safe environment where nothing of great consequence must be dealt with for the duration of the effects. The good news is that once the trip starts to wear off, you begin to resolve back into normalcy rapidly, and the after-effects are quite pleasant, perhaps even my favorite quality of the drug. Over the next several days I generally feel very contented, a big plus. Overall this drug has a very unique character, and I’ll be interested to see what the tide brings in for other folks as it inevitably gains popularity.