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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

How do you manage your anger?

I keep my chest kinda back so that boobs aren't squished against me. I don't want a female to think the hug is about a cheap thrill. I dunno, maybe I'm weird?
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Not weird, just very respectful and considerate OD!:)
......That is .......unless you are attempting to gain their trust and then swoop in with nipple tweaks when they least expect it, shouting: ''Honk, Honk'!!!;)=D
 
i manage it through exercise but sometimes if exercise is not available i punch walls,fridge cupboards ect
 
Captain.Heroin said:
In my experience, I tend to find that cardio tends to be more anxiolytic/sedating than muscular exercise (which tends to get me "pumped" more than sedated/relaxed). This is just my perception of it though and I can't assert that it's correct/is true for many people.

Also, congratulations on the quality sexual relationship you have going for yourself! A lot of guys wish they could have just that (a quality 'friends with benefits' without any drama) so I am sure you feel like a pimp. =D

Finally, here's what I know about testosterone and opiates. When someone is a heroin addict, or when they are using opiates regularly/frequently, the full agonist opiates tend to repress the endogenous testosterone level. Over time, this can cause people to become agitated/irritable while on opiates.

When you come off of them, your testosterone production resumes. When it comes to hormones and affect, a steady hormone level produces positive/ideal affect. Having a slightly repressed testosterone level and then going back to normal production, at first, will be somewhat like going through puberty again. The initial hormonal changes will be emotionally hard to bare at first, but over time your hormones will adjust and maintain at normal levels. This would explain why, in opiate withdrawal, it is common to have a raging erection, coupled with a shorter refractory period.

I think since you have recently quit using heroin, it stands to reason that your hormones are on their way to stabilizing. Within a week or two, I think the notice will be noticeable and you'll feel a lot more like your old self.

Then again you said "occasional", meaning maybe it didn't have that great of an effect on your hormones and subsequent emotions. I'm not sure, but this is my suspicion, as many opiate/heroin users end up being aggressive/agitated while on their DOC, or while they are coming off of it.

You also say that you have always been angry; do you think it's gotten worse over time? Are you becoming increasingly angrier, or just more frequently angry?
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Good stuff!!!!

Yes, my anger has increased and it seems to be more frequent.

To be honest, I think, fuck I'll just say it... I have strong feelings of inadequacy and this is a key factor in my anger. Its like I have something to prove or something.

Dammit, that is difficult to say because I don't want to be that kind of person.

I guess it is about change and that takes effort and time
 
OverDone said:
Good stuff!!!!

Yes, my anger has increased and it seems to be more frequent.

To be honest, I think, fuck I'll just say it... I have strong feelings of inadequacy and this is a key factor in my anger. Its like I have something to prove or something.

Dammit, that is difficult to say because I don't want to be that kind of person.

I guess it is about change and that takes effort and time
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Well if it's any consolation you don't come off as that kind of person at all. :)

Change does take effort and time. I think as time goes on you'll feel better though. When I first quit using heroin I wasn't back to myself for a long time. It probably took weeks/months before I regained a lot of who I felt I used to be, and I think that is because I probably had PAWS for about 9 months.

Do you find discussing what makes you angry helps? Typically if I can discuss how bad/rotten/angry I feel, I will end up feeling at least partially/completely better. I also find if I just dwell on being angry, then it typically doesn't go away unless I just let go of it.

I also think that going for a long walk, especially if you get to walk around in nature, can help a lot. This is also why I am very happy to have a mp3 player, so that if I want to do something like this, I can also listen to music while I do so. It also helps pass the time by when you're working out too. I also focus on posture more when I am listening to music and working out.
 
To be honest, I think, fuck I'll just say it... I have strong feelings of inadequacy and this is a key factor in my anger. Its like I have something to prove or something.

Dammit, that is difficult to say because I don't want to be that kind of person.

I guess it is about change and that takes effort and time
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Wow, Breakthrough! ...you have just officially grown yourself an extra pair of balls in my estimation! Theres a hell of alot of blokes who need to admit to this and just wont because their afraid how it will make them look and that they'll be ridiculed; and this is often justified too because of certain redundant social standards. You cant help how you feel, think everyones insecure to some degree or another, its called being human, and coming to terms with this with yourself, is what separates the Men from the boys.
Know you dont have to go shouting it from the rooftops, everyone has to play the game out there but being honest with yourself about how you feel this is what will empower you. Always think guys get a raw deal with the pressures of Social conditioning regarding having to posture and act a certain way(women too but in a different way)
Be your own bestfriend dont beat yourself up for feeling inadequate, you deserve better!
Am not just being a cheerleader here, you still need to manage insecurity, the Macho Mask will still have to be worn to play the game sometimes..... but its when we're on own we need to have some kinda unconditional understanding and compassion for ourselves regardless of whether we're in secure states or insecure ones.
 
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Today I managed my anger by dissociating and focusing on distortion of my arbitrary visual input. At first I didn't know how it would turn out, but I calmly focused away from the (physical) pain, got an ice pack, feel better now.
 
OverDone said:
I've always had this anger that feels like it lies under the surface of all of my emotions. People I trust and people I don't even know have mentioned that they sense this about me.

I rarely 'snap' and I haven't been in a fight in ages (a few close encounters but never to the point of throwing fists) I can be in a great mood but the slightest perceived affront makes me become confrontational and wanting to 'correct' the individual who I believe has 'wronged' me. Am I trying to prove something to myself or others?

I attend NA meetings regularly and I was told today by someone I trust that she knows of a few people in the rooms that are intimidated or afraid of me. I want good people in my life and I truly care about others. I don't want to push people away like that

I don't like it. I fear that its only a matter of time until all this pent up rage will come out at once and I will hurt someone over a misunderstanding. I don't want to be that kind of person.

How do you deal with your anger? Or, even better, how do you become less angry and more peaceful?

* I have found that exercising actually makes me more aggressive.

* Therapy isn't an option until I get health coverage.

Any advice would be appreciated.

note: I suspect my anger could be based on the fact that I am actually someone who is full of fear but I can't say for certain
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I have seen a PTSD specialist for now bout 7 weeks i believe it is: it has certainly made me understand my anger - controlling / managing can be quite different story my dude.

I have similar issues , top off the fact lifting makes me ready to fight - boxing / mma makes me want to get a bout ... all of those add in a lot of anabolic / androgenic steroids , my mood has to be monitored or I become quickly someone I regret dearly later on as I my rapid cycling wears away.

Insomnia also does me in , this is third day straight with no sleep - if I wasn't obsessed w/so many things to do with music / art , smack in the mid of school , and obviously the lifts as we've talked thats just lifestyle, same as fighting. I would honestly lose it without those breaks - because at night it's just that knowledge, 3-4am weekdays - 6:30am , you will be alone and aint shit you can do bout it. That drives me wicked angry dude, I used to go out what not .. find a beach n shit read n just relax , one time a cop came said beach was closed, tried explaining nicely, spent the night in jail. . . my anger is awful when it breaks.

I'll be frank - I'm MUCH calmer and at peace with the world now than ever before - the ability to see things clearer and with a different aspect in terms of what did you wake up today for ? (in the past my fix, today - well everything from cooking meals for the week lifts, psych journals to read , to simple things like taking something you like and splurging - i love shoes / watches / hats - obsessively , so figure in a daily addiction of around 300-400$ back inthe OC days , I figure once a week going a bit nutty is FINE !!!!). Doesn't have to be money , just whatever you can enjoy bro.

My anger is ABSOLUTELY a result of fear - I can't sleep on my stomach - since the rapes as a kid I cannot have someone read over my shoulder - you name it I will fucking freak and it's landed me in front of a lot of trouble and thankfully a good lawyer with the facts to back why such a thing would occur.. I don't fear that fuck anymore lol, look what he does - I'm sorry i prefer my girl whose beautiful .... than being a total waste of llfe preying one a naive form of human being , the weak leading the weaker.

I have had to accept being vulnerable to make the changes OD. Where I used to get angry, sometimes I see life pass by and it is sad - the people the "cliche" groups that bother me , i still want to fight each and every one of those guys LOL but !!! I don't , and I do feel bad when I see children walking around with no family in a mall - whereas before I honestly was numb and angry, i'd want the kid to just stay the fuck away form me so I didn't get slowed down.

I'm terrified of babies btw , im getin there but damn I'm gonna break em i swear !

^ all fear to anger for me dude - In my NA group it's a given that my problems are with anger , I haven't had much progress there... Honestly the things that work best for me 1) MOST IMPORTANT - if you have your ltc (license to carry) put that banger in the safe ... trust me on this , I carry maybe 1 or 2 nights out of the week - before everyday 24/7. 2) vulnerable , find a person where your fear can become a tool, and open other emotions - in the same sense apply the anger... why do you think I do the lifts , the fights and I love goin to the range shooting myself out of copper for bullets LOL!!! You need those releases brother.

best of luck man - you can hit me up # anytime you got it now - be eaz
 
I'm normaly a pretty level headed person when it comes to anger.... You could say im a pasifist with a lot of anger and rage inside. Iwill not hurt another human or animal. But i do loose my bikkie sometimes, i will leave the situation go find something and destroy it i mean Fucking obliterate it....Basicly i break stuff, It helps me to no end and im doing no harm to others.

Although id like to from time to time stomp some peoples head into the ground untill only thier feet stick out, luckily i have self controll in that way which i atribute to 4 years of martial arts training:\
 
It's no secret that i manage my anger pretty poorly :\ . I don't deal with it right and just end up drowning myself in certain drugs to help but this really only fuels it after awile. Some drugs also make me flip out more. Coke especially does this.

I do the best when im working out alot because that burns off the adrenaline. I just build up alot of energy and i need to burn it off but sometimes no matter how much i work out i can't burn it off. Guess im just too high strung.
 
I tried therapy, may as well have been pissing in the wind. My Dr put me in wellbutrin 300mg er and this helped the number of times rage would show up. Now I have a 80lb heavy bag and loud music. Try to fight, box or whatever but sing (or try to) while you are fighting that bag. The combination of exertion and concentrating on the words may give you a break from the anger. Plus you get a little work out. Good luck.
 
Personally i don't deal with my anger. I just lift weights when i'm in a bad mood or go for a long walk. Sometimes i just sit there tho cuz I know that violence is not the answer. I also journal. There's good days and bad days and I try to make the best of every day
 
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I spent 22 years in the military kicking the shit out of everyone from Iraqis to recruits. My daughters used to complain that I intimidated all the boys they brought around. I can't help it. I have a real problem with pimply faced teens who want to pork my daughters. Anyway, I digress. My anger finally started kicking my ass through my blood pressure. Normal meds wouldn't control it. The thing that got it under some control? Prozac. I know its a cliche but I take two large doses a day and it makes me much slower to anger. It has really only been good for me and my relationships. Now everyone loves me!
 
For some reason, anger always motivates me to clean. That said, it can be difficult to resist throwing the dishes instead of cleaning them sometimes :D I don't know why, but cleaning the house just refocuses all of my anger and I end up tired and with a clean house. So, you know, if my house is clean, something is wrong! =D

Also: Heavy music and long drives, preferably at the same time.
ETA: But I don't at all agree with taking that anger out on other drivers. (Just so that is clear, and not misread from my post.)

I am not the best at handling my own anger. I can be temperamental, if provoked far enough. I guess anyone can be. But the reason this thread caught my eye is that I want to be able to more effectively manage some of my rather weak points, and that is one that could use some work. Although my temper flares rather quickly at times, I do forgive very easily also. I think that holding onto anger and letting it simmer is one of the most toxic things we can do to ourselves. It is my belief it can even cause diseases, like heart disease or cancer. I could be wrong, and I often am... but just a thought.

Another thing that helps me release anger is journaling. I am a writer, and writing really helps me get those pesky thoughts out on paper, where they can be thrown away, instead of inside where it will burn too brightly. Let it go any way you can. No one method is better than any other, so long as no one is getting hurt :)
 
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I communicate about the thing that's making me angry. Maybe vent off some steam would be a better description, but I find talking really helps. Eventually I'm just not angry anymore about whatever it is. Usually anger for me stems from something I don't understand sufficiently yet, so the objective is to understand what made me angry, why and how should I deal with it without having to feel frustrated anymore. Sometimes it takes time to process and sleeping off the anger isn't a bad option either, processing is often rather efficient while asleep.
 
jwestlock said:
An anger management issue is a very, very good way to ensure you have a shitty life. One outburst where you snap and act abusively towards somebody at work could easily end your career, that kind of stuff isn't tolerated at all. You could snap and assault somebody, and then a criminal record follows you. And then physically itself, anger goes hand in hand with stress, and that creates serious health problems over time.

You need to grow up and realize that other people weren't put on Earth to conform to your notion of how they ought to behave, otherwise you have the potential to create serious problems in your life like I described above, and like you said, it makes you an unpleasent person to spend time with and that harms your ability to live a good life as well.

Just think about how many people have serious health problems, mental illness, poverty, domestic violence etc. knowing that I personally would feel embarassed to act like it were a real slight or big deal if someone was rude to me or wronged me in some minor way, the kinds of little things all sorts of people get worked up over.

There's nothing wrong with responding to situations where you're truly mistreated - although using physical violence as your reaction is almost always a choice you'll end up regretting - but we're talking real things not "the slightest perceived affront" like that kind of ghetto idea of respect, such as getting mad about someone insulting you. That's not real. The solution to that, if someone is saying something really rude or hurtful, is to say "don't do it" and if that doesn't work, then hey that's an easy way to screen out the unpleasent people from your life who you don't want to spend time with.

I've never understood that mentality, as if it's a real position of honour and respect to be surrounded by people who want to call you a jackass but don't because they know you're a psycho who will assault them if they do.
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Yeah,me never too!Since Rap came here we have all
those young 16-23(about)Kids ganging up,feeling strong in Nr.and looking to assault,often deadly,some poor sod.
Myself had 3 “coolios“assault me with a blade for the cringy 3 wee balls of blow they saw me buy,ready and wanting to KILL me for that.i stupidly didnt let go,my CS
Gas saved me but ran out so they came back at me...by that time ruckus was so obvious 3cops decided to intervene.rip off boys ran away and i must really give it to those officers,no search,stuck around till i got next sub.
I will have to go to precinct(?)for this but those guys
were drooling to knife me,cause that soo hardcore,huh.
Sadly when young have robbed people too,but only when sick badly and behind my tough front i was shivering with ffear and i Never would have assault someone with a knife!!! Let alone do that for kicks!!!! 60s must have been a good time to live.
 
blahman8000 said:
I usually just bottle it up, which you really shouldn't do. If I'm all by myself and can get away with it, I'll punch the shit out of stuff and scream, which is awesome and probably healthy if it's not destructive to others or yourself.

If you can't flip out, then blasting fucked up heavy metal music should offer some comfort. :)
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Good Advice!!!
IMO its the Way violence is being seen as“cool“today
and since most BLters are nice people we can maybe hardly understand.Those of us who have observed inner City street Life will have noticed the upsurge in violence
 
screaming is good.

I get it out in hockey, riding bike, running in the snow is the best anger reliever.

Mostly physical activity.

i find punching a pillow to be lacking in that satisfactory blow.

if you like punching things, take up boxing. get in a gym and hit a heavy bag. so much more satisfying.

oh yea, get a girlfriend/boyfriend who can take/give a good dicking
 
At least I still have my guitars. I will focus intensely on my music then... I'm angry as hell a lot of the time. Having a ladyfriend helps so much I guess that's where a lot of my anger originate but I can't rely on that so when I'm pissedI will shred the fretboard for an hour. I do this 4 times a day usually. It'sgood for releasing other emotions too.
 
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