Stimulants Amphetamine - The Drug You Learn to Hate

[Tenderly]

First off, the original post here is so familiar I doubt that it will leave my head for at least a few days coming.

Inspired, I read through all the responses in this thread and found a lot of similarities with my own situation- which is both a terribly sad and comforting feeling. However, try as I might, I haven't come across many in my situation.

I was prescribed Adderall in a clinical test administered at a prestigious university... Just before I turned 7. For those who picked up this curse of a chemical in their 20s, perhaps you were lucky. Three friends (who I am still close with) and myself were prescribed to varying levels of amphetamine, methylphenidate and oddly, once and antipsychotic all before the age of ten. We were considered weird, or nerds, for hating lunch, hating recess and consistently overachieving in classes, which made our parents happy and the study continue. Socially, it was another story entirely.

Fast forward twenty years later. I am convinced (as are the friends previously mentioned) that such early intake of a drug so powerful permanently scarred us. There's little point in being sad about it, we're all bright kids... But trust me. I know stages 1-8 like the back of my hand. As early as 8 years old I remember being unable to sleep for days, watching shadows move like people.

And yet, today we are well-adjusted. Of course, I shouldn't say 'we', or why would I be on this website?
Ah no, I am the only one who continued his prescription well past high school, past college. When I stop for a few days, my body is filled with overwhelming joy and confidence... But zero ability to complete any given task.

What's the most I've taken? That's stupid. Its not a contest as much as a death march. Within a 24-hour period, probably upwards of 1,200mg of Adderall, 2,000mg methylphenidate and 700mg of Vyvanse. It is a fucking nightmare, one that only the user understands.

And yet. The optimists on this thread are correct. Things do recover, bounce back and 'permanent' damage is not as permanent as one would think.

(of course, lets try not to think about my poor heart- ok?)

I am somehow able to run my own business successfully, with about 10 employees, despite all this mess.

Thank you guys, for having this thread. It summarizes such a dark and true part of my life.

 

[crOOk]

That doesn't stop you from wanting more though

I can surely tell you that there is a point for many people where they just DO NOT WANT any more of the stuff. It messes with your ability to reflect upon yourself and see the damage you are doing on so many levels, but this is not an obstacle that cannot be overcome. Amphetamines are in my experience WAY easier to kick than opiates, alcohol, benzos or cannabis.

I had quite the habit for 2 1/2 years (talking daily use of 10mg at first which turned into 300mg per day, oral, insufflated, rectal, occasionally iv), so I have a good idea what I am talking about. Ofc this might not be the case for everyone, but there's psychiatric pharmacology literature out there that still claims amphetamine is not addictive at all. We all know this is not really true, but no book would ever claim the same thing about opiates, benzos or alcohol. In my experience it's true, everything has been harder to kick than stimulants, but again this doesn't mean they can completely wreck your life, especially socially.

Thank you guys, for having this thread. It summarizes such a dark and true part of my life.

Thank you for your contribution and welcome to bluelight!

To be honest, the way you are writing this, it sounds like more of a success story to me with some drawbacks on the emotional level. We'd never know how well you could complete a task etc. if you had never taken stimulants. Take ADHDcline's post for example who was prescribed amphetamine very late in life and managed to adapt to his family's financial needs. You might have failed school big time due to your ADHD. I don't want to condone amphetamine abuse here, but I'm pretty convinced that it has it's place as a treatment of ADHD. I'm just saying that I am not sure what sort of trouble you ever went through with it if it wasn't for saying you see a lot of parallels to the op and have apparently gone for very high dosages for recreational motives.

1,200mg of Adderall, 2,000mg methylphenidate and 700mg of Vyvanse is fucking crazy btw. The most I've ever taken was 600mg amphetamine sulfate IV and that was with a huge tolerance and I still think I was pretty close to dropping dead on the spot judging by the effects.

 

[3dmusic]

I take amphetamines every couple of months.
I still get the high and all the good stuff that comes with it.
I think it becomes like a different drug if you take it too often, a lot more negative.
I'm only ever in the mood for it if I haven't had any for a while.
I used to take it much more frequently and found it really hard to stop.
I was overwhelmed with lethargy and demotivation.
I did stop for four years, but was forced off it as I suffered valium withdrawals after stopping taking it.
Being forced off it was the only way I could stop.

 

[crOOk]

I take amphetamines every couple of months.
I still get the high and all the good stuff that comes with it.
I think it becomes like a different drug if you take it too often, a lot more negative.
I'm only ever in the mood for it if I haven't had any for a while.
I used to take it much more frequently and found it really hard to stop.
I was overwhelmed with lethargy and demotivation.
I did stop for four years, but was forced off it as I suffered valium withdrawals after stopping taking it.
Being forced off it was the only way I could stop.

And it turned you into a poet.

 

[3dmusic]

And it turned you into a poet.

LOL that was un-intentional

 

[crOOk]

LOL that was un-intentional

Ironically, it's exactly what happens to me when I get manic or do large amounts of speed. :D I once read an comparative analysis on the changes in speech during mania and schizophrenia episodes and if I recall right they used the word poetolalia.

Btw I also found amphetamine much easier to kick while kicking a downer at the same time, which was olanzapine for me. I secretly ran them both at the same time after I started getting treatment for mania. While the olanzapine definitely helped ease the mania a great deal (as expected), it didn't render the amphetamine useless and I could still indulge in my addiction. When the delusions, hallucinations and behavioural changes had to the largest part subsided, I kicked the olanzapine, switched to a neuroleptic that isn't antagonizing dopamine receptors as strongly at a lower dose (quetiapine) and there were NO withdrawls whatsoever!! Again, I was using 100s of milligrams clean amphetamine phosphate daily (I processed it myself via a/b extraction to yield the freebase, which in turn was processed to the salt in acetone with phosphoric acid added to it dropwise). The habit started at lower doses around 10mg, but quickly rose and lasted 2 1/2 years with not a single day without. So there definitely SHOULD have been some withdrawals.

 

[swiftnglow]

wow I just read this. I've gotten to stage 7 multiple times within the few months ive been prescribed adderall.. my mood, personality, thought patterns, ego, etc. are no longer what they used to be. I want to get better but I cant imagine going back to a life without adderall, I have greatly improved my life during this time, just not my mind. How do I let all that go?

 

[3dmusic]

Thanks OP

I think your post will put loads of people off trying it if they read it through.

That is interesting. I've never fancied meth, which is strange for someone who loved amphetamine base.
I've had the opportunity but I think I must have been put off by hearing online friends from Aus, US, etc and their experiences of it.

I used to be a real keen user of uk amphetamine, a base which stinks.

Psychosis even didn't stop me. I was hospitalised and didn't believe I was paranoid.
I used to like 'playing' with the psychotic hallucinations, voices, and shadow people. I knew this was psychosis, but it was benign, and fun to play with.
I got admitted because these fun voices and hallucinations took on a dark and malevolent angle and were different from the fun voices and hallucinations I was used to.

Hospital didn't seem to put me off speed but the next time I did if after hospital, the voices came back, benign, but similar sounding to the paranoia, so I nipped it in the bud by taking vitamins and eating, to avoid another hospital visit.

I normally ate all through the high, but the time I got paranoid I forgot to eat.

Supply quality dropped off and life got in the way, so I never did speed for a few years.

When I started again, I would only stay up one night and I would have plenty food.
I took it alot more seldom than before, because I found I only wanted it if I was in the mood, every month or so.

These days I never seem to be in the mood for it, even though I can get it if I want.. I can't be bothered with the jaw grinding, etc so I dunno if I have finally got bored of it.

 

[funkyEmonkey]

uve hit the nail on da head n explained it to a tee to non users, users n those wantin 2 mayB try but get clued up first n uve dun r8 good job of putting it donw in the stages of a speed addicts addiction progression coz i cudnt ov exp;ained it lyk dat in depth but ur so right.........IF U FINK BEING A FET EAD IS FUN......WAIT TIL U EET THE HSADOW PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kewell35]

Anyone ever recovered? I think I am Step 7 right now.
Also, I was just wondering, how many of the negative effects are really just due to accumulated sleep debt/chronic sleep deprivation. I'm thinking a lot has to do with this.

 

[purplehaze147]

Ive been taking amphetamine since I was in second grade. Abusing it since freshman year of high school. I'm 21 now and it's still one of my favorite drugs. I still get strong euphoria only now I get less side effects. I donxt agree at all!

 

[john420-420]

Amphetamine seems to affect me in a different way to most. It doesn't get me high at all, just keeps me awake for absolute ages and ages that's all. Mdma is what I like as an 'upper' and the only stimulant I like.

 

[DistyBoi]

I've just started a new thread about a related question to the subject of this thread but about 4fa and any potential differences/dangers I might be in, would appreciate someone knowledgeabe gives it a look thx: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...d-4fa-use-vs-normal-amphetamine-I-ve-an-issue

 

[DistyBoi]

In fact I'll just quote main q relating this thread here:

I'll roughly explain my doses and useage habit below in a sec, but having read through the amazingly informative Amphetamine - The Drug You Learn to Hate I really am curious how different 4fa should be the effects of normal amphet and in what ways when building a high tollerence?

 

[Kewell35]

Anyone ever recovered? I think I am Step 7 right now.
Also, I was just wondering, how many of the negative effects are really just due to accumulated sleep debt/chronic sleep deprivation. I'm thinking a lot has to do with this.

I've been taking 20mg/day for the past year or so. I feel as if I'm on Step 7, but I see people have been using it at a much higher dosage. Would taking 20 mg/day get you to that level? or is that too low?

 

[hydr0m0rph]

I was given about 200 D5s (dextroamphetamine 5mg) pills by a friend. I have no prior experience with amphetamines. I started out taking 2-3 in the morning and i noticed it made it easier to concentrate on work.. then one day i took about 6 of them.. started listening to music and wow.. i had a wave of pure euphoria... just amazing.. took another 4.. and i spent the next 10 hours in a very unique euphoria, unlike anything i had experienced before. That first 50mg dose was followed the next day, of course, with a 60mg dose.. but i noticed that the effects were not the same.. i could not get that same feeling... its not really describable.. but its amazing.. warm.. happy.. insightful.. intelligent . sharp .. focused.. i loved it.. i chased that feeling.. and now i have none left.. the feeling decreased each time.. higher doses didnt help.. to the point where i took my last 90mg dose and got really grumpy.. actually i almost felt depressed on it.. like i was thinking too deep.. and after about 6 hours just felt so spent.. tired... shitty. Anyway if this tells me anything its that it must be really really hard to be addicted to this substance. I almost felt an addiction starting.. its lucky i had a limited supply and thats it. I can get crystal but i have enough sense not to. my opiate addiction is about as much of a monkey as i need on my back.. anyway.. good luck to all trying to kick.. i can say this.. do the right thing.. try.. and good things are much more likely to happen to you

 

[crOOk]

Anyone ever recovered? I think I am Step 7 right now.
Also, I was just wondering, how many of the negative effects are really just due to accumulated sleep debt/chronic sleep deprivation. I'm thinking a lot has to do with this.

Recovery is quick and quitting has been easy for me compared to other drugs. I still take huge intravenous doses of stimulants, but not daily. You become more aware of the personality changes which allows you to intervene when the frequency of use is to high.
If you care for my opinion on the matter (I am bipolar...), I'll give you my impression of what causes these side effects:
Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia: 90% Insomnia
Affective changes (euphoria/hypomania): 50/50
Weight loss: 80% lack of appetite, rest due to increased nutritional needs
Long term personality changes, acute and chronic compulsive behaviour: It's the drugs!

I'll leave it to you to figure out why our skin tends to become so fucked, that one seems a tad more complex, especially when street amphetamine is involved opposed to pharmaceutical salts.

@hydr0morph
Ha, wait until you mainline a whole gram and still don't feel the euphoria. The coginitive enhancement will remain, but we tend to become distracted by compulsive masturbating, skin picking or plain 'teching out'.

I've been taking 20mg/day for the past year or so. I feel as if I'm on Step 7, but I see people have been using it at a much higher dosage. Would taking 20 mg/day get you to that level? or is that too low?

You do know this isn't a race, right?

 

[treezy z]

I'm addicted to amphetamines. Don't know how to stop.

 

[Ignot]

I have the same problem, I can go two or three days without adderall and then I'm back on it. I no longer do productive things on it, it sucks. I feel a nice rush for about 45 mins and then poof, im back to just reading forums.

I used to study and do all sorts of shit on this stuff, now I just read articles and post on forums.

 

[Kewell35]

Recovery is quick and quitting has been easy for me compared to other drugs. I still take huge intravenous doses of stimulants, but not daily. You become more aware of the personality changes which allows you to intervene when the frequency of use is to high.
If you care for my opinion on the matter (I am bipolar...), I'll give you my impression of what causes these side effects:
Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia: 90% Insomnia
Affective changes (euphoria/hypomania): 50/50
Weight loss: 80% lack of appetite, rest due to increased nutritional needs
Long term personality changes, acute and chronic compulsive behaviour: It's the drugs!

I'll leave it to you to figure out why our skin tends to become so fucked, that one seems a tad more complex, especially when street amphetamine is involved opposed to pharmaceutical salts.

@hydr0morph
Ha, wait until you mainline a whole gram and still don't feel the euphoria. The coginitive enhancement will remain, but we tend to become distracted by compulsive masturbating, skin picking or plain 'teching out'.



You do know this isn't a race, right?

What I meant is, can you get to Step 7 taking just 20mg/day for a year? Is it the frequency of the dosage or the amount of the dosage that influences the development of the negative features? If it is both, which one accounts for it the most?