• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

cheating bf and the $$ I owe him

Pay cheating BF $2000 back

  • Pay him back,be above the drama

    Votes: 111 72.5%

  • Eye for an eye,screw me I screw you

    Votes: 42 27.5%
  • Total voters
    153
If you feel bad about being used, why would turn around and use someone else. I'm in the "pay him back" crowd.
 
You know I know I sound a bit arrogant when I post like this but here goes anyway...

I honestly feel that losing my friendship, companionship and good opinion is enough of a punishment for anybody. I don't mean that in a "I'm so great and they'll never get by without me" kind of way, I just mean that once you really fuck me over, me deciding that I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore is the best "punishment" I can serve up.

Sure if I'm angry I'll fantasize about doing this or that to get someone back, or having a big conversation or rant at them about how little I think of them now, but really what's the point? It's still interaction for them, it shows them that you still care and it gives them an "in" on your life. Like someone else said, not paying him back gives him a legitimate reason to keep contacting you and you can't just say fuck off because he does have a justified reason to keep bothering you.

Just cutting someone off dead is pretty effective. He already knows he did something low and you don't need to hammer it home by saying anything or doing anything to him. If you don't want to work it out with him, the best thing to do is sudden removal of yourself and everything you offer from his life, leaving him completely and utterly alone with himself and his guilt. After five years I would say that that would have a pretty devastaing effect, especially on a man.

If I had the money I would just pay him back. If you really want to move on, this money is just a link to him that will keep him in your mind longer than necessary. He cheated and he is a dirt bag, but does he really deserve to lose his home over that? Isn't losing you enough?

On the other hand, if you don't have the money I would just tell him that you don't have it. After five years I would assume that there would have been alot of money going back and forth between you and he should just be a man for once in his life and just let it go.
 
I'd never pay a significant other back if we broke up. They wouldn't even have to cheat on me.

What're you going to get out of it by paying him back? Feel good about yourself? Not worth $2000 if you ask me.
 
You should pay him the money as you would have done had you been together. If you weren't married it isn't adultery either. There's no good reason not to pay this debt.
 
Pay him back and move on... Dont fuck w/ your own balance of good and evil in your life.
 
I think vengance is a virtue. still you should pay him back. Any thing less than 500$ whatever but thats no small bones
 
People and their emotions. Sheesh. This is a simple contractual issue.

Your boyfriend lent you the $2000 under the condition that you would pay it back. This is a contract, even if you didn't get it in writing. I assume you did not contract with him that he would remain faithful as a condition of paying back the loan, and that if he was unfaithful, you would not be required to pay back the loan.

Your boyfriend having cheating on you violated the agreement as to your relationship -- not the agreement as to the loan. The loan is an entirely separate issue.

It sucks that he played, but you still have to pay.

I'm not going to take the moral high ground when the facts are so clear. If you can't or won't pay him back, he can take you to small claims court. This was not a gift, it was a loan. And (depending where you are) it's likely that if he took you to court and won, you'd have to pay back the loan with interest and pay all his court costs -- immediately.

My best advice to you is to pay as much as you can and come to an agreement as to the rest -- if he feels badly about cheating, perhaps he'd be inclined toward being lenient as to the repayment of the loan. But it is still your obligation to pay the loan in full.

I had to kind of step outside myself to answer this objectively, as I was in a situation where an ex owed me unpaid rent and money for items of mine that he sold without my knowledge or permission. I was furious about this for months. But I went through the appropriate channels to get back the money, which was in the form of the security deposit... and lo and behold, it added up to within $20 of the approximate value of the items he stole and the back rent he owed. The law of karma - you get back what you give - worked as perfectly as always... though I could have used the interest on that money!

Anyone that incurs a debt is obligated to repay it. Period. Unfortunately, suing someone for cheating isn't really possible. Here's a bit of a variation on that... though do note that there's no legal advice in that link, and it would be moot because you weren't married.

Can you sue the other woman?

For revenge: living well is the best kind. Now you're free of an asshole who had sex with an acquaintance! You can find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. And the $2000 you would have withheld would have been inadequate compensation for 5 years of your life, anyways.

Good luck to you as you move forward to making better decisions. :)
 
I wish I sought advice from you Mariposa before I decided to keep my cheating boyfriend's electronics. After 5 years, he got a blow job at a wedding. I wasn't there. We lived in different countries at that point. I wasn't going to ship them and he was fine with that. If he went apeshit and said he would pay for shipping. I still wouldn't have.
 
Well i think u should pay the dickhead back, but i think u should also get a bit of revenge on him after all he did cheat on u and cause u pain.
so why not teach him a little leason?
The woman he cheated on u with did u know her?
And if u did know her i would go and mess with him by getting close to someone he know's that is a close friend and see how he like's it, yes i know it sound's nasty but he need's to learn that if he want's to play game's u will play as well but by ur rule's!!!!
 
Anyone that incurs a debt is obligated to repay it. Period. Unfortunately, suing someone for cheating isn't really possible. Here's a bit of a variation on that... though do note that there's no legal advice in that link, and it would be moot because you weren't married.
Click to expand...

Bullshit. I don't buy into this. You're only morally obligated to pay back what debt is in your interest to pay back. That means if you think you can win in court because the terms of the loan aren't all on paper or there isn't a proper paper trail of receipts... or if the lender doesn't have the title of the property you borrowed to purchase, if you owe the lender more money than the property you used the loan to buy is now worth, etc... fuck it. Default on it and let them deal with their problem, that's what they get for being a lender.

Especially a bank or a significant other. They're only loaning you money because they're going to earn interest or get sex out of it.
 
yeah... i wouldnt go that whole revenge route. that's just showing him that you think about him in your daily life enough to actually go and do something about it. i think the better plan that would really cut him emotionally on the same level he cut you... would be to just cut him off entirely. dont talk to him ever again. you're giving him attention, which is sometihng that he wants, even if its negative attention. i would pay him back, just so you won't end up in small claims court and have to see his cheatin' face again.
 
^
i agree with your first sentence, which goes to the heart of the matter. (no pun intended)

i disagree with the second sentence, because there are plenty of guys who would use the same rationale.
 
Even though paying him the $2k would make you the better person, there IS something to be said, therapeutically speaking, of the sense of justice you'd feel if you didn't and make him suffer. IMO fuck 'em! He can rot!
 
LOL! Call him up and start stammering: "I'm trying....." (weep) "to forget you....." (whimper) "And I think that....." (wail) "if I give this money to you....." (wipe tear) "I'll never get you out of my life." (at this point begin bawling and mumbling incoherently as you hang up the phone.)
 
Mariposa said:
People and their emotions. Sheesh. This is a simple contractual issue.

Your boyfriend lent you the $2000 under the condition that you would pay it back. This is a contract, even if you didn't get it in writing. I assume you did not contract with him that he would remain faithful as a condition of paying back the loan, and that if he was unfaithful, you would not be required to pay back the loan.

Your boyfriend having cheating on you violated the agreement as to your relationship -- not the agreement as to the loan. The loan is an entirely separate issue.

It sucks that he played, but you still have to pay.

I'm not going to take the moral high ground when the facts are so clear. If you can't or won't pay him back, he can take you to small claims court. This was not a gift, it was a loan. And (depending where you are) it's likely that if he took you to court and won, you'd have to pay back the loan with interest and pay all his court costs -- immediately.

My best advice to you is to pay as much as you can and come to an agreement as to the rest -- if he feels badly about cheating, perhaps he'd be inclined toward being lenient as to the repayment of the loan. But it is still your obligation to pay the loan in full.

I had to kind of step outside myself to answer this objectively, as I was in a situation where an ex owed me unpaid rent and money for items of mine that he sold without my knowledge or permission. I was furious about this for months. But I went through the appropriate channels to get back the money, which was in the form of the security deposit... and lo and behold, it added up to within $20 of the approximate value of the items he stole and the back rent he owed. The law of karma - you get back what you give - worked as perfectly as always... though I could have used the interest on that money!

Anyone that incurs a debt is obligated to repay it. Period. Unfortunately, suing someone for cheating isn't really possible. Here's a bit of a variation on that... though do note that there's no legal advice in that link, and it would be moot because you weren't married.

Can you sue the other woman?

For revenge: living well is the best kind. Now you're free of an asshole who had sex with an acquaintance! You can find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. And the $2000 you would have withheld would have been inadequate compensation for 5 years of your life, anyways.

Good luck to you as you move forward to making better decisions. :)
Click to expand...

yah, what she said, heh.

and i like your username on here, mariposa :)
 
donate the $2000 to a charity in his name, just make sure to get the tax form so he can claim it on his taxes.
 
I would probably pay him back to, as many mentioned, get him out of your life as quickly as possible.

But from an intellectual standpoint:
He broke your bond of trust when he cheated on you.
So you can break his bond of trust by failing to repay him.

But I do not advise this.. Like others said, walk away knowing you were the better person.

But ack! 2000! That's not going to be fun to pay back.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top